Monday, March 29, 2021

The Wait

 I sit in our office, in my customary computer chair. Sir sits in his. We are side by side.

He tells me to close my eyes. I feel him place a very comfortable blindfold over my face.

A gift, he says.

He is going to conduct a test.

And then... I wait.

At first, I fidget in my seat, slightly. Subtle movements of my limbs, stretching my fingers. Wiggling my hips.

I swing my legs, as if I am a child.

Eventually, I spin my chair around. I feel Sir's presence approach me. Steady hands firmly stopping my chair, and pressing it back to the wall, so I can no longer spin. He says nothing, but the message is clear.

He has not told me I cannot speak, but with his silence, I feel the weight of the blindfold over my lips in addition to my eyes.

Eventually, I relax.

In this moment, there is nothing I need to do. Nowhere else I need to be. Nothing to be responsible for.

All I have to do, is wait.

Tuesday, February 09, 2021

Subtle BDSM in Our Wedding

 So, at our wedding a few weeks ago, Sir and I wanted to incorporate somehow, in a subtle manner, some of the, ahem, *other* elements of our relationship. I of course wore my wristcollar, as I do everyday. But we wanted something more.

So, we decided to do a handfasting. Sir made the cords himself from bondage rope, and he attached charms to represent us both.

They really are just... beautiful.

The funny thing is, when the minister asked us for our cords before the ceremony, she remarked to the rest of the group, "Oh, don't worry, it's not for anything kinky..."

Reverend, if you only knew. (She probably does.)

Saturday, January 23, 2021


 2020 was a heck of a year, and a lot of it was awful even without Covid gumming up the works.  I think it's best to just move on. Goodness.

But Sir and I kicked off 2021 in a HUGE way. We got married on our 10th Anniversary! Finally!

Sir is not only the Dominant, he is the Husband! I am not only the submissive, but I am the wife!

It is surreal. The entire ordeal was really stressful, and the week leading up to it ranks pretty high up there with the worst experiences of my life. All the things we had to go through just to get to this moment... Plus, my family is just awful sometimes... I just can't. His was not helping, either. This was not just normal wedding stress... sometimes it feels like these people go out of their way to make shit more difficult than it has to be. I asked my maids of honor, who are both married and they confirmed that what I was dealing with was above normal. I wish it weren't, but it can be nice to be validated sometimes.

I started going to therapy for the first time this past year to help myself navigate this mess and stand up for myself, but as one of my friends said, this was like being dumped into the final boss battle of boundaries and skipping all the other levels and power-ups along the way. I couldn't handle it properly and ended up doing everything for everyone else when I needed to be getting things done for and focusing on us. I am salty, but I am trying to let it go and focus on the good things.

Once I was walking down that aisle, everything did melt away. It was just me and Sir. With about a week's distance from the event, I can finally start to release the awful parts and embrace the good parts. And process that it is real. It DID happen. I can start to be excited!

We got hitched in a simple but lovely ceremony with just 10 people in attendance - our immediate families plus the maids of honor and best men. The minister was just perfect in representing us.  We are hoping to plan a "Part II" next year and have an actual reception with all our loved ones and the customary traditions. We pretty much got married, then had a quick dinner to thank those that stood up for us this year, and bounced.

 We are wed!

We honestly passed out on our wedding night - all the stress and sleeplessness catching up with us. But after our families left the next day we were able to have a good wedding weekend. We were able to celebrate each other properly with a 'wedding night', and reinforce the D/s side of things in our relationship. It was reassuring to me - just because we are married, that part of us is not gone! After 10 years, we are still surprising each other, still experiencing new things. Sir did things to me on my wedding night I'd never experienced before. He also made sure I knew who I belong to. It makes me love him all the more. 

And I still want to be Sir's submissive, more than ever.

Submissive wife now! <3

Friday, March 27, 2020

I'm Not Asking


"Just because I'm saying it in the form of a question does not mean I am asking."

Friday, January 03, 2020

Beat to Sleep

Stuff has been pretty rough lately. I don't know if I have the words or energy to get into everything.

Yesterday, Sir decided that I was to get a beating. That I needed one. I agreed with him.

Except, I fell asleep right in the middle of it. Face down on our bed while in a spreader bar, getting hit and flogged and whipped.

One part of me finds that utterly ridiculous. Who does that? Does it indicate boredom, or a lack of interest in the goings on? I don't think so though.

Another part of me finds a bit of total surrender in it. The utter relaxation of impact play, and the complete trust in Sir.

We both hit on that trust when we spoke about it today.

A few weeks ago, I did something bad (nothing hugely catastrophic, but bad nonetheless). Sir said he was disappointed in me, and lost trust in me. It has really stuck with me and tore at my heart.

But last night showed me that perhaps not all trust is lost.
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