We're Home, Finally!

This long post is long.

We're finally here in our new apartment, moving in July 1st! We have the first floor and basement of a cute rowhome. We didn't have internet for the past two weeks, though, because the genius who lived here before us cut the wire for some reason. We had to get a technician out here to rewire the house, at our cost. But they only work Monday - Friday, and we work too. We had to wait until I had a random weekday off so I could be here for the technician. Who would arrive anywhere from 8 am to 5 pm. I got lucky yesterday and they got here just after noon, so I was able to get stuff done on my day off. And now we're connected!

The place is cute, or it will be once we can unbury it from the boxes. We have been unpacking a little every night after work, and we do what we can on our days off, but it will take time. This place is bigger than our last one, so we will need to buy some more furniture too. All in good time.

I'm glad for this new chapter of our lives. My commute went from 1.5 - 2 hours each way, to about 20-25 minutes. I am actually getting proper sleep every night! We get so much done, that when I ask Sir what time it is, it's always early, like 7 pm. I'm not used to that! I'm also not used to having central air. We've been using it during the heat wave, but I also fear the cost; I'm sure our electric bill is going to make me hyperventilate. We have a dishwasher too! I've never had one before. It's a little one, but it's still a dishwasher. I'm not sure if I'm loading it "correctly" but it is neat to have. We'll figure all these new luxuries out with time.

The past few weeks have been really hard, but things are getting better. I definitely feel like June was the month of "if it can go wrong it will". Nothing was easy. A few updates:

My knee is still healing. It is making progress, but at what feels like a glacial pace right now. I just started physical therapy, and I have a real fear that it is not going to heal sufficiently for me to be fully functional at work, or to go back to my sport!

I was able to get a new (to me) car! It was a bit of an ordeal, since my loan company never sent me my title when I paid my previous car off. And because I needed the title NOW, and not 30 days later (since we were moving and I couldn't leave my defunct car there), I had to pay to get my title, driving two two DMV locations (one 45 minutes away!), even though it wasn't my fault. 

My mom did help me out with the down payment for it though, bless her, since our savings were/are locked into moving. Once I got it, I had a hangup with one of the tires. It had a slow leak. I brought it back to the dealer who "fixed it" for free, but it still had a problem. So I ended up having to buy a brand new freaking tire 11 days after getting this car. Ugh. I don't think it was the dealers fault, I don't think they did anything to it. It was just my crappy luck.

I was able to see my grandmother before she passed away. I had a Thursday off, so I got up really early, and walked about 2 miles to a car rental place. My knee took it pretty well. A bit twingey, but it was mostly flat, so that was good. Then I drove about 3 hours to my Aunt's house. My grandmother was basically comatose by then. But she knew I was there. At one point she did open her eyes, looked at me, and said my name. She passed away two days later. Saying goodbye to her before leaving my Aunt's was extremely hard; knowing that it was likely for the last time. I am so glad I was able to see her one last time; it was the right decision.

The funeral was nice; as far as those sorts of occasions go. My family was being pretty difficult about it though. My mom refused to talk to my aunt (who was making the arrangements) because she didn't want to "stress her out", but she was going around trying to make her own arrangements and since she is computer illiterate, I was making them for her. A bunch of my family does not drive, my mom and brother included, and she wasn't sure how they were going to get to the cemetery from the funeral home. I'd drive them, but I couldn't fit them all. I spent a lot of time looking things up for her. My mom wanted to rent a limo. I let her know that would be very expensive, and suggested we rent a minivan instead. When I gave her the cost of the minivan, she freaked out, saying it was way too pricey... um, the limo would be much more than that - what are you thinking? After all that, my aunt who was making the arrangements figured it out, and it was all unnecessary. My mom also fought me over getting flowers for the service. I told her that her mom didn't want flowers; she wanted donations to a special organization. I ended up getting the flowers to make my mom happy, and was berated about it at the funeral later. During the few days I was back in NY for the service, my brother was being a complete ass. He showed up to the first day late, and drunk. When we went back to my moms he stayed up literally all night drinking and snorting pills. I got 30 mins of sleep. I got up, got my mom ready, and tried to get him up too. But he was completely non-functional, puking and what not. I had to leave him there. I told him the day before that I was leaving when I was leaving and if he wasn't ready, he was going to get left behind. I wasn't going to let my mom be late for her own mother's funeral. He was surprised, asking me if I thought this would happen. Well, yes. This is what he does. So we left him. I get a bunch of crying voicemails from him. Messages from his wife, too. He feels terrible, etc. Like, what do you want me to do now? I told him that it was up to him, I just don't want him to have any regrets later. He shows up abruptly at the church 5 minutes before the service started. I had to do readings for the mass, and then there was communion. When I got back to my seat from communion, he was gone. Just up and left in the middle of service. I guess he couldn't handle it, but then everyone is going to my mom, like "where's your son?" We drove up to the cemetery without him. And since he didn't go, I had room for my mom, uncle, and aunt in the back of Sir's car, so we drove them home. I was asked if I was going to stay at my mom's an additional night (since I was taking off work the next day). No.... thank you. I want to go home and leave this craziness. I know we're all grieving but some people don't think about anyone but themselves, it seems like.

The day I was leaving for my grandmother's wake, one of my cousins tries to hit me up for money. I was thinking, I am moving in 2 weeks, I don't have a car, I can't even walk with my knee, and my grandmother just passed. I wasn't sure if she knew all of that, but she did, and she asked anyway, which was really ballsy of her. I initially thought, I am not going to help her. But then I thought to myself, "What would your dad do?"... and he would help. So I offered to give her $20. I asked her for her Paypal. Nope, she doesn't have one. Bank account? Nope, doesn't have that either. Western Union? Well... that's a really far walk, she said.

Like, bitch, do you need this money or not? Cause even if I had a car, I wouldn't drive 2 freaking hours each way to loan *you* money. How are you going to ask me for money with no plan on how you were going to receive it? I truly believe she expected me to drive the 2 hours... I told her I was leaving for the wake in 2 hours, and if she had a plan call me back. She didn't.

There's a bunch of other crazy shit going on with her addict sister that I'm not even going to get into.

All in all, I'm glad June is over, and I feel like I need a vacation. A few days of sun and sand, perhaps. Maybe Sir and I can take a weekend trip? I hope so.

Speaking of Sir, he's beckoning to me from the other end of the apartment. He wants to christen the house in the best way we know how!!

Injury Update

I've been a little MIA lately, and I expect that will be the norm for the next several weeks until we move and are settled into the new place. There's just... a lot.

I ended up really injuring my knee. My hamstring tendon is torn. I'm wearing a brace, and I'm on light duty at work. I can't walk for extended periods of time, and sports practice is definitely out. I'm still going, but I'm just observing now. Its the worst timing too; I have nearly met all my requirements to join the actual team, and this is going to set me back, by months probably. Sir and I are also trying to pack to get ready for the move, and my injury is definitely not helping.

I have a long commute to work and driving in my car hurts. Plus, it is causing strain at work as we try to figure out how to have other people balance the physical responsibilities I cannot do right now. Everyone has been very understanding about it; I just feel terrible.

I am picking up Sir from work in a little bit, and then he is going to drive us to NY (so I can rest my knee). It is my mom's 60th birthday tomorrow. My brother and I chipped in to get her a new computer. She has been without a real computer for a couple of years now. We got her a tablet, but she hasn't taken to it. She's just not used to it, I guess. So I hope she'll be more comfortable with the new technology. We tried to pick things that would be as familiar to her as possible. I don't consider my mom to be old, but she has always been what she calls an "electronic nightmare". She doesn't take to technology well. Conversely, my 81 year old grandmother is pretty tech savvy! I guess it skipped my mom.

Tomorrow we're going to surprise her with Red Lobster and a cake. My mom broke her back last month and while she isn't paralyzed, she isn't very mobile while she is healing. She had "a procedure" on her spine last Friday (she refuses to call it surgery), and hopefully she can start healing, but it is going to take time. So we are going to bring the party to her. Red Lobster has an online to-go ordering system. I'm going to tell her that I'm picking up my brother, and while I am going to do that, we'll swing by the restaurant to pick up her surprise food and get a little cake.

Tomorrow night, Sir and I are going to a fancy get-together for his family. His aunt and uncle are celebrating 50 years of marriage! I always enjoy getting all dolled up with Sir. It will be nice to schmooze with his extended family too; I definitely feel like we don't do that enough.

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

March Questions: World's Best

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Vacation time!

Sir and I both have FIVE DAYS OFF. In a row! We're headed on vacation!

We've rented a beach house in Delaware with my aunt and cousin and I am so pumped. Going in with others is keeping our cost pretty low. And now that we have jobs that give us paid time off.... it's like I cannot even believe how blessed we are.

Five days of sun, sand, and maybe some fruity little drinks with an umbrella in them.

Yay!

Full Speed to the Relaxation Point

Phew, Sir and I have been quite busy. We've been working a lot. We've had separate business trips (saying that makes me feel way more adult-y than we are, haha!) We visited family for Easter. We went to the local anime con.

This weekend was the first in awhile we were allowed to just be. It was glorious.

A few quick photos of our goings on:

Sir and Me at Easter in NJ.

I went to Pittsburgh for work, while Sir was in NYC for work. The skyline is lovely. Also, I went to the National Aviary, and took 1000 pictures of birds. The one in the upper right was my favorite - it reminds me of Severus Snape. It's actually a Palm Cockatoo. At the Children's Museum I played with a giant Lite-Brite, and saw Mr. Roger's Shoes!

We cosplayed for our local anime con. Vault 108 Gary and Moira Brown from Fallout 3! They need a little more work, but I'd say it was a success.

After all that, this weekend was our time of rest. We pretty much lazed about all day on Sunday, and it was magnificent!

A Wonderful Couple of Weeks and D/s Headspaces

It has been an utterly fantastic couple of weeks here.

Sir and I went to the beach. Twice! Once for a day trip with my cousin, uncle and goddaughter, and then again this past weekend. My brother invited us for a few days since he was taking his little nuclear unit as well. We brought our mom and it was a great way for all of us to be together at our favorite place. We talked about doing a trip like this for months now, in honor of my dad, and I'm excited that we did. There were times where it was a bit rough, 7 of us in one hotel room and all that goes with it, but all in all I really enjoyed it. Sir I think tolerated a lot of it, with some highlights of enjoyment.

And then when we got back from vacation, Sir got utterly wonderful news.

He was offered the position he had been interviewing for!!!! After two years hoping to progress his chosen career by going back to school for further training he has landed a job in his field. It's a good salary, full time, with healthcare options, a retirement plan and time off benefits. And it's reasonably close to our house (70 minutes). We were worried initially because he didn't do well on his certification exam, and had to leave his school on a sour note but that doesn't seem to be holding him back at all.

He starts Wednesday. I am beyond excited and proud of him. I know this is going a long way for his mental state and his dominance as well. Achieving his goals and being confident goes a long way for his psyche.

Before we got the news, we were actually discussing how to help him feel more dominant since it just seems that our current lifestyle lends itself to my being more dominant. We talked about both our headspaces. Right now I am serving him by being the breadwinner. It is an active decision on his part. And that is what he needs to keep his head right. Active decision making. If he is at home right now, he can still make decisions. He can still contribute to the household (this is the major thing that was deflating him). There are other things besides paychecks that keep a home afloat.

Yesterday he pulled me aside and just physically took control over me, out of nowhere. Pulling me around by the nipples, grabbing my by the hair, kissing me at his leisure and want. Reminding me of who I am. I asked him jokingly, "where is my parade?" after doing a task, and he gave me one. A parade of smacks to the ass.

I have the task tonight of clearing our dining room table. Sir has been organizing the house and put things that he wanted me to deal with in a few boxes on the table. I am to find homes for the items (or throw them out) and then fold the dining table down (it is mounted to our wall). I am about halfway through with it, taking a quick beverage (and typing) break. This is a good lesson in submission for me today. While I don't mind the cleaning and putting away of the items, I am really ambivalent about taking our table down. I feel like it is going to take something away from our apartment - the feel of it being a proper home, perhaps. But that is not for me to decide. Sir has made his decision on how he wants it, and so I must comply even if I'm not really on board with it.

Part of that helps my head too - adhering to his wishes. Okay, my drink is done. Back to organizing for me!

Cocktail, Sir?

Sir and I had a good weekend at the beach and visiting my family - my uncle, cousins, and goddaughter. Some of them are easier for him to take than others, but I'm glad he came.

The beach is my happy place. Something about floating with the waves beyond the breakers, the scent, the sounds of the waves crashing... it just leaches all the stress right from my body. By the end of the day, I felt lighter. I could breathe deeper and I had that soul-fulfilling tiredness that isn't exhaustion; it's just truly being calm and ready for a great night's sleep.

My brother invited me to go with him to the beach next week as well. I have two days off so why not! It will also be an opportunity for my mom, him (and his wife and kiddos), and me to all take a vacation together since my dad passed away. Doing that is something we've talked about for months now, so we're going to make it happen even if just for a few days.

Sir had a second interview today, and he feels really good about the interviews for this company. They already invited him for the third round of interviews - this is fantastic news. The job is just over an hour from our place, so we wouldn't have to move right away and we'd have time to really get back on our feet.

When Sir came home tonight from the interview, I fixed him a cocktail. He of course made a joke about a cocktail that he could give me instead, but is happily sipping his drink and unwinding at his desk. Sir is not a big drinker, but I suppose there is something to be said for that kind of relaxation after a long day. And the process of fixing him a drink that takes just a tiny bit more effort brought out those happy submissive feelings for me.

Keep your fingers crossed for him!

Back From a Family Visit

I've been away for a few days, just getting back last night. My brother and mother needed help with my dad's affairs. I thought they were handling the finances stuff, since I handled the closing of his apartment and dealt with all his worldy possessions (all my dad's stuff is in our basement at the moment). But my mom really needs help - she gets confused by all of this and thinking about my dad *really* depresses her. I thought my brother was helping, but it's nearly 7 months later and not much has gotten done.

I drive three and a half hours out there, staying  for 5 days, unplanned. My brother, though he lives 20 minutes away from my mom and sees her several times a month has not once looked at any of her paperwork. Has not once sat down with her side by side and helped her with all of this stuff. But he calls me a few times a month blowing his top about how he doesn't understand why everything is taking so long. He thinks it's a matter of signing a few papers. 1-2-3 Boom. He actually said that: "We'll go over there, it will be 1-2-3 Boom, and it will all be over and done in an hour." Um, no. It took me 3 hours just to go through all the paperwork that was mailed to me. Creditors, union benefits stuff etc. Let alone the applications, pensions, life insurance, social security, and tax paperwork etc.

I got more done in the few days I was there helping her than he has in 7 months. I love them, but it's frustrating. Sir and I agreed that I am not going back there to help with this again. I will see them of course, as I love them. But they have to get their shit together. If my brother calls me again because stuff is not getting done, I am washing my hands of it. Read the paperwork. Obtain supporting documents. Help her with the applications, getting around, sending things certified mail. Stop being a retard who thinks everything just magically gets done. My mother is a recovering addict with diagnosed mental illness. Years of substance abuse plus psychiatric drugs has addled her brains. Couple that with the grief of losing her husband, and she really just can't handle all this on her own. I asked her about one simple document and she was so drained from that small exchange that she needed to go lay down. And she has been doing all of this by herself, without help. Unfortunately, she is the executor by default as the remaining spouse (there was no will), so legally this falls on her shoulders. But that doesn't mean we can't help her. I just can't drop everything to drive to New York City at my brother's whim because he's too irresponsible to help. End of family rant.

I finally got back last night. I quickly did  my workout and crawled into bed. I didn't get up this morning with Sir. I asked permission to sleep in. I'd not been getting sleep while I was out there and I just wanted to revel in the comfort of my own bed without having to get up at dawn. This morning when I got up, I was a little bit annoyed. The house seems completely trashed. I know I didn't leave it in the best state - I left in sort of a whirlwind. But Sir I don't think cleaned or maintained a single thing while I was gone. Every dinner plate we own was dirty. There were dishes piling out of the sink, on every available surface of the kitchen: the countertops, the stove, the cart. Cardboard boxes in the living room. Plates on the tables. Sir said he went to the store, but the fridge is empty. It just feels like he made no real effort. I was and am a little annoyed. Is it too much of me to think he should try to take care of that stuff while I'm gone? Do I need to be more explicit and remind him with a list, taking control (which I hate)? On the other hand, I'm a stay at home sub at the moment, so should it me all on me? I was only gone 5 days. I'm not sure exactly what right is in our current situation.

I think I'm working on trying to put my service hat back on my head. I put my chain around my neck. I started the dishes. I made calls to ensure we'd have money this month. Started taxes. And while I'm doing these things, I'm trying to come at them from the mindset of "these things will help Sir". Sir will appreciate seeing dishes done. Sir will appreciate money for bills and food.

Sitting here while typing, I just  noticed that for the first time, Sir has used the whiteboard. He'd set me 4 tasks for the day:

I think seeing this has helped me "get over myself" today. All the things I wrote, the annoyance of the house being the way it was, the disrespect I felt at it being acceptable for me to come home to this... well, it doesn't go away, but reading that he has left me instructions and was thinking about what I should do today... it helps. I have completed most of these tasks, on chance. It's odd, reading the 4 items, my brain automatically translates into just 2 tasks. Loving on the cat is something I do anyway, allll day. And as far as "relax".... well I'm home all day today so feel like it's default. I suppose that I could do something with the express purpose of relaxing, but with so much to do, it feels like walking backwards.

I've had enough time to be lazy. It's time to get back on track. Again.

The Nook and Coloring

Now that I've been home, I'm taking time to clean and organize our house. When we rearranged the office this summer, we inadvertently created a little square space in the corner bordered by bookshelves. I call it the nook... I guess the book nook? I've finally got it to a place where I can sit in it.

For Christmas, Sir got me some intricate coloring books, as well as a nice fancy set of coloring pencils and a big box of Crayola crayons. I was excited - it's a set of 70 pre-sharpened colored pencils, and the crayons are the 96 pack with the sharpener in the back. As a kid, I always wanted that big box. My dad got one for my brother and I once, as kids. I think in my head I thought they were super expensive, or hard to find. Maybe that was the case for us back then. My brother and I would play a game where we would pick a crayon from the box, show only its color, and the other one would have to guess what exact color it was. I guess it's true that kids can make a game out of anything. There definitely was no "I'm booooored" allowed when I was growing up.

Sir decided that we were going to break in the new coloring books. I got myself set up with pillows and blankets on the floor in the nook. He sat at his computer desk. We chose our pages. And we colored. It was nice! He put on some instrumental music, and we just chatted and colored. It was soothing, calming, and great stress relief.

Sir says the stress-relieving part is why he got the books for me. Right now I'm not so stressed, but once I am back at work he thinks this will be a good way for me to decompress in the evenings. I think I agree! I believe this definitely appeals to my little side as well. And I like being in the nook. I want to work on getting more pillows and blankets in there.

I look forward to many calm evenings coloring with Sir.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to any and all who celebrate! Though it's been a really difficult year, Sir and I have been blessed in so many ways.

I had my tooth extracted a few days ago. Though that is never a fun thing; the process was quick. It wasn't quite painless, but my fabulous dentist had that sucker out before Sir could even settle in for what he and I thought was going to be a long wait. The kicker for me is that they didn't prescribe me any pain medicine. They told me just to take "whatever over the counter stuff you usually take".

I've never had an extraction where my dentist didn't try to ease that pain a little, so it was a bit of a shocker for me. I've been taking ibuprofen, and the PM version when applicable and I've been doing okay. A few times the pain has been a bit much for me though. I'm definitely not a pain wimp (or a pain slut for that matter), but extreme mouth pain is not something I handle well.

Sir has been absolutely amazing. He has been taking great care of me. Because of my big dental anxiety I was prescribed Valium before the procedure, so he got me up, ready, drove me over there, and waited like a champ while I had this thing pulled. Afterwards he brought my loopy self to get medicine, went to the market to get all soft foods, and then put me to bed when we got home and put everything away. My appointment was around 10 o clock, by 11:30 we were home, and I slept until after 8 pm. When I got up he made me some soup and just kept me company for a few hours until I went back to sleep.

He has had a break from his school program so we've spent the whole week together. Finishing up holiday shopping, cleaning, and actually being around each other for more than a few hours per day. It's been a good thing.

Last night he decided we should see Star Wars again. He made an "executive decision" while I was in the shower and bought tickets online. I went with it, even though I had apprehensions since it was Christmas Eve and we had much to do, and we don't exactly have a lot of disposable income right now (plus the tickets were bought, and well, he said so, so what else could I do?). We had a good time. He brought a spoon and got me an Icee so I could have a movie snack. After the movie we went to pick up some cat essentials since our kitty is going to be alone for a couple of days... but we live in Central PA and it was Christmas Eve. We had to go to 3 stores all at the opposite corners of town to find a place that was open. I was initially really pissed off, thinking... what should you do when your Dom clearly makes the wrong decision?

Well, you should get over yourself and go with it. Because it all worked out in the end, and second guessing and throwing anger around solved nothing. We found everything we needed. We still had time to come home and have a nice dinner together. And me sulking and lashing out helped not one bit. What I should have done was what I initially did. Voice my opinion in a calm manner, let him make his choice, and then just go with it. I did the first part, it's the second part I should have scrapped (the anger and seething when we were having a hard time). Hopefully I will learn for next time.

We had our first Christmas together; just me and him. Lovely candlelit dinner with the Yule Log on. We sat after dinner and just enjoyed each other's company. Talked about the past year. Got up for Christmas morning, had breakfast, did gifts, sat and enjoyed more Yule Log. Sir was extremely thoughtful in his gift-giving. We each came up with a budget for each other. We each went over by a little bit.

Sir and I got a lot of thoughtful things for each other, but my clear favorite from him is this Minecraft baby sheep plush, now oh so cleverly named Sheepie. I asked Sir if we could bring him with us on our road trip (he said yes).

We've since made our way to New Jersey to visit with his family and it's been lovely. His mom spoiled us; truly. And just seeing her is a great thing. I know Sir misses his mother more than he probably lets on, and she definitely misses him with us being so far. A friend of her's actually put us up in a hotel for a couple of nights so we could visit together without being a burden on her already over-encumbered house. Another great blessing.

Before I try to get to sleep (I think this Advil PM is finally doing its job), I wanted to share my new hair, because I love it, I'm really excited, I just realized that pic with Sheepie is the first I'd posted of it (and it's just the top of my head), and Sir told me that I'm allowed to be pleased by my own appearance; I can be proud of my hair!

Now that I'm on winter hiatus from work, I don't have to conform to normal hair color for the next couple of months. Having brightly colored hair is a joy of mine, one I haven't had in at least 7 years.

I started with something simple, just a little taste:

Just a little stripe of purple in the front of my head. Once I had that taste though, I really wanted more. So, as of last week my head is now red on top (fading to pink) and purple at the tips. I am totally in love with it. I hadn't dyed my hair in years! And for my first time attempting something like this, I'm pleased and proud.

Sir likes it too, and has indicated that he'd really love more purple. He's usually pretty indifferent when it comes to my hair (other than brush it and don't cut it), so I'm even more excited!

Merry Christmas! I hope you are all having a wonderful holiday!

A Good Weekend

Sir and I had a good weekend. Busy, but good.

Friday night we went to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Sir is a HUGE fan. I got him tickets months ago and gave them to him as a present for his birthday. I reserved seats in the fancy theatre with reclining seats. It was nice to not have to wait on line for hours, though there is something to be said for that experience, too.

Without giving away any spoilers, Sir and I both really loved it. While I do feel a pang of sadness that the expanded universe is basically thrown out, perhaps they can be enjoyed as more of an alternate timeline, alternate universe type of deal.

It was laugh-out-loud funny. It did a good job of providing just enough fan service and nostalgia without being ridiculous. I enjoyed the two new main characters. And I'm excited for how they're clearly setting things up to come, story wise. A lot of unanswered questions at the end. 2017 will be exciting.

2016 is going to be all about Harry Potter, but we can focus on Star Wars now.

Saturday we drove out to my mom's. She decided to have her family Christmas party a week early so we're not all trying to figure out how to fit things in. It was a good time. We had dinner and spoiled my niece and nephew who stole the day with just being adorable. It's always a great thing to watch kids you love enjoy Christmas.

Sir attempted to fix her computer, but it would require a soldering iron and more skill than he believes he has. We're not even sure how she accomplished such damage, or that fixing it would be possible with a better professional or worth it. We're thinking that computers might just be beyond her abilities. I love her, but the woman is a nightmare with electronics. She does have a wireless router, so we're thinking of getting her a tablet so she can go on "The Facebook". That's really all she does with her computer anyway.

Sunday we took my brother Christmas shopping so he could pick things up for his wife and kiddos without their knowledge. Since he lives in the Bronx, he doesn't have a car, so us being there was convenient and lucky for him.

When we finally got back home, Sir comes out of the bathroom with this apparatus dangling from his fingers:

"Bitch... explain."

"...What?"

"Bitch, explain what this is for and why you have it."

"Um... it's the cover for my curling iron?"

"...oh."

Sir thought it was some type of penis bondage device that I planned on surprise-using on him. Um, no, but I guess I can see where he's coming from. I didn't think about it before but it does have that type of appearance. But I would never just spring something like that on him; even with our (my) struggles lately, I wouldn't overstep my role like that. And if I were going to do that, I don't think I'd leave it casually laying around in the bathroom.

But it was pretty funny.

Tomorrow Sir is taking me for oral surgery. I'm having a tooth extracted and will be extremely loopy. I'm just sitting here waiting for the Valium to kick in so I am calm enough to sleep. Dental things are one of my big fears.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

If you're celebrating in the US, Happy Thanksgiving.

I've been traveling since Saturday. Popped over to my aunt's across the state for a birthday party, staying the night before. Same relatives as the redneck baby shower incident. It went okay, and it WAS nice to see them. I had to follow Sir's rules about being stronger around them and not doing much for that party. I DID get some donuts and milk for breakfast because I was not going to eat in front of 4 children when they had no breakfast. Other than that, I just bought a gift and enjoyed the party.

That night, I drove to visit my mom. On the way, I stopped over to visit my dad's upstairs neighbors before going to New York. They've been excellent during everything that happened. The man upstairs is a minister and also performed the final services for my father. It was nice to have dinner with them.

Finally went to see my mom for a few days. I helped her around the house, moving furniture, trying to fix her computer, taking her to run errands (she doesn't drive). Last night we came back to my house. She hasn't been here since the day we moved in. It's been good showing her around and visiting. When Sir comes home tonight, the three of us will be heading to Virginia for Thanksgiving at another Aunt's. Friday we'll be heading back here to check on the cat, then drop my mom off in New York Saturday, and visit Sir's family in New Jersey before heading back Sunday. Whew!

I was a bit anxious about my mom being here, since we do have BDSM things in the house. We put them away, but I did wonder if she'd find them. She's not really nosy, but she doesn't know where anything is in the house and I was thinking she might inadvertently find those items while innocently looking for other things. So far, so good. She nearly opened the collar cabinet, but for some reason, didn't. I'm not ready to explain any of this to her, (or to the whole family - she's got a big mouth sometimes) so if any of that can be avoided it'd be for the best.

Hope you all have a great holiday! I know it will be a hard one for us; the first holiday without my dad, but it WILL be a good thing to see all this family.

Daily Beatings and The Whiteboard

This week is going okay. It's my last week "off" before I start my new job on Monday. I have/had to go in to my current job a couple of days this  week for a few hours, but I've pretty much been home.

Being home has given me time to really reflect on my submission and to keep Sir more in mind. This past weekend, Sir decided to start spanking me or hitting me with his belt in the morning, and before we go to sleep. I've never been big into maintenance beatings, but it is definitely having an effect on my attitude and behavior. I feel like it is also bringing us closer; it's a very intimate thing, you know? I'm not sure if its the act itself or perhaps the novelty of it. Time will tell.

Sir and I have also been rearranging our back office. Sir moved his computer area away from the front window. I love this because I can now get to the window, where I couldn't before. Sir has a huge television computer monitor on his desk that I couldn't get around. Now we can access the window and get some air flowing in here. Once he moved his desk though, he found that my sweet little lizard's tank lights were shining directly onto his screen. So, I had to find somewhere else to put her. Before you know it, we're rearranging the entire back room. The new layout is different in use of space, but provides a little reading nook bordered on three sides by bookshelves. I'm hoping to get some pillows and blankets and curl up there reading soon. Apparently I like to be in contained spaces. ;)

Please excuse the state of the bookshelves; I'm still rearranging everything.

 But if I wait for everything to be perfect, I'd never take a single photo!

While we were rearranging, I also put up a corkboard/whiteboard for Sir. He's mentioned recently that he wanted to get me a whiteboard so he can put instructions, etc. on it. I found two when we were cleaning. He chose the one with the corkboard so he could pin things to it for me. I put it up near my computer, and then had to go about "making it pretty". I added some fabric and ribbon we had lying around to frame the cork board, and put a quote on the whiteboard so it is not so empty until Sir decides to add his touches. Sir said that I may regret that one day - putting so much effort into a board that I may become annoyed with in the future!

 Sir says that a new rule coming will be to check this board 

every day, whether there is something new or not.

I'm off to work in a few minutes. My uncle passed away this week, and I was able to get off tomorrow for the services, but I still have to go in tonight. We weren't particularly close, but it's still sad - he was only 50 and has 3 daughters at home. So I'll have a couple of days with my family. I know it will be great to see them despite the circumstances. I just hope everything stays classy and no one decides to get super redneck like last time.

I Don't Crack That Whip

Apparently, Sir's dad is really under the impression that I run this shit.

The past few times we've visited with him, he 's made some kind of comment to the general tune of me keeping Sir in line.

We went to visit him for his birthday and at the dinner table in front of much family, he asks if I am cracking the whip on Sir, keeping him on task, amongst other things. I forget exactly, but he made 2-3 statements in a row about me making Sir toe the line. I definitely remember the whip comment though, because I had a hard time answering with a straight face!

I tried to give a neutral, vanilla, but truthful answer, saying that he's perfectly capable without me cracking the whip but I started laughing because of the mental image. Then I was about to say that if anything he cracks the whip on me, but it seemed too revealing. I'm not sure what I said in between quiet chuckles, but I think I might have agreed - that I'm keeping Sir on track.

Oh man!

I Don't Wear The Pants

Sir's dad called to catch up with him the other day, and to see how we were doing out here.

He also said that he was glad I was here with Sir, so I could have him in control.

Me... controlling Sir.

Apparently, even his own family thinks that I am the one wearing the pants in this relationship.

Maybe it's the best cover for this thing we do that we could actually have!

I Need His Cuddles

I am so glad that Sir and I aren't doing anything this weekend. I have stuff to do at home, and errands, but we're probably going to be snowed in.

You ever just leave a weekend with your family and shake your head wondering how you're related to these redneck ass people? How you could possibly come from the same gene pool? Last weekend was insane. The short version is basically that I threw a baby shower for my cousin because her sister who was supposed to do it dropped the ball and did NOTHING. So I planned the entire thing, the guest list, designed and mailed all the invites, made all the centerpieces, party favors, banners, decorations, food cake, etc. We asked the sister to do one thing -  make a ziti. She didn't buy anything for the ziti, spent the entire time trying to "look hot" for the party (meanwhile I didn't even get to run a  brush through my hair since I was running around like a crazy person). Because she didn't pull her weight, I had to pay for everything and ended up having only 4 dollars to my name at the end. She also left the shower early to go to a wrestling match (that she goes to every week), started a huge fight between a cousin of mine, his wife, and a girl he used to date in the middle of the shower right before she left, and then today she asks me for money, starting a fight with me because I said no!

My other cousin I picked up for the party was so proud of himself for putting his guns away before I got to his house (totally leaving the ammo out, and he has a 2 year old), didn't realize that his 2 year old having a 103 degree fever was a huge deal and that we should probably go to the hospital instead of the shower (I made him give her medicine and ice pops), interrupted the baby shower to call a girl in attendance some names at the top of his lungs I'd rather not repeat, had a huge scene-causing screaming match with his wife, continuing all weekend, and into our eventual car ride home, and got so hungover that I couldn't leave on time in the morning and Sir and I had to miss our rope class.

I swear driving out of there was like hearing Dueling Banjos getting fainter and fainter.

When I got finally back Sir could probably see the awful in my face and I just ran into the safety of his arms. He just held and held me while I squeezed him tight. We should still be able to attend the rest of the rope classes, hopefully. And I asked him to be strong, and not to let me go out of my way for these unthinking people anymore. Next time one of them asks me for something, hopefully I will be strong to say no - not cause I'm fed up, because I'll forget and give my family everything I have over and over, but because Sir told ME no, and then I'll be able to enforce that.

Thanksgiving Bed

I've been away for a bit. I went back to NJ  last week to visit my family for Thanksgiving. I left on Sunday and stayed for 7 entire days. When Sir and I came back, we brought colds with us. He has it pretty bad. I'm just sneezing with general feelings of lethargy, fatigue, etc.

The week was good. I hung out with family the entire time. On Thanksgiving, we went to Sir's family to visit and eat. His sister made a delicious meal. My family didn't celebrate until Saturday. I cooked for 20 people; it was a bit crazy. My dad knows that Sir and I are in financial straits right now, so he purchased most of the food. I brought some with me though. And we took a lot of it back to PA as leftovers, so we've been eating that all week.

It made me feel great in a domestic way to do this for my family, and to have Sir there. They like him, and some of them haven't met him even though we'll be celebrating 4 years together next month! I am getting more and more proud of my domestic skills. The better I get, the better I feel I am able to serve Sir.

We also received an unexpected boon for Thanksgiving! Sir and I have been sleeping on a Full size bed for the past couple of months. It is too small for us. I have back issues and need to stretch out, and Sir is a big guy in general. We've elbowed each other in the face, kicked, smacked, and scratched each other, stolen blankets (he's the blanket hog, I'm the one waking up cold ;P) nearly rolled off the bed due to lack of space, and are constantly shifting around. Its been a rough night's sleep for awhile.

Sir's mother has known that we wanted to save up to get a Queen size bed. A friend of hers was getting rid of an extra hardly used Queen size, and she hooked us up! So, for the price of figuring out how to hitch it to the roof of my car, we are now the proud owners of a luxury bed! Sleeping on this thing is like sleeping on a cloud. The extra six inches definitely makes a difference.

Sir and I hitched it to the roof of my car on Thanksgiving day at the tail end of the snowstorm. Being that we were driving it back about 200 miles, we wanted to be really certain that it was good and attached. We had LOTS of rope, and Sir sure made certain that it wasn't going anywhere! In fact, he attached the front so tight, he actually cracked the box spring by accident (but it's still fully functional).

I really couldn't expect less from a man who loves his rope, could I?

This photo really doesn't do justice to the amount of rope we used.

As a final thought, we picked up some extra rope when getting the mattress covers (you know, just in case we didn't have enough though we ended up not using it) and this is what we got:

Isn't "Tie-Down" Rope a little bit redundant? If you're getting rope, aren't you probably going to be tying down or securing... something? Whether its a human or a load to your car? What else do people use rope for if not to tie something? I've seen decorative uses, but most of them also involved tying things.

Rope, the most basic pervertable. 

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving! I've got loads to be thankful for, and I really need to remember that sometimes when things are hard and bills aren't paid... because that's not the whole bigger picture.

Not Being Abused!

Last weekend, I was visiting with family for a few days while Sir was still at home in Pennsylvania.

My family was asking how we were doing out there, and how Sir was. Somehow, the topic came up of who wears the pants in our relationship.

Everyone had a consensus.

"You know Lea is calling all the shots, keeping that guy in check! She's got him whipped."

Oh, if they only knew! I made that exact comment quietly to my cousin. Somehow, in her warped brain she thought I was telling her that I was a victim of domestic abuse (because that is how I would reveal that, if I were?). The next night, I came out to her about our relationship so she wouldn't think that Sir is punching me in the face or some such nonsense. I didn't tell her much, just that we have a D/s relationship and Sir is the one who is wearing the pants. And that I am happy and not being abused.

It made sense to her, the D/s part to a certain degree. Before Sir, I would chew guys up and spit them out, when I was in a relationship. Sir is my longest lasting relationship, probably because of our dynamic.

As an aside, tonight is the first time I am sleeping in our apartment alone. I have traveled away and slept without Sir, but I was with family. Being here alone definitely feels different!

Bedtime and Punishments

Sir has set a bedtime rule for me, at eleven o’ clock.. This typically applies to evenings when I must get up early the next day. Today, I have work in the afternoon, but when asking Sir about bedtime last night, he decided that yesterday, the eleven o’ clock rule still applied. Inside, I was excited that he was extending more control over me even when it wasn’t necessary. It’s a simple thing to do and it does make both of us happy.

Yet I didn’t go to bed on time. I have been late before, once. Three minutes. I wasn’t being absentminded or willfully disobedient; it just took me longer to get ready for some reason. But yesterday I was 16 minutes late. And it was entirely my fault. I finished writing a blog post with time to spare. Instead of going to bed, I thought I would respond to something my aunt said on Facebook. It was something that got me fired up and honestly, I probably should have just sucked it up and went to bed. But I thought there was time.

This is what she posted:



I started the conversation by letting her know that the Komen Foundation replaced funding for Planned Parenthood. She responded with that being too bad. I knew it was just going to get worse. What gets under my skin is not her personal belief in being Pro-Life. It’s the fact that she has to PUSH her beliefs very forcefully on other people both in life and the internet.

Personally, I would never have an abortion. But I don’t believe that my convictions should dictate what another woman should do. I also am a patient of Planned Parenthood. Her facts are wrong even from her own listed sources. Abortions aren’t their primary source of income. I’m not saying that it’s not a fundamental service they provide, but all the other services they do generate more revenue than abortions do. In fact, the Planned Parenthood I go to doesn’t even offer abortion services, and oftentimes for low income people, it's the only place one can get affordable care for something as simple as a UTI. Anyway:

20 minutes later, I see the clock and I’m not surprised to see it’s past eleven; I knew I was losing myself in this conversation. It was a pointless conversation. I know I’m not going to change her mind and she’s not going to change mine. It’s driving a wedge into our relationship and it's counterproductive.

I tell myself to stop this and go to bed, like I should have at eleven o’ clock. I know that I am late. Now, I have a dilemma. I could just not say anything to Sir and hope he doesn’t ask me what time I went to bed. I could outright lie later and avoid getting into trouble. I’ve thought about this before. I’d never had any real cause to lie but I thought about what would happen when inevitably I’d be late for this simple task. I could have sent him my goodnight message at eleven and simply stayed up (also another lie). But I didn’t. Lying doesn’t help anyone, it would weaken our relationship, and in a small way I do want to atone and own up for my infraction. So I text him and tell him that I want to be honest and that I was just only now getting into bed. He messages me back saying that he understands and that we’ll talk about it tomorrow (today).

I am now a little nervous. I am wondering what exactly this conversation will consist of. I am wondering if I will be punished for this offense. And honestly, I realize now that I will be disappointed if I am not punished. It’s not that I WANT to be punished or that this was some deliberate planned attempt on my part to be disobedient. It’s just that I think Sir goes too lightly on me sometimes. I am wondering if he will say something like, “Since you’ve not really been late, and you were honest and upfront with me, I am willing to overlook this as long as you’re more diligent in the future”. He could say this; it’s his decision and his prerogative. But I know inside I’ll be let down if this turns out to be the case. I suppose I feel that in order for me to hold myself to a higher standard, he must also hold me to a higher standard and make me accountable if I am not up to par.

We’ll see what happens tonight.