Monday, February 25, 2013

Reintroducing Rules

Sir is bringing the D/s side of our relationship back, one step at a time. The first step he re-implemented is my bedtime. I'm already in bed, and it's lights out in a few minutes.

As we bring back the fundamentals of our relationship, I wonder:

How much initiative should I be taking?

Sir has let me know that he is going to expressly state what rules and rituals are being re-implemented, so there is no confusion. This is helpful so I don't have to wonder. But before he said that tonight, I was thinking about trying to follow our previous rules on my own.

I wonder if that is really my place. I believe it is a nice gesture to Sir, and he would appreciate the effort, but if I break a rule where's the accountability? To follow a rule that isn't being assessed, and then break it - would a punishment be acceptable? How would I inform Sir of my actions? How could I be sure I'm not taking too much on at once? I almost broke back in October, because of work and vanilla life, and I couldn't  handle D/s on top of it.

I suppose this is one of those times that I should leave this up to Sir and trust his judgement, instead of trying to anticipate what he wants. I definitely want our old rules back, but going from no rules to all of the rules would probably be overkill at this point.

Other rules of ours that I think I could handle next are dining out etiquette (Sir sits first, even if that means I'm standing around waiting for him, and he chooses my meals), and dress code (no pants; only skirts or dresses). I've purchased more work skirts, but in the time without our rules, I have reverted a bit in the pants department.

Waiting for his directives regarding those and others might be my best bet at this point. I am hoping that he is more diligent and creative this time around. But experience is the best teacher, so I'm looking forward to round two!

Wicked 2013

Wicked Faire was awesome. It was Sir's first time, and I'm happy to say that he's very excited for next year, and has even taken a more active interest in Fetlife. We went to some workshops, got some new toys and advice, and had a good time.

One of my favorite things of Faire:

Hello, Ball Pit!

Next year, I just hope that Sir is up to more during the late night. By the time we left Voltaire's show on Saturday night, Sir was DONE. I'd have liked to stay, have some drinks and dance a bit. Or at least return to our room for sexytime. But, I understand that Sir is not used to such an all day, active event.

We went to a rope workshop together on Sunday, and I found out that I really enjoyed doing the ties. I'm not sure that I really enjoy restraining someone, but I really enjoyed crafting a harness. Its just so... pretty. Sir was a good sport during the workshop, but I don't know what it would take for him to let me try it outside of the class.

We're thinking about going to the Geeky Kinky Event, but I'm not sure if I could get the time off work. Plus, even going to the kink events and booths at Wicked made me anxious, and that would be multiplied 100-fold at the GKE. I suppose I've still some fear of being "out there", but I do want to connect with other kinky people, so I need to get over myself.

Going to Wicked Faire does help though. It's not a full on kink event, so I suppose its more like a "gateway" event. Perhaps more exposure is what I need to calm my nerves at being a newbie.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

D/s is back!

Reporting to you live from Wicked Faire. It's been months since Sir decided it would be best for me if we put our D/s on hiatus. This weekend marks us rekindling that aspect of our relationship. Last month, on our 2 year anniversary, we did have some very slight bondage of my breasts, but other than that, we've been vanilla for 4 months.

I'm nervous and excited - I really want this part of our relationship back, but I know its going to be very difficult for me to get back into the right headspace, and follow directives without thinking about myself first.

Yesterday he called and told me to print the schedule (I couldn't because I don't have a working printer). But I did get into a little huff about it - annoyed that on top of all the other things I had to do to be ready, I had to cram this in as well. I stopped myself, luckily. What I should have been thinking is how doing this simple task would be a service to Sir and make his life easier, which was probably his intent. It's just hard to change one's thinking after going back to being very autonomous and outspoken.

That being said, I'm excited. We're here. And if you're here too, let me know - I'm up for meeting up!
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