Monday, September 29, 2014

Blindfolded Dinner

I was away this weekend for a baby shower back in New Jersey. Before I came home on Sunday night, Sir hadn't seen me since Friday morning at 6:30 am.

I think he missed me. Well, I KNOW he missed me. He told me that he was actually lonely, and he has a better understanding of what it is like for me to be here, alone, allllll day. Though I'm not glad that he was lonely this weekend, I'm glad he had that realization of what my days might be like right now; maybe it will help him understand me better.

It seemed like Sir couldn't wait for me to get home; he was READY. When I finished unloading the car, and I put my collar on (I remembered; hooray!). He had me sit down at the kitchen table and wait. He came back and immediately bound my hands behind the chair! He said he was practicing a new tie, and evidently he got it right, it was very quick, but also very adjustable. He then used some thick ribbon to blindfold my eyes. He had to adjust it a few time. As soon as he had me secured, that is of course when I get the wiggles because I'm itchy.

I heard him fussing about in the kitchen, and then he returned to the dining table.

"Open your mouth."

I did as I was told, and felt... a cup. He had me drink from the cup!

It was... grape soda.

Sir isn't particularly fond of grape soda, but he knows that I have the eating habits of a 13 year old boy, and so we shared the cup.

I heard him bring something else over to the table, and I smelled... apples.

Again I heard, "Open".

I did and I tasted... fish!

He continued this way, sharing the plate of lemon pepper fish, Rice, Broccoli. Alternating with cups of Grape soda.


At the end of it all, my nose was correct - there WERE apples!

I really enjoyed Sir feeding me and being in control of that meal. The sensory deprivation helped. We chatted about our weekends while he fed me and himself.

After the meal, Sir clipped my leash to my collar and away he dragged me into the bedroom.

Once I felt the carpet that surrounds our bed, I was unceremoniously pushed onto it. I ended up laying on my side right at the edge of the foot of the bed. Sir climbed up behind me and started touching me gently, until he wailed on my ass with that huge hand of his.

I loved it.

He then decided to use me as a pillow. I was a little unsteady, so I used one foot on the floor to stabilize myself. After a bit, Sir asked me if I was steady on the bed. I let him know that I already had one foot on the floor. He had me get myself up and he lead me over to the other side of the room, where he pushed me back down on the bed. Then he got in and resumed using me as a pillow for underneath his knees. I liked being of use this way for him. While I was laying there, he would pinch my left nipple, and then took the strap of my leash and beat my breasts as much as he could, given that I was nicely padded with bra, tank top, and t-shirt still on. He said he was going to keep at it until I gave a satisfactory reaction. Which meant hitting me harder until I squeaked. Sir says that if I'm not making noise, he's not doing his job.

He had me get myself up and stand. He used the ends of the rope that was binding my arms to whip my legs and ass.  He then removed my blindfold. The room was dark. He turned the lights off for my eyes, how nice! He pushed the upper half of my body down so that I was bent over, taking my leash and forcing it between my legs and behind me, holding me in place. He pulled tighter and tighter on the leash, smacking my ass, and using the rope to whip me. His voice was very... soothing, though I could hear a bit of menace behind it. Even though the blindfold was removed, I could only see my feet and his as he continued striking my ass and breasts, asking me questions.

"Do you know why I'm doing this?"

".... to remind me whose submissive bitch I am, Sir?"

"Very Good."

He had me hold the leash behind my back as he continued his efforts. Sir likes me to have a hand in my own tortures.

"How does it feel?"

"It's ...uncomfortable, Sir".

"Do you like it?"

"...yes, Sir."

It IS uncomfortable to have chain digging into your lady area and up in your butt. But, I still like it, because he's making me do it. He brought me up briefly for a kiss as I was still holding my leash behind me, and it was just as he released me that I could feel the haze of subspace just descend on me. I don't think I've ever felt it so acutely, being able to pinpoint the moment. Usually I'm already down, and I fuzzily think to myself, "oh look..."

He had me go make his lunch for the next day then, and it was interesting to be doing a routine task spacey like that, sort of like being punch-drunk. Sir came into the kitchen to remove my leash, but apparently I made a sad face so he left it on. 

When I was done with his lunch, he dragged me into the office and had me kneel next to him as he was sitting in his chair. He had me sit there with him as he played Skyrim. He would pet my head at odd intervals.

He asked if I wanted a pillow to kneel, and I declined. I'm not sure if it would have helped. I have a really hard time kneeling. Not so much staying on my knees, but sitting back on my legs when kneeling. The pressure immediately cuts off circulation to my lower legs and feet, and begins hurting. I'm wondering what I can do to train myself to kneel better, or endure it better at least. I am not a graceful kneeler. I spend my time wiggling and alternating getting on all fours, which I think amuses Sir, especially when he's petting my head. He said I looked uncomfortable, and I told him that I was thinking of asking him if I could sit pretzel style. He immediately said no. Though I hurt, it pleased me, that he would deny me the comfort. I need to learn to submit in situations like that with grace. I do it, but I should do it gracefully and make it look effortless, which I definitely don't.

Sir finished his game and it was time for bed! Sir let me wear my shorts to bed (it's my time of the month) which was nice of him. But he did not permit me a shirt. Learning to sleep without clothes will take some getting used to.

It was nice to have an evening like this. Usually our evenings end in some kind of sex. (Not that I'm complaining about sex). Sir said that because I mentioned my discomfort due to time of month issues, he decided not to end the evening with sex, and it was kind of nice. To have a scene not end in a typical "let's fuck now" fashion. To just do it for the sake of the merit in the activities themselves. The domination and submission.

Though he did say last night, that I better be ready for today because it is ON when he gets home!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

First Munch and Wearing the Big Collar to Bed

Yesterday, Sir and I went to our very first munch. Ever.

Though I didn't think we showed it outwardly, this was a pretty big deal.

We've been together for about 3 and a half years now, doing this thing we do, and we've never really stepped out of our bubble and into the larger community. We've gone to GKE once, and Wicked Faire. Other than those two events, that's it. Even going to those events (where there are tons of people, you can blend into the crowd, and have another non-kink related reason to be there) was nervewracking. In my head its like, "OMG, we're going public!".

I just need to cool my jets.

When we moved here, I started moving all my online stuff over to PA from New Jersey. This included Fetlife. I found there were several groups in the area, and joined one. The leaders there were very nice and welcoming, and I got on their mailing lists for munches. Sir and I were just not ready to attend the first one we saw, but this week we decided to go.

It was at a place ten minutes from our house, and everyone was super nice. We weren't the only newbies either, which was a relief.

It was admittedly awkward in the beginning. I didn't know how to locate the group, since I didn't know anyone. Once we got pointed in the right direction, it was a little bit hard to open up. We were still in the car on the way when Sir and I joked, "Commence social awkwardness NOW!" The couple next to us seemed pretty into themselves, and it was a little hard to make conversation with them. After a while, more people showed up, food came (hooray!) and it was less awkward to talk and open up.

The leaders mentioned some play parties coming up. Sir and I don't really think we're ready for that yet. Everyone is still pretty new to us, and we've never done something like that before. As I said when one gentleman asked me if I'd ever been to the New York Clubs and the scene down there, "It's just been me and him for the past 3 years."

We think it may be a possibility in the future, especially just to socialize and observe things. We're not really into playing with other people. An exception would be learning a specific skill. Then it's a learning experience and with the right kind of set-up and consent, it could be okay. It also might be good to experience equipment we might not have. I think before we really think about attending, we should talk about what constitutes "play" for us, and what types of kinky behaviors might be acceptable with others - for example, is it okay if I'm in a cage with another submissive woman, assuming we're both dressed? I tend to think yes, but wonder what Sir's thoughts are.

For now, we think we'll just be attending munches when we can. It's a good way to get to know the area and meet like minded people. It's also nice to be able to crack kinky jokes (that are appreciated!), and not have to hide our D/s idiosyncrasies when eating out. For example, I don't order for myself. Sir decided I couldn't have dessert. (I joked that it was because I ate the last pop-tart on him the other day). Instead of having to say its because I'm watching my sweets, we were just truthful. He's being an evil bastard. He thought it was funny because he didn't have to torture me, everyone else around was talking enough about sweets and what they were getting to do it for him, haha.

When we got home, I forgot to put my collar on right away. We got in, I made Sir lunch for tomorrow, and he was lingering around, so I got super affectionate. I didn't realize he was waiting for me to put the collar on! I recently made an actual special location for it, and I supposed that contributed to my not putting it on right away. Before, I would keep it on the nightstand. So when I got into the bedroom, I was looking for it, when I heard Sir jingling something. He comes in with the Big Monster Collar, annoyed that I didn't remember to collar myself upon returning home. He made me sleep with it all night, just like he promised.


The other day he laughed because I said that it wasn't that bad. I lied. Sleeping with it is awful. It's so uncomfortable. It digs into my neck no matter what position I'm in. And it gets plastered there. I woke up at 5 am crazy hot, drinking Gatorade and opening the windows. I'm usually always cold!

Sir was nice and said I could take it off at 8 am, and switch to the comfy collar. He was nice because I always come up with worse things than him. I suggested taking it off only when I was going to run errands for the day, and before I left the house, the big one would be on.

I had to literally peel it off this morning. I hope this is enough of a reminder to put my collar on immediately! I think having a specific location  that I'm keeping it will help.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Kneeling as a Greeting and Corner Time

One of my tasks last week was to obtain all the power strips we'd need for the house and install them. I had two unused ones in a box, which I installed, and I purchased three more. I came back and plugged them into all the outlets that would make the most sense, use-wise.

I felt like I did a good job, and that Sir would approve.

My other task for the day was to be waiting for him, kneeling near the front door for his arrival.

That was definitely an experience. I didn't know exactly what time he would be coming home, so every time I heard a car come down our street I got excited. Around the time he normally comes home, I arranged myself by the door, kneeling for him. About 15 minutes later, he texts me to let me know that he hasn't left work yet. He didn't state that I had to continue kneeling so I took a break.

That quiet time sitting there kneeling really put me in a good headspace. It was soothing and contemplative. My thoughts were focused on Sir and how to be pleasing for him. Where and how to arrange my hands. How to splay my legs. The arrangement of my face and eyes downward.

It was thrilling to try and time his arrival back with my kneeling. Every time I thought it was him sent a jolt of electricity through me as I rushed to kneel at the door. I saw what I thought was his car pull up, and rushed to kneel and arrange myself. After 5 minutes, I was wondering what was taking so long... if he was okay. I got up to check the window, and the car wasn't his! Then I see his actual car pull up, and I again rush to display myself appropriately. I could feel my heart fluttering in my chest as he turned the lock in our door. It was interesting to only see his dress shoes and slacks walk right by me into the kitchen. I was expecting to be addressed immediately, but I think it was good that he did not. It gave me a moment to refocus myself and not wait for praise. To focus on the submissive act of kneeling. He came towards me and had me rise.

Then he wanted to know how I did on the other task of the day. He made an event of having me show him every power strip that I had installed for him, and what was plugged into each. I had strips for each side of our bed, with our lamps and chargers etc in them. I had one under my desk for the laptop etc. He already had one for his computer equipment. I put one in the kitchen for the microwave and countertop appliances. Another in the living room near the couch for where we will eventually have end tables and lamps. And finally, one near our electronics. I had plugged in the cable modem and router, as they were already plugged into the wall.


I forgot to plug in the TV and the X-Box! So, it wasn't a proper and full installation, according to Sir.

I tried to wheedle my way out of trouble.

"But, I only plugged in the router and modem because the TV and X-box weren't being used."

"But, the note says that: today I will... today is not over yet!"

Sir wasn't having any of that. He grabbed my by the collar and dragged me into the bedroom. He placed me facing the wall just behind the door, where I had to remain for ten minutes (5 minutes for each of the items that were missing from being installed).

Ten minutes is not a lot of corner time; he was being lenient. And I haven't been actually punished for anything in ages.

But, he and I were both still reveling in it. He likes to do things just to be evil sometimes. I'm half wondering if he was just going to find something wrong with my installation just so he could remind me of my place.

It was hard to keep my focus during the ten minutes; usually when I fail at a task I feel truly contrite and think of how to be better in the future. But because he specifically said he just wanted to be evil, it was a bit harder.

Though I don't enjoy corner time, I think it was a good decision overall, just to remind me whose submissive bitch I am!

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Back in my Place

Sometimes I wonder if I should keep my mouth shut...probably not though.

Sir read my blog yesterday and decided that even though I put my collar back on, I still forgot even for a just little while, so out came the big collar. I call it the giant monster collar, but it's not that huge. And it's not that bad... it's just uncomfortable to sleep in.

He was nice in that he said that because I remembered and tried to do the right thing, he wouldn't make me sleep with it. I was grateful for that. I still reveled in calling him a big evil meanie, though I think he likes that.

From the moment he walked in the door yesterday, Sir says he was working on me. And that's true. The minute he walked in, he grabbed me out of the chair by my shirt and pulled me to him, claiming my mouth. He held me there for a long time, and I was enjoying knowing that the kiss would end when he decided it would, not when I pull away. He just tightened his hold on me.

He was disappointed a little bit in me because I was admittedly very lazy. I didn't do anything around the house. I was still in PJs when he got home. I don't know what that was about.

After I made dinner he handcuffed me to my computer desk! I think he now loves the bars that are all along this desk!

After a while, he undid the cuffs, grabbed me by the collar and dragged me into the bedroom.He redid the cuffs behind my back, pushed me onto the bed and got "the bag". The bag where we keep all our fun stuff. He pulled literally everything out of the bag, Flinging it on the bed, making comments about their uses. He seemed... more stern than normal.

When he got to the blindfold, that went over my eyes. We don't usually use it. I could hear him still going through the bag, sorting items, throwing them on the bed. I felt something graze my nipple, a clamp was my guess. Without further warning it went on.

God. Apparently it was a lot for me to take, not being warmed up, or maybe I am just extra sensitive this week (PMS week). It HURT. I screamed, and started crying. I thought Sir was just going to leave me there like that, and I wouldn't have minded. It hurt, and I was crying, but I was otherwise okay. I was wondering how long it would take for the pain to fade when I felt relief and his warm hands around me, holding me while I cried.

Sir was surprised by my reaction and said that I've never screamed like that, even when he's been beating me. and he says that he's used that clamp before... go figure. I guess I should be happy that his first instinct is my well being and to soothe. And I am happy that I have a gentle Sir. I suppose I just wanted him to know that if it was his prerogative for me to take it, I would have; that he didn't have to worry that it was harming me too much.

Sir tied my hands behind my back, and then took the handcuffs off. He said that he liked the handcuffs because they keep my hands exactly where he wants them when he's tying behind my back. I felt him go for my nipples again, and there was pressure, but compared to the other clamp, it was like a kiss of pressure. He had used two chopsticks bound on either side with clothespins.

He dragged me into the office then, and had me kneel at his side while he sat by the computer. He removed my blindfold and I sat receiving head scratches as he brought up video clips for us to watch. I've expressed an interest in the past on what types of porn he likes, so he decided for us to watch some together. It's hard to keep myself from commenting on weird caveman like faces and grunting, but I liked the experience. After a while, Sir dragged me back to the bedroom. By this point, my shoulders and upper arms were aching. Sir could tell, because I was wiggling a lot. He asked me what incentive he should have that he should untie my hands. I gave several answers before he accepted "You could use the chain to bind my hands to my collar, if my hands weren't behind my back.... and I could clean the bed instead of you!". He rejected my putting my hands on him, because apparently I can do that with them behind my back (which he proved), and giving him a massage because he wasn't interested, and a few other things that I forget. He generously undid the rope, and let me clean the bed, smacking my ass when I wasn't fast enough.

When I was done, he asked me if I was sure. He had such a tone. I thought he had deviously hid something extra in the bed and that I was going to get in trouble if I didn't find it and clean it. I tore that bed apart two times before I said that I thought it was clean. I was right; he didn't hide anything, he was just screwing with me! Evil Sir.

Sir took the spreader bars out and placed them on the bed. The feeling of glee I got inside was just unsurpressable... I think I went into subspace right then. I *really* like the spreader bars. Sir said I kept calling them my friends. I think I knew I was getting spacy when the patterns on the ceiling became very interesting. Sir attached a smaller bar to my collar, and then chained my hands to the bottom of the bar. He took the biggest bar and chained my legs to each one. There's something about being so open that puts me in the right headspace. I feel very vulnerable being exposed, and have insecurities about being spread like that. It gives me anxiety and a bit of embarrassment. Somehow my head translates that into sexy fun times. I was wondering if Sir was going to reclamp my nipples now that I was in better head space, but he did not. I wonder if it would have felt different; if I could take it now.

Sir did a number on my nipples with his mouth, and after deciding I'd had enough, he took me. It was just... amazing. I couldn't get enough, and Sir says he knows when I am really into it because I get mega vocal and squirmy and my hands typically fly to my face. I guess hes right. Everything just felt amped up, and it was a long time before I felt like I could physically move. Sir had me cuddle by him, still bound. It was funny trying to turn over with the bar splaying my legs.

This morning, I woke up and Sir left me another note on the kitchen table! The joy and excitement seeing that note on the table... I just wanted to jump up and down with happy. Between yesterday and today, he's really given me some motivation to get my ass moving. I have about two hours before I leave for the doctor, so I better get cracking on his list!

Monday, September 22, 2014

The Little Voice in the Back of Your Head

I went out to complete the tasks that Sir set for me. I came back and put purchased items away, and started making lunch. I was actively cutting vegetables when I realized that I had not yet put my collar back on now that I was back in the privacy of our home.

I hesitated.

Sir wasn't home. He wouldn't know. I could have it back on way before he came home, and it would seem as though nothing was amiss.

But I would know. The little voice in the back of my head was frowning at me. I could feel that niggling thought worming its way through my brain as I put another slice in the peppers.

I stopped and put the collar back on.

It felt good to do the right thing. I know Sir would have been happy, and that brought me peace.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Don't Peek!

Today is my birthday.

Last night, Sir comes home and tells me that there is a bright pink box in the fridge and that I am NOT to open it.

He even has a note on the box that says DO NOT OPEN.

He is at work right now... Am I tempted?

Of course.

But, I will be a good girl and wait.

I can't wait for him to come home!

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Love Notes

This week, Sir has left me a little note on our dining table every morning.

They begin with the salutation, "Bitch,".

Then he lists a few tasks that I should complete (usually before he gets home).

Yesterday my note included "Good luck on your interview. [That is an order. :)]"   ^_^

I find that I am really enjoying these notes. No, they're not the "typical" notes, but with each one, I feel purpose and love. Even if it's just a few simple tasks that I can do for him to make his day easier, I feel active in my submission, thinking about pleasing him with the tasks, even if it is, "Get milk" or "WD-40 all the doors in the house so they don't squeak". (...So he can sneak up on me?)

I think about how he sits there each morning thinking about what tasks he would like me to complete for him. With the note, I know he is thinking about me and my submissive need to serve him, and in that, I feel love.

Much better than a sonnet for me any day!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Your Name Is?

Yesterday I went to a training for a potential part-time work opportunity.

During the training, we were being introduced to all the administrative staff.

When I introduced myself to one of the women, she replied, "Hi... On a leash?"

No, that is not my name. On. A. Leash. Haha.

But you have NO idea, lady...

Monday, September 15, 2014

Living Together

The biggest thing I have to get used to so far is wearing my favorite collar everyday, unless I go out in public. It is getting easier, and it feels more comfortable. Yesterday, Sir let us go for a walk in the park (I am annoyingly in love with nature and parks and walking). It was nice, and he actually insisted we go.

"Bitch, get dressed, we're going to the park!"

This was after I said, "You want to go to the park now? I just put my PJ's back on! *whine*"

I actually wore my collar out to the park (though you couldn't see it, *I* knew it was there).

A couple of days ago, I got home and forgot to put the collar on for like 20 minutes. Sir made me wear the giant monster collar for the rest of the night as a reminder. If I forget again, I'll have to sleep with it. : /

Today, I woke up and he left me a note with instructions to get all the power strips hooked up in the house, and purchase more if we need them. And that I will be kneeling, waiting for him near the front door upon his arrival.


I love notes like that. I like having instructions for the day, especially because I'm home alllll day (I'm avidly looking for jobs, but currently unemployed).

It gives me a purpose and some direction for the day, and refocuses my attention on doing things with him in mind.

And with that, I'm off on my power-strip assignment!

Thursday, September 04, 2014


It's official - Sir and I are now living together, full time. We got the keys to our new place on Tuesday. I was sort of freaking out about everything at first-especially as time wound down until "the day". I felt like I was doing everything for this move, and Sir really... wasn't. I was in a bit of a confusion on that - on where that sort of line in our D/s is going to be. I know that I am more comfortable doing these sorts of things than Sir is (researching apartments, setting up viewings, packing things and knowing what to pack to run a household), and so I was doing them. But I just felt... overwhelmed. I felt like I was pulling ALL the weight, and this is a move to another state, 3 hours away from our families, and our former lives. I am giving up a lot for this. Career, friends, family, home... but I think Sir is worth it (or obviously I wouldn't be doing it). On the other hand, as a submissive, isn't this what I should be doing? Getting things ready so that things are easier on Sir?

I think the distinction in this case was that Sir never gave me any instructions to do this for him. It was something that was just assumed that I would do. And I suppose that is okay - because the assumption was correct. I guess that I just didn't want to see our household becoming something where I do ALL the work. I know that in our relationship certain things are set up so that they ARE 'my job'. But even I can't do everything, and I didn't want to cause a situation where I would eventually become resentful.

I think most of this is just my insides screaming in worry because this is a big step for us. A HUGE step. And its in the right direction, but that doesn't make it any less scary.

Sir is already taking measures to alleviate my fears though, and he wants to "prove himself to me". I guess prove that this is the right choice? The first morning I woke in our new apartment (Sir had already left early for his new position, I came out to see this on our kitchen table:

A close-up of the note:

Bitch. Most girls would get tense at that, but I just melt. As long as it is coming from him. I DID pack my comfy collar, by the way - he just couldn't find it in our just-moved chaos. So I wore that for him all day. Being that we have no blinds or curtains except in the bedroom, it was difficult for me, as people could see me in the window and they WERE staring. But screw them I guess. The benefit of being 3 hours from family and friends, is there is no one to "tattle" on the freaky folks who just moved in!
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