Sunday, May 26, 2013

The Rules version 1.08

So, I finally asked Sir for more... and he's delivering.

This weekend he demanded that I accept his help in a small but monumental task for me - printing my resume. I've no printer. He instructed me to send him my resume and interest letter so he could print it. He even went out and purchased the specific type of resume paper that I use.

 He came over so we could spend time together (and so he could drop my resume off). My mom was also visiting from New York, so we kept things very vanilla. Hung out on my couch and watched Dr. Who. At the end of the evening, I went to walk him out of my building. As soon as we got out into the hallway, he took me by the hand and led me away from the door, and further into the building. He circled me, making me nervous. As he circled me, he smacked my ass and pinched my nipples. Something horrifying, but funny happened (more on that in a later post). While he circled, he explained that he considered my request, and spent a lot of time coming up with a document on how I should conduct myself.

He said, "I have failed you." And that he was taking measures to correct that. I'm not sure how I feel about his statement. I can understand it intellectually. If my needs were being met, I wouldn't have to ask for more. But on another level, I also must be responsible for myself. If his choice was to leave me in my own hands, I should have risen to the challenge and conducted myself the way I know he would want. But, I guess I got overloaded and it just got... difficult. I am doing better this week. I'm not meeting all of his targets yet, but I'm getting closer. It's only week one though, so we'll see what happens.

I thought I would share the document I was given. I call it Rules 1.08 because I have had a list of rules in the past (which I never wrote up to share here). Some of those rules are in this document. Some are absent. Others are new. Sir has let me know that this will be added to as he sees fit, as will punishments.

The Rules

You will be in bed by 11 PM You may go to bed before 11 PM if you wish.  In both cases you will send me a text message when the lights are out and you are in bed.  Each minute late will result in a 1 minute punishment.  Failure to send a text will result in a 10 minute punishment.

The lights will be off.  The cable box will be off.  There will be no electronics of any kind after lights out.  If you wish to do any reading it will be done before 11 PM Failure to do so will result in a 2 minute punishment.  You will be trusted to accomplish this on your own.  You will be expected to report any transgression of this rule.  Failure to do so will be will be construed as dissembling and will result in a 15 minute punishment.

The bed will be completely cleaned of all items that are not typically known to remain on a bed overnight.  This includes clothes, papers, electronics, or other objects that I deem unfit to be in the bed during normal sleep hours.  Failure to do so will result in a 5 minute punishment.

Work Arrival/Work departure

You are expected to arrive at work at the time specified by your employer(s).  You will text me when you arrive at work. You absolutely will not text me while your vehicle is in motion.  This is for your safety.  Each minute that you are late will result in a 1 minute punishment.  Events such as traffic will not be compensated for.  You are expected to prepare for these situations.

You will cease all work related activities at 9:00 PM You will be home at this time except in situations that involve stopping for functions that are not work related such as food shopping or social meetings.  This does not apply to known situations or events such as parent-teacher meetings, school functions or other known work-related evening obligations.  You will text me at this time indicating the completion of your work day.  Failure to do so will result in a 1 minute punishment for each minute you are late.


                When we are scheduled for a known function such as a date, concert, trip departure or other event you will be ready to leave at the time specified beforehand.  Each minute late will result in a 1 minute punishment following our return from the event or at a time I specify.  Family disruptions will be taken into account so long as I am in the house waiting for you.


                You will update your Submissive Missions journal each Sunday The update will be posted before 11PM Each minute late will result in a 1 minute punishment.  Each day late will result in a 10 minute punishment. 

Bedroom cleanliness

                You will clean your room and maintain that cleanliness.  All loose items will be designated an area where they belong and any trash will be disposed of.  I will assist in the initial cleaning if needed.  Failure to maintain organization will result in punishment to be determined based on the level of disorganization present.

The punishment

                Each minute I assign punishment to you will require you to stand facing the wall between your bed and your dresser/television stand.  Your feet will be shoulder width apart and you will hold your hands at the small of your back.  You will keep your head facing forward.  During this time you will contemplate why you are being punished and how you can improve on the situation in the future. 

                Each minute I assign to you is additive.  Each minute of punishment will be assigned based on my cell phone clock or my observation.  Bickering about times will result in an immediate addition of 5 minutes.  Regarding text messages punishments will be assigned based on when I receive them not when they are sent.  Technical difficulties will be taken into consideration.  This will not be used as an out to get out of punishment.  Attempting to do so will result in a 2 hour punishment.  Each transgression will be resolved between your work completion time and your bedtime.  All punishments will be completed as a whole.  There will be no breaks between punishment times.  Disruption of punishment time will be noted and completed following the disruption.  If your punishments add up to a point where it will impose on your bedtime you will go to bed.  You will continue the punishment the next night immediately following completion of your work day.  Following completion of punishment you will send a text stating this fact.

I reserve the right to modify these rules and punishment requirements based on my own observations and any attempts on your part to manipulate the spirit in which this document was produced.

I've already served 12 minutes the other day, and I have another 19 to complete tonight. I'm trying to get it together, because I hate cornertime. Which I suppose makes it effective.

Though, every time I am late, Sir does get pleasure. A text conversation between us this week:

"Just got to work."

"I love you. +3 minutes."

"Lol. Love you too. Do you receive pleasure from saying +# minutes?"

": ) Actually, I do."

Not that I want to be punished, but I find this new dynamic amusing.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

I need to be taken in hand

It's been forever, I know. Things have been a little crazy with me. Sir and I are okay; its just my work life getting in our way, as usual.

Sir's plan was to start reintroducing D/s into our lives slowly, so I wouldn't be too overtaxed. He started by reintroducing my bedtime. And for a few days, I was good. In bed by 11, sending him my goodnight text. But then I just stopped. Sure I was physically in bed most of the time, but I would play games or watch Netflix or the like. And I stopped texting him when I would go to bed. I'm honest with my Sir- I made no attempts to deceive him. But I he never checked up on me. Never brought me to task for being late. For not contacting him. I was not punished, or even reprimanded. And so, I continued to make no effort there. If I'm not held accountable, I suppose there's no outward incentive to keep in line. I know intellectually that inside motivation, the desire to be the best submissive that I can be, and wishing to please my Sir should be motivation enough without requiring  positive or negative reinforcement. But with all the stress and being busy, I suppose that I need more.

Tonight I finally asked for more. For months, D/s has been nonexistent so that I could function better. But, I'm not. Left to my own devices, I'm not flourishing. I'm drowning here. Sir has stated that my perseverance despite all I have going on is heroic, but I certainly don't feel like a hero. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. Since being left to my own devices, and largely having to take care of myself, I've not been doing so good of a job. I'm working to death, not sleeping enough, eating terribly... I'm late to work. Often. And though it bothers me, I suppose it doesn't bother me enough to make me get my ass there on time, like I should.

So, because I'm such a hot mess, tonight I finally asked Sir to step in. Hold me accountable. Enforce standards of conduct. Help me behave the way I should. For me personally, and as his submissive. Because I can't do this on my own. I need to be managed. I need to be under his hand.

I guess I acknowledged that I'm ready to take on more. Maybe it's not because life has thrown me a bone, and I can put more on my plate. But perhaps it's because without his control, I don't think I can handle what I've got.

Now, watch. In a few months I may look back and regret I ever opened my mouth. Be careful what you wish for.
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