Monday, October 13, 2014

Vanilla Brain vs. Submissive Brain

Lately I've been having a struggle as Sir and I mesh our lives together. I find myself getting annoyed by a lot of small things that add up over time and make me really frustrated. Speaking with others, it seems that these things I'm getting annoyed with are pretty typical when couples move in together. Vanilla couples, that is.

The things that are grating on my nerves have mostly to do with basic survival and upkeep of the house. Cleaning the bathroom, budgeting, purchasing and cooking food. Planning meals. Doing laundry. Setting up a life in a new state (transferring all credentials, car titles, etc). These are things that Sir does not think about, unless I bring them to his attention. I get annoyed that I have to explain these things to a grown man (who is 5 years older than me), who has lived on his own before we moved in together. It seems that these are all things that women commonly go through with their men, but things are different for us.

My brain is at war with itself. As a submissive, it should be my service to make things easier on Sir. To do these things, and let him have more free time to do as he wishes. On the other hand, I think it would be different if Sir were aware of these things, and tasked me to do them, instead of me worrying about everything while he remains clueless.

I am trying to remain in a proper submissive headspace, but sometimes I find it difficult. I went to Maine this weekend to help a friend and I had 4 days away from Sir where I made a lot of decisions, had a lot of freedom, and had a chance to commiserate with other females about "man problems". It was good to see that it was not just us, but today I was a little bit bratty.

Sir had to put me in my place. I lost count (as did he) but I think he struck me over 200 times. He made a good point though. "You may have to show me how to do a lot of things this first year of us living together, but I will still spank  your ass when you get out of line".

I think I needed the reminder to get back into my rightful role. Submission does not come naturally to me; I am naturally a dominant and outgoing person. But I am happiest in a submissive relationship. So it's work, as any relationship is.

I think for now, we've struck a compromise. I will show Sir the things that I think are necessary in terms of running the household and daily life. He doesn't have to do them, of course, but I think it will better him as a person to have the knowledge at least. And I will do my best to be respectful about it and come from a place of wanting to help him, rather than getting frustrated of his ignorance.


  1. Honestly, flat out ask him if he would rather take on some of the smaller tasks, or if he would rather just hear what you accomplished at the end of the day. I find it perfectly submissive to keep things like schedules and tasks in mind, but give the reminders, or ask a domlyperson to help with things.
    Living with someone is a huge adventure, and it's gonna take a lot of communcation and sharing of thoughts to figure out the best system for you guys.

    1. We spoke about it - I just like working things out in my head. He's okay with learning, and does not mind at all if I ask him to help me with certain things. That being said, I just have this internal struggle with how I feel about the situation. I think I need to approach asking him to help, or teaching him things from a better place, rather than a place of annoyance.


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