Thursday, February 22, 2018

Punished this Week

Sunday was a hard day. I was just having "one of those mornings". Where everything seems to be going wrong. Sir accidentally ate my breakfast, and had to be stopped from eating my other breakfast. I found out he couldn't go somewhere with me on Monday; I wanted to have a cute little date at our local roller rink as they were having a cheap offer, TWO dollars!! I'd mentioned this to him for weeks and he said he would go. So I was miffed that he had made an appointment and now couldn't go.

Then for my fitness challenge I had to do a video game dancing work out (you get different challenges every week). I was trying to set my game up and my dance pad stopped working; it's broken. I think at this point I just lost it. I kind of threw a tantrum. Sir was trying to help, saying, "You have another one, we'll just use this one!" I was being irrational.

"I don't wan't that one, I want both. I have two so two people can play at the same time... now I have to buy another one!" I let out a groan, and I'm pretty sure stomped my foot. Eventually I sat down on the couch, and that's where my real feelings came out.

"I don't want to do today. I don't want to go to sports practice. I don't want to do this stupid dance workout. And I certainly don't want to go to another funeral, watching my cousins say goodbye to their dad," I exclaimed!

Well, there it is, I guess. The real source of my anger. My uncle passed away last Monday. He was very sick. And I suppose I didn't want to deal with the passing of another father. I think I had feelings tied up in the grief of my own dad. I wasn't very close with my uncle, but he was a good man, and watching my cousins, who I am close with, grieve that loss... I know the feeling all too well, and it's awful.

But Sir had me finish my dance workout, and packed all my stuff up for sports practice, loaded the car with it and things I had for my cousins, and drove me to practice, and then picked me up and then drove me to the funeral. He was amazing and super helpful. And I was irrational and not fully appreciative. As we got into the car, a giant snowmelt fell off the tree directly splatting onto my head. "I guess this is the kinda shitty day it's going to be," I said.

After sports practice, where I had pushed myself harder than I had in weeks, I was absolutely ravenous and a little hangry. My blood sugar was low, and I was being a little bit bitchy. Sir stopped at a McDonald's and put Chicken McNuggets in my face as we drove. It helped. Also, Chicken McNuggets from McDonald's with sweet n' sour sauce is one of my guilty pleasures. I know I shouldn't eat McDonald's but I love those nuggets! After I had eaten I could see clearer. I let him know that I loved him, and did appreciate him being absolutely amazing and helping me all morning when I was being a bit crazy. He said he loved me, and would always help me, and that of course I was going to be punished for my behavior.

We got through the day. Sir was continued to be great, and he handled dealing with my crazy in-your-face family at their grieving worst with grace and patience.

When it was all over and we were finally in the car making the two hour drive back, Sir reminded me that I was going to be punished when we got home. He said it wasn't for having emotions, or for me having a rough day; he gets that. It was for specifically how I treated him, when he was trying to help. How I  yelled back at him about the dance pad when he was providing an actual solution. And I made a snippy comment when we were getting a little lost about how neither could he drive or read a fucking map. I was mad because I didn't want to drive, I wanted the time in the car to get ready for the funeral, do my hair and put on makeup. We had switched drivers at the McDonald's. I had not yet eaten, but that's not really an excuse. He was trying very hard to help and my comment wasn't fair.

So I was trying of course to get out of him what the punishment would be. Cornertime? A very hard spanking (that never happens)? Laundry? Sleeping apart from him?

Turns out I guessed correctly eventually. He had me take an epsom salt bath when I got home to soak my aching muscles (it was hard getting down the stairs leaving my aunt's house; muscle soreness from pushing myself setting in). When I got out, he had set up the air mattress at the foot of our bed. He had me get in, then chained my left leg, ensuring I stayed put. Lately, he's been chaining me to bed, but it's usually OUR bed.

I had to sleep alone, cold, and without him. No cuddles. No pets. No security. It was especially fitting because on the ride home all I was talking about is how great it would be to get into bed with him and cuddle. We didn't have to get up in the morning so we could revel in it. Nope. Not for this girl. And it had to be bad for Sir too. Having to punish me punishes him. He was alone in bed, without me to cuddle on him. It just added another layer to the remorse I was feeling over how I treated him.

I definitely deserved it. Sir was merciful and once morning came, he undid the chain and allowed me back into bed with him for a morning cuddle. Made all the better by having to miss out on it all night.

I am truly sorry for the way I treated you, Sir. I am allowed to have emotions and feelings, but I shouldn't take them out wrongly on you. Thank you, Sir, for putting me to rights.

In my case, I think it's a little of both.

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Doing it for Him

Do you ever find that you're much more motivated to do something simply because your Dom told you to do it?

The other morning, Sir went to work. Before he went he told me to do two things: Do a load of dishes, and put away some knick knacks that I got in North Carolina. I told him of course, and that I had planned on doing these things anyway.

Well, 6:20 pm  rolls around and I realize that I have not yet done either of these things. Typically if Sir tells me to do something during the day, he means "before he gets home from work", which is around 8:30 pm. If it weren't for Sir telling me to do them, I'm pretty sure I would have let those two tasks slide in favor of being a couch potato. But I had a moment of mini-panic and a lot of motivation to get my butt off the couch, and handle them. Does that feeling ever happen to you?

I was thinking of how disappointed Sir would be if he came home and they weren't done. And how I literally have no excuse today. So I got up and did them. It didn't take a lot of time, and the house of course looks better for it. And once you start doing one little thing, if you're like me, you end up doing a lot of other little things.

All because he asked me to do two simple things! I suppose this is one way that he is my motivation.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Kinky Olympics

The Olympics. I am a pretty huge fan. I don't like to watch much sports on TV - I prefer to watch the few I enjoy in person. The exception for me is the Olympics. I'm pretty much glued to it.

I am really enjoying these winter games. The opening ceremonies were uplifting, full of wonder, and hope. The countries coming in, North and South Korea competing as one... the lighting of the torch... the drones, the skiiers, the Arirang performance, the Imagine performance! So many good feelings.

Then the backstories of the athletes, and watching their competitions. It is amazing. The hard work, the dedication, the years of practice. It is inspiring what they do to pursue their sport.

Which got me thinking to relationships and kink.

I feel like my relationship is best, that our kink is best, when Sir and I are actively working on it. When we get practice. When we make time for each other, even when it is inconvenient. When we engage in the community, thinking about what to do, what not to do, what has worked, and what has not. And making time to practice our craft - whatever it is. Dominating, submitting, bondage, restraints, rope play, impact play, etc. 

Have you ever had that experience of "being rusty"? I mean, we've gotten a good laugh at times for how out of practice we've been with kinky skills. But at least for Domination and submission - the more out of practice we are, the more it "doesn't work" when we come back to it. I'm not as compliant, I'm not in the right headspace. Sir says something that is meant to be bad-ass and starts laughing halfway through it. 

The more we do it, the better we are at it. The more it works. Almost like exercise or training for your sport. Maybe that's why maintenance spankings work. Or having a weekly time where Sir  just plays with rope.

To be good at what you do, you've got to practice! So, are you going for the gold in your relationship?

Friday, February 16, 2018

FFF: Good Week, Need to Track Sleep

Another Fit for Friday is here!

Fondles had some interesting articles on her FFF blog about Interval Weight Loss. I looked up more after reading her post. Essentially, you reset your body's "settling" point. The weight it seems to want to be at. I don't know if you've noticed that, but my body certainly has! It seems to want to settle at 190 lbs. So you do a month of losing (a small amount, 2 kg or about 4 lbs for the month, followed by a month of maintaining. Then another month of losing. I may look into trying it.

Here's my wrap-up for the week:

Workouts: I did two sports practices this week, on Wednesday and Thursday. Saturday I did a quick interval training workout. On Sunday, I also threw in a cardio/strength workout video right before bed, since I ate too much and I felt guilty, haha. I didn't make it through the whole video but I'm still proud. Its been a rough week and I'm glad with what I did. I didn't even want to go to practice yesterday (felt nauseous), and I definitely didn't want to do that cardio workout after all the eating I did Sunday!

As an aside, I got my tax return back and happily spent about half of it on all-new gear for my sport. Sir went with me to try everything on and pick it all out, which was awesome of him. He's even thinking about getting some of his old gear out so we can practice together (his sport is different but has some similarities to mine. He also hasn't played in years. I forget sometimes that his team won their National Championship back in the day!) I've only had my new gear for two practices and I'm noticing a big difference in my performance! I was borrowing gear, and using some literally ten year old gear I had up until this point. Now I just gotta break it all in!

Eating: I ate under maintenance for 5 days. I ate under my goal for 1, and went over maintenance one day, on Sunday. Not by much, but still. My aunt is visiting my mom from Alaska and she made these amazing lamb steaks with roasted asparagus!! My brother also bought me donuts for breakfast that morning, hahaha. Could have been worse! Sir and I had a great dinner for Valentine's Day but I still managed to stay under maintenance!

Weight: I lost 0.8 lbs compared to last week. I was being sulky about it (was hoping I would be less than I was when I started FFF, hoping the initial gain was water weight or something... But Sir put me to rights... "What I heard was that you lost weight! Good job!"

Stress: I didn't make time for Yoga this week. But, I did take an extended hot bubble bath, while reading a book and enjoying a decaf coffee. Definitely felt relaxing!

Decluttering: I brought the giant pile of clothes to the donation place this week. I also amassed a small laundry basket full of other assorted items to donate. A couple books, an old backpack, picture frames, a ladle... I honestly don't remember all what was in there, but it was good stuff that hopefully will help out another family at the local thrift shop! I started a pile of books to go through (donate, give away, maybe read and then donate)... I have a LOT of books. This is going to be my struggle. Its hard for me to not amass books, and will be harder still to give them away if I haven't read them yet!

Oh! While I was cleaning the bedroom, I realized just how much random kinky stuff Sir and I have just... laying around. It's just him and me living here, and we don't have friends or relatives close by that drop in. Ever. So stuff just accumulates. This is what I amassed to actually put away properly (definitely not getting rid of this stuff):

Sleep: I'm going to add this category starting this week. I haven't slept right the past few nights and I really need to be more mindful of this, especially once I return to work in a couple of weeks! I really want to aim for 8 hours, that's typically when I feel my best, but 7 is a good minimum goal, I think. Last night I got 5.

Hope you all had a verifiably good Valentine's week working on your goals!!!

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

I Like Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

I am a happy, corny, type of person that loves little holidays like these. I know that you don't need an excuse to show your partner that you love them. I know that you can, and should show your partner that you care each and every day.

And Sir and I do definitely show each other that, in myriad little ways. But Valentine's Day is a good time to do more. When life gets crazy, in the hustle and bustle of everything, sometimes we just don't stop and make that time. Make it special.

So I like holidays like these as times to be extra special. To take time and revel in each other's company for a few quiet moments.

I was getting hung up a couple weeks ago on the fact that on the actual day, it wasn't really feasible to celebrate. Not without foregoing my sports practice night (and I am behind by two practices already). I was leaning on just not going to practice and then be behind by three practices, because Sir is that important to me, and I wanted to celebrate with him.

But then it occurred to me. Just like you don't need Valentine's Day to show your partner that you care, if you are choosing to celebrate, it doesn't need to be on the actual day.

Plenty of people chose to celebrate over the weekend. And plenty will celebrate this upcoming weekend. What is the difference if we celebrate on Tuesday rather than Wednesday?


So, Sir and I had a nice evening last night. I got dressed up. I wore my garter and my new thigh highs (more testing). I prepared for us an indulgent dinner meal by candlelight. I got him a cute card, and some candies he likes. And when he got home, we had a nice dinner together, with soft music playing, and the light from the candles flickering. We usually don't have dinner at our table like that. We usually eat at the end of a long day by the TV watching a show, and talking about our days.

Taking that special time is nice. The novelty of the situation makes it even more so.

Dinner and candy!

Sir's card this year. I thought it was cute and funny. And so us.

I always enjoy seeing his big "Man Mug" next to my delicate "Lady glass".
...There's a euphemism in there somewhere, haha!

I didn't realize it, and he somehow snuck it right into the house without me knowing, but Sir got me a little something too! We usually don't do gifts on holidays like these (Valentine's, Anniversaries)... We just strive to do a date night or spend some special time together.

Sir got me this awesome giraffe pillow. It means a lot to me. One, Sir knows I love giraffes. I even have a little giraffe collection of figurines and such in the house. And I LOVE pillows. I have way too many for Sir's taste on the bed. So the fact that he got me ANOTHER pillow for the bed, AND it's a giraffe one to boot? Awesome. He even managed to pick colors that match our bedroom (though that was a total accident, he said).

We ended up watching the Michael Bolton Valentine's Day Special. It came out last year and it was surprisingly funny, so if you haven't seen it, it's on Netflix.

And after all that, I got what I wanted most of all: Kisses from Sir. That morning, Sir kissed me goodbye, and I swear I could feel him on my lips all day. Kissing him was on my mind for the many hours until he returned home. And we also had sex for our requisite "Fuck Day" (I wish I could find that bit by George Carlin). It was vanilla and lovely. Definitely the "making love" type of sex. Sir had a nice massage and blow-job too.

All in all, it was a good celebration.

Happy Valentine's Day! Hope you're all having some kinky, sexy fun!

Monday, February 12, 2018

Christian and Kinky

So, a few days ago I noticed that I was getting a lot of traffic coming from a Catholic Blog Directory. When I checked out the website, my blog was not linked. Unless maybe they have the wrong URL for one of their blogs? That would be unfortunate... and hilarious.

But it got me thinking about Christianity and Kink. I don't feel like they are mutually exclusive, though I get the impression that the majority of those that call themselves Christians around here do.

There's been one particular person that seems to enjoy putting nonsensical zealous rants on a lot of the BDSM blogs in the community, including mine. Telling us to repent, for the end is nigh, and all that jazz. Why do they assume that none of us already have our own relationships with God? And if kinksters are atheist or agnostic (like Sir is) that's their business. A weird blog comment isn't going to change that, I don't think. That's not how someone is going to be "saved". You can be christian and a  kinkster, ugh!

I don't talk about it too much here, because that is not the focus of this blog. But I will today.

I am a confirmed Catholic. I came to it later in life, not being baptized until I was in my 20's (and I barely fit in that baptismal font, lemme tell ya!) Throwing aside the obvious "fornication before marriage issue" that is part of my relationship (and that's my sin to bear, no one else's), I don't feel that this lifestyle should necessarily be an affront to God. While I serve Sir, and I certainly place Sir above myself, I don't worship him. Sir is not above God. And he knows that.

A few of the kinksters we've met around here are church-going folks as well. They're good people. They do good works. So what if they like a little restraint in the bedroom,  or to be bossed around? That's their business.

I've known an awful lot of pretty awful people that call themselves Christian. And I've met lots of wonderful people who don't have that kind of Spirituality. Belief or non-belief doesn't inherently make you a good person. Your actions and your choices do.

Then there's the biblical aspect regarding D/s of women serving their  husbands. There are those out there that have a D/s lifestyle centered through their Christian faith. And it is valid and it works for them.

This topic reminded me of Heaven's Lost Property.
If you haven't watched it, I recommend it!

So for all you kinky angels out there, keep doing your thing!

Friday, February 09, 2018

FFF: Focus on Decluttering Mind and Home

It's Fit for Friday! Time to check in.

Workouts: I worked out 4/7 days this week. Two sports practices (one was cancelled because of snow), one yoga session, and three calisthenics workouts with Sir.

Eating: I ate under my goal for two days, and under maintenance for four. Saturday was a bust. Sir and I went to visit his friends who just moved and had a new baby. It became a little party. I thought I was making good choices. Loading up on salad at dinner. Limiting my portions of other dinner foods. Only eating two cookies (instead of the nine or so others had), and eating the fruit for dessert. Well, I was over by nearly 1100! I need to log before I eat in situations like that, not after. Hopefully, lesson learned.

Weight: I feel like I did pretty fantastic this week, with the exception of Saturday. However, I gained a pound! I changed my weigh in day from Sunday to Friday, to coincide with FFF. Sir says it may be muscle. He loves me. ♥  I think I'm probably retaining water, or Saturday did a bigger number on my progress than I thought. We'll see next week.

Decluttering the mind (Stress): I got some yoga gear on Sunday. And I did my first yoga session at home! It gave me time to clear my head, and at the end, I was very relaxed.  This is the video I did, for beginners:

I had a yoga mat, and some yoga blocks. I think you could do this without either, if you modify your poses. I needed a pillow for my knee for some of it. Still, I'm excited to do it again tonight.

Decluttering the home: I went through my closets and drawers. Made a donation pile of shoes and clothing. Things that aren't relevant, or don't fit, or whose style I've outgrown.

I added more after this photo. All to give away, except ONE shirt.

Sir had veto power, but he chose to save only one shirt (my 'hangry' shirt). Pretty good! I'm working on my bookshelves next.

All in all, in think it was a good week. How are you doing on your goals?

Wednesday, February 07, 2018

My First Garter Belt

Sir has changed my dress code. As such, we're trying to find new items that will help us in changing some of my wardrobe toward this end.

One of them is a garter belt, to hold up my now winter-required thigh highs. I ordered one on Wish just before I left for North Carolina. When I got back, it had arrived!

It was good for a tester garment.

A few thoughts: 

One, I hope I have it on right. We put the eyehooks at the back. 

Two, I ended up ordering a 5X, since it said the sizes run small, and I've had problems ordering sizes online only to not be able to get into a garment before. I know I'm not a tiny human, but I am not a 5X. And I think it may be slightly large, perhaps I should have gotten a 4X.

Three, the material is very sheer, like a mesh. That's not how it looked online. While this was fun and sexy, I don't think it will hold up to everyday wear.

But, it DID keep my socks up, even through some pretty intense activity. And that's the entire point- keeping them up. The fact that they are aesthetically appealing (at least to me and Sir) is just a bonus! So this may be a viable solution. Online, I also found a straight up garter without the belt, and that may be an option too. These things are all pricey though - the thicker thigh highs, the garters. Baby steps I suppose. These are not things easily found at the thrift store. I'll have to find a brick-and-mortar place, or a better online source.

But for now, I am excited! And I think Sir is too.

Monday, February 05, 2018

Welcome Home, Bitch

I'm so glad to be home. I miss my friends, but it is comforting to sleep in your own bed, adhere to your own routine. And be able to hug Sir as much as I want.

Last Monday, I got home late and there wasn't as much time to reconnect as I would have liked. Sir said I needed a spanking, but there wasn't much time. At work on Tuesday, Sir sent me texts throughout the day. He was having a rough day.

I wanted to cheer him up. So I cleaned, cooked dinner, showered, and put on a nightie for his arrival home. I covered it up with my ultra-sexy, fuzzy green Legend of Zelda robe, being super discreet as I am.

He came home. We had dinner. He definitely missed having home cooked meals for the past ten days. I asked him what his plans for the rest of the evening were. He said he was thinking about going to bed early.

I asked him if I could be cruel. He gave me a look but no answer. So I stood up, took off my robe and got on the couch in what I hoped was an appealing manner.

My collar is off since my hair was drying.

"If this is your definition of cruel, I'll have to educate you sometime."

He didn't go to bed early.

He had me stay there, enjoying the view. I was enjoying him too. I had nothing else on under the nightie, so with it scrunched up, my cunt was all exposed. I have some issues with that. Feelings of embarrassment about it. But probably because of that, having it exposed, knowing he could inspect it at any time, knowing that it was out there on display... it is somehow a turn on for me.

Then we remembered that my garter belt had come in. I grabbed the only pair of thigh highs we own, and Sir helped me to put it on. It came with a thong, which I got on, and then Sir latched each eyehook at the back. It was very sensual feeling, his hands sliding along the mesh, along my ass. Attaching the fasteners to my socks, the feeling of his hands grazing my inner thighs.

I danced for him, just fun happy dancing, not meant to be innately sexual. Testing the garter belt and how it would hold. I didn't realize it at first, but he took photos. Took video. And he enjoyed the view of things in motion: my breasts jiggling, the garter straps straining, my ass shaking for him.

He grabbed me by the hair, spun me around, and held me there, kissing me deeply, as my legs started to feel like noodles. He is good at that; kissing. Makes me melt.

He dragged me by my hair to the bedroom, and pulled down on my nightie, exposing my breasts. He slapped them roughly, before pushing me down on the bed.

"That thong has to come off, but I'm not undoing the garter." He grabbed the nearest sharp tool; a small pair of pliers, and unceremoniously cut them from me. I found myself wishing for a bigger tool, the desire to feel the blade against my skin was strong. Perhaps I am developing a knife play fetish.

Once they were off, he grabbed both my legs, and spun them around to flip me over.

He struck my ass, using his hand. There was no warm up; he was going pretty hard right from the start. The mesh garter fabric wasn't much protection. Abruptly, I felt cold hard metal. He had grabbed the ball-chain flogger, using it fast against my bottom. I squirmed and writhed, but tried my best to stay in position.

"Why is everything, ready?!" I exclaimed.

"I promised you a spanking yesterday, didn't I?" He replied.

I suppose he wasn't the only one with plans. Me with the nightie, him with his implements deceptively laid out for later use.

Then I felt a tickle along my back. He had grabbed the barbecue baster, one of our pervertibles. Then it too contributed to the reddening of my ass. Finally he grabbed the leather flogger. The one with the beautiful metal handle.  For once, that cold metal on my ass didn't have me wiggle. It felt amazing against the heat of my ass. Then it contributed more to that heat.

Sir got me up suddenly to stand as he laid down on the bed. He gave me an expectant look. I knew what he wanted. From the bottom of the bed I crawled up the length of his legs, and took his cock in my mouth. It had been such a long time. I stayed over him, sucking and licking, my re-exposed cunt in the air. And just as before, its exposure was getting me hot.

Sir said that if I could position my vibe without needing my hands, I could use it while sucking him. I suppose I was motivated, because I was successful. Before I could finish, he pulled me off his cock, and had me lay down next to him. He pulled and tweaked at my nipples until I was finally able to finish. Those pinpricks of pain, the twisting, it all heightened the experience.

"I'm going to fuck you now. Get on the floor. On your knees."

"The floor, Sir?"

"Yes, the floor. The laundry was just done and I'm not remaking this bed."

Nice to see the pragmatic side of him. Sir was kind enough to let me have a pillow for my knees, or else I don't know if they would have survived the onslaught.

It was fucking delicious. Feeling nearly fully dressed, breasts spilling from my nightie, garter belt and thigh highs still on, collar jingling, on all fours as Sir pounded into me from behind, pulling my hair, grabbing at my hips. We made quite the mess.

He allowed me to clean myself up, then pulled me by the hair, throwing me down on the bed again.

"Where do you think you're going? We're not done!" Sir growled.

"Welcome home, bitch."

Friday, February 02, 2018

First Fit for Friday

Fondles started a Fit For Friday blog support group. Initially I didn't think I was going to join in, but they included me anyway and it might be a good thing for awhile. You know, until my life implodes with being busy. I thought I missed the first week, but it turns out the first week is today! Hooray, I'm not late. And since I'm up late from sports practice, and it is now Friday, let's do this!

I am actively trying to exercise and eat better, and have been for awhile. I wish to lose weight, but what's more, I wish to gain stamina and energy. Strength and endurance. Especially for my job, which can be very physical at times.

I enjoy outdoor activities, too. I want to be able to hike up hills and mountains more easily. I want to increase my upper body strength for kayaking. I want to not lose my breath so easily.

I am also currently trying out for a local sports team, (though due to time constraints it probably won't work out), and being more fit will definitely help!

I also want to work on reducing stress, and feeling good inside. Some of that involves working on saying no (but not to Sir).

I've had great success using MyFitnessPal. Initially, I lost 30 lbs, and was feeling pretty great about myself. It was a commitment, but it wasn't awful or impossible.

Then my dad passed away, and for about 2 years, I just stopped giving a shit. It was more than that. I wanted to, and I tried to, but I just couldn't. I literally couldn't give a shit. I was grieving, depressed, and I ate my feelings to cope. So I was basically back to where I started.

This year, I finally feel sort of like a real human again. I'm not over it, as I don't think you can just be over it. But I'm not sad all the time. And I was finally capable of engaging in real and prolonged D/s with Sir again, after so many failed starts. And I started back on MFP for real again,. I never left, but I was  not committed and made no progress.

This time around, I have lost about 10 lbs thus far. Last week I was away doing the "eating tour of North Carolina" (oh so many delicious and fun southern meals out, nearly every night). I gained 4 lbs of that back, but I think it will come off again, pretty easily.

 To help, I'm in a Harry Potter themed fitness challenge on MFP. I also have GoogleFit on my phone, and MapMyRun. Finally I link all my apps to Achievement. It will reward you for getting fit, provided you earn enough points. I don't know if I will earn enough this time around, but anything that motivates, right?

So here I am. I'm here to hopefully find more motivation, and be honest and accountable about my journey. I'm here to cheer us Fit for Friday-ers on. And to cheer you on! Fitness is more than your size. It is mental and holistic. If you've got a goal you want to work on, I'm here to support you.

Here is my first-week kickoff. A 6 second video (I had to cut it off before Sir got my attention and I turned around) that Sir took without me knowing while I was dancing around, testing my new garter belt a few days ago.

Unofficial cheerleader.

It could be a fun challenge to dedicate my Fridays for kink-centric fetish fitness!

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Collar Fumble Recovery

A few days before I left for my trip, Sir had decided that he was bringing this back:

This is the first collar we ever had. It was purchased just down the street from Sir's old house back in New Jersey. In an independent locally owned pet store. My first collar was originally intended for a dog.

It was early on in our relationship, and I do remember us having a laugh looking over the collars, but then Sir picked one. It was like a fun shared secret as it was rung up, just between us. I remember being paranoid that everyone somehow "knew".

I wore it again at Sir's demand all these years between its first use, and it felt totally weird to me.

It felt like I was going backward. That collar will always have a special place in my heart, as the first one... but I also think of it as the collar we got when we were newbs and had no real idea of what we were doing. It didn't last very long, and I'm thinking now that this may be the first picture we've ever put up of it (I'll have to check).

So to put that collar back on, it felt like regression to me. Like failure, somehow. I brought it up to Sir, who had wondered if I was going to feel like that. But he didn't say anything initially because he didn't want to put that in my head if it wasn't there.

He had noticed that I was having trouble with the Big Collar. I typically wear it on two notches. Sir was trying to go for three during the day, and back to two at night. I never asked him to change it, but he noticed that I was constantly fiddling with it. It felt very constricting to me. I don't like things on my neck like that. I don't even wear turtleneck shirts!

He thought that because this one wasn't as thick, wearing it tighter against the skin might be easier.

I suppose it was, but I didn't really enjoy the few days that I was wearing it.

Then I went to North Carolina for ten days, and I was collarless. I miss the wristcollar, especially in a situation like that.

But when I finally got back last night, Sir had my Big Collar waiting for me.

He thought about it, and when I lost the wristcollar, he gave me the Big Collar with explicit instructions.

"How many collars do you have?"

"One, Sir".

And this was that one. Of course until he decides otherwise.

Its been back only for a day so far, but I feel better with it on.

Even if I am fidgeting with my neck. 

I'll get used to it eventually, right?

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Keeping Hands Occupied

Recently, Sir was told by a medical professional that he needs to keep his hands "occupied". Because of the nature of Sir's work, his hands are usually well occupied there.

But not so much at home, sometimes.

So the other day we fixed that. We sat on the couch, watching TV as we do on some nights, and this is how Sir occupied his hands:

No complaints here. I enjoyed feeling the slight pressure of the ropes. And the marks were pretty! I hope this becomes part of our new routine.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Missing Sir, and My New Sippy Cup

I have been away from Sir for 6 days now. I miss him, but I'm glad to be here. I'm in North Carolina, visiting friends. I am so happy that each time, we pick up right where we left off. I miss them terribly, and every year, I go through the whole "We should move to NC" routine. While Sir has said that it's not off the table, we're so not ready for a move like that.

In a souvenir shop at one of the attractions we went to, I purchased a sippy cup. I thought it was cute and adorable, and told myself that I could totally take the sippy lid off and use it as a smaller regular cup.

But honestly, I don't want to. I kinda want to use this thing as an actual sippy cup. Maybe this feeling will pass. Maybe not. But this cup is cute and its making me irrationally happy.

It is also making me wonder if this is more of my "little" side. Lately she only seems to come out if I am grumpy.

Regardless, I love my new sippy cup!

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Dress Code Changes

On our Anniversary, Sir brought out a typed document.

In it he had listed some changes to my dress code, and to my collar rules.

Currently, my dress code states that I am to wear a dress or a skirt at all times (if I am dressed for the day, and not in my work uniform, which its own thing). In colder weather, I may wear leggings underneath my dress or skirt. In hot weather, I wear nothing except panties underneath. For working out, I have some workout skirts, and a couple of skorts.  For sleep/in the house, I can have lounge or pajama pants. There was a brief time where I was not allowed a top, but for the winter I am. We'll see if the no top rule comes back when the warmth does.

Sir has taken away leggings. It isn't immediate, but more "as we get the right items".

Sir would like me to wear thigh high socks/stockings/tights under my skirts when it is cold. If it is a bit warmer, then knee-highs.When it's hot, none. The knee-highs are fine. And Sir knows, I LOVE socks.

But the thigh highs! My main issue with thigh-highs is that they NEVER seem to stay the hell up. I guess because I have thick thighs. Slouchy socks, or rolling down socks are a huge pet peeve of mine. It drives me crazy in my own skin. And if the thigh highs are rolling down, well then they're not really going to be thigh high, right? So as we were talking, a garter belt got added to the list. If they wont stay up, then we need to make them stay up, right?

I'm not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, I'm excited. Anything new seems to excite me a little. And it is another way to show my submission to him. On the other hand... I have some really pretty leggings. I'll be sad to lose them.

I went online and got a really inexpensive pair of thigh highs to try out. And a garter belt. I've never worn one, so I don't know how that's going to go. Or if it will fit. But it is a step in the right direction.

I also need some longer skirts for winter, if leggings are out. Sir said I can keep a couple of pairs of leggings to wear under my uniform, because of winter. But the rest have to go. As I get more appropriate stockings, I guess I can give my leggings away or donate them, bit by bit.

I'm just not sure how they're going to feel. Or if it will be warm enough. Or how the whole garter belt thing is going to go.

I guess I'll find out!

Monday, January 15, 2018

Lucky Number Seven!

Seven scintillating years with Sir! We had a pretty good day today, and a decent weekend too.

Friday night Sir had me bring him some gaming stuff he forgot at home to him at his local gaming store. I ended up bringing some food too, and we had a little date night. We played Photosynthesis - such a visually beautiful and fun game. It is deceptively complex. Definitely recommended!

Love this game!

Sir had work on Saturday. But today, he was off. Last night he chained me to the bed, something he hasn't done in a very long time. He also tied my hands together and had me sleep like that. This morning he undid the chains, and I "got" to make him breakfast.

Part of my sarcastic, sassy ass shot back "Get to? Like it's some honor or something?"

I definitely wasn't fully awake. Sir simply said, "yes", and went to take a shower. We both knew I was going to get up and do it. I made him some Ham and Eggs.

I got better once I had food and tea in me. We had a nice little breakfast and talked about our relationship. Sir is changing a few of my rules, all of which officially pertain to my dress code. We don't have the necessary items as of yet to make these changes immediately though. Sir had a quick appointment to get to, so I bathed while he was out.

When he got back, I was all cozy on the couch in my bathrobe with my towel still on my head. After a bit of a cuddle, we went into the bedroom. In the winter especially, I usually put lotion all over my body after bathing. Well, Sir decided he was going to apply it. He got me on the bed, and tied my hands. Then he had me lay face down.

Putting that lotion on was definitely an experience. Because it is so cold, I felt like it was almost like reverse wax play! I have a pump lotion bottle, so Sir would decide where he would let the lotion drip, straight from the bottle. Each time the lotion hit my body was a little intense. It could have been worse. I told Sir, "You could have put that bottle in the fridge first!"

Sir was nice after that though, and made sure to warm that lotion up, rubbing it into my skin, all over my body. Across my back, into the flesh of my ass, down my thighs and calves. He had me turn over,  chained me to the spreader bar, and repeated that process on my chest, down my abdomen, and again on my thighs and shin.

The thing about freshly applied lotion: it makes the skin sting when spanked, almost like being wet! Sir definitely drove that point home making my legs and ass sting! With the spreader bar, he could get into the sides of my thighs, that does have a bit of an impact! We had a nice little fuck after that; it had been a pretty long time for Sir (with me being away and all). I like looking up into his eyes while he is teasing me; I revel in feeling his power over me. My legs and hips were jello-y after; its been awhile that we've used the spreader bar. Even with the discomfort I always tell Sir: I think we need a longer one!

Sir had made us dinner reservations for a lovely Nepalese restaurant that we went to for Valentine's day last year. I was so thrilled he did that! Before we went, he wrapped my hair a little:

I like the way it looks like this; just a hint.
If he had done the whole thing; we'd have been there for hours and missed our meal!
I was happy he did my hair like this. Just a little thing between me and him, and maybe a tiny hint for the public, if they know what to be looking for?

We had a fantastic dinner at the restaurant, we definitely enjoyed the meal. Perhaps too much. We came home to cuddle and be sloths and digest on the couch, listening to The Cranberries (sad news, that).

It was a good celebration of our love. We're in a good place, and I'm so excited for what the future will bring us!

Happy seven years, Sir!

Friday, January 12, 2018

Today, Submission Looks Like

Today, my submission looks like making a 25 minute drive to meet Sir at the game store he frequents on Friday nights. He forgot his cards, and I will bring them to him.

He didn't make it a demand, per se. This is how he phrased it, via text:

"Hey, I need you to do kind of a big thing for me... on the tray in the living room is a small box marked "X-Wing Cards". Can you please get that box and bring it to me tonight? I should be there about 8 tonight, maybe a bit later than that."

It was phrased as a request. But I don't think there was any expectation that I would say no. We both know I have nothing legitimate going on tonight. The expectation is that I am to do this.

But what if I did say no? Maybe he'd accept it, if I had a decent reason. But if not (as tonight).... I wonder if he would demand that I do this?

It is sort of a big thing for me to do this, and I definitely feel submissive doing it. I would not typically do this thing, especially if he were not already with me. And not at the end of the day. I had a four hour work meeting about an hour away, then I went for a run, then I went to the supermarket. I'm actually tired. My bones and muscles ache from my run (I haven't ran since October). All I want to do is take a hot bath, and curl up in my fuzzy socks and robe. I just got back in the house about 15 minutes ago, and in a little bit, I'll be going out again (Whine -I hate that. I try to combine all errands because once I'm in, I'm IN!)

Except tonight  This has to be different. It's a little mission for him, solely for him. At least it was. Now, since I will be there, it seems to be turning into an impromptu date night. I am going to bring some food with me for us, and we'll play a game together before he plays with his buddies.

So it's a good thing really, all around. For Sir, who needs his cards. For me, who is getting a chance to exercise my submission.  And for us both, for getting in a little date night to kick off our anniversary weekend!

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Be Ready

Last week, as Sir was walking out the door he said to me:

"When I get home tonight, I want you to be ready."

"Ready, Sir?"

"Yes, just ready. Love you."

Then he went to work.

All day I was wondering what I needed to be ready for. Did that mean I needed to be dressed to go out? Did it mean I needed to be mentally ready cause he was bringing the fire when he got home?

I decided to be dressed to go out if need be, but comfortable.

And I never did get a chance to find out just WHAT I was to be ready for! Real life interfered and we had some emergency financial stuff to attend to as SOON as he got home. He basically walked in, dropped off his stuff, then we ran out to attend to it. I tried to wheedle it out of him, but he said he's going to keep his plans to himself.

I suppose to use later.

I better be ready!

Saturday, January 06, 2018

Do You Choose Anonymity?

One of my favorite blogs and people is treasure. A few weeks ago when talking about posting photos she mentioned that she thought about the fact that Sir chooses for us to remain anonymous. At least, as anonymous as possible in a public forum. I'm sure if someone gave that much of a shit, they could figure it out. It's all about plausible denyability, here I suppose. I think if we got that close to someone in this realm, he might think about sharing more and being less anonymous, at least privately. I mean, we have gone to munches and events, after all. We've even come across other kinksters in the area in very public non-kink related places. All were very discreet.

So her comment made me think about those choices. Do you or your Dom-type person choose anonymity? Why? or why not? Is there a certain degree of anonymity? Such as - you can show your face but not your body?

I'm interested in hearing about people's choices. Does the anonymity choice have something to do with a sensitive career, or being in a more conservative community? Or perhaps its just a privacy thing in general. Or maybe it's about being uncomfortable in front of cameras.

For us, it's a little complicated. While we do live in a more conservative area, I don't really think that has anything to do with his choice for us to be anonymous on the net. If they found us, well they're searching out kink, so they're kind of outing themselves too. At first, I had concerns about my family finding things out. But a couple of my family members do have somewhat of an idea about our relationship, and that's been okay (Though most of them are clueless). It's different to read certain things in graphic detail, or see your family member's naked body though.

I think the main reason for anonymity is professional. I have a very public job, in an area where most people probably wouldn't "get it", and there could be really negative repercussions. I don't think my boss would care so much, but I could see there being some uptight pain in the butt person on a vendetta because what we do offends them on some moral level, and it's just not right or something. Sir has a less public job than I do, but it's probably similar, just a bit less of an issue for him.

If I ever became a purely stay at home submissive, or had a part time job that wasn't as crucial, I wonder if Sir's thoughts on that would change. If we had children, would that affect his decision?

The other rule for me is that I'm not allowed to show major nudity. No breasts (nipples, really), ass, or vajayjay.  Even if Sir decided that suddenly, we could show our faces, I'm pretty sure the nudity rule would remain in effect. Sir's rule is that my nudity is for him only. We have private photos of our nudity of course, but those don't go public (Lord willing, ha!). He has mentioned in the past wanting to display me led on a leash in the nude at certain events, so I'm not sure if his thinking is changing on that. Or if in-person is different than digital. I would suspect yes, since people see our faces at munches and events, but not online.

Do you have thoughts or rules on anonymity?

Tuesday, January 02, 2018

Thinking with my Hands Tied

Gotta tell ya, I'm proud of this photo.
I took it with my phone, using my face!
This is the current state of things at the moment. Sir said that the rope would help me to "not do things". Because I have done enough responsible things today - housework, errands, and such. It is hard for me to just relax and unwind. I tend to feel like I must be getting things done. Sir has said, "A lazy girl, you are not". So now my hands are quite literally tied.

Though it is a bit of a pain, I'm happy inside.

We had a conversation on New Years Day about the state of our D/s. I think it was prompted a bit by our discussion of the movie Secretary. We moved on to some articles that I had sent Sir. That's what we do - if I see a blog post or an article that I find relevant or think he might want to read, I send it to him via Fetlife. Makes it easier. One of the blog posts was about the writer talking about a lack of D/s in her relationship. That she subsists on scraps now and then. It resonated with me.

Sir asked me if I ever feel like that. And I had to tell him that I do. With the caveat that I don't feel that way in our vanilla side of the relationship, at all. He's very supportive, and I'm happy with us. He feels the same way as far as that goes.

 But for the D/s side... I do feel like that, often. Sir is... well, not absent... but certainly not really present. He's not focused.

I told him that when it comes to D/s, I feel like an afterthought. And while that was a truth he needed to hear, I've been thinking. It's not only him.

I read another blog (I wanted to link it but I forgot which one), where the person was talking about their accountability as the submissive in the relationship. That even if it's not what you thought it would be, your role is to submit. Yes, bring up to your Dom your concerns, but above all, obey. Defer to your Dom, and the dominance will come, sort of.

And I need to hold myself more accountable. There are basic things that I am not doing that I should be. Sir has been lenient, especially last week with my injury. But if we're being honest, there were certain things that were not happening even a bit before I got hurt.

There are things that are unofficial rules around here that I haven't been doing.
And there are things that I know would be pleasing to Sir, even if they aren't rules that I could be doing.

It's not like I have a lack of time. I've been home. I have been planning family and friend visits, but essentially, I've been home.

So I will work on that. I am happy to say that I think my head is in a good place. The collar was able to come back on New Years Day. The right way to start 2018. I was even able to sleep in it, though we weren't sure if that was going to be possible.

And I noticed that just with it being on, I felt small changes in myself. Today when I was getting dressed, I put on a skirt. If I am just in the house, I normally don't do that, though if I leave the house, I have on a dress or skirt. In the house, I don't bother to get "fully dressed". And when I come home I take that skirt off right away, just lounging around in my leggings and shirt. Though I am now remembering a time or two when I left in haste, no skirt. That's bad, but I don't want to lie.

It wasn't something I really thought about too much when doing it, but now that I'm thinking about it, I think being recollared had something to do with it. A small subtle change in mindset.

This is where I want to be. Making progress. And I think Sir will make more progress, too.

Though I haven't really mentioned it too much, I think Sir and I have come so far in rekindling D/s since our whole lives were thrown out of whack when my father passed away. Thinking about two years ago, and thinking about now... We are so much better. I don't think we are where we were before his death, because things were pretty awesome then, but I can see us getting back there now.

Before, it seemed like a far-off goal, something not really tangible or attainable. I can see us getting back there now.

One step at a time. One act of submission at a time. One command at a time.

Maybe one tie at a time!
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