Simple Service

Sometimes, I have a later shift where Sir has work in the morning.

This was one of those days. I could have slept in, but I chose not to. Instead, I got up a few minutes after Sir. I made coffee. I made him breakfast. I waited for him to get out of the shower. While he was eating, I made his lunch for the day, and let him know what he could easily heat up for dinner, as I'll be home late from work.

These are just simple things, but they're definitely part of my submission. Do I want to make his lunch everyday... well, sort of, but not really. It is certainly easier to just make one for myself. To make his too is extra time and effort. I have to really plan out my time - making both the night before as I don't have time to do it in the morning. It's a small task, but those minutes add up, and I have a 90 minute commute each way - I HAVE to get my ass out the door. Making his lunch reinforces my service to him, to do this. That is the part I like, making his life easier, being reminded of my place.

I don't usually make his morning breakfast - I am typically out of the house before he wakes. I usually do make enough coffee for both of us, and leave his hot so its ready for him, though.

So, today was a nice little morning where I was focused on the right things. I hope I can continue with this mindset.

I need to remind myself of all the little things that we do that DO reinforce our roles in the house and in our chosen lives. It is easy to forget them sometimes.

Have a Little Faith

I need to stop being such a Negative Nancy. Things are good. Why do I dwell on the downsides?

We've been having a bunch of issues with stuff that are undoubtedly first world problems. Oh, the cable people didn't ring the doorbell when they came so we have to wait an entire day for TV, and our plans are on hold. Oh, the store didn't have the things I wanted to buy. Things that should be minor. We have food. We have a roof over our heads. We have heat and electricity. We now have good incomes and bills are paid. We even have enough for some niceties (though the cable thing - it was actually cheaper to get a package with TV over just internet).

I was having a bad night a couple of days ago and it was spiraling. Sir wasn't going to be home for hours. I was trying to get housework done, feeling overwhelmed. I was worrying about work issues. i was thinking about the house and never catching up. I was dwelling on what he had said about his job. I was thinking about our D/s... or lack thereof. I got really heated and upset, feeling like I should just throw in the towel and accept that we are now vanilla and we will always be vanilla and because other things in the relationship are great (don't throw the baby out with the bathwater), I better figure out how to deal... I even wrote a pretty scathing rant on here that I didn't post. I'm glad I had the sense not to. I was in the heat of my feelings in that moment, and honestly things are not all doom and gloom.

So I decided to cut the shit. If you want it to be better, make it better! Make YOU better. A while ago I wrote wondering whose responsibility it was to rekindle a D/s relationship. Obviously it is both persons. As the submissive, however, I do have the... expectation, I suppose, that the Dominant will lead. But that doesn't mean I should just wait around, like I have been prone to do in the past. I can be proactive and anticipate the situation and prepare accordingly. So, I decided to get off my ass and tidy up the bedroom (it was pretty bad). I turned on the radio for some background noise and at that exact moment NPR was having a talk about expressing gratitude. Take a moment and be thankful for what you have. I needed to hear that, and it it is something I am going to try and work on. Sir and I have so many great things going for us; I really shouldn't let the negative weigh us down and go nuclear over trivial things.

After cleaning, I checked our location app to see what time Sir should be home, so I could have dinner ready and hot for his arrival. I styled my hair in a way he finds appealing. And I put on a nice satin dress. Something about dressing for his pleasure gets me in the right frame of mind. Funnily enough, I was trying to put this dress on, and I hear him pull into the driveway. So it was a mad dash to get myself into it and not looking unkempt. In that effort, I didn't have time for underthings; I just threw the dress right on. I was kicking my slipper socks off as Sir was walking in.

Sir noticed right away and appreciated my efforts with my appearance, with dinner, with the house. And it turned it all right around. We ate together and it wasn't until the meal was over that he noticed I had no underthings on! This is something he has mentioned he likes in the past, the idea of me wearing something nice but there is no bra, no panties, nothing underneath. I think it jumpstarted his brain again. Things are good. We don't have to stress. We can start reintroducing some of the missing pieces of our D/s lives back. We had been talking for weeks about how certain things have been lacking, but I try my best not to harp on it (though it can be difficult for me). He is the Dominant, it is up to him to decide and me to follow. I can help, though.

And I think the effort and gratitude is what we needed. I need to have Faith that it will work out, if I make the effort.

Help comes to those who help themselves. Things will get better but I have to make an effort. And I think it IS helping us.

I think Sir has been feeling more confident. Maybe I showed him that I want to be his, that I want to make the effort, and that has helped his mental state?

In the past few days, Sir has brought out my big collar again. He made me sleep with it on the past couple of nights, too. He even made me wear it in the car on the trip to/from his mother's house! He has restarted spanking my ass at night before bed. He's been more demanding in service during the day. He has corrected my speech and behavior to his wishes... just, simple things that make me feel more like us. Pulling me aside and kissing me at random times during the day holding me in place until he is finished.

I'm glad we're getting back on track. I just need to keep reminding myself of what would please him and make him happy.

I just needed to have a little faith in Sir.

Cocktail, Sir?

Sir and I had a good weekend at the beach and visiting my family - my uncle, cousins, and goddaughter. Some of them are easier for him to take than others, but I'm glad he came.

The beach is my happy place. Something about floating with the waves beyond the breakers, the scent, the sounds of the waves crashing... it just leaches all the stress right from my body. By the end of the day, I felt lighter. I could breathe deeper and I had that soul-fulfilling tiredness that isn't exhaustion; it's just truly being calm and ready for a great night's sleep.

My brother invited me to go with him to the beach next week as well. I have two days off so why not! It will also be an opportunity for my mom, him (and his wife and kiddos), and me to all take a vacation together since my dad passed away. Doing that is something we've talked about for months now, so we're going to make it happen even if just for a few days.

Sir had a second interview today, and he feels really good about the interviews for this company. They already invited him for the third round of interviews - this is fantastic news. The job is just over an hour from our place, so we wouldn't have to move right away and we'd have time to really get back on our feet.

When Sir came home tonight from the interview, I fixed him a cocktail. He of course made a joke about a cocktail that he could give me instead, but is happily sipping his drink and unwinding at his desk. Sir is not a big drinker, but I suppose there is something to be said for that kind of relaxation after a long day. And the process of fixing him a drink that takes just a tiny bit more effort brought out those happy submissive feelings for me.

Keep your fingers crossed for him!

Soup Tray Service

We're back! Finally, after the long holiday weekend.

It was a good holiday, but it was much time away from home with a lot of running around.

Somehow, upon returning here I just feel ... better.

I feel more ready for things to come. I feel I'm more in the right headspace. Maybe something about being away from all of this for a bit.

Upon checking on our poor little kitty who spent 4 days alone (though well-provisioned), I put my chain on, without having to be told.

Sir caught a cold from his sister and wanted soup. I gathered up all our soup selections and put them on a tray (or a cookie sheet since we don't have a proper serving tray) and let him choose from the 6  or 7 soups we had while he worked on the computer in the office. He made his selection, and I returned to the kitchen to prepare it for him.

I put his soup, napkin, spoon, beverage, and a shot of cold medicine on the cookie sheet and served him in the office. The act seemed calming and peaceful to me. It made me happy to serve him this way. I'm hoping this feeling will continue.

It's good to be home!

July 4th Weekend Pt 3

Sunday was a good day. A nice way to finish up the 3 day weekend. Saturday night, Sir and I stayed up late for no reason, really. He made sure to call me to bed and belt me before we slept.

In the morning, friends of mine were in the area and wanted to meet up for breakfast. They mentioned it the night before, but when they sent me a text message that they were on their way, Sir and I were still in bed! That got us hopping up really quick. He skipped the morning beating that I suppose in just a few day's time I've come to anticipate, and we got ready to walk down to the restaurant where we were meeting them for breakfast.

I was initially going to wear another little heel for the short (15 minute) there and back walk, but Sir stopped me and instructed me to wear my sneakers. I was confused, because I thought the short walk would be a good length to practice a bit. Plus the shoes I had on were less of a heel than the ones the day before. I of course put the sneakers on, but Sir also said that he needs to re-explain his wishes in regards to my learning to wear heels. He is going to research some photos so I can understand his meaning.

Part of me is a little relieved. Wearing heels is difficult. But I think that, like many things, with time I could do it. On the other hand, wearing them does make me feel more feminine and attractive, somehow. So I am interested to learn what his actual goals for me are in regards to this. 

I think either way, if he is okay with it, I am going to try and branch out in terms of my footwear and take some of treasure's suggestions. I have at least 15 pairs of flip flops, a couple pairs of sneakers, some sporty hiking boots/sandals. But as far as real shoes go... I don't have many. I wear the same stuff all the time. It actually causes some issue for me when I need to dress up for work, since I sometimes don't have the proper footwear in the right colors. It's weird to be wearing a dress with sneakers (at least at work) or a blue skirt and shirt with some random brown flats.

Sir preferred the sneaker.

We had a really nice breakfast with my friends. We went to a local creperie, and the food was so, so good. It's funny. These friends of mine are actually the only ones, family included, who have ever visited us out here. This is in fact their second visit. I find it interesting because though I would call them pretty good friends, they're not my closest friends. So I find it interesting that they've been out here twice, but my own parents haven't even swung by here at all. 

After breakfast, we grabbed their dog and all walked back to our place. After they left, I'm wondering if they might have an inkling about the true nature of my relationship with Sir. I'm not actually worried about this, it's just an idle thought. We were talking about the architecture of the local houses as we walked, and my friend mentioned the one access to the backyard looking like the tunnel to a dungeon. She joked that it must be the entrance you take if you're bad. I joked and said..."or if you're really good". She gave me a look and exclaimed "Oh... what are you into?". I brushed it off and we kept walking.

Once we got to our apartment though, I noticed that my rules were just sitting out on the dining table. We actually weren't expecting them to come back to our place, so I made no effort to tidy up or do a kink-sweep. I moved my rules quickly under some other papers, but I do wonder if they were seen.

After they left, Sir let me service his feet! I was very excited. This is something that I have wanted to do for him for some time.

I made a nice mixture of peppermint, Epsom salts, bubbles for him to soak. Then I got on my knees and got to work, scrubbing, exfoliating, trimming, filing, etc. Finally I dried his feet and massaged them with lotion, kissing his little toes as a finishing touch.. Sir has said in the past that he wants to really start taking care of his feet, so this was something I really wanted to start doing for him. He wasn't sure how to feel about it at first, but said that we could try it at least once, and then he could veto some or all of it in the future. At the end, he did say it wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be . I'm not sure what he expected!

Looking up at Sir.

In the afternoon, I cleaned the apartment, did Sir's laundry, and gardened a bit. I also went to evening mass. I've been trying to find a church to go to regularly now that we're out here. Last week I tried a new place, and it was really uncomfortable. The priest just went OFF during the homily about the Supreme Court ruling and I was just thinking... I don't want to go to a place that preaches intolerance at such an in your face level. This week I went to a church I went to months before. I was ambivalent then, but I had a really good experience this week! I think I'll be back next week. There is something that makes me feel peaceful when I attend mass. Perhaps "doing right by God", enjoying the service, and quiet contemplation on the walk there and back. I hope to keep doing it.

When I got home, I made dinner and Sir and I ate in our yard again. This time with better weather! Sir rearranged half of the office, I folded his laundry, and now we're about to head to bed. But not without a belting. Sir pulled me aside to belt my ass, letting me know how proud he was of me this weekend, and how he could really see that I was working hard to please him.

I never really understood the point of "maintenance spanking/beatings" but based on the past few days... perhaps there is merit in it. It has certainly kept my attitude where it needs to be. I hope it keeps working for us!