Beat to Sleep

Stuff has been pretty rough lately. I don't know if I have the words or energy to get into everything.

Yesterday, Sir decided that I was to get a beating. That I needed one. I agreed with him.

Except, I fell asleep right in the middle of it. Face down on our bed while in a spreader bar, getting hit and flogged and whipped.

One part of me finds that utterly ridiculous. Who does that? Does it indicate boredom, or a lack of interest in the goings on? I don't think so though.

Another part of me finds a bit of total surrender in it. The utter relaxation of impact play, and the complete trust in Sir.

We both hit on that trust when we spoke about it today.

A few weeks ago, I did something bad (nothing hugely catastrophic, but bad nonetheless). Sir said he was disappointed in me, and lost trust in me. It has really stuck with me and tore at my heart.

But last night showed me that perhaps not all trust is lost.

I Asked for a Spanking

Lately, I've been feeling like things are just too much. I have too much to do. I've been too much in charge. And the few things I *wish* I could be in charge of (like my body working) are out of my control.

I was feeling "off". Not submissive. Not quite me.

I fretted about it. About getting off track. About going back down that rabbit hole again. It took so very long for us to get back on track, so to speak. After reading some blogs, I decided to do what others have done, and go to Sir. Ask him for a spanking.

And once I thought about that, I fretted over that too. Sir wasn't going to be home from work for awhile. I don't recall ever asking him for a spanking. He's given them to me when he's said I'd needed it, but I don't recall actually asking. It's just not something we do; not part of our dynamic. At least, it wasn't.

When he got home, I didn't ask immediately. A couple hours went by. Eventually I brought it up when Sir was getting ready to take a shower. I talked about how we'd been letting things go, and that I've been stressed and that I just felt like I needed a spanking. That I felt like I would be better with one.

Well, no sooner did the words come out of my mouth, did he have his hands in my hair and was pulling me down to the bed. He gave me about ten good swats before letting me up.

"This is just a warm-up. I am going to take a shower and then there will be more."

He finished his shower, and said: "Bitch, get me a glass of water."

I think that he may have needed this, too. Just the mention of it had him in a more domly headspace.

I brought him some water. He instructed me to get face down on the bed. We were careful about my knee.

And then he started. Lightly at first. Over my pajamas and panties. It had been a long time. He lingered, drawing the process out, allowing me to get warmed up. Just his hand, swatting me, rubbing, stroking, pinching. He increased his intensity, delivering stronger and faster blows.

And then, he asked me if I knew why he wanted me to bring him some water.

"... Because you were thirsty, Sir?"

"Well, yes, but also so I could do this!"

He placed that cold cup right on my back, pressing it into my flesh. He gets a kick out of being "mean".

He continued striking me, every so often caressing his handiwork. I heard him leave briefly, then felt the sharp sting of his belt. I reveled in hearing it cut through the air, even as I braced myself for impact, clenching my muscles almost involuntarily. I felt joy in hearing the belt tap his back as he pulled his hand back for the next blow. A steady rhythm to lose yourself into.

In the past 7 years, Sir has gotten very good with his aim. Good enough to give me a little mindfuck, stroking me, then hitting with the belt in almost the same area. Raising his hand off me as though to spank, only to feel the blow of the belt. It was hard to tell what was going to come next. Eventually he pulled my pajamas down, gradually letting it get more and more intense, before pulling my panties down and really laying into me, reddening my ass.

Abruptly, he stopped.

"Bitch, refill my water."

"Yes, Sir."

He had me gingerly get off the bed, and walk awkwardly into the kitchen with my pajamas and panties pulled down around my knees to refill his cup. Something about that is humiliating. And hot.

He shared his water with me, then told me to get back down on the bed.

He wasn't pulling any punches this time. He switched from his short belt, to the thicker belt I am required to wear as part of my work uniform. It certainly packs a wallop, I came to find out. I was squirming and moaning by the end of it.

And I can just imagine what I'll be thinking about next time I have to wear it!

Once he was done, he had me sit up. I am pretty tender, even just sitting on the soft bed. But it was a nice little reminder that I will carry with me tomorrow.

I definitely feel better. More focused. More centered. And I think Sir does too.

Thank you, Sir.

Welcome Home, Bitch

I'm so glad to be home. I miss my friends, but it is comforting to sleep in your own bed, adhere to your own routine. And be able to hug Sir as much as I want.

Last Monday, I got home late and there wasn't as much time to reconnect as I would have liked. Sir said I needed a spanking, but there wasn't much time. At work on Tuesday, Sir sent me texts throughout the day. He was having a rough day.

I wanted to cheer him up. So I cleaned, cooked dinner, showered, and put on a nightie for his arrival home. I covered it up with my ultra-sexy, fuzzy green Legend of Zelda robe, being super discreet as I am.

He came home. We had dinner. He definitely missed having home cooked meals for the past ten days. I asked him what his plans for the rest of the evening were. He said he was thinking about going to bed early.

I asked him if I could be cruel. He gave me a look but no answer. So I stood up, took off my robe and got on the couch in what I hoped was an appealing manner.

My collar is off since my hair was drying.

"If this is your definition of cruel, I'll have to educate you sometime."

He didn't go to bed early.

He had me stay there, enjoying the view. I was enjoying him too. I had nothing else on under the nightie, so with it scrunched up, my cunt was all exposed. I have some issues with that. Feelings of embarrassment about it. But probably because of that, having it exposed, knowing he could inspect it at any time, knowing that it was out there on display... it is somehow a turn on for me.

Then we remembered that my garter belt had come in. I grabbed the only pair of thigh highs we own, and Sir helped me to put it on. It came with a thong, which I got on, and then Sir latched each eyehook at the back. It was very sensual feeling, his hands sliding along the mesh, along my ass. Attaching the fasteners to my socks, the feeling of his hands grazing my inner thighs.

I danced for him, just fun happy dancing, not meant to be innately sexual. Testing the garter belt and how it would hold. I didn't realize it at first, but he took photos. Took video. And he enjoyed the view of things in motion: my breasts jiggling, the garter straps straining, my ass shaking for him.

He grabbed me by the hair, spun me around, and held me there, kissing me deeply, as my legs started to feel like noodles. He is good at that; kissing. Makes me melt.

He dragged me by my hair to the bedroom, and pulled down on my nightie, exposing my breasts. He slapped them roughly, before pushing me down on the bed.

"That thong has to come off, but I'm not undoing the garter." He grabbed the nearest sharp tool; a small pair of pliers, and unceremoniously cut them from me. I found myself wishing for a bigger tool, the desire to feel the blade against my skin was strong. Perhaps I am developing a knife play fetish.

Once they were off, he grabbed both my legs, and spun them around to flip me over.

He struck my ass, using his hand. There was no warm up; he was going pretty hard right from the start. The mesh garter fabric wasn't much protection. Abruptly, I felt cold hard metal. He had grabbed the ball-chain flogger, using it fast against my bottom. I squirmed and writhed, but tried my best to stay in position.

"Why is everything so...so, ready?!" I exclaimed.

"I promised you a spanking yesterday, didn't I?" He replied.

I suppose he wasn't the only one with plans. Me with the nightie, him with his implements deceptively laid out for later use.

Then I felt a tickle along my back. He had grabbed the barbecue baster, one of our pervertibles. Then it too contributed to the reddening of my ass. Finally he grabbed the leather flogger. The one with the beautiful metal handle.  For once, that cold metal on my ass didn't have me wiggle. It felt amazing against the heat of my ass. Then it contributed more to that heat.

Sir got me up suddenly to stand as he laid down on the bed. He gave me an expectant look. I knew what he wanted. From the bottom of the bed I crawled up the length of his legs, and took his cock in my mouth. It had been such a long time. I stayed over him, sucking and licking, my re-exposed cunt in the air. And just as before, its exposure was getting me hot.

Sir said that if I could position my vibe without needing my hands, I could use it while sucking him. I suppose I was motivated, because I was successful. Before I could finish, he pulled me off his cock, and had me lay down next to him. He pulled and tweaked at my nipples until I was finally able to finish. Those pinpricks of pain, the twisting, it all heightened the experience.

"I'm going to fuck you now. Get on the floor. On your knees."

"The floor, Sir?"

"Yes, the floor. The laundry was just done and I'm not remaking this bed."

Nice to see the pragmatic side of him. Sir was kind enough to let me have a pillow for my knees, or else I don't know if they would have survived the onslaught.

It was fucking delicious. Feeling nearly fully dressed, breasts spilling from my nightie, garter belt and thigh highs still on, collar jingling, on all fours as Sir pounded into me from behind, pulling my hair, grabbing at my hips. We made quite the mess.

He allowed me to clean myself up, then pulled me by the hair, throwing me down on the bed again.

"Where do you think you're going? We're not done!" Sir growled.

"Welcome home, bitch."

Relaxation

Today was a good day. Sir and I were both off work today, and we had a great lazy Monday.

Sir gave me a lovely lengthy beating. He really took his time, building up slowly to greater and greater intensity, and I found I could take more because of it.

At the end of it all, I was just so... Relaxed. I found that revelation amusing somehow. A beating just relaxes me. I was in a bit of a mood when it started, but by the end I suppose I had an attitude adjustment.

I hope these good vibes stay with me awhile. Thank you, Sir!

Scissors and Face Slapping

Even after six years, Sir still surprises me.

On our anniversary, I fell asleep after dinner (I know), but the next day we more than made up for it.

Sir came into the kitchen to get himself a drink. He said he was sad because he had just submitted a resume and he already got a "we're not hiring" letter back [he is trying to find a job closer to my work, so we can move and have smaller commutes].

As he finished pouring his soda, I undid my robe, and raised my shirt up. 

"Does this help? Are you feeling less sad?"

He said, "I don't know..."

He flipped me around to face the kitchen window and groped me pretty thoroughly. I kept thinking about the neighbors getting an eyeful. Once he let me go, I came back in to him for a kiss. 

He pinned me there, keeping me against him for quite some time. Then he said I wasn't properly dressed. I looked down. I was wearing a pink camisole, pajama pants, and my big, fluffy, green Legend of Zelda robe. The picture of sexy, no?

But as he walked/pushed me over to the collar cabinet, I realized what he meant.

The BIG Collar.

He placed it around my neck, and spun me around pulling me to him, kissing me until I was fuzzy. He dragged me to the bedroom and threw me down on the bed.

He began hitting my breasts, at his whim. He'd leave, and go into another room. Come back, and start hitting them again.

I was still not appropriately dressed.

"How much do you like that shirt?"

"It's okay, why?"

"What do you think I have behind my back?"

It wasn't the metal spoon holder we use for impact. Or the chain flogger. I knew it was cold and metal, because it had (accidentally?) touched my feet. Finally my brain clicked.

"Scissors?"

"Very good."

Sir pulled out the pair of scissors. He drew them across my skin. He dug them into the fabric of my shirt, pulling so I could feel it. He  quickly cut away at the shoulder straps, before dragging the scissors down my torso, to the bottom edge of my shirt. Slowly, he started to cut it free. 

Somehow, my brain wanted more. I wanted to feel the blade hit my skin, and Sir obliged. I never thought I would be into knife play... or scissor play. Blade play. I'm pretty confident that if I dragged out that checklist we did way back in the day, it would rate very low; possibly even a soft limit.

It is amazing how things change.

Once my shirt was cut away, Sir resumed smacking my tits. Alternating with drawing the opened scissor blade across my chest. Pressing above my heart. Closing the blade, stopping just around my nipple.

The idea that he could just snap the blade through my nipple if he so chose... I am very glad he did not so choose but everything about it just had me in his thrall.

He resumed smacking my breasts and then... *Crack*

Sir slapped me right in the face. No warning. Nothing.

I don't recall Sir ever doing that before. He told me later he has done this once, but I honestly don't remember. I was completely stunned. At a loss for words. Not at all angry or upset, like I thought I would be. And very, very turned on.

After more swats to my chest, inner thighs, and feet, Sir had me move to the middle of the bed and began to fuck me. He continued to smack me right in the face at random intervals. Each time completely unexpected, and each time, releasing a wave of lust rolling through me. I kept looking up at him, touching his face, his beard. He had the smuggest look on his face. I guess he knew just how great he was doing. I'm not exactly subtle anymore.

Right after he made me come, he pulled out abruptly, another display of his control. I started crying, possibly starting even while I was still in the throes of orgasm. I wasn't sad, but tears were just rolling down my cheeks, and I couldn't really stop them. He allowed me to cuddle on him and pretty much cling there as tears streamed down my cheeks, forming a little puddle on his chest. 

Whenever I experience something new with him, I tend to have some kind of  intense reaction, and definitely want to cling. He said I could have all the time I needed. Once I was ready, I went back to him, to make sure he got to finish, too.

I've kept the shirt. I cannot bring myself to throw it away. Seeing it is a lovely reminder. Perhaps I'll sew it back together... and he can rip it open. Perhaps.

I keep thinking about that scene and my feelings on it. I'm surprised by my positive reactions to the blade play, and to the face slapping. I suppose the dominant and sexual context helps, especially for the slapping. I'm not sure that if he just walked into the kitchen with no prelude and cracked me one I would feel the same as I did in these moments.

But I'm so pleased that after six years, I feel like we are still growing, and that we're continuing to grow closer together.

Beatings and Outdoor Recreation

We had a great day yesterday.

Sir woke me up by fondling my ass, then beating it. Lightly at first, then progressively harder. I remember him shoving me down as I was sleeping on my side so he could get to my other cheek.

I can't recall him ever waking me up quite like this, and it's been some time since he as awoken me with any other kind of sleep fondling (usually my lady bits).

After I was good and warmed up he got his belt and beat me up and down my back, ass, legs, and feet. It was wonderful. He said that I've been a good girl lately, and I deserved this beating.

I don't feel like I've been that good, but I do enjoy the beatings! I suppose it's funny, how my reward for good behavior is a beating, whereas to many people a beating would be the result of bad behavior. I definitely feel like I have a lot of work to be a better submissive... I've lost so much this past year, and I'm just trying to work on getting it back - getting myself back to roughly the place I was about a year ago. The two of us will get there. It's been a rough year on both of us, so I can absolutely understand why some things slid. I suppose this is why it is difficult for me to wrap my head around him feeling that I am being a good girl - I don't feel I have earned that lately.

After the beating, Sir and I had some good sex, face to face, taking our time. It had been awhile for Sir, especially with my back being the way it is lately. My back still hurts, but I think this kind of exercise is helpful.

Such a lovely start to the day.

Look! It's Sir. He is outside...in nature! [Gasp] This is proof that we got him out-of-doors. Note his lovely pale legs that never see the sun (Sir typically does not like nature or outdoor rec, so the fact that he is outside surrounded by nature, and liking it is a miracle... also he definitely loves me).

To round off the great start to the day, we had a picnic lunch at a State Park and then went kayaking! It was Sir's first time, and he really enjoyed it. He was convinced it was not going to be fun, and that he would end up exhausted and soaked from capsizing his boat. None of that happened! It was a lovely relaxed paddle, and we both finished up a couple hours later having stayed upright and joyous from the fun.

I'd only ever kayaked 1 or 2 times before (and one of those times was an epic disaster) so I'd say I'm also a beginner. We've found something new we can do together! I really love nature, while it is not Sir's cup of tea, so having something outdoorsy that he enjoys makes me extremely happy! I already have a kayak and I can't wait to get one for Sir (on that magical day when we have disposable income again; we borrowed kayaks for free from the park when we went). What a lovely Sunday; totally put us in a great mood.

Today I had to work; Sir was off. But we had a nice dinner tonight. I made glazed porkchops and corn on the cob. We typically eat while watching TV, but lately we've  made an effort to actually sit at our dining room table and have a conversation. We put on classical music and enjoy each other's company. And I think the beating has helped me get my head right - I made sure to get Sir's lunch ready for the morning, which is an expectation that I've been struggling with lately.

Hope you all enjoyed your weekends!

Beat You 'Til You Climax

On Sunday morning last week before I had left for New York, Sir decided to get sexy things started with me.

I was asleep. Usually, I am. On the weekends he typically wakes up before me and he has taken to fondling me when I sleep. I don't mind this at all, since it is him. He says that I'm much more receptive, probably because my brain is off.

The universe seemed to have other plans. The cat wanted to be on my face. Gets removed. The cat wanted to lay on my side. Gets removed. The cat wanted to continually meow, and just not stop. Sir fed him, but still he comes back with more cries for attention. Cat gets removed from the room; door closed, and Sir goes back to his task.

Then the baby upstairs wakes. Loudly and unhappily. I am fully awake by this point, thinking "just give it up already, it's over". Sir acknowledges that the mood is killed, but doesn't give up.

"Get up. On your stomach. I am going to beat your ass until you climax, got it? Use whatever you have to, do whatever you have to. But I am not going to let up until you finish."

I do as he instructs. Sir is using his belt to beat my ass and legs. I find that I am able to handle a greater intensity of impact and pain than I would usually, probably something to do with the other stimulation. After much effort I finish. It was difficult with all the distractions, and awkward angle. I turned over on my front (after asking Sir) and he beat my front. Only then was I able to finish. Probably because I usually lay on my back when I'm by myself.

After I finished, I fully expected Sir to have sex with me. He often uses a sleep fondling approach as a warm up to sex. But he told me to get up and clean myself up. Take a nice hot shower.

I was sort of confused. What about him and his needs? Sir reminded me that I had once said that having a scene for the sake of a scene and not with sex as the end goal is nice. Which is true. But I guess I didn't mean that I should finish and he shouldn't. I think I more meant that I enjoy BDSM activities in and of themselves. Sex, or climax doesn't have to always be the endgoal, and all activities don't necessarily have to cease after orgasm if sex is involved.

I accepted his decision though, and took a shower as instructed. I suppose I just felt bad for him, and wanted to please him in that way.

In a way it is another form of control though. Him choosing that I would get off that morning and in what manner. Him denying me the opportunity to please him until he decides he wants it. There's merit in that denial, too.

For me, everything comes back to that power exchange. Having a lack of that control.

The Bitch Stick

I came into the office to grab my phone, and Sir tells me to come to him. I'd been wearing my leash attached to my chain all day, per his instructions. He grabs my leash tight and pulls me to him, kissing me hard without much warning. Pulling, keeping me in place. Kissing forcefully. His lips are like a seal around my small mouth, sucking. Sucking all my resistance and thoughts... away.

Apparently I just dropped that phone and gave in. How could I not, though? He keeps a tight hold on my chain, moving his lips to my shoulder, sucking, biting as I squirm. Pulling, the chain biting into my neck as he hikes my skirt up, his hand roughly grabbing between my legs. He steps up from his chair, pulling me upright, and close to him, removing my shirt and hiking the rest of that skirt up, manhandling me through my tights as much as he desires. I find humor in looking up at him; giggling, watching his nostrils flare in excitement. I briefly pull my legs away, wondering if he will pull me back, wanting to feel more of his control. He calls me on my move, not quite believing the reason (probably believing his because his hand is not letting up on me).

Of course he pulls me back, snapping my tights as he lets go and I revel in it. Thinking about it now, that is not a very submissive move. If he puts me somewhere, I should stay put.

"Fucking seriously, Bitch? If I pull you to me, you fucking stay. And I don't quite believe that that's the reason. It's got nothing to do with my hand all up on your fucking pussy right now? If I want to grab this pussy I will grab it, and you will like it!"

I giggle.

"Whats so fucking funny?" Sir rolls his eyes. "You're not still laughing about my nostrils again, are you, Bitch?"

I'm not. I'm laughing because of his language. Unlike me, Sir rarely curses. If he says 'fuck', it's out of extreme frustration; for emphasis. I guess he is one of the few people I know that uses curse words for their proper purpose. Hearing him swear and use the word pussy... it's just so out of character. And while I'm laughing, I like it; his language, his demeanor, his body language. It's screaming dominance, and I'm loving it.

"I can't say pussy, Bitch? Would cunt be better?"

I don't really have a response for him. He can say whatever he likes, do as he likes. I just can't help laughing.

He goes back to attacking my shoulder with his lips, keeping me clamped in place with one hand pulling on my leash, the other still firmly working between my legs. He grabs my hair tightly in his fist, still holding my leash, pulling my head back for kisses that make me forget everything else. I feel like I am pouring myself into him.

He pulls me into the bedroom, keeping a tight hold the entire time.

"Do you know what's going to happen now?"

I don't even have time to answer before he pushes me forcefully down on the bed, face down.

Earlier that night, we threw out a cat tent that our kitty ignores and took up way too much space in our bedroom. But before we did, we dismantled it and had several short sections of plastic pipe. We looked at each other over the garbage can (outside) and brought them back into the house.

He started beating my ass with what he now calls "The Bitch Stick". Over my tights at first. Then he pulled them, and my skirt from me, flipping me over briefly, and then back again face down.

He beats me some more. Scrapes my back with the edge of the stick, pulling my head back, fist in my hair. It makes a slight whistling noise as it cuts the air.

"I'm going to do one cheek horizontal and one cheek vertical." He makes good on it. One definitely hurts more than the other. He beats the other to match intensity of pain.

"Do you like this? You've got a pretty pink ass, you know."

"It hurts..." I say.

"That's not what I asked. Do you like this?"

"...A little, Sir." I'm always saying that. Of course I like it. I'm embarrassed and uncomfortable and he's making me do things, being forceful and making me admit things to him. Yes, I like it.

"Let's see." He shoves his fingers up my cunt. It's easy for him.

"You like it a little, huh? That's not what she seems to think."

He is rough with me. I squirm and try to get away, I guess. But he's got my leash and my hair, and I'm not going anywhere.

He holds me in place, fingering me roughly. It hurts, but it has a taste of that good kind of hurt with it. I wonder if he's making me get used to his hands in there, since I've said I hate it, and I've clamped my legs down or held his hands as best I could from getting in there in the past. He usually wins. Or gets me in my sleep.

"Someone is certainly wet and squishy..."

I find a small amount of embarrassment in him verbalizing that, and being all up in there. But part of me likes it too; the embarrassment, him forcing me to take it.

He removes his fingers. "Grab the rope on the nightstand and flip over."

He places the bitch stick under my right knee, using it to stabilize the rope so that I cannot unbend my leg.

"Now, get up and get the other sticks in the living room."

Just getting off the bed is a chore. I probably should have put more thought into how to get into the other room. I try using the bound leg, and I just go down, catching myself just in time. It's a weird angle to be bent at. I bend the unaffected leg to match, and take a few more steps, looking super glamorous, I am sure. I try hopping with one leg, but I am unstable and need to support myself with my arms. I make it back to the bed finally through hopping/hobbling, sticks in hand, both of us laughing.

He readjusts my bondage. I honestly don't remember if he actually used the other sticks that I had to fetch just then. I remember later, both him and me beating my breasts with them, watching them jiggle. I seemed able to handle more pain than normal. I didn't feel as exposed as I normally do when dealing with breast impact.

I remember him fucking me, good and hard, after I said I didn't think he'd get in there. I remember him taking my leash and pulling on it. I remember his fist in my hair. I remember thinking it'd be lovely to have both legs bound with the bitch sticks, face down, him pulling on the leash and chain as he takes me. I remember him coming. Now that I've started the pill and he won't be needing those condoms much longer, it figures that it's now that he seems to have finally been able to finish with them.

I remember him going to take a quick shower while I was still hazy. He lovingly unclasped the leash from my chain. "Don't want you to choke; you look like you're going to pass out."

He let me sleep until 11:30 am the next day.

I guess he wore me out.

Daily Beatings and The Whiteboard

This week is going okay. It's my last week "off" before I start my new job on Monday. I have/had to go in to my current job a couple of days this  week for a few hours, but I've pretty much been home.

Being home has given me time to really reflect on my submission and to keep Sir more in mind. This past weekend, Sir decided to start spanking me or hitting me with his belt in the morning, and before we go to sleep. I've never been big into maintenance beatings, but it is definitely having an effect on my attitude and behavior. I feel like it is also bringing us closer; it's a very intimate thing, you know? I'm not sure if its the act itself or perhaps the novelty of it. Time will tell.

Sir and I have also been rearranging our back office. Sir moved his computer area away from the front window. I love this because I can now get to the window, where I couldn't before. Sir has a huge television computer monitor on his desk that I couldn't get around. Now we can access the window and get some air flowing in here. Once he moved his desk though, he found that my sweet little lizard's tank lights were shining directly onto his screen. So, I had to find somewhere else to put her. Before you know it, we're rearranging the entire back room. The new layout is different in use of space, but provides a little reading nook bordered on three sides by bookshelves. I'm hoping to get some pillows and blankets and curl up there reading soon. Apparently I like to be in contained spaces. ;)

Please excuse the state of the bookshelves; I'm still rearranging everything.

 But if I wait for everything to be perfect, I'd never take a single photo!

While we were rearranging, I also put up a corkboard/whiteboard for Sir. He's mentioned recently that he wanted to get me a whiteboard so he can put instructions, etc. on it. I found two when we were cleaning. He chose the one with the corkboard so he could pin things to it for me. I put it up near my computer, and then had to go about "making it pretty". I added some fabric and ribbon we had lying around to frame the cork board, and put a quote on the whiteboard so it is not so empty until Sir decides to add his touches. Sir said that I may regret that one day - putting so much effort into a board that I may become annoyed with in the future!

 Sir says that a new rule coming will be to check this board 

every day, whether there is something new or not.

I'm off to work in a few minutes. My uncle passed away this week, and I was able to get off tomorrow for the services, but I still have to go in tonight. We weren't particularly close, but it's still sad - he was only 50 and has 3 daughters at home. So I'll have a couple of days with my family. I know it will be great to see them despite the circumstances. I just hope everything stays classy and no one decides to get super redneck like last time.

July 4th Weekend Pt 3

Sunday was a good day. A nice way to finish up the 3 day weekend. Saturday night, Sir and I stayed up late for no reason, really. He made sure to call me to bed and belt me before we slept.

In the morning, friends of mine were in the area and wanted to meet up for breakfast. They mentioned it the night before, but when they sent me a text message that they were on their way, Sir and I were still in bed! That got us hopping up really quick. He skipped the morning beating that I suppose in just a few day's time I've come to anticipate, and we got ready to walk down to the restaurant where we were meeting them for breakfast.

I was initially going to wear another little heel for the short (15 minute) there and back walk, but Sir stopped me and instructed me to wear my sneakers. I was confused, because I thought the short walk would be a good length to practice a bit. Plus the shoes I had on were less of a heel than the ones the day before. I of course put the sneakers on, but Sir also said that he needs to re-explain his wishes in regards to my learning to wear heels. He is going to research some photos so I can understand his meaning.

Part of me is a little relieved. Wearing heels is difficult. But I think that, like many things, with time I could do it. On the other hand, wearing them does make me feel more feminine and attractive, somehow. So I am interested to learn what his actual goals for me are in regards to this. 

I think either way, if he is okay with it, I am going to try and branch out in terms of my footwear and take some of treasure's suggestions. I have at least 15 pairs of flip flops, a couple pairs of sneakers, some sporty hiking boots/sandals. But as far as real shoes go... I don't have many. I wear the same stuff all the time. It actually causes some issue for me when I need to dress up for work, since I sometimes don't have the proper footwear in the right colors. It's weird to be wearing a dress with sneakers (at least at work) or a blue skirt and shirt with some random brown flats.

Sir preferred the sneaker.

We had a really nice breakfast with my friends. We went to a local creperie, and the food was so, so good. It's funny. These friends of mine are actually the only ones, family included, who have ever visited us out here. This is in fact their second visit. I find it interesting because though I would call them pretty good friends, they're not my closest friends. So I find it interesting that they've been out here twice, but my own parents haven't even swung by here at all. 

After breakfast, we grabbed their dog and all walked back to our place. After they left, I'm wondering if they might have an inkling about the true nature of my relationship with Sir. I'm not actually worried about this, it's just an idle thought. We were talking about the architecture of the local houses as we walked, and my friend mentioned the one access to the backyard looking like the tunnel to a dungeon. She joked that it must be the entrance you take if you're bad. I joked and said..."or if you're really good". She gave me a look and exclaimed "Oh... what are you into?". I brushed it off and we kept walking.

Once we got to our apartment though, I noticed that my rules were just sitting out on the dining table. We actually weren't expecting them to come back to our place, so I made no effort to tidy up or do a kink-sweep. I moved my rules quickly under some other papers, but I do wonder if they were seen.

After they left, Sir let me service his feet! I was very excited. This is something that I have wanted to do for him for some time.

I made a nice mixture of peppermint, Epsom salts, bubbles for him to soak. Then I got on my knees and got to work, scrubbing, exfoliating, trimming, filing, etc. Finally I dried his feet and massaged them with lotion, kissing his little toes as a finishing touch.. Sir has said in the past that he wants to really start taking care of his feet, so this was something I really wanted to start doing for him. He wasn't sure how to feel about it at first, but said that we could try it at least once, and then he could veto some or all of it in the future. At the end, he did say it wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be . I'm not sure what he expected!

Looking up at Sir.

In the afternoon, I cleaned the apartment, did Sir's laundry, and gardened a bit. I also went to evening mass. I've been trying to find a church to go to regularly now that we're out here. Last week I tried a new place, and it was really uncomfortable. The priest just went OFF during the homily about the Supreme Court ruling and I was just thinking... I don't want to go to a place that preaches intolerance at such an in your face level. This week I went to a church I went to months before. I was ambivalent then, but I had a really good experience this week! I think I'll be back next week. There is something that makes me feel peaceful when I attend mass. Perhaps "doing right by God", enjoying the service, and quiet contemplation on the walk there and back. I hope to keep doing it.

When I got home, I made dinner and Sir and I ate in our yard again. This time with better weather! Sir rearranged half of the office, I folded his laundry, and now we're about to head to bed. But not without a belting. Sir pulled me aside to belt my ass, letting me know how proud he was of me this weekend, and how he could really see that I was working hard to please him.

I never really understood the point of "maintenance spanking/beatings" but based on the past few days... perhaps there is merit in it. It has certainly kept my attitude where it needs to be. I hope it keeps working for us!

July 4th Weekend Pt 2

Saturday was another good day. When I awoke, Sir pulled me into the other room and over his knee, delivering some good morning smacks to my ass. I attempted to count, but I was wrong. I made us a low key breakfast of cereal, and we watched some anime.

Sir had said he'd been feeling "off" all morning, so he wanted to take a nap. And he wanted cuddles. So I got into bed with him.  Sleep didn't come for me though, so after about a half hour, I got distracted, and then I got Sir distracted. I'm the sort of person that prefers to sleep in, and then not nap all day (though I do love me a nap now and again). Sir seems to prefer to rise early, even on his days off, and then take a nap in the middle of the day.

I think Sir appreciated my efforts. The day before, I told him that I had been thinking about sucking him, which is novel for me. It's not that I absolutely hate giving BJ's, it's just rare that I'm thinking about them in a sort of fantasy daydream type way, which I was. Slowly, I woke Sir up from his nap, through stroking him with my hands, then taking him in my mouth, and finally sheathing him within me. He woke up fully for that.

"Condom?" He sleepily uttered.

"Nope, I was just going to go get one."

"Good".

I rode Sir as best as I could. Sir has a real problem finishing with a condom (almost done with this medicine, then back on the pill - thank God!). I finished, then he flipped me over and fucked me some more. When he had his fill, I gave him my hands, and he got off by hurting me with clothespins while I stroked him. I think it is the sounds I make that do it for him. His climax coincided with him abruptly taking the pins off and my shrieks I think spurred him on.

I think we are both very much looking forward to being done with this medicine, and with condoms, Just a little bit more. I pick up my last bottle of medicine next week!

After a nice shower, we got dressed to take a walk. I was wearing some flip flops, but as it was a short walk, I grabbed a pair of heels. The only way I am going to get better walking in them is to do it. And I have to admit, wearing them is just more attractive. Though I was definitely happy to get them off at the end of the walk.

There definitely is a difference.

Sir and I saw a rainbow sculpture in a local park. Considering recent events, we thought photos here would be fitting. I think our poses pretty much sum up our personalities. Sir is steadfast and I am all over the place. I guess that's why he has to keep me in line.

A photo in the shoes. 

Man, you can see how long my hair is getting here!

After our walk, Sir took an actual nap, and I prepared some dinner. We actually ate in our yard for the first time!

We don't have a proper grill, but the George Foreman does the trick!

 A view from the kitchen window - I was setting the table. 

I am also very excited about the ONE flower that is in bloom on the right!

 Sir takes his seat, ready to eat!

Yay! Our first meal at our apartment al fresco!

Happy Independence Day to all the Americans reading! ^_^

July 4th Weekend Pt 1

It's been a good weekend. Sir had off on Friday, which was great - more time with him. Friday  morning, I was going to get up, but Sir told me to lay back down and sleep. Eventually, I did get up. I grabbed my blanket and my bear, and came to sit at his feet in the other room, all swaddled up. He thought it was cute. He only had me sit a bit before he had be get up so he could "set the mood".

He had me go back to our bedroom, place my hands on the door, and he proceeded to belt me. I wasn't fully awake yet. When he asked, "How many"? I thought to myself, "Fuck?"

Not "FUCCCCK"! But a sort of bubbly ...fuck? Like: oh, perhaps I should have been counting those... maybe? My brain was still foggy and my eyes weren't fully open for much of it. Sir was lenient, probably because he realized I wasn't trying to be defiant.

And I wasn't sure what he meant by "set the mood". I thought he meant for a scene that he was going to do right then.  Turns out, he meant for the day. And it worked.

All day - all weekend really, I've been in a more submissive headspace. I've thought of Sir first, and of serving him. I've asked his permission for things more - eating certain things, wearing certain things, showering, etc.. I've thought of things to please him.

After my belting, Sir told me to get up, get dressed, and to make him breakfast. He graciously allowed me to shower before dressing. When I came out of the bathroom because I forgot a towel, he asked me to get him a glass of orange juice after my shower. I asked him if he'd prefer it now, (which he did) and delayed my shower to get him his juice. I think this is where my head should be.

After my shower, I asked him what he'd prefer for breakfast, then made it for him. After breakfast, he wanted to take a nap. While he was napping, he instructed me to: "Pick a room (not the bedroom), and clean it - you have one hour". I chose the living room. But I sort of got distracted and also cleaned the bathroom and started on the kitchen as well. I had a few finishing touches on the living room when Sir came out of the bedroom from his nap. He made a huge show of inspecting the living room (which made me nervous, but I loved). Walking around, making remarks, lifting his finger for dust. I wasn't actually done with the room so I sprang to re-dust the shelves and wipe down a few key areas, and he told me to get him when I was done. He tsked at me when he found dust, and I went about cleaning everything else I could think of. When I couldn't think of anything else to clean, I went and got him. He came back, and said I did a good job. He then took his fingers and starting searching for dust above the doorways! What an evil Dirty Old Man! I started to get pouty and sulky, sure that it would be my demise and absolutely thinking "That's not fair!" in my head. Lucky for me, he found... nothing. No dust up there. What a lucky bitch I am.

We went out for a date night to see Tomorrowland.  He gave me the task of "getting us there on time". I really do love the discount movie theatre by us. It makes actually going out doable for us. When we got home, we were pretty tired, so we went right to bed.

Almost.

Before bed, Sir had me place my hands on the bedroom door while he beat me with some rope. I did remember to count this time, but I was wrong with the count. I think that if I am standing, and Sir is striking me on my back, my brain does not translsate that to "start counting". But if I am horizontal, or he is only striking my ass, my brain immediately starts counting. This is something I need to fix. And God, some of those blows HURT! Some of them were funny, as people were setting off fireworks, and it seemed his blows were in time to them. He made a thick stack of rope to hit me with. I couldn't figure out what he was hitting me with at first. It did make me thankful to cuddle up next to Sir and sleep though.

More tomorrow. Happy 4th! Here's a shot of Sir that I took while walking around our neighborhood. Man, I wish you guys could see his face (but he has strict rules on anonymity). It's pretty comical.

Happy Independence Day from my man in black.

The Dining Room Stool and Bed Raisers

This weekend was great. Apparently when I am needing "extra" dominance, it is not at all subtle. I'm not sure what behaviors I display. Sometimes I will tell Sir how I feel if I am aware of it, but sometimes he picks up on it from me. After I woke up and made us breakfast, Sir did the dishes while I tidied up the house. Sir decided I was to do it gagged. I don't like the gag, but I like him making me wear the gag. The force of it, succumbing to his will. For cleaning, I got a reward - he put me over his knee and struck my ass with his hand. Halfway through, he had me go to our toy bag and pick an implement. I chose our wooden purple paddle, which surprised him for some reason. I'm not sure what he thought I would pick. He got pretty forceful with it toward the end, but I really enjoyed it.

He made me do my job paperwork afterwards. I was bad at first, and didn't start my paperwork right away- hiding in the living room, so he dragged me into the back room where he was and had me sit on a high dining stool to do it. Eventually I got into the groove of it and nearly finished a stack of it.

 In the middle of doing my paperwork, I made an offhand comment that I was horny. Without further ado, Sir came by and grabbed my paperwork. He had me get up and marched me to the end of the bed where he stripped all the clothes from me, flinging them haphazardly around the room. He set up our dining room stool on 4 bed-raisers. Watching him set that up was interesting. Not being sure exactly what he would do with it; getting excited about the predicament of it. He had me climb on top of it and lay face down. Because it was a stool, only my torso was actually on it, leaving him to chain my hands to the legs of the stool. He took the spreader bar out and chained my feet to it. It was very precarious - I wanted to squirm and move my legs, but I also didn't want to unbalance myself off the stool. He took out a variety of implements to use on me. He beat me with a length of rope, used our flogger, and used a new toy that the leader of our munch gave us for valentine's day. It's a smaller flogger with bead chain, but boy does it pack a wallop! It also feels nice being dragged across the skin. I was very into everything Sir was doing. Sir took  me just like that, in that position. I have to say, I loved it! It was torture, because I wanted to squirm and move, and even move my legs more to make it more conducive to the positions we were in, but being chained with my arms and having the spreader bar there made it impossible! Sir was able to use that to his advantage and just torture me. He did have to grab hold of me and the stool to make sure I didn't get injured as I started to become less and less careful about my squirming.

Eventually, Sir released me from the chair and had me get onto our bed. He chained my wrists to my collar and kept the spreader bar in place, resuming fucking me. It was just... wonderful. Forceful, intense, sweaty and lovely. I couldn't move my hands to touch him, which I wanted to. I didn't have full use of my legs, as they were chained to the spreader bar. And I think Sir was really into it too - I have two HUGE hickeys on my neck - one is a good 3 inches long. We're not usually the leaving hickeys types, especially because of professionalism. I will wear some high collared shirts to work this week, and some fashionable scarves. But I actually love the feeling of receiving a hickey, so its hard for my brain to speak up and say 'Hey, we may regret this later".

If I cared less about professionalism and what people think I'd probably not regret it at all! But, we do need to make a living. . I do wonder what I would do if Sir decided to put one in a difficult to hide place... how I would deal with it. I'd have to of course. But would societal pressure outweigh my pleasure at making Sir happy? I'm not sure. Right now, I like looking at them, knowing they are there. I just don't want societal consequences. So, as long as its hide-able, I won't care!

Chore Reversals

Sir and I had a good, low key weekend. It snowed here, so we spent all of Saturday indoors, watching it come down, playing video games, and being snuggly.

I was a bit of a grump Saturday morning. I think I was hangry. Sir told me that he was going to the dishes and then we'd have breakfast. I am typically the cook around here. It's one of the ways I serve him. I went to my computer to look something up while Sir finished the dishes (so I could cook). After awhile, I picked up delicious smells in the apartment. When I went into the kitchen to investigate, this is what I found:

Sir made us French Toast! It was delicious and I appreciated the gesture. It's nice to be taken care of once in a while.

Sir also took care of me and gave me the impact play I apparently needed. Besides me obviously craving it, Sir said he was planning on doing something like that soon. I suppose I radiate need sometimes? I think he might have struck me with every implement we have in toy bag. : D

I was feeling a bit apprehensive about admitting my craving here the other day. Feeling like it was selfish to think of my own wants. I know that it is silly, but sometimes I feel like I should focus solely on Sir, and not my personal wants. At the same time, I know Sir wants to know what I am thinking and feeling, and I am a human being. Even being submissive to Sir, there are still times where I will desire things. Hopefully with time I will get better with this.

I think part of my need for the impact/pain is as stress relief. I am highly stressed right now, working myself ragged, and constantly worried about our household and supporting the two of us. The scene... it helps, it really does. And it makes me just want to crawl all over Sir and snuggle. I feel like it really breeds more intimacy between us.

Saturday night, Sir also used the pegs on me! He applied about 4-5 to each breast. And also one on my bottom lip, for reasons only known to him. It was more intense feeling than I thought. I think it was a combination of the weight and multiplication of pain being added by all the pegs at once. I felt really proud for having done it and and I'd like to try it again.

On Sunday, I shoveled us out while Sir took a shower. That's usually a task he takes on. So for the weekend, he cooked us breakfast and I shoveled snow. We changed roles. But don't worry Sir, I don't have any thoughts about being in charge!

Craving

I've been craving BDSM lately.

Some of it is probably because Sir and I are so busy. When we do have time, we cuddle. Or I focus on his desires. I want to make sure I am taking care of him at least. But I am not taking care of myself sexually.

Sir has a rule for me that I am to get myself off 3 x a week. With this new schedule I am so beat sometimes that I haven't made the time for it.

When we got home from the rope class the other night, Sir got me into the bedroom and started making me crazy by paying attention to my neck. He even took my collar off for better access.

He had me suck him off, and it was pretty explosive.

Somewhere in between the neck biting and my giving him a BJ, I took out the toybag and put a lot of implements out... hoping he would use them, I guess? He did strike my neck with the chopsticks, which was interesting.

But I think I am craving more. More impact play I think. More pain.

I hope we get some time this weekend!