Monday, August 02, 2021

Little at Times

 Sir and I have realized over the years, that I definitely have a little side.

I don't know her exact age, but somewhere between 5-8 I think.

There are times where it's more pronounced than others.

But there is a time of day where it is pretty consistent. And that is bedtime.

Every night when we're getting ready for bed, I definitely feel little. Perhaps its that nighttime desire to be tucked in and cuddled. Perhaps a desire to feel safe before bed. Safe like a child, when life was simpler, and there was less to worry about.

Maybe it's nightly exhaustion removing some internal barriers.

I'm sure now, in listing an "age" there's some things there to unpack in therapy (my parents split when I was 7, so that being my age range... I'm sure that's linked somehow).

But I think I'm okay with it. Sometimes being little is confusing for me. But sometimes it really is nice to just... let everything go, and know I am safe with Sir. That he is going to take care of me, and everything is going to be okay until tomorrow.

Monday, July 26, 2021

New Nightly Ritual

Lately, Sir has been staying up much later that I do.

It seems I just can't go to sleep without him, though.

I'd feel tired, get up and put myself in bed...

And just wait there. Whether intentionally or not, my body and brain is waiting for him. And my sleep had been really suffering for it.

Now we have a new nightly ritual, and it's a great solution of Sir's.

He now puts me to bed every night.

I'll get into bed, and he'll join me. I'll cuddle up with my head on his lap. We'll chat softly, and he'll pet my hair until I fall asleep. 

Then, he'll gingerly slide out of bed and he can stay up as long as he wants.

It's a win-win.

Monday, July 19, 2021

Sir's Brand of Kindness

Sir has me pinned to the bed. Held down at his mercy as I wiggle and struggle to no avail.

He gets both of my hands pinned with one of his, and reaches back with his other hand in a move that is both hilarious to witness in its contortion, but sexy in its dominance.

I realize that look in his eye.

"Sir, please. No.... not the sock off your foot!"

He was kind.

He got up and gagged me with a clean sock.

Monday, July 12, 2021

This Photo is Love


This photo is love.

Looking at it, I am immediately swimming in affection for this man.

The beach is not Sir's thing.

But it is absolutely *my* thing. 

Any beach, even a lake beach, has some sort of restorative power to me. After a visit, even just a couple of hours, I am happier, and relaxed.

So Sir came with me to the beach last weekend. I definitely needed it. And though it's not really his thing, there he is.

And that is love.

Sunday, June 06, 2021

Depression and Not Feeling Kinky

Last night while I was sleeping, Sir sent me a message via Fetlife. That is typically how we communicate about kinky things in our relationship. So if I see a Fetlife message from him, I know right away the general gist of the content, as opposed to him sending a regular email or the like.

It made me so pleased! We've had a rough go of it lately.My caregiving duties for my mother have steadily ramped up and up and up - and as the depression and despair creeped in, I made less and less time for myself, and for us. It's one of the reasons why I haven't been writing here as often, I think. I've been going to therapy for over a year now, and it's helped tremendously. I'm now also on a medication that while is not prescribed for depression, is definitely helping in that regard. Conversely, my mother has needed even more attention in the past year. She's been hospitalized twice, and is currently in skilled nursing. We're not sure if she will be able to go home, and since she is not handling her situation herself (though she *is* capable) its being dumped into my lap. Which is how she usually operates. With all that going on, I just haven't made time for me. I haven't felt "like me" in awhile.

The other reason for the lack of writing is that to be frank, there wasn't that much kink going on *to* write about. Sir has also been having a rough go of it. He was unemployed for the last 14 months. For Sir, his sense of self-worth and confidence is definitely tied to his career. So being unemployed (through no fault of his own), really tanked his self-esteem. And that tanked his ability to be dominant, or even *feel* dominant. 

Last month, he accepted a job offer for a true unicorn job in his field. And in the weeks since, I've seen his demeanor improve so much! He is definitely less depressed, more confident and I felt like he was starting to feel more dominant as well. Him reaching out last night proves that, I think.

I am so ready for that. I miss that side of him, and I miss us.
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