Birthday Spankings

My birthday was last week. Our original plans with friends got cancelled.

But being home and alone does have its advantages.

I woke up being spanked. After several sets, Sir asked me if I knew how many were in each set. I did not.

"Are you not counting?" Sir asked.

"No... I'm barely awake," I replied.

"Well, you should."

So I did. Sir was spanking me in repeated sets of 38.

"Happy Birthday, Bitch".

Beat to Sleep

Stuff has been pretty rough lately. I don't know if I have the words or energy to get into everything.

Yesterday, Sir decided that I was to get a beating. That I needed one. I agreed with him.

Except, I fell asleep right in the middle of it. Face down on our bed while in a spreader bar, getting hit and flogged and whipped.

One part of me finds that utterly ridiculous. Who does that? Does it indicate boredom, or a lack of interest in the goings on? I don't think so though.

Another part of me finds a bit of total surrender in it. The utter relaxation of impact play, and the complete trust in Sir.

We both hit on that trust when we spoke about it today.

A few weeks ago, I did something bad (nothing hugely catastrophic, but bad nonetheless). Sir said he was disappointed in me, and lost trust in me. It has really stuck with me and tore at my heart.

But last night showed me that perhaps not all trust is lost.

For the Dogs

We're continuing to slowly work on the house. Since everything is not set up, there's an awful lot of echo in our place.

Last week, Sir was giving me a spanking. You could absolutely hear the sound of it reverberating off the walls.

And I suppose a neighbor's dog could hear it as well. Every time Sir struck me, this dog would howl or bark.

It was kind of funny, but I also felt bad for the dog. And I was also wondering, is it just the dog who can hear it, with its keen senses, or can the whole neighborhood?

Oh, well!

I Asked for a Spanking

Lately, I've been feeling like things are just too much. I have too much to do. I've been too much in charge. And the few things I *wish* I could be in charge of (like my body working) are out of my control.

I was feeling "off". Not submissive. Not quite me.

I fretted about it. About getting off track. About going back down that rabbit hole again. It took so very long for us to get back on track, so to speak. After reading some blogs, I decided to do what others have done, and go to Sir. Ask him for a spanking.

And once I thought about that, I fretted over that too. Sir wasn't going to be home from work for awhile. I don't recall ever asking him for a spanking. He's given them to me when he's said I'd needed it, but I don't recall actually asking. It's just not something we do; not part of our dynamic. At least, it wasn't.

When he got home, I didn't ask immediately. A couple hours went by. Eventually I brought it up when Sir was getting ready to take a shower. I talked about how we'd been letting things go, and that I've been stressed and that I just felt like I needed a spanking. That I felt like I would be better with one.

Well, no sooner did the words come out of my mouth, did he have his hands in my hair and was pulling me down to the bed. He gave me about ten good swats before letting me up.

"This is just a warm-up. I am going to take a shower and then there will be more."

He finished his shower, and said: "Bitch, get me a glass of water."

I think that he may have needed this, too. Just the mention of it had him in a more domly headspace.

I brought him some water. He instructed me to get face down on the bed. We were careful about my knee.

And then he started. Lightly at first. Over my pajamas and panties. It had been a long time. He lingered, drawing the process out, allowing me to get warmed up. Just his hand, swatting me, rubbing, stroking, pinching. He increased his intensity, delivering stronger and faster blows.

And then, he asked me if I knew why he wanted me to bring him some water.

"... Because you were thirsty, Sir?"

"Well, yes, but also so I could do this!"

He placed that cold cup right on my back, pressing it into my flesh. He gets a kick out of being "mean".

He continued striking me, every so often caressing his handiwork. I heard him leave briefly, then felt the sharp sting of his belt. I reveled in hearing it cut through the air, even as I braced myself for impact, clenching my muscles almost involuntarily. I felt joy in hearing the belt tap his back as he pulled his hand back for the next blow. A steady rhythm to lose yourself into.

In the past 7 years, Sir has gotten very good with his aim. Good enough to give me a little mindfuck, stroking me, then hitting with the belt in almost the same area. Raising his hand off me as though to spank, only to feel the blow of the belt. It was hard to tell what was going to come next. Eventually he pulled my pajamas down, gradually letting it get more and more intense, before pulling my panties down and really laying into me, reddening my ass.

Abruptly, he stopped.

"Bitch, refill my water."

"Yes, Sir."

He had me gingerly get off the bed, and walk awkwardly into the kitchen with my pajamas and panties pulled down around my knees to refill his cup. Something about that is humiliating. And hot.

He shared his water with me, then told me to get back down on the bed.

He wasn't pulling any punches this time. He switched from his short belt, to the thicker belt I am required to wear as part of my work uniform. It certainly packs a wallop, I came to find out. I was squirming and moaning by the end of it.

And I can just imagine what I'll be thinking about next time I have to wear it!

Once he was done, he had me sit up. I am pretty tender, even just sitting on the soft bed. But it was a nice little reminder that I will carry with me tomorrow.

I definitely feel better. More focused. More centered. And I think Sir does too.

Thank you, Sir.

Welcome Home, Bitch

I'm so glad to be home. I miss my friends, but it is comforting to sleep in your own bed, adhere to your own routine. And be able to hug Sir as much as I want.

Last Monday, I got home late and there wasn't as much time to reconnect as I would have liked. Sir said I needed a spanking, but there wasn't much time. At work on Tuesday, Sir sent me texts throughout the day. He was having a rough day.

I wanted to cheer him up. So I cleaned, cooked dinner, showered, and put on a nightie for his arrival home. I covered it up with my ultra-sexy, fuzzy green Legend of Zelda robe, being super discreet as I am.

He came home. We had dinner. He definitely missed having home cooked meals for the past ten days. I asked him what his plans for the rest of the evening were. He said he was thinking about going to bed early.

I asked him if I could be cruel. He gave me a look but no answer. So I stood up, took off my robe and got on the couch in what I hoped was an appealing manner.

My collar is off since my hair was drying.

"If this is your definition of cruel, I'll have to educate you sometime."

He didn't go to bed early.

He had me stay there, enjoying the view. I was enjoying him too. I had nothing else on under the nightie, so with it scrunched up, my cunt was all exposed. I have some issues with that. Feelings of embarrassment about it. But probably because of that, having it exposed, knowing he could inspect it at any time, knowing that it was out there on display... it is somehow a turn on for me.

Then we remembered that my garter belt had come in. I grabbed the only pair of thigh highs we own, and Sir helped me to put it on. It came with a thong, which I got on, and then Sir latched each eyehook at the back. It was very sensual feeling, his hands sliding along the mesh, along my ass. Attaching the fasteners to my socks, the feeling of his hands grazing my inner thighs.

I danced for him, just fun happy dancing, not meant to be innately sexual. Testing the garter belt and how it would hold. I didn't realize it at first, but he took photos. Took video. And he enjoyed the view of things in motion: my breasts jiggling, the garter straps straining, my ass shaking for him.

He grabbed me by the hair, spun me around, and held me there, kissing me deeply, as my legs started to feel like noodles. He is good at that; kissing. Makes me melt.

He dragged me by my hair to the bedroom, and pulled down on my nightie, exposing my breasts. He slapped them roughly, before pushing me down on the bed.

"That thong has to come off, but I'm not undoing the garter." He grabbed the nearest sharp tool; a small pair of pliers, and unceremoniously cut them from me. I found myself wishing for a bigger tool, the desire to feel the blade against my skin was strong. Perhaps I am developing a knife play fetish.

Once they were off, he grabbed both my legs, and spun them around to flip me over.

He struck my ass, using his hand. There was no warm up; he was going pretty hard right from the start. The mesh garter fabric wasn't much protection. Abruptly, I felt cold hard metal. He had grabbed the ball-chain flogger, using it fast against my bottom. I squirmed and writhed, but tried my best to stay in position.

"Why is everything so...so, ready?!" I exclaimed.

"I promised you a spanking yesterday, didn't I?" He replied.

I suppose he wasn't the only one with plans. Me with the nightie, him with his implements deceptively laid out for later use.

Then I felt a tickle along my back. He had grabbed the barbecue baster, one of our pervertibles. Then it too contributed to the reddening of my ass. Finally he grabbed the leather flogger. The one with the beautiful metal handle.  For once, that cold metal on my ass didn't have me wiggle. It felt amazing against the heat of my ass. Then it contributed more to that heat.

Sir got me up suddenly to stand as he laid down on the bed. He gave me an expectant look. I knew what he wanted. From the bottom of the bed I crawled up the length of his legs, and took his cock in my mouth. It had been such a long time. I stayed over him, sucking and licking, my re-exposed cunt in the air. And just as before, its exposure was getting me hot.

Sir said that if I could position my vibe without needing my hands, I could use it while sucking him. I suppose I was motivated, because I was successful. Before I could finish, he pulled me off his cock, and had me lay down next to him. He pulled and tweaked at my nipples until I was finally able to finish. Those pinpricks of pain, the twisting, it all heightened the experience.

"I'm going to fuck you now. Get on the floor. On your knees."

"The floor, Sir?"

"Yes, the floor. The laundry was just done and I'm not remaking this bed."

Nice to see the pragmatic side of him. Sir was kind enough to let me have a pillow for my knees, or else I don't know if they would have survived the onslaught.

It was fucking delicious. Feeling nearly fully dressed, breasts spilling from my nightie, garter belt and thigh highs still on, collar jingling, on all fours as Sir pounded into me from behind, pulling my hair, grabbing at my hips. We made quite the mess.

He allowed me to clean myself up, then pulled me by the hair, throwing me down on the bed again.

"Where do you think you're going? We're not done!" Sir growled.

"Welcome home, bitch."

Hit the Mark

A few weeks ago, I bought some leggings on sale for Halloween, but it was only recently that I got them out and wore them.

Sir definitely approved. He said my ass looked fantastic, and the little moons gave him good target spots for spanking (he refused to hit the owls; said it was too mean).

Best part is, they glow in the dark! So that would make it even easier for Sir to hit the target with all the lights out!

He did eventually pull them down, but it makes for a nice warm-up.

Spanking After Showering

Sir has been spanking me before bedtime for about 3 weeks now. It is something we used to do that he's started up again. Sometimes I am a whiny grump about it, but all in all, I love it. It's just a few minutes every evening for us to connect. A few minutes that reinforces our differences in power and control. I find it helps keep me in my place.

The other night I had just gotten out of the shower when he pushed me down onto the bed for my spanking. I wasn't even dried off yet, ass still wet and all.

And MAN it hurt, more than normal.

I guess I should make sure I'm completely dry before exiting the shower at night.

...or should I?

Have a Little Faith

I need to stop being such a Negative Nancy. Things are good. Why do I dwell on the downsides?

We've been having a bunch of issues with stuff that are undoubtedly first world problems. Oh, the cable people didn't ring the doorbell when they came so we have to wait an entire day for TV, and our plans are on hold. Oh, the store didn't have the things I wanted to buy. Things that should be minor. We have food. We have a roof over our heads. We have heat and electricity. We now have good incomes and bills are paid. We even have enough for some niceties (though the cable thing - it was actually cheaper to get a package with TV over just internet).

I was having a bad night a couple of days ago and it was spiraling. Sir wasn't going to be home for hours. I was trying to get housework done, feeling overwhelmed. I was worrying about work issues. i was thinking about the house and never catching up. I was dwelling on what he had said about his job. I was thinking about our D/s... or lack thereof. I got really heated and upset, feeling like I should just throw in the towel and accept that we are now vanilla and we will always be vanilla and because other things in the relationship are great (don't throw the baby out with the bathwater), I better figure out how to deal... I even wrote a pretty scathing rant on here that I didn't post. I'm glad I had the sense not to. I was in the heat of my feelings in that moment, and honestly things are not all doom and gloom.

So I decided to cut the shit. If you want it to be better, make it better! Make YOU better. A while ago I wrote wondering whose responsibility it was to rekindle a D/s relationship. Obviously it is both persons. As the submissive, however, I do have the... expectation, I suppose, that the Dominant will lead. But that doesn't mean I should just wait around, like I have been prone to do in the past. I can be proactive and anticipate the situation and prepare accordingly. So, I decided to get off my ass and tidy up the bedroom (it was pretty bad). I turned on the radio for some background noise and at that exact moment NPR was having a talk about expressing gratitude. Take a moment and be thankful for what you have. I needed to hear that, and it it is something I am going to try and work on. Sir and I have so many great things going for us; I really shouldn't let the negative weigh us down and go nuclear over trivial things.

After cleaning, I checked our location app to see what time Sir should be home, so I could have dinner ready and hot for his arrival. I styled my hair in a way he finds appealing. And I put on a nice satin dress. Something about dressing for his pleasure gets me in the right frame of mind. Funnily enough, I was trying to put this dress on, and I hear him pull into the driveway. So it was a mad dash to get myself into it and not looking unkempt. In that effort, I didn't have time for underthings; I just threw the dress right on. I was kicking my slipper socks off as Sir was walking in.

Sir noticed right away and appreciated my efforts with my appearance, with dinner, with the house. And it turned it all right around. We ate together and it wasn't until the meal was over that he noticed I had no underthings on! This is something he has mentioned he likes in the past, the idea of me wearing something nice but there is no bra, no panties, nothing underneath. I think it jumpstarted his brain again. Things are good. We don't have to stress. We can start reintroducing some of the missing pieces of our D/s lives back. We had been talking for weeks about how certain things have been lacking, but I try my best not to harp on it (though it can be difficult for me). He is the Dominant, it is up to him to decide and me to follow. I can help, though.

And I think the effort and gratitude is what we needed. I need to have Faith that it will work out, if I make the effort.

Help comes to those who help themselves. Things will get better but I have to make an effort. And I think it IS helping us.

I think Sir has been feeling more confident. Maybe I showed him that I want to be his, that I want to make the effort, and that has helped his mental state?

In the past few days, Sir has brought out my big collar again. He made me sleep with it on the past couple of nights, too. He even made me wear it in the car on the trip to/from his mother's house! He has restarted spanking my ass at night before bed. He's been more demanding in service during the day. He has corrected my speech and behavior to his wishes... just, simple things that make me feel more like us. Pulling me aside and kissing me at random times during the day holding me in place until he is finished.

I'm glad we're getting back on track. I just need to keep reminding myself of what would please him and make him happy.

I just needed to have a little faith in Sir.

Birthday Spankings

With Sir's newfound income has also come the ability for him to spoil me. I wouldn't say I am a spoiled brat (though I am a brat at times) but for my birthday Sir certainly made me feel special.

Sir woke me up by beating my ass. He let me sleep in, and then rolled me onto my stomach and spanked, hit, flogged, paddled me in sets of 33. He had me count each set. Once I was completely gooey-minded, he pushed me down and fucked me from behind, holding me in place, spanking my ass, hitting all those sweet spots. Such simple things to make me happy, I guess. In the right circumstances I love that position and I get very vocal at times with it. Happy Birthday to me, neighbors!!

Sir took us to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire for my birthday. We've lived very close to the Faire for two years, but this is the first time we'd had enough money to be able to go! I drank many pumpkin ciders (I'm not a fan of ALL things pumpkin - in fact pumpkin lattes are gross, but this cider is amazing), watched a  live raptor show (hooray birds), cheered for my favorite knight in the joust, went to the bladesmithing demo (Sir was very interested in this and asked ALL the questions), attended a human chess match, window shopped, had yummy foods, visited the bookstore... so much fun! Sir even bought me a bottle of the pumpkin cider to take home as a gift! The next day he also took me out to a really nice sushi restaurant for dinner.

It was lovely to be able to truly indulge without worry. It's not going to our heads; we're back to budgeting, but being able to buy some ground beef or celebrate an occasion without stress is amazing.

2016 is kicking 2015's butt!

This Morning's Wake-Up Call.

Sir and I get up each morning eye-stabbingly early. For us, that is 5:30 am. For me, it is because of my long-ass commute so I can be on time for work at 8 am. For him, he starts earlier than me. But it is nice to wake up together. And I certainly appreciate those times where I get to sleep in!

This morning, Sir decided to get me up a little differently. He woke me up by spanking my ass.

I like spankings and beatings. But we don't usually do anything other than groan, eat breakfast, and get ready for the day on workday mornings. It was pleasant to have that reminder, during the mundane parts of our lives, that I am still his.

Sir has generally been more demanding lately, in a good way. Even just little things like this evening.

"Bitch. You will get up and retrieve my books and study papers. Then, you will make me a bowl of ice cream. Then, you will get the laundry downstairs. After that is done, you may play Minecraft before you pack and make lunches for tomorrow."

I like the specific instructions, I like the spanking... I like that I feel like we're connecting more in the D/s sense.

The Bitch Stick

I came into the office to grab my phone, and Sir tells me to come to him. I'd been wearing my leash attached to my chain all day, per his instructions. He grabs my leash tight and pulls me to him, kissing me hard without much warning. Pulling, keeping me in place. Kissing forcefully. His lips are like a seal around my small mouth, sucking. Sucking all my resistance and thoughts... away.

Apparently I just dropped that phone and gave in. How could I not, though? He keeps a tight hold on my chain, moving his lips to my shoulder, sucking, biting as I squirm. Pulling, the chain biting into my neck as he hikes my skirt up, his hand roughly grabbing between my legs. He steps up from his chair, pulling me upright, and close to him, removing my shirt and hiking the rest of that skirt up, manhandling me through my tights as much as he desires. I find humor in looking up at him; giggling, watching his nostrils flare in excitement. I briefly pull my legs away, wondering if he will pull me back, wanting to feel more of his control. He calls me on my move, not quite believing the reason (probably believing his because his hand is not letting up on me).

Of course he pulls me back, snapping my tights as he lets go and I revel in it. Thinking about it now, that is not a very submissive move. If he puts me somewhere, I should stay put.

"Fucking seriously, Bitch? If I pull you to me, you fucking stay. And I don't quite believe that that's the reason. It's got nothing to do with my hand all up on your fucking pussy right now? If I want to grab this pussy I will grab it, and you will like it!"

I giggle.

"Whats so fucking funny?" Sir rolls his eyes. "You're not still laughing about my nostrils again, are you, Bitch?"

I'm not. I'm laughing because of his language. Unlike me, Sir rarely curses. If he says 'fuck', it's out of extreme frustration; for emphasis. I guess he is one of the few people I know that uses curse words for their proper purpose. Hearing him swear and use the word pussy... it's just so out of character. And while I'm laughing, I like it; his language, his demeanor, his body language. It's screaming dominance, and I'm loving it.

"I can't say pussy, Bitch? Would cunt be better?"

I don't really have a response for him. He can say whatever he likes, do as he likes. I just can't help laughing.

He goes back to attacking my shoulder with his lips, keeping me clamped in place with one hand pulling on my leash, the other still firmly working between my legs. He grabs my hair tightly in his fist, still holding my leash, pulling my head back for kisses that make me forget everything else. I feel like I am pouring myself into him.

He pulls me into the bedroom, keeping a tight hold the entire time.

"Do you know what's going to happen now?"

I don't even have time to answer before he pushes me forcefully down on the bed, face down.

Earlier that night, we threw out a cat tent that our kitty ignores and took up way too much space in our bedroom. But before we did, we dismantled it and had several short sections of plastic pipe. We looked at each other over the garbage can (outside) and brought them back into the house.

He started beating my ass with what he now calls "The Bitch Stick". Over my tights at first. Then he pulled them, and my skirt from me, flipping me over briefly, and then back again face down.

He beats me some more. Scrapes my back with the edge of the stick, pulling my head back, fist in my hair. It makes a slight whistling noise as it cuts the air.

"I'm going to do one cheek horizontal and one cheek vertical." He makes good on it. One definitely hurts more than the other. He beats the other to match intensity of pain.

"Do you like this? You've got a pretty pink ass, you know."

"It hurts..." I say.

"That's not what I asked. Do you like this?"

"...A little, Sir." I'm always saying that. Of course I like it. I'm embarrassed and uncomfortable and he's making me do things, being forceful and making me admit things to him. Yes, I like it.

"Let's see." He shoves his fingers up my cunt. It's easy for him.

"You like it a little, huh? That's not what she seems to think."

He is rough with me. I squirm and try to get away, I guess. But he's got my leash and my hair, and I'm not going anywhere.

He holds me in place, fingering me roughly. It hurts, but it has a taste of that good kind of hurt with it. I wonder if he's making me get used to his hands in there, since I've said I hate it, and I've clamped my legs down or held his hands as best I could from getting in there in the past. He usually wins. Or gets me in my sleep.

"Someone is certainly wet and squishy..."

I find a small amount of embarrassment in him verbalizing that, and being all up in there. But part of me likes it too; the embarrassment, him forcing me to take it.

He removes his fingers. "Grab the rope on the nightstand and flip over."

He places the bitch stick under my right knee, using it to stabilize the rope so that I cannot unbend my leg.

"Now, get up and get the other sticks in the living room."

Just getting off the bed is a chore. I probably should have put more thought into how to get into the other room. I try using the bound leg, and I just go down, catching myself just in time. It's a weird angle to be bent at. I bend the unaffected leg to match, and take a few more steps, looking super glamorous, I am sure. I try hopping with one leg, but I am unstable and need to support myself with my arms. I make it back to the bed finally through hopping/hobbling, sticks in hand, both of us laughing.

He readjusts my bondage. I honestly don't remember if he actually used the other sticks that I had to fetch just then. I remember later, both him and me beating my breasts with them, watching them jiggle. I seemed able to handle more pain than normal. I didn't feel as exposed as I normally do when dealing with breast impact.

I remember him fucking me, good and hard, after I said I didn't think he'd get in there. I remember him taking my leash and pulling on it. I remember his fist in my hair. I remember thinking it'd be lovely to have both legs bound with the bitch sticks, face down, him pulling on the leash and chain as he takes me. I remember him coming. Now that I've started the pill and he won't be needing those condoms much longer, it figures that it's now that he seems to have finally been able to finish with them.

I remember him going to take a quick shower while I was still hazy. He lovingly unclasped the leash from my chain. "Don't want you to choke; you look like you're going to pass out."

He let me sleep until 11:30 am the next day.

I guess he wore me out.

July 4th Weekend Pt 2

Saturday was another good day. When I awoke, Sir pulled me into the other room and over his knee, delivering some good morning smacks to my ass. I attempted to count, but I was wrong. I made us a low key breakfast of cereal, and we watched some anime.

Sir had said he'd been feeling "off" all morning, so he wanted to take a nap. And he wanted cuddles. So I got into bed with him.  Sleep didn't come for me though, so after about a half hour, I got distracted, and then I got Sir distracted. I'm the sort of person that prefers to sleep in, and then not nap all day (though I do love me a nap now and again). Sir seems to prefer to rise early, even on his days off, and then take a nap in the middle of the day.

I think Sir appreciated my efforts. The day before, I told him that I had been thinking about sucking him, which is novel for me. It's not that I absolutely hate giving BJ's, it's just rare that I'm thinking about them in a sort of fantasy daydream type way, which I was. Slowly, I woke Sir up from his nap, through stroking him with my hands, then taking him in my mouth, and finally sheathing him within me. He woke up fully for that.

"Condom?" He sleepily uttered.

"Nope, I was just going to go get one."

"Good".

I rode Sir as best as I could. Sir has a real problem finishing with a condom (almost done with this medicine, then back on the pill - thank God!). I finished, then he flipped me over and fucked me some more. When he had his fill, I gave him my hands, and he got off by hurting me with clothespins while I stroked him. I think it is the sounds I make that do it for him. His climax coincided with him abruptly taking the pins off and my shrieks I think spurred him on.

I think we are both very much looking forward to being done with this medicine, and with condoms, Just a little bit more. I pick up my last bottle of medicine next week!

After a nice shower, we got dressed to take a walk. I was wearing some flip flops, but as it was a short walk, I grabbed a pair of heels. The only way I am going to get better walking in them is to do it. And I have to admit, wearing them is just more attractive. Though I was definitely happy to get them off at the end of the walk.

There definitely is a difference.

Sir and I saw a rainbow sculpture in a local park. Considering recent events, we thought photos here would be fitting. I think our poses pretty much sum up our personalities. Sir is steadfast and I am all over the place. I guess that's why he has to keep me in line.

A photo in the shoes. 

Man, you can see how long my hair is getting here!

After our walk, Sir took an actual nap, and I prepared some dinner. We actually ate in our yard for the first time!

We don't have a proper grill, but the George Foreman does the trick!

 A view from the kitchen window - I was setting the table. 

I am also very excited about the ONE flower that is in bloom on the right!

 Sir takes his seat, ready to eat!

Yay! Our first meal at our apartment al fresco!

Happy Independence Day to all the Americans reading! ^_^

The Dining Room Stool and Bed Raisers

This weekend was great. Apparently when I am needing "extra" dominance, it is not at all subtle. I'm not sure what behaviors I display. Sometimes I will tell Sir how I feel if I am aware of it, but sometimes he picks up on it from me. After I woke up and made us breakfast, Sir did the dishes while I tidied up the house. Sir decided I was to do it gagged. I don't like the gag, but I like him making me wear the gag. The force of it, succumbing to his will. For cleaning, I got a reward - he put me over his knee and struck my ass with his hand. Halfway through, he had me go to our toy bag and pick an implement. I chose our wooden purple paddle, which surprised him for some reason. I'm not sure what he thought I would pick. He got pretty forceful with it toward the end, but I really enjoyed it.

He made me do my job paperwork afterwards. I was bad at first, and didn't start my paperwork right away- hiding in the living room, so he dragged me into the back room where he was and had me sit on a high dining stool to do it. Eventually I got into the groove of it and nearly finished a stack of it.

 In the middle of doing my paperwork, I made an offhand comment that I was horny. Without further ado, Sir came by and grabbed my paperwork. He had me get up and marched me to the end of the bed where he stripped all the clothes from me, flinging them haphazardly around the room. He set up our dining room stool on 4 bed-raisers. Watching him set that up was interesting. Not being sure exactly what he would do with it; getting excited about the predicament of it. He had me climb on top of it and lay face down. Because it was a stool, only my torso was actually on it, leaving him to chain my hands to the legs of the stool. He took the spreader bar out and chained my feet to it. It was very precarious - I wanted to squirm and move my legs, but I also didn't want to unbalance myself off the stool. He took out a variety of implements to use on me. He beat me with a length of rope, used our flogger, and used a new toy that the leader of our munch gave us for valentine's day. It's a smaller flogger with bead chain, but boy does it pack a wallop! It also feels nice being dragged across the skin. I was very into everything Sir was doing. Sir took  me just like that, in that position. I have to say, I loved it! It was torture, because I wanted to squirm and move, and even move my legs more to make it more conducive to the positions we were in, but being chained with my arms and having the spreader bar there made it impossible! Sir was able to use that to his advantage and just torture me. He did have to grab hold of me and the stool to make sure I didn't get injured as I started to become less and less careful about my squirming.

Eventually, Sir released me from the chair and had me get onto our bed. He chained my wrists to my collar and kept the spreader bar in place, resuming fucking me. It was just... wonderful. Forceful, intense, sweaty and lovely. I couldn't move my hands to touch him, which I wanted to. I didn't have full use of my legs, as they were chained to the spreader bar. And I think Sir was really into it too - I have two HUGE hickeys on my neck - one is a good 3 inches long. We're not usually the leaving hickeys types, especially because of professionalism. I will wear some high collared shirts to work this week, and some fashionable scarves. But I actually love the feeling of receiving a hickey, so its hard for my brain to speak up and say 'Hey, we may regret this later".

If I cared less about professionalism and what people think I'd probably not regret it at all! But, we do need to make a living. . I do wonder what I would do if Sir decided to put one in a difficult to hide place... how I would deal with it. I'd have to of course. But would societal pressure outweigh my pleasure at making Sir happy? I'm not sure. Right now, I like looking at them, knowing they are there. I just don't want societal consequences. So, as long as its hide-able, I won't care!

Motivation

Yesterday I found myself finally tackling a mountain of paperwork that I've been letting slide for work. Sir kept me motivated.

I would complete a set of the paperwork and then I would be allowed to take a break. During the break, Sir would pull me over his knee and spank me for an unspecified length of time. I know at one point we got to 394 spanks during a session.

At some point during these spankings I wondered in what way this was motivating me. It was definitely welcome - I was wondering if it was motivation that I should finish work sooner so that I could receive another spanking, or maybe as a reward for finally taking it on? Or maybe if I was struck harder and less pleasurably, as a behavior corrector to not let the paperwork get to the point that it has.

Either way, it was a good way to spend a Sunday doing an overall less than pleasant task!

Beating the Blues

Sir and I think that maybe some of what I'm feeling may be sub drop. I've been just down, achey, irritable and depressed. Maybe that helped contribute to the episode the other day, but for a couple of days I was just....dejected. Sir wrapped me up in a blanket, and let me be on the couch for the first time in weeks. He put on comedy specials, and we cuddled.

It helped, a lot.

This weekend I gave him a nice blowjob where he finished (usually he demands to finish with sex). The next day he spent the evening focused on me - beating my ass, tying me up, spreading me wide. I admit I got a little bit bratty while being tied up. But once he tied me, I was much more receptive. It's hard not to be when my choice is taken away.

I reveled in it and when Sir was done I was a puddle of goo. Sometimes I guess he just has to beat the blues out of me. That, followed with a good deep fucking and I feel like a new person.

I hope the effects last for awhile.

Sir's Birthday Part 2

So, Sir and I had a great day for his birthday, and then had a good sleep. When we awoke, my plan
was to give Sir a nice blowjob (that I meant to give him the night before) using this special spray that numbs the back of my throat so I can take more of him, and really focus on pleasing him.

Sir had other ideas.

As soon as we got up, Sir headed to the back room, and I heard the classic noises of him fiddling with our toybag.

"Bitch, come here."

I came into the room still in my pajamas, and Sir immediately cuffed and locked all my limbs. I admit, I got a little whiney, probably because I had literally just opened an eyeball. I really need to keep myself in check sometimes.

Sir marched be back into the bedroom, changed my comfy collar to the big leather collar, then stripped me bare. He then tied my wrist cuffs together using rope, and bound my arms above my head using the door for leverage. I was whining a little bit, because it was cold. We turn the thermostat down at night, so the house hadn't had a chance to warm up yet.

He brought out the body marker and scrawled across my breasts. When he was finished, my right breast said "Happy", my left breast said "Birthday" and across my chest was "BITCH". I am his "Happy Birthday" Bitch! I'm glad he wrote on me - it's not something we do often. I just hope BITCH is not peeking through my shirt at work tomorrow, haha.

As I faced the door, I felt a lot of sensations, tricking me and making me wiggle. He started off soothing, running his hands up and down my back. Then, Sir brought out a pointy back massager I got at a dollar store somewhere. I could feel it biting into my back and the top of my ass. I could feel the skinny bite of the wartenberg wheel, which felt more like a thin knife across my skin. I think he brought out the metal back scratcher too. I liked when he tried to trick my body, using them simultaneously down my spine, then separating each across my skin. It leaves me trying to figure out which sensations are from which implement.

From there, he brought out the thin whippy belt, leaving little stripes across my back. He hit me hard a few times to leave a deeper mark, and probably also just to show me he could; that he was in control, and if I'm liking the light whipping, it's because he wants me to. He could turn it at any moment. He had me face him, twirling on my toes, arms suspended above my head.

"Whose submissive bitch are you?"

"Yours, Sir."

"What are you?"

"I'm your submissive bitch, Sir."

He then whipped me lightly across the front of my body. I always feel more vulnerable when the front of my body is exposed.

He had me face the wall again. I mentioned that I felt selfish. Here it was his birthday, and I'm the one getting all the attention. He didn't want a blowjob, he wants to do things I like instead?

"It's my birthday, bitch, and I'd like to spend it putting you in the right headspace. Plus, I enjoy doing these things to you, hearing your sounds, watching you squirm... and it's not like you're not giving me a blowjob later!"

Touche, Sir.

Sir then swatted my ass a few times with the big paddle.

He had another implement, and was alternating until he said, "Hard or Soft?"

"Um, what, Sir?"

"Hard or Soft?"

"...um, hard, Sir?"

I felt a soft tickle down my spine. "Hard, or Soft?"

"...um, Soft, Sir?"

-WHAM!- He wailed down on my ass. "Hard or Soft?"

"Soft?"

-A gentle tap on my bottom.-

This continued, him asking me "Hard or soft?", me hesitatingly responding, and him either complying or not. I wasn't ever sure what to say, because he's going to do what he wants anyway.

He asked me if I knew why he was doing this. I wasn't sure. He knows I dislike having to make decisions, especially when he asks me what I want. I feel put on the spot and out of ideas. I liked this activity because it was a choice, but it was controlled. Instead of infinite options, there were a few selections. It made it easier. But if he was going to give me a choice, and then do what he wants, why bother giving me a choice in the first place?

Sir educated me. "You can choose, but it is up to me to decide if the choice is the best thing for you. You can ask, but I decide."

It was a little bit of a mindfuck for me. A small part of me still feels like he is going to do what he wants anyway, he knows what he feels is best for me anyway, so why have me choose? That being said, I like the choices, even if he doesn't acquiesce to my selection. Because he can do what he wants.

I started to reach my arm suspension limit, so Sir unbound my arms. I was a lucky girl, for he let me serve his cock! I trimmed him nicely, and then after applying my "Deep Throat" spray, got to sucking. I'm glad Sir got his birthday blowjob after all!

Vanilla Brain vs. Submissive Brain

Lately I've been having a struggle as Sir and I mesh our lives together. I find myself getting annoyed by a lot of small things that add up over time and make me really frustrated. Speaking with others, it seems that these things I'm getting annoyed with are pretty typical when couples move in together. Vanilla couples, that is.

The things that are grating on my nerves have mostly to do with basic survival and upkeep of the house. Cleaning the bathroom, budgeting, purchasing and cooking food. Planning meals. Doing laundry. Setting up a life in a new state (transferring all credentials, car titles, etc). These are things that Sir does not think about, unless I bring them to his attention. I get annoyed that I have to explain these things to a grown man (who is 5 years older than me), who has lived on his own before we moved in together. It seems that these are all things that women commonly go through with their men, but things are different for us.

My brain is at war with itself. As a submissive, it should be my service to make things easier on Sir. To do these things, and let him have more free time to do as he wishes. On the other hand, I think it would be different if Sir were aware of these things, and tasked me to do them, instead of me worrying about everything while he remains clueless.

I am trying to remain in a proper submissive headspace, but sometimes I find it difficult. I went to Maine this weekend to help a friend and I had 4 days away from Sir where I made a lot of decisions, had a lot of freedom, and had a chance to commiserate with other females about "man problems". It was good to see that it was not just us, but today I was a little bit bratty.

Sir had to put me in my place. I lost count (as did he) but I think he struck me over 200 times. He made a good point though. "You may have to show me how to do a lot of things this first year of us living together, but I will still spank  your ass when you get out of line".

I think I needed the reminder to get back into my rightful role. Submission does not come naturally to me; I am naturally a dominant and outgoing person. But I am happiest in a submissive relationship. So it's work, as any relationship is.

I think for now, we've struck a compromise. I will show Sir the things that I think are necessary in terms of running the household and daily life. He doesn't have to do them, of course, but I think it will better him as a person to have the knowledge at least. And I will do my best to be respectful about it and come from a place of wanting to help him, rather than getting frustrated of his ignorance.

Blindfolded Dinner

I was away this weekend for a baby shower back in New Jersey. Before I came home on Sunday night, Sir hadn't seen me since Friday morning at 6:30 am.

I think he missed me. Well, I KNOW he missed me. He told me that he was actually lonely, and he has a better understanding of what it is like for me to be here, alone, allllll day. Though I'm not glad that he was lonely this weekend, I'm glad he had that realization of what my days might be like right now; maybe it will help him understand me better.

It seemed like Sir couldn't wait for me to get home; he was READY. When I finished unloading the car, and I put my collar on (I remembered; hooray!). He had me sit down at the kitchen table and wait. He came back and immediately bound my hands behind the chair! He said he was practicing a new tie, and evidently he got it right, it was very quick, but also very adjustable. He then used some thick ribbon to blindfold my eyes. He had to adjust it a few time. As soon as he had me secured, that is of course when I get the wiggles because I'm itchy.

I heard him fussing about in the kitchen, and then he returned to the dining table.

"Open your mouth."

I did as I was told, and felt... a cup. He had me drink from the cup!

It was... grape soda.

Sir isn't particularly fond of grape soda, but he knows that I have the eating habits of a 13 year old boy, and so we shared the cup.

I heard him bring something else over to the table, and I smelled... apples.

Again I heard, "Open".

I did and I tasted... fish!

He continued this way, sharing the plate of lemon pepper fish, Rice, Broccoli. Alternating with cups of Grape soda.

"Open."

At the end of it all, my nose was correct - there WERE apples!

I really enjoyed Sir feeding me and being in control of that meal. The sensory deprivation helped. We chatted about our weekends while he fed me and himself.

After the meal, Sir clipped my leash to my collar and away he dragged me into the bedroom.

Once I felt the carpet that surrounds our bed, I was unceremoniously pushed onto it. I ended up laying on my side right at the edge of the foot of the bed. Sir climbed up behind me and started touching me gently, until he wailed on my ass with that huge hand of his.

I loved it.

He then decided to use me as a pillow. I was a little unsteady, so I used one foot on the floor to stabilize myself. After a bit, Sir asked me if I was steady on the bed. I let him know that I already had one foot on the floor. He had me get myself up and he lead me over to the other side of the room, where he pushed me back down on the bed. Then he got in and resumed using me as a pillow for underneath his knees. I liked being of use this way for him. While I was laying there, he would pinch my left nipple, and then took the strap of my leash and beat my breasts as much as he could, given that I was nicely padded with bra, tank top, and t-shirt still on. He said he was going to keep at it until I gave a satisfactory reaction. Which meant hitting me harder until I squeaked. Sir says that if I'm not making noise, he's not doing his job.

He had me get myself up and stand. He used the ends of the rope that was binding my arms to whip my legs and ass.  He then removed my blindfold. The room was dark. He turned the lights off for my eyes, how nice! He pushed the upper half of my body down so that I was bent over, taking my leash and forcing it between my legs and behind me, holding me in place. He pulled tighter and tighter on the leash, smacking my ass, and using the rope to whip me. His voice was very... soothing, though I could hear a bit of menace behind it. Even though the blindfold was removed, I could only see my feet and his as he continued striking my ass and breasts, asking me questions.

"Do you know why I'm doing this?"

".... to remind me whose submissive bitch I am, Sir?"

"Very Good."

He had me hold the leash behind my back as he continued his efforts. Sir likes me to have a hand in my own tortures.

"How does it feel?"

"It's ...uncomfortable, Sir".

"Do you like it?"

"...yes, Sir."

It IS uncomfortable to have chain digging into your lady area and up in your butt. But, I still like it, because he's making me do it. He brought me up briefly for a kiss as I was still holding my leash behind me, and it was just as he released me that I could feel the haze of subspace just descend on me. I don't think I've ever felt it so acutely, being able to pinpoint the moment. Usually I'm already down, and I fuzzily think to myself, "oh look..."

He had me go make his lunch for the next day then, and it was interesting to be doing a routine task spacey like that, sort of like being punch-drunk. Sir came into the kitchen to remove my leash, but apparently I made a sad face so he left it on. 

When I was done with his lunch, he dragged me into the office and had me kneel next to him as he was sitting in his chair. He had me sit there with him as he played Skyrim. He would pet my head at odd intervals.

He asked if I wanted a pillow to kneel, and I declined. I'm not sure if it would have helped. I have a really hard time kneeling. Not so much staying on my knees, but sitting back on my legs when kneeling. The pressure immediately cuts off circulation to my lower legs and feet, and begins hurting. I'm wondering what I can do to train myself to kneel better, or endure it better at least. I am not a graceful kneeler. I spend my time wiggling and alternating getting on all fours, which I think amuses Sir, especially when he's petting my head. He said I looked uncomfortable, and I told him that I was thinking of asking him if I could sit pretzel style. He immediately said no. Though I hurt, it pleased me, that he would deny me the comfort. I need to learn to submit in situations like that with grace. I do it, but I should do it gracefully and make it look effortless, which I definitely don't.

Sir finished his game and it was time for bed! Sir let me wear my shorts to bed (it's my time of the month) which was nice of him. But he did not permit me a shirt. Learning to sleep without clothes will take some getting used to.

It was nice to have an evening like this. Usually our evenings end in some kind of sex. (Not that I'm complaining about sex). Sir said that because I mentioned my discomfort due to time of month issues, he decided not to end the evening with sex, and it was kind of nice. To have a scene not end in a typical "let's fuck now" fashion. To just do it for the sake of the merit in the activities themselves. The domination and submission.

Though he did say last night, that I better be ready for today because it is ON when he gets home!

Stolen Seclusion

This past Sunday, Sir and I had a couple of hours completely to ourselves.

Usually, to get complete, uninterrupted alone time, we have to conduct an orchestra and calculate when Pluto will be approaching the horizon... or steal away for a weekend.

I had pretty much just awoken; only getting up and dressing to brush my teeth, but Sir wasted no time.

"Strip".

Sir placed my collar around my neck. He was merciful the night before and allowed me to choose between sleeping with the big collar on (which was very physically uncomfortable), or sleeping naked (which I find mentally uncomfortable). Since I chose the mental discomfort, now the collar returned. When not trying to sleep, its just fine. I missed it.

I miss my sleeping collar, too.

Sir bound my hands and feet. He used the extra rope that I had previously used to make arm braces. I missed that too. Rope. It was interesting to use such thin rope in binding my arms and legs - we usually use thicker rope.

Sir pushed me face down on the bed.

I could hear him setting things up. Opening the bondage bag and removing items. Choosing. Slowly, he laid some items down on the bed in my line of sight:

A pair of clothespins.
An extendable metal backscratcher.
My thin leather belt, with the beads at the end.
Plastic spring clamps.
A pair of rope scissors.
Our Wartenberg wheels.

Immediately, those butterflies were in my belly. Wondering what he was going to do. Which items he would use - all? None? Which first? The anticipation was delightful.

Sir started things out very sensual. Nice soothing hands all over me. Soft tone of voice... though to be fair, he's NEVER raised his voice or screamed at me. Ever. He doesn't need to. He can show me he means business by altering his tone, but leaving his volume level.

Sir grabbed the backscratcher. But instead of scratching my back, he used the blunt end to strike my body. Which warmed me up for his hand. I so needed his hand. When we first used the candle wax, by the end I was aching to be spanked. Then I felt a sting on my back. He was alternating the smacks with whipping. Delicious. I started to count the blows in my head, but it got a little confusing once he added the candle wax. I was over two hundred various blows before I heard him blow out the candle.

I heard a shutter click.

 

And then the peeling. Oh, the peeling.

It was amazing. And torturous. Sir used the backscratcher in the peeling process and I felt like I was going to hit the ceiling.

Then Sir flipped me over. He clamped my nipples with the spring clamps, pulling and flicking them. He alternated the Wartenberg wheels over my belly and breasts. One dug deeper than the other - an interesting contrast. Sir was able to push them into my breasts, down my feet, scraping sideways.

He pushed a hand between my thighs, and was able to see how much I was enjoying his treatment.

For some reason, I bear embarrassment in those situations, displaying evidence of my pleasure, my liking of these activities. But I like the embarrassment too.

Sir works hard to make me happy. I think my being happy makes him happy.

He said he's not a fan of orgasm denial for me - as every time I finish is like a victory.

It was an easy race to that finish line. I don't usually finish solely while having sex, but I guess he had me primed.

I missed having a longer, thought out scene like that.

I've been floating for days.

Hurricane and New Job Update

Here in NJ I'm just fine. We were very fortunate. The worst we got was that the cable, phone, and internet went out. The lights flickered, and we lost power for a total of one minute.

The areas around me however were hit hard. There are downed trees everywhere, no one can get gas, many areas are flooded. My one job has been closed this entire week. I'm actually hating the new job, and I really want to quit so much that I actually drafted a resignation letter. But I've been waffling on whether or not to send it. I applied for a job in Connecticut and I think that if I get an offer there, I'll quit this job. If not, I'll try and stick it out, but its really making me miserable and it's scaring Sir how miserable I am. It's affected our D/s, again in that I'm overworked, overstressed, overtired and I've not had much time to concentrate on us. I'm also being more cranky and bratty and less inclined to follow rules.

Last weekend before the storm he actually tied me to his bed and struck me 101 times with different implements, until I cried. He said I needed the catharsis, and I think he was right. After that though, I was a pile of mush so we just stayed in bed for the rest of the day, essentially. I did need it, but the trade off comes in time to complete tasks for the new job.

I'm seriously hoping I get the job in Connecticut so that I would feel justified in resigning from this job that I've worked at for a total of 3 weeks (only two of which we've been open).

I hope everyone fared well this past week!