Friday, September 28, 2012

Starting Real Life

That's right - all this interviewing and suit-wearing has really paid off this time - I got the job! And even better, it's a "real" job. Full-time. Benefits. Permanent (as long as I don't mess up). This is wonderful news!

For the past few years I have been struggling with part time, seasonal, or contracted work just to make ends meet. And it's been hard. And I've felt like I was a child trying to play the role of an adult. I start in a couple weeks. I've told my outdoor job, and they've been really supportive. So I'll continue to work there on nights and weekends, as long as I have at least one day off. Someone else there just gave their notice and we're seriously shortstaffed. So I'll help as I can, but my primary focus is going to be the job that is really paying the bills and allowing me to see a dentist.

I'm going to be really busy, but I'll do my best to make time to write here. Plus, Sir might still insist that I write 3 times a week.

So excited!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


I still owe Sir a post from last week.

My birthday was this month. I'm now a step closer to thirty, and pretty soon, I'll be a woman in her early thirties, as opposed to her late twenties. It's only a couple of years, but it seems like a world of difference.

My birthday this year was excellent. Low-key, but excellent. Sir came over after work. We went to my favorite diner, and then he took me to see Finding Nemo in 3-D. I can be such a little kid sometimes. He was also so extremely thoughtful in choosing a gift for me. He got me tickets to see my favorite band live on Halloween! I've never seen them live, so this is a super big deal for me!

Sir is so wonderful to me!

Saturday we went out with a few friends to this beer hall that I like. We hung out, and noshed. It's an outdoor place, but it started pouring almost as soon as we got there. Luckily they have an indoor spot also. I feel like I'm getting old - inside there was a band playing (who I liked), but it was loud as hell, and I wished we could go back outside where it was quiet enough to have an actual conversation. It kind of killed the night. But I did get some delicious cider!

Mmm, birthday cider!

We went to visit a friend shortly thereafter and got home pretty late. Sir and I slept in the next day.  Then Sir was feeling randy when we finally got up. My legs were completely shot from running this outdoor challenge program the day before, so I was beat. My thigh muscles were completely overworked, and I was having a hard time walking or squatting, or doing anything that involved movement of my legs.

We're in the middle of having sex and Sir notices that I'm holding my legs up with my hands. He stops, and asks why. I tell him it's because I cannot hold my legs up on their own - its too painful. So he stops what he's doing, grabs some rope, and ties my hands to my feet so my legs have support. Then he goes back to what we were doing.

How thoughtful, haha. A little pit-stop in our lovemaking. Rope with a sort-of vanilla purpose?

I guess things can never get really vanilla with us. But that's the way I like it!

Thursday, September 20, 2012


I've been going on a LOT of interviews lately. It seems to be feast or famine in that department. I'm up for a job that would require a lot of personal growth on my part, but could be an AMAZING opportunity. With all the interviews I've been doing, I've been wearing suits quite often.

Sir's dress code for me does not include pants, mostly. He currently makes exceptions for my outside job (though I'm trying to work in more skirts and dresses there also), and situations like this, job interviews where I have suits. I suppose I should invest in skirt suits for the future, but suits are expensive. So for the time being, I'll wear what I have.

If I get the job I'm hoping for, I'll have no real excuse not to wear a skirt or a dress everyday, much to Sir's delight I'm sure!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

This Weekend: Ren Faire Dresses, Being Crafty, and a Good Scene

This weekend was just... lovely. I worked Saturday and then Sir came and picked me up. We went to the Renaissance Faire on Sunday. Last year when we went, I got upset because basically - I felt I didn't look sexy enough for him, and it sort of put a damper on the whole thing. It ended up getting rectified a few weeks later at a Medieval Festival in New York City.

On the left is a picture of the dress Sir chose last year. It's an odd angle, but the only picture I have of that dress. On the right, is what I wore to a festival a few weeks later. I was so happy to be sexy for my Sir.

This year I suppose I settled upon a middle ground of the two. I wore a green halter dress and I made a fairy wreath for it. With the leftovers from making that wreath, Sir and I had a bit of fun.

The dress I wore for Ren Faire with Sir this year.

We tried on some of my corsets before selecting that dress, but I felt like a giant encased sausage in my black leather one, and it sort of sent my self esteem down the tubes. I have put on a bit of weight, and I suppose I was feeling it then.

I wanted something to jazz that dress up a little, so Sir brought me to the dollar store, and I made this wreath that cost about 8 dollars total. I probably could have done it for less if I thought about materials beforehand.

Oh, cats, they always get right in the way. I hadn't put that on the bed for more than a minute when it was his new nap spot.

I had some leftover crafting stuff when I was all done - some ribbon and some fake floral grass that we decided did not look good on my wreath. While Sir was painting on his own, I took those and made it into this:

I presented the new implement to Sir, who seemed amused. I know he likes it when I have a hand in my own torture. I had a job interview I was prepping for, so he set me at his computer while he got to plotting. When I was done he really amazed me with the scene he planned and implemented.

As a sidenote, I really dislike using the word scene when describing what we do, but I haven't yet found another appropriate term.

Sir put a blindfold on me and had me get face down half on and half off the bed. He swatted me a few times with the new toy, but then I heard him getting something else.


He struck my bottom so unexpectedly, and with such force that I cried out. He took the piece of rope that I was just struck with, and bound my hands behind my back. I missed rope. I missed the feeling of it sliding down your skin as he does different ties; the small bites it makes when it hits your body, the tug it gives as you squirm around, the marks it leaves around your wrists... all of it. After he had me bound, he returned my face down to the bed. He used the new toy, and flogged me on my ass, but he didn't stop there. He struck my calves, my thighs, my back, neck and feet. The feet especially hurt. The implement had a definite itchy sting to it. Just when I thought it was over, he had me turn over. He struck my belly, the fronts of my thighs, and my breasts. And my breasts. He had me stand on my feet while he continued to strike me.

The breasts were especially difficult for me to handle, and yet... it made me feel the most submissive. I was fearful, and nervous, but I put that aside and endured. For him. He had me get on my back on the bed and let me know that he was going to clamp my nipples. I got extremely nervous because it's not something we've done often. Being blindfolded definitely helped. I could focus on the sensation and how it wasn't really that bad instead of letting my eyes convince the rest of me that it was much worse than it is. This act definitely made me feel submissive. My fears, my pain, the anxiety, I gave it all to him.

Having the clamps come off is much more painful than putting them on, which he did a few times. I cried a little. Not big heaping sobs, just a few tears leaking. I liked the crying. I liked the emotional release it provided. I liked how vulnerable it made me feel. These tears were because of him, and for him. Sometimes I read about how others cry during/after a good spanking and how much better it makes them feel. I find that idea interesting, and I suppose I got a little taste of it here.

Sir took the clamps off, and had me come off the bed and onto my knees. He told me to lean forward. It was difficult the entire time to maneuver without sight. I kept going and eventually encountered little Sir, as I've affectionately come to call him. I was in an excellent headspace and tried my utmost to please. I remembered things Sir told me in the past, and had much focus.

Sir had me stop abruptly, and instructed me to get on the bed, on my knees. His bed is very wobbly so this was difficult. Upon bending down, I encountered pillows. How thoughtful. It also made me more certain of what was to come. I so enjoyed this position, and the entire interlude. Usually, Sir and I go at it in missionary, which I also like, but I suppose it seems like the ONLY position we're ever in. With all the time he spent working me up, I was ready to go, and there was little discomfort. With him holding me down, and taking his time, the entire thing was just so... delicious.

This was one of the best sessions we've had in a while. I liked that Sir took his time. I liked that he switched things up and kept me guessing. I liked the sensory deprivation. I enjoy all the things we do, but I loved the variety this weekend.

Going to the Ren Faire the next day was just icing on the cake.

Thursday, September 13, 2012


A friend of mine posted this on Facebook, and it got me to thinking…

Sir and I took a 9-hour drive down to North Carolina a couple of weeks ago. I like long drives because it gives a chance for deep uninterrupted conversation. No interruptions and minimal distractions really help you to focus. On the way back, Sir and I started talking about motivation. He says that I’m his major motivation in life. Him saying that scared me a little. I felt like his goals and drive should come from within. We’ve been doing this thing we do for about a year and a half. Before me, what was his drive? He had three major goals, and he accomplished one before we met (establishing his career). I was his second major goal (getting into a serious relationship; finding love). The third and fourth are in progress, but probably a long way off.

I suppose I feel like he should want to accomplish things for himself, and not just for me, or because he thinks it’s something I want. On the other hand, upon seeing that, I do want to help him be the best person he can be, and attain his dreams. So that’s helped.

I think part of being scared by that statement has to do with the fact that Sir is NOT my motivation for the goals I want to achieve in my life. I had certain big life goals before I met him, and I still have goals. My motivation to achieve them comes from within. I do rely upon his strength and consult him for major life decisions, but I’m still going to go after what I want regardless. He’s been incorporated into the plan, but he’s not the focus of it.

As far as my submission goes - that’s a different story. Now that we’re together, I have additional goals and wants for my submission, and my motivation is definitely Sir. I want to be the best me I can be, for him. I want to be a better submissive, to make him happy, and to progress the relationship that we both want. To do that, I need a strong man to guide me; to guide us. Maybe that’s part of me being his motivation?

We’re supposed to get together tonight for dinner and painting fun! Maybe we’ll have time for Really Deep Thoughts with Sir and Lea.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

September 11th

Most people know what today is. I've been going about my normal routine, but I think it would be really selfish of me not to say ANYTHING about today - to post other things online, and act like I've forgotten...

I remember where I was. I was visiting my former high school as an alumnus, and I was in my guidance counselor's office. We were discussing options for me to go to college, as my family is poor, and I tried, but couldn't afford it and had to drop out before I even started. In the middle of our meeting someone comes rushing in, whispers something in his ear and all the color drained from his face. He turned on the TV, and after a few minutes, he got called away and I went home. I got ready for work, but we closed the office because what was happening. I went back home, and continued trying to call my dad obsessively (who works in Manhattan). He's fine, but had to walk through the Lincoln Tunnel to get home in all the chaos. My uncle is a fireman and was one of the first on the scene. He retired after that - it was too much on him.

I think remembering is important. People can be very self centered, and it's vital to take time away and think of others. Do something for someone else, whether it's volunteering, or just a simple gesture at the market.

Technology Fails

Sir has gotten me more on the ball about me sending him a nightly photo. Except... my technology sucks. I sent him a photo at precisely midnight, and it arrives to him at 10pm the next day! 22 hours later is not acceptable, phone!

Luckily for me, Sir knows I sent it on time, and not 2 hours before the NEXT photo would be sent. My hands won't have to cramp up this time doing lines.

It's just a pain, however, because we're trying to make the most of being away from each other during the week. It's something I've wanted for a long time, so my crappy old G1 needs to start cooperating!

Sunday, September 09, 2012

Exhibitionism in Blogging and Real Life

a : a perversion marked by a tendency to indecent exposure b : an act of such exposure
: the act or practice of behaving so as to attract attention to oneself

Thanks, Webster's.

Part of blogging tends to include revealing a bit about yourself and your life. Even if you try to keep yourself as anonymous as possible, there are details and stories. If you're not explicitly blogging about yourself, you're making a commentary on something you find interesting. You're exposing yourself and your thoughts to the world.

I have to wonder if there is a bit of an exhibitionist in me. I don't mean in the sexual sense - I don't have a desire to show my naughty bits to strangers in public. But I do want to share this part of me with the world, essentially. I'm not sure if its a desire for blanket acceptance of this lifestyle - of me; of a disdain for constantly having to hide who we are.I can't even fully be myself around my best friend and roommate; her judgement and disapproval is clear and hurtful.

The other day she was in my bed (it's hot and she doesn't have air). Sir asked me to send him a photo of my bed every night (I mentioned him being more strict on a rule he should enforce). So I took the photo. She asks, and upon my telling her, she gets odd and inquisitive, and a bit standoffish and I end up feeling weird. It's one thing to go around and shove our relationship in other's face. Its another for you to be around when certain things happen. And honestly, it's a mundane photo. I'm not marching around in my collar in the apartment, or anything of the sort. So while I don't want to put things in her face, I guess there is a bit of forced exhibitionism there, and it makes her uncomfortable. It's difficult to not make her uncomfortable though, when she's in MY bed.

On the other hand, I also wish I had more of a tight rein on myself and what I reveal; maybe sometimes I'm too much of an exhibitionist. A close friend of mine is aware of my true relationship with Sir. We went down for a visit, and while it was extremely nice not having to hide every little nuance of ourselves, I think Sir and I both need a better filter when it comes to what to reveal. Part of it for me was excitement for FINALLY being able to be who I am and not have to worry about judgement, or hiding things. So every once in a while I'd say a bit too much. For Sir... I think he just doesn't care as much about this sort of thing and just speaks his mind. They're not his friends, so he doesn't worry so much about what they're going to think. He does realize, however that *I* care and we're both going to be better about that in the future.

Thursday, September 06, 2012

Dominant Animals

I am the proud owner of a little grey and white cat named after a fish. Or rather, he owns me, much to Sir’s delight.

I own you with my cuteness and demands for noms!

Recently, I acquired two lizards through necessity. They needed a good caretaker as they weren’t in remotely optimal conditions. They horrify Sir a bit but he always said that I would have a zoo given adequate resources. Perhaps it starts now.

 This is my little Princess. I don't have a picture of the Prince to put here yet.

A funny thing about my lizards – they do brilliant displays of dominance. They’re a pair of bearded dragons. I have a male and female, which I’ve since separated since getting them here (I don’t want another 30 little ones, and he was being really aggressive towards my little princess). Baby beardeds are adorable, but it’s a huge undertaking to raise them.

Baby beardies at the Pet shop. Please, break my heart more.

When a male is trying to impress the ladies, or show that he is the alpha lizard, his chin will puff up, turn black down to his shoulders and he will head bob to show his dominance.

I am in charge!

To show submission, ladies and smaller males will “arm wave”.

See, I'm nice and docile and we don't need no trouble here!

I’ve not seen any arm waving, but there has been plenty of bearding out and head bobbing!

Leave it to me to get a pet that tries to dominate everything – the cat, a passing fly, me, even his own reflection!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...