Thursday, September 25, 2014

First Munch and Wearing the Big Collar to Bed

Yesterday, Sir and I went to our very first munch. Ever.

Though I didn't think we showed it outwardly, this was a pretty big deal.

We've been together for about 3 and a half years now, doing this thing we do, and we've never really stepped out of our bubble and into the larger community. We've gone to GKE once, and Wicked Faire. Other than those two events, that's it. Even going to those events (where there are tons of people, you can blend into the crowd, and have another non-kink related reason to be there) was nervewracking. In my head its like, "OMG, we're going public!".

I just need to cool my jets.

When we moved here, I started moving all my online stuff over to PA from New Jersey. This included Fetlife. I found there were several groups in the area, and joined one. The leaders there were very nice and welcoming, and I got on their mailing lists for munches. Sir and I were just not ready to attend the first one we saw, but this week we decided to go.

It was at a place ten minutes from our house, and everyone was super nice. We weren't the only newbies either, which was a relief.

It was admittedly awkward in the beginning. I didn't know how to locate the group, since I didn't know anyone. Once we got pointed in the right direction, it was a little bit hard to open up. We were still in the car on the way when Sir and I joked, "Commence social awkwardness NOW!" The couple next to us seemed pretty into themselves, and it was a little hard to make conversation with them. After a while, more people showed up, food came (hooray!) and it was less awkward to talk and open up.

The leaders mentioned some play parties coming up. Sir and I don't really think we're ready for that yet. Everyone is still pretty new to us, and we've never done something like that before. As I said when one gentleman asked me if I'd ever been to the New York Clubs and the scene down there, "It's just been me and him for the past 3 years."

We think it may be a possibility in the future, especially just to socialize and observe things. We're not really into playing with other people. An exception would be learning a specific skill. Then it's a learning experience and with the right kind of set-up and consent, it could be okay. It also might be good to experience equipment we might not have. I think before we really think about attending, we should talk about what constitutes "play" for us, and what types of kinky behaviors might be acceptable with others - for example, is it okay if I'm in a cage with another submissive woman, assuming we're both dressed? I tend to think yes, but wonder what Sir's thoughts are.

For now, we think we'll just be attending munches when we can. It's a good way to get to know the area and meet like minded people. It's also nice to be able to crack kinky jokes (that are appreciated!), and not have to hide our D/s idiosyncrasies when eating out. For example, I don't order for myself. Sir decided I couldn't have dessert. (I joked that it was because I ate the last pop-tart on him the other day). Instead of having to say its because I'm watching my sweets, we were just truthful. He's being an evil bastard. He thought it was funny because he didn't have to torture me, everyone else around was talking enough about sweets and what they were getting to do it for him, haha.

When we got home, I forgot to put my collar on right away. We got in, I made Sir lunch for tomorrow, and he was lingering around, so I got super affectionate. I didn't realize he was waiting for me to put the collar on! I recently made an actual special location for it, and I supposed that contributed to my not putting it on right away. Before, I would keep it on the nightstand. So when I got into the bedroom, I was looking for it, when I heard Sir jingling something. He comes in with the Big Monster Collar, annoyed that I didn't remember to collar myself upon returning home. He made me sleep with it all night, just like he promised.


The other day he laughed because I said that it wasn't that bad. I lied. Sleeping with it is awful. It's so uncomfortable. It digs into my neck no matter what position I'm in. And it gets plastered there. I woke up at 5 am crazy hot, drinking Gatorade and opening the windows. I'm usually always cold!

Sir was nice and said I could take it off at 8 am, and switch to the comfy collar. He was nice because I always come up with worse things than him. I suggested taking it off only when I was going to run errands for the day, and before I left the house, the big one would be on.

I had to literally peel it off this morning. I hope this is enough of a reminder to put my collar on immediately! I think having a specific location  that I'm keeping it will help.


  1. Over the years Master has had several collars for me but my original collar is a fairly bulky leather collar. For many years, Master allowed me to changed into what we called the "sleeping collar". Then He decided that enough was enough and i would learn how to sleep in big collar. He did however, allow me to loosen it one notch for sleeping. Then even that stopped and i had to learn how to sleep with it in a tight position. No matter what i say, no matter how much i grumble, even if He puts the steel locking collar (not the eternity collar) on me and makes me wear that and sleep in it (for a week), He always wins. i have learned that the best and easiest thing to do is figure out how His will, will work for me. Realizing that He will have His way is the first step for me, then i can figure out how to find comfort. Deep breaths to clear my head and i eventually fall asleep knowing He'll be proud of me because i've done as i'm told, without complaining and whining. Even one complaint is seen as whining lol! =)
    Good luck!! i'm sure your Sir was proud of you! i hope you remember to put the collar on first thing, from now on!! =)

    1. I really appreciate the insight into your collar-wearing history. I started reading your blog when you and your Master were already well-established, and you guys just seem to have it so...together. Even on your off days, and a lot of that probably comes from years of evolution.

      I have been better with my collar. Now that it has a proper home when I enter the "real world", going to that place in the house again and again makes it a habit.

      I wonder if Sir will decide that I should wear the big collar to bed on a more permanent basis. I actually used to ONLY wear that collar to bed early in our relationship, but Sir said that I would snore like the devil when I was sleeping in it so he wanted an alternative. I know he likes large collars and keeping them tight against the neck.

      No use worrying about it now though, he will decide if and when he decides and worrying about it won't help either way!


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