Titles and Honorifics

Sir and I were having a discussion about the future and the possibility of a Master/slave dynamic (wayyy in the future). While whatever will or won't happen there is still on the table, it brought us back to an interesting conversation.

Titles.

Early on, it was decided that I would call Sir, Sir. I'd been just using his first name for months, like any other couple. Then I started calling him "The Dirty Old Man" (which is what I mean when I write The Dom, on here; it's not quite "the dominant"). Transitioning to Sir was not easy for me. While I didn't disagree with the term, getting used to using it and remembering to use it was difficult. Even today, the day I am writing this post over 4 years later, Sir had to prompt me to add "Sir" at the end of a sentence I spoke responding to a question he asked (though I am MUCH better now and I think Sir would agree).

When it comes purely to use of terms in M/s - I've always had problems with both the use of Master and the use of slave/being owned (for me, personally - I find no such issues with others who use the terms for their dynamic). Having the word slave used to describe me always used to evoke a knee-jerk gut reaction of "NO" and "WRONG". Now though... not so much. While I really don't think it accurately describes me and my level of service and I would not be comfortable being referred to as such, my aversion to it is definitely much less.

When it comes to using the word Master, I don't think it is something I would want to use to describe Sir. Even if our dynamic shifted, and we went to a full-on TPE dynamic, I would probably want to use the word Sir. I wasn't sure how he would feel about that, besides the fact that what I call him, is really up to him.

It turns out, he agrees. He prefers to be called Sir. I mean, I knew that of course, as it is what he decided I should call him. Though that came about more by a "Yes, what?" prompting over months while having my hair pulled and being punished rather than a strict "You will call me Sir from now on" conversation (though we did have that conversation, too).

Sir has had one other kink relationship other than me, years ago. I was just about to ask him, "Well, what did J call you?" when he volunteered the information. It's strange that in nearly 4 years this bit has actually never come up before.

But during the course of their relationship, she called him Master.

For some reason I was a bit floored by this. I just didn't expect it some how. Because Sir is... Sir. He did chalk some of that up to them being newbs back in the day and her calling him that in a misguided "this is what you're supposed to do" framework (Twue BDSM and all that, I suppose). He did say that overall, he didn't like it. It didn't feel right to him. Not sure why. Maybe because he hadn't earned it? Maybe because of lack of experience? Maybe because Master for some people (like me) evokes silly association of Dr. Frankenstein's servant. When I say it, this is what I seem to hear in my head: Yes, Master.

I think that his decision to have me call him Sir with our relationship shows his growth and intelligence as a person. He chose what is right for him, and didn't bow to what he thought were the normal conventions.

I do think that this is the right decision. The use of a title or honorific does add to our lives. It puts reverence in addressing him, and adds to the power exchange. It wouldn't be the same if I only referred to him by his given name. Though even if I disagreed, I guess I would have to go with it. He could decide tomorrow that he would prefer to be called Master. Or My Lord. Or Grand General Dragonsfist. Whatever. And I would have to get over myself and do it.

He has an honorific for me, too. Of course he uses my given name. But his general title for me is "Bitch".

"Bitch, come here."

"Bitch, get me a drink."

"I'm proud of you, bitch."

I think in another context it would be seen differently - how could "bitch" be seen as an honorific? But when I hear "bitch", it makes me feel all sorts of wonderful inside. And it reinforces my submissive role. Sir is never cruel with it. Never, "You're a fucking bitch." He never uses it to put me down in an abusive way. It's a title, not an adjective (Though I do understand that its effectiveness in making me feel submissive comes from its use as an adjective).

He could decide to change that, too. Call me something else.  But I suppose it would be okay. I would learn. Because above all, I am his.

Possessives and Breast Play

How do you feel about referring to your body parts in the possessive of your partner? Or vice versa? I used to think it was pretty odd. It’s not that I disapproved of the idea per se, it was more that it can get pretty confusing and awkward in practice, especially if referring to unisex anatomy. Referring to “your ass” is a lot more confusing than “your breasts” for heterosexual couples. Yet a couple of weeks ago I made a comment to the tune of “here is your finger back” (He was holding my fingers and stopped to let me scratch an itch, or something like that). It wasn’t something I thought about, it was just something I said. It has stuck in my brain as soon as it came out of my mouth. I suppose I am starting to think of myself as belonging more to him.

Today, we were having a conversation about nipple piercing, which I really don’t think I could handle. I think the aesthetic could be nice, but I really don’t think I could manage the needle aspect. However, I told him that if this was something he wanted to pursue, I would try and work on it. It’s not an unreasonable request. It’s not a tattoo, or extremely permanent marking. I could always take the rings out. Though its not something he wishes to put me through (and I can’t say I’m not a bit relieved), I did express the feeling that, essentially, they’re his breasts, and if he wants piercings in them, I should at least try to work on that. In my head, I guess am thinking more along the lines of him claiming me, so that should be a good thing.

I still find my needle aversion a bit odd. I can plan and sit through a tattoo, but nipple piercings make my stomach flip. I don’t know if its just the idea of the needles, or the fear of the pain, or some combination of the unknown. I have come to find that I don’t hate nipple pain. It’s actually something I’ve come to enjoy. When asked (and I seem to always set myself up to reveal extra information), I expressed the desire to have my nipples pinched hard. It’s something I find myself wanting after he’s started to play. So it cannot be just the pain that is causing the fear.

I always get a little bit nervous when I’m about to reveal something about myself, like expressing the nipple pinching desire. Sometimes my mouth runs away with me and I end up giving him all this extra information. Or I say something that will cause him to seek this extra information, which I will of course end up giving. I end up getting nervous because I suppose that I am afraid that I will be… boring. I guess I feel like my wishes or desires will not be up to par. I also get nervous because I feel like I’m giving him little weapons that he will later use against me (though I usually end up enjoying it). I know I shouldn’t really think in those terms, as he is definitely NOT the enemy, but I always think about how this information will later be used.

A bit ago, I took a big step in this regard. I gift-wrapped a pair of clothes pegs for him to use on me, as I know he really enjoys breast play. I was  nervous. It was one thing to talk and give him information that could later be used against me, but another to physically hand him a weapon of my own volition, with forethought. But as usual, he was wonderful about it, and I didn’t even hate the use of them on me… as long as he was the one doing the applying. I tested it out on myself first, with less than stellar results (got to test the weapon before gifting it, right?). I just don’t have the same finesse. There’s just a way about him that really sweeps me off my feet. He puts a lot of forethought into everything he does, so usually my fears are at ease before we try anything new. He talks to me about it first, and he never just springs anything on me. By the time it comes for practice,  its all settled into my head, and I’m usually waiting it to happen. Wanting.

I’ve not been disappointed.  I hope I don’t disappoint him.