Saturday, July 14, 2018

We're Home, Finally!

This long post is long.


We're finally here in our new apartment, moving in July 1st! We have the first floor and basement of a cute rowhome. We didn't have internet for the past two weeks, though, because the genius who lived here before us cut the wire for some reason. We had to get a technician out here to rewire the house, at our cost. But they only work Monday - Friday, and we work too. We had to wait until I had a random weekday off so I could be here for the technician. Who would arrive anywhere from 8 am to 5 pm. I got lucky yesterday and they got here just after noon, so I was able to get stuff done on my day off. And now we're connected!

The place is cute, or it will be once we can unbury it from the boxes. We have been unpacking a little every night after work, and we do what we can on our days off, but it will take time. This place is bigger than our last one, so we will need to buy some more furniture too. All in good time.

I'm glad for this new chapter of our lives. My commute went from 1.5 - 2 hours each way, to about 20-25 minutes. I am actually getting proper sleep every night! We get so much done, that when I ask Sir what time it is, it's always early, like 7 pm. I'm not used to that! I'm also not used to having central air. We've been using it during the heat wave, but I also fear the cost; I'm sure our electric bill is going to make me hyperventilate. We have a dishwasher too! I've never had one before. It's a little one, but it's still a dishwasher. I'm not sure if I'm loading it "correctly" but it is neat to have. We'll figure all these new luxuries out with time.

The past few weeks have been really hard, but things are getting better. I definitely feel like June was the month of "if it can go wrong it will". Nothing was easy. A few updates:

My knee is still healing. It is making progress, but at what feels like a glacial pace right now. I just started physical therapy, and I have a real fear that it is not going to heal sufficiently for me to be fully functional at work, or to go back to my sport!

I was able to get a new (to me) car! It was a bit of an ordeal, since my loan company never sent me my title when I paid my previous car off. And because I needed the title NOW, and not 30 days later (since we were moving and I couldn't leave my defunct car there), I had to pay to get my title, driving two two DMV locations (one 45 minutes away!), even though it wasn't my fault. 

My mom did help me out with the down payment for it though, bless her, since our savings were/are locked into moving. Once I got it, I had a hangup with one of the tires. It had a slow leak. I brought it back to the dealer who "fixed it" for free, but it still had a problem. So I ended up having to buy a brand new freaking tire 11 days after getting this car. Ugh. I don't think it was the dealers fault, I don't think they did anything to it. It was just my crappy luck.

I was able to see my grandmother before she passed away. I had a Thursday off, so I got up really early, and walked about 2 miles to a car rental place. My knee took it pretty well. A bit twingey, but it was mostly flat, so that was good. Then I drove about 3 hours to my Aunt's house. My grandmother was basically comatose by then. But she knew I was there. At one point she did open her eyes, looked at me, and said my name. She passed away two days later. Saying goodbye to her before leaving my Aunt's was extremely hard; knowing that it was likely for the last time. I am so glad I was able to see her one last time; it was the right decision.

The funeral was nice; as far as those sorts of occasions go. My family was being pretty difficult about it though. My mom refused to talk to my aunt (who was making the arrangements) because she didn't want to "stress her out", but she was going around trying to make her own arrangements and since she is computer illiterate, I was making them for her. A bunch of my family does not drive, my mom and brother included, and she wasn't sure how they were going to get to the cemetery from the funeral home. I'd drive them, but I couldn't fit them all. I spent a lot of time looking things up for her. My mom wanted to rent a limo. I let her know that would be very expensive, and suggested we rent a minivan instead. When I gave her the cost of the minivan, she freaked out, saying it was way too pricey... um, the limo would be much more than that - what are you thinking? After all that, my aunt who was making the arrangements figured it out, and it was all unnecessary. My mom also fought me over getting flowers for the service. I told her that her mom didn't want flowers; she wanted donations to a special organization. I ended up getting the flowers to make my mom happy, and was berated about it at the funeral later. During the few days I was back in NY for the service, my brother was being a complete ass. He showed up to the first day late, and drunk. When we went back to my moms he stayed up literally all night drinking and snorting pills. I got 30 mins of sleep. I got up, got my mom ready, and tried to get him up too. But he was completely non-functional, puking and what not. I had to leave him there. I told him the day before that I was leaving when I was leaving and if he wasn't ready, he was going to get left behind. I wasn't going to let my mom be late for her own mother's funeral. He was surprised, asking me if I thought this would happen. Well, yes. This is what he does. So we left him. I get a bunch of crying voicemails from him. Messages from his wife, too. He feels terrible, etc. Like, what do you want me to do now? I told him that it was up to him, I just don't want him to have any regrets later. He shows up abruptly at the church 5 minutes before the service started. I had to do readings for the mass, and then there was communion. When I got back to my seat from communion, he was gone. Just up and left in the middle of service. I guess he couldn't handle it, but then everyone is going to my mom, like "where's your son?" We drove up to the cemetery without him. And since he didn't go, I had room for my mom, uncle, and aunt in the back of Sir's car, so we drove them home. I was asked if I was going to stay at my mom's an additional night (since I was taking off work the next day). No.... thank you. I want to go home and leave this craziness. I know we're all grieving but some people don't think about anyone but themselves, it seems like.

The day I was leaving for my grandmother's wake, one of my cousins tries to hit me up for money. I was thinking, I am moving in 2 weeks, I don't have a car, I can't even walk with my knee, and my grandmother just passed. I wasn't sure if she knew all of that, but she did, and she asked anyway, which was really ballsy of her. I initially thought, I am not going to help her. But then I thought to myself, "What would your dad do?"... and he would help. So I offered to give her $20. I asked her for her Paypal. Nope, she doesn't have one. Bank account? Nope, doesn't have that either. Western Union? Well... that's a really far walk, she said.

Like, bitch, do you need this money or not? Cause even if I had a car, I wouldn't drive 2 freaking hours each way to loan *you* money. How are you going to ask me for money with no plan on how you were going to receive it? I truly believe she expected me to drive the 2 hours... I told her I was leaving for the wake in 2 hours, and if she had a plan call me back. She didn't.

There's a bunch of other crazy shit going on with her addict sister that I'm not even going to get into.

All in all, I'm glad June is over, and I feel like I need a vacation. A few days of sun and sand, perhaps. Maybe Sir and I can take a weekend trip? I hope so.

Speaking of Sir, he's beckoning to me from the other end of the apartment. He wants to christen the house in the best way we know how!!

14 comments:

  1. Oh I'm so sorry for your loss but glad you got to see her one last time. and congrats on the move and the christening of all the parts of the house! Be strong - the knee will heal, albeit slowly. Sending lots of positive vibes!

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    1. Thanks very much. I'm usually pretty upbeat about it all but sometimes its okay to be a bit stressed and sad. Things will get better tho!

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  2. I too am sorry for your loss. That does seem like a lot of unnecessary added stress surrounding you as well. Hopefully that is all behind you now!

    Enjoy your shorter commute and new diggs!
    willie

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    1. Thank you. My grandmother was a lovely person and we all miss her.

      I am loving this commute and loving setting up the new house!

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  3. Wow, Lea! ... you've had a rough few weeks. So sorry about your Grandmother but at least you did get to say your good-byes. Horrible to have to deal with overall family misbehaviour. Happy for you that you are settling into your new place. Take care! ... nj

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    1. Thanks NJ. Its been hard, but I truly believe I did the best I could and now its time to try and move on and be happy!

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  4. So much Lea!
    Family can be so hard <3
    Enjoy the settling in and the christening of all the new places :-)

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    1. I love family, but you have to draw boundaries sometimes and I am really bad at that.

      The christening is one of my favorite parts about a new place!

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  5. Hi Lea, gosh, you have been dealing with alot! Family can be difficult at the best of times.

    I'm so sorry for your loss and glad you got to see your Grandmother. Enjoy the new apartment, extra time and shorter commute.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks so much Roz. Things are looking up.

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  6. I'm so happy to read this!! You sound so much happier - and I know that having more time is a fabulous gift from the universe! (Ok, you arranged it, but still...) I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother, and glad that you got to see her before she passed away. It sounds like you really managed the challenges with your family as well as it could have been done. Looking forward to hearing more of your adventures in the new place!

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    1. Thanks, Olivia. It's been a rough couple of months, but hopefully its getting better!

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  7. Congratulations on the move! I get the 'christening'idea! We did something similar when Rosa moved in here.

    Sorry about your loss but even more so about the way some family members made it worse. Unfortunately that sort of thing is not uncommon.

    Just as a 'heads up', Rosa and I got formally married while you were absent and if you feel like having some naughty fun, I'm running a sort of dare month for July. You can see the details when you have the time and inclination, and maybe even get in on the fun yourself!

    So happy to hear you sounding happy!

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    1. OMG Congrats on getting married!! I'll have to pop over there soon; I'm playing catch-up!

      I love my family, but none of that behavior is unexpected from them. It has just been wearing me out more than usual, I guess.

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