Merry Christmas 2019

Merry Christmas 2019 from our home to yours!

Winter Uniform

Sir has been struggling with deciding what my winter uniform will be. He likes me having a uniform. But he also acknowledges that my original uniform would not be practical for the winter - I'd freeze.

This look is pretty cute, but even with the fuzzy socks, I'd be a popsicle.


So, it took Sir a bit to figure out what he wanted, but he decided that my winter "uniform" will be my cuffs at my wrists and ankles.

I can wear my fuzzy socks and comfy pants and big green robe, as long as I have the cuffs on. My head thinks its a win and I agree.

Though it is still taking some getting used to getting them on and off. It is not part of my routine. I admit, in the morning when I am tired and grumpy and it is taking longer to get them off so I can get ready for work on time ... I am grumbling.

But I am doing it!

Update - Stress

Life can just get so... stressful sometimes.

I am really truly excited to get married. I love Sir, and I want to spend my life with him.

But wedding planning is a lot of work! I see why they have professional planners that get paid lots of money to do this.

We've done a lot in the planning department thus far, especially considering our wedding is not for over a year! We have the ceremony and reception locations, caterers, menu picked out (the tasting is next month!), officiant and DJ. Our invitations and Save-the-Dates are done (ready to be sent when we're ready to send them). Our wedding website is 90% done.

Between planning, the craziness at work (they sent me to Denver for training which was amazing, but exhausting), the holidays, my brother being gravely injured, and dealing with my mom... it is hard for me to make time to blog.

I like blogging, I like the time to process and connect and write. But when I let it get away from me, it snowballs and snowballs until I feel like I have to play catch up, and it's too much to catch up on, so I get overwhelmed and avoid it.

So I'm going to just get on here and write from time to time and try not to let the rest get to me (the catching up).

Denver was truly amazing. I'd never been out west before. The landscape was a real shock to me. The beauty. The mountains! I spent most of my time holed up in the hotel with classes and trainings and events, but we did have one day of field trips and they really crammed a lot into that one day (we went to a nature center, a zoo, a museum, and a mountain park!)

My brother is having surgery in two weeks. He was really hurt at work to the point that we're lucky he is alive, and not paralyzed. But he is and has been in a tremendous amount of pain, and will probably never work again. I'm going out there to be with him and the family. Fingers crossed it all goes all right!

I'm going away again on Wednesday for work. Another meeting. Another night away from Sir. At least work pays for these things. I feel so fancy sometimes with my business trips, ha!

In the meantime, now that it is cold, Sir has been thinking up ideas for a winter uniform. Can't have me going around in a white tank top and nothing else in this freezing weather!

... Well, I guess he COULD, but I am glad that he is electing to do something else.

Hope you're all staying warm (or cool as the case may be!) and having lovely holidays!

Spank Against the Machine

My uncle is a historian and he posted this on his social media this week:

I had wondered if this was actually real. If it was, I thought maybe they invented it as a way to discipline children...

Well, it is real! But it actually was invented for fraternity initiation rituals.

How interesting.

https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/demoulin-museum

Uniform Decisions

Sir made some decisions about the uniform. The A-shirt stands. I've been wearing it for about a week and a half now.

It is taking some getting used to, but in general I like it. I do feel a little bit too exposed, but in a way, that can be a good thing...

Back from the Banks

Sir and I have just returned from a fantastic vacation to the Outer Banks.

I haven't been able to relax like this in a long while. We rented this baller-ass house with friends. It slept 14, had a hot tub, a pool, a viewing tower, oceanfront views, and was a 1 minute walk to the beach.

We were delayed 1 day due to Hurricane Dorian, but it turned out well. Took me 4 whole days to get relaxed, but it was just... beyond words.

We did a lot of nothing, sprinkled with some activities. Reading, sunning, hot-tubbin, pina colada sippin. Beach bumming. I did go to the aquarium and an old-time colony village with Sir. Went kayaking with my college girl friends. Checked out Jockey's Ridge State Park - the Sand Dunes were amazing.

I could easily stay there another couple weeks (or forever!) if it weren't for adult responsibilities. I still feel pretty jello-like, even after a day back at work. Hopefully this feeling will stay a while.

Or we'll have to plan another vacation!

A few photo highlights (we took over 1600 photos!)

The sunrise. Just sucks all the awfulness right out of you, and leaves it in the sand.

Went kayaking in the marshes. Saw a snowy egret!

This bathtub was amazing. And had jets!
I bought some bath bombs specifically for it. I want one at home!

Sir and I on the dock at the Roanoke Island Festival Park. 💚

Traumatizing the Neighborhood: It's worse, it's so much worse!

Sir and I have not had much time to ourselves this month. Every day I have had off either Sir was not off or I have had an obligation. We are trying to make sure we make private time for each other

We were finally able to carve a little time out for ourselves. Some unrushed alone time. We reveled in it.

So, we're right in the middle of having sex, and we hear the neighbor's kids outside. We sort of share a backyard, though there is a fence between us. I turn around, and I can clearly see them through our window fan.

If I can see them... well shit. They can see us. Sir has me carefully approach the window (we ARE both stark naked, after all). I am coming to the window from the side, so that I am unseen to quickly throw the blinds down.

Over the fan.

The FAN.

Which blows the entire window covering WIDE open. I am completly freaking out, and exclaim:

"It's worse, it's so much worse!"

 I duck down to cover myself with a sheet that was thrown on the floor. Sir is yelling at me to turn the freaking fan off!

I get it turned off, and at least now we cannot be seen.

But it would probably have been better for us to do *nothing*.

That caused so much more attention to the situation.

And once it was done... yeah, those kids were not outside anymore.

Sorry, neighbors!

Uniform: Continued

There is more to the uniform story here.

After the comments my last post, where Sir was thinking (key word here) about having me wear a black leotard as a uniform, I feel the need to reply here and continue the story.

Some are under the impression that Sir and I have not already had an open discussion on the matter. Weighing the options. Of course we have. Sir and I have been together for over 8 years now. There is nothing we hide from each other, and though he does have the final say, I am not afraid to let him know how I feel. When I wrote my post, we had already had a discussion on the matter. I already told him my thoughts about it. I was waiting to find out what he decided.

Another thought was that asking me to do this arbitrary thing for the sake of feeling dominant might breed resentment. I do not think so. I don't think it is arbitrary for one. I don't think of it as something I would hate, either. Just because you're not overjoyed for something doesn't mean you feel hatred for it. Control over my dress and appearance is not arbitrary for us. I have been growing my hair out for 8 years, as an example. For another, I have already had a dress code for the past 7 and a half years. This is more of an extension of that. At first, changing the way I dress was difficult and I have been pissy about it at times. Sometimes it still is difficult. But I have never resented Sir for it. And it certainly has helped my headspace, though less so now.

If there was something that you knew made your partner happy, wouldn't you do it? A thing that does not cause you harm, but perhaps a little inconvenience into your day? A change in your routine? I know I want to make him happy. How is this different preparing a great dinner, putting on the perfume that they like, or keeping a clean house for them, as an example?

One person commented on the eventual "rote-ness" of it. That is a great thing to consider. I still wear skirts or dresses everyday when I am not at work. At first, it make me feel incredibly submissive, and reminded me of Sir, especially as we were not living together. When we first moved in together it also helped my headspace as I liked looking good for him each day. Today, it has become more or less part of me, and I don't think it affects me from a submissive point of view as much. But if it makes Sir happy, I am still happy to do it. It has become a little bit of my identity, I think though, in general.

A few months ago Sir asked me to stop growing my hair out. It was completely jarring. He said it had finally reached a good length. I don't know how to be the person who is not growing their hair. After all those years, it was part of me, and I still am not sure how to deal with that at present. One day at a time. Eventually this would become part of my identity, too, even if it wasn't something that I initiated or was in love with doing. It becomes part of you.

So, if Sir wants a new addition to the dress code, he will have it. I have brought up my concerns to him. He listened and thought about it, and came up with a different idea on his own. He's my Dominant, not an unthinking douche who doesn't consider my needs or what I have to say. I am not afraid of him, or of telling him how I feel and think. He likes that about me. Though he does make mistakes, we all do and he tries very hard to make me happy. What makes me happy is being submissive. So what Sir decides goes.

Instead of a leotard, Sir is now thinking about having me wear an A-shirt. (One of those long men's undershirt tanks). He is not sure if it will be white, or black. I will not be wearing undergarments with it unless I am on my cycle.

We talked about this idea too. It does solve some of the concerns I had about practicality, so while I am not initially wild over it, I think it will work. And while I don't find them particularly sexy at the moment, they have their appeal and I do know that if this is what he decides, the first time I put that shirt on I will definitely be in the right headspace, thinking about him.

Thanks for your input, I truly do appreciate it.

Uniform

Sir says that he is thinking about modifying my current dress code a little.

As of right now, when I am not at work, or working out, I am to wear a dress or skirt. I do own some leggings to wear under the skirts in the wintertime and to exercise.

I have gotten a little lax in that there have been times I wore leggings with no skirt, when I was not exercising. But it has not been very often. I have also pretty much stopped exercising, and as it is not winter, I suppose I've been adhering to dress code more.


Sir is thinking of adding a requirement to my dress code, for indoors only.

Basically, a black leotard.

So that when I am in the house, it would be my uniform.

We looked at a few.

The one he liked best thus far was this:

We would of course need multiple items, enough to get me through a week or so between laundry.
And I don't know if it would change in the winter. Would I be expected to sleep in it? How would having my monthly cycle impact this?

I'm not yet sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, it is another level of control. On the other... part of me wonders what the ultimate goal is. I wonder how compliant I would be. Especially when I am cold. If I will be bratty.

When we talked about it, he said it was a way to direct what I wear, and it would be easier.

Easier for whom, I asked? Certainly not for me. If you have worn one of these, they're not the easiest to get into or out of. They're not the most functional if you have to use the restroom. If you are menstruating, they're a downright pain in the ass. And what about underwear? Do I not wear them now?

But while those are valid things to consider, they're not really the point. Whether it is easier for me or not is irrelevant. If Sir decides it, this is what will be.

Invisible Tether

It seemed like it had been a good long while since Sir and I got to engage in any real sex or kink or scene. We'd been on conflicting schedules, and the last few times we did get a chance, something awkward or awful happened.

I was starting to be concerned that we were going to go through a really dry spell vanilla, kink, or otherwise.

Luckily I was wrong.

We had some time to ourselves Sunday afternoon.

Sir gave me a good reminder on his control over me. Without using anything but himself. No toys. No constraints. Just him and me.

Just his hands on my body. Caressing...coaxing. Cracking. A pinch here, a tap there.

Getting me completely in his thrall. Keeping me there with only his hands and his voice.

It felt like his words were around me, binding me in place.

Reminding me that I am his.

💗

Abort: A Scene Fail

One night after work, Sir let me know that something was going to go down after dinner. 

I love that; the anticipation. Thinking about it during our meal.

After dinner and a shower, Sir wasted no time, grabbing me by the hair and gently but firmly pulling me to the living room, where he had set up one of our dining chairs. He had me sit. I was naked and still slightly damp from the shower.

He tied my thighs to the chair, near my knees, pulling them apart; keeping them open and therefore me exposed.

He tied my ankles.

He tied my hands as well, down at each side to the chair legs.

Chairbound.

He then tied my hair to the back of the chair. Upon completion, he circled like a waiting vulture. A smack here, a pinch there.

He got out our purple paddle, running it over my body, up to my neck, settling under my chin, lifting it up to force me to meet his eyes.

I could feel the paddle sliding just a little. More and more forward, away from my neck.

Finally, it happened.

It came free and struck me right in the mouth.

My stupidly open mouth.

And right on to the tooth I just had dental work on. (It was so bad, Sir had actually brought me to the ER before we could see a dentist).

The pain was excruciating. I felt like it exploded through my face, though it was just a little tap.

I now fully understand the phrase "burst into tears". They too, exploded out of me, while I tried to contain myself. I couldn't, though, and it just seemed like I was hyperventilating.

Sir did not mean to do it.

Sir feels extremely awful about it.

I think he was at a loss for what to do first. So he settled on holding my head until I calmed down a little. He then untied my hands, which flew immediately to my face. He knew that a normal reaction would be to try and "protect" the area, but my hands were bound. It made me feel more vulnerable not being able to do so and probably increased my reaction. I think I was also crying because it had been so long since we were able to get together like this, and I felt like it was all ruined. We were going to miss out. I was disappointed.

After, he took me over to the couch and let me snuggle in all the blankets.

Thankfully, after another dental visit, the tooth is okay (but requires additional unrelated work).

Aftermath.

Hopefully we'll get to revisit this again.

Feet to Ankle

Just a little photo from when Sir tied me up last week. We DID get things back on track. I like the symmetry and the feet.

I find it amusing that our vacuum cleaner and dance pad are back there, though. Normally if we know a photo is going to be taken, there is an attempt to "make it pretty".

Passing Embarrassment

So, a few weeks ago, Sir got bit by the play-bug and brought out some toys.

I was excited! It had been a good long while.

He decided to use the wrist and ankle cuffs he recently purchased. They're velcro, and once on, he hooked my wrists to my ankles, leaving me especially prone.

This was thrilling, but also nerve-wracking. Being so vulnerable, being left wide open like that. I have insecurities about my vagina.

Adding to this was what happened next. I forget the complete circumstances now, but I think Sir made me laugh. And in this stressor position I couldn't help myself.

I let out a big fart. And then I was mortified. And I had some nervous laughter. Which made me do it again. And again. All while I'm spread wide, butt-naked.

 Finally it stopped and my laughing turned to crying. I was completely embarassed. Laying there, tears streaming down my face. My only saving grace is that there was no odor.

Sir and I have been together for over 8 years now, but I still am not completely comfortable when it comes to these bodily functions. Sir was laughing with me, his mouth agape, hand covering his mouth. I know he felt bad. (For me). But you just couldn't deny the hilarity in the moment.

And after all that, it was kind of a mood-killer, if you know what I mean. Sir eventually got us back on track, but it took some doing.

I always think to myself that someday, I will be over these hangups... but I really don't think I will be. And part of me is okay with that. There are times when things are unavoidable, or you need help of a sensitive nature. I get that. But I don't know if I would want to be that person that is just okay with doing those gross things in front of their partner for no particular reason.  That's just me, I guess.

Part of me is experiencing a touch of mortification just writing this, knowing people will read about it. So why am I sharing this?

I'm not exactly sure. But there it is!

And I hope it doesn't happen again.

Experienced

A friend of mine is getting married and has asked me to be her maid of honor. I am happy to do it.

I have been in quite a few weddings. I have been a maid of honor four times now, and in 8 weddings total.

I digress.

We are in different states, but have gotten together to do wedding planning things together. She recently mentioned that her and her fiance are a little kinky!

Honestly, I feel so fantastic about it. I am glad that they are able to enjoy each other. I am also glad that she felt safe enough with me (I would hope she would, being that she asked me to be her MOH) to bring it up!

And since she brought that up first, I felt comfortable letting her know a little bit about me and Sir. Not ALL of it... but the basics.

It is such a relief to not feel that I have to hide that part of myself with her. That we can be open about it. And now that she knows, she is asking me all sorts of advice questions.

I guess I/we are a bit more experienced in that department, something I'd never thought I'd say!

Us....

Buttbeat

Sir is stroking my butt one night while we are in bed waiting to fall asleep.

He stops.

"...What..." I say.

"It's nothing," he says.

"Just that I can feel your heartbeat . . . through your ass."


I guess that's one way to a girl's heart!

Intentions

We are both still in the glow of the newly-engaged.

I am extremely happy and continually staring at my ring, which feels uncharacteristic for me. But as I never wear rings, and only wear jewelry occasionally... it feels different.

And of course, it is.

Today Sir and I took a walk, and we were talking about my mom (she is staying with us for two weeks).

Somehow we got on the topic of "Sir's intentions for me". I held up my left hand and said to Sir:

"I got your intentions right here!"

Sir said that I didn't realize how right I was.


Because of course, on my left hand is both my engagement ring... and my wristcollar.

Both intentions in one!

Betrothed

We went away this weekend to visit friends in another state.

While we were away - Sir asked me to marry him! Of course, I said YES!

He got down on one knee in a semi-secluded treehouse. It was perfect.

He'd been plotting for a bit, with my friends' help.

I had no idea, and was just so shocked that my first response was "Are you serious?!"

I didn't understand what he was doing down there.

I got hold of my senses and said of course and jumped down into his arms, nearly bowling him over.

Its been a couple of days and I'm just so... shocked. But in a happy way!

Sir put a ring on it!

Skirt Benefits

You may or may not know, that in my private life, I have a dress code from Sir. I am to wear skirts or dresses. I may wear leggings underneath them when the weather calls for it.

Sir wants to change that to a garter and stockings or thick socks eventually.

Well, the rule had a great benefit this weekend. We went to a party for one of Sir's friends. I wore my leggings and skirt. But it ended up being over 85 degrees and I was boiling. Well, I was able to go into the bathroom and take those leggings off, so I could be in my skirt. 

Much cooler.

I wouldn't have been able to do that had I been wearing pants!

*Found this on the internet. There should be a section for "because Sir said so".

Will You Obey?

I've been struggling a lot lately. For months, if I'm being honest. Just in general, and it feels to me like it's with everything. With the stress at my job, with dealing with my family, with keeping up with chores and housework, with my sports team ( a LOT is going on there, and I have some very tough decisions to make)... and with D/s. Not so much with Sir per se, but just with being submissive, and retaining that mindset.

I had a day off, and Sir didn't. For once, I didn't have other obligations on this day. I slept in, and when I woke up, he had left this note on the counter, with all my new cuffs laid out underneath it.

I was really grumpy upon seeing this message. I have been struggling a lot lately and normally, a message like this would have made my heart melt. A chance to serve. A reminder that Sir has been thinking about me. But for some reason, I was agitated. I suppose I feel like I haven't really been receiving domination lately. Just a cursory effort. It is not enough to give orders, or just tell someone what to do. There is a hard-to-describe mental quotient involved. Presence, desire, perhaps. And it is not there from Sir at this time.

So this just felt lazy to me. Here, put these on. Here, do a task that you were going to do anyway. Because naturally, you will be wearing those cuffs. It is not natural. It is new, and the assumption and superior tone of the note just rankled. Because of course I'm going to do as I'm told.

But he's the dom, right? That's how it is supposed to be. Superior; above me.

I struggled for awhile wondering what I was going to do. There was a large part of me that insisted I should crumple this note up and go about my day. I didn't though. I just left it on the counter as I went to have breakfast. But the longer I waited, the more it ate at me. I didn't go into action right away. But eventually.... I did put the cuffs on.

"I'll put these on", I thought, "But I am NOT cleaning that kitchen!"

Hours went by. it was nearly the end of the day and....

I cleaned that kitchen, too.

There were 2 things I didn't complete... but I cleaned and organized the kitchen. Going against my initial reaction... I obeyed. It took a little time, but I did it.

If any of you have been watching the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina on Netflix, it reminded me a little of something Aunt  Hilda was saying in episode 13, when talking to Sabrina about when the Dark Lord presented her with a box, that had a button to push.

It wasn't about the act itself, or what the act would do... it was knowing that she would obey.

Lazy Sunday

Sir and I haven't been getting a whole lot of time together lately. We typically don't have the same days off. And when we do, there are usually other commitments.

So we decided that once a month, we will put everything on hold so we can have a day together. That day came, and we had a fantastic Lazy Sunday.

I didn't go to sports practice. Sir didn't go gaming. We stayed in. Slept in. Sir used his logic to take me out to breakfast - "It's not a lazy Sunday if you have to cook, right?"

The rest of the month is crazy so I'm looking forward to our next one!

New Gift - Velcro Cuffs

Sir bestowed upon me a new gift recently.

These:

We had a nice set of leather cuffs, but one of them broke. One of the ankle cuffs.

It's probably been years since that happened. Sir finally replaced it with a set of Velcro cuffs. They're deceptively strong and ingeniously devised so as not to be out-maneuvered. I'm surprised, and impressed. They also came with a collar, but it itches like the dickens.

Since Sir's biggest kink is undoubtedly any kind of bondage, lately he has taken to having me in the house cuffed up each night.

Yesterday, he added the chain!

Do Nothing

I am freshly showered, nude, and told to stand in the middle of our bedroom.

Sir ties my hands, something we have not done in awhile.

Circling me... a pinch here, a tap there.

"Are you cold?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Hm... you're about to get colder."

Sir walks away, to get something. Unthinkingly, I turn my head to look, though my feet remain firmly planted in place.

"I did not say you could look!"

"You didn't say I couldn't look..."

That was not a wise remark.



When a bitch is not told what to do, she does *nothing*.

BONDiNG

Have any of you watched Bonding on Netflix?

Sir and I just binged the series.

If you've seen it - what do you think?

The Quacken

I decided to be a dork and continue my tradition of making Sir an Easter basket this year.

I think I may have went a little overboard.

There's a bunch of stuff in there, including cookies (he is a self proclaimed cookie whore), lots of candies, a wind up bouncing chick toy he adores, and a Lego kit.



I have been away for a few days on a business trip. He put the kit together and sent me a photo that he captioned:

"Behold! THE QUACKEN!"

I love this man so much.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter to my kinky peeps!

Wristcollar is back! . . . And so am I?

I know, it has been a long time. Over four months. Things just got... unmanageable for me. I am hoping that has now changed. I have been trying to change things in my own life so that it will be more manageable, at least.

To sum up, in the past few months:

-I got that promotion!!! Hooray. A raise, benefits (I now have healthcare!), and full-time status. I am very excited, but it has also been very stressful. I felt like I was doing this job last year, and while I was doing some of it, actually being in this role is different. You learn more things you are responsible for... it becomes real. And between the learning curve and the workload, it has been a lot. I am still very excited, but I hope I will get my bearings and things won't throw me for a loop.

-My mother nearly died. From the same affliction that killed my father (we suspect, his cause of death was uncertain). I pretty much dropped everything and went to New York to be by her side. When she was able to leave the hospital, I was driving back and forth 4 hours each way about 2 times a week. Then she came to stay here with Sir and I for a few weeks, and then came back for another couple week stay when we all saw that she was having trouble on her own.

-I recovered from my injury enough that I was able to start playing my sport again. With that comes going to practice and not getting home until midnight a couple times a week.

-I continued my volunteer position.

-My dysfunctional family has been calling and asking for favors a lot. Like, really intense ridiculous favors. I said yes to one initially. But had to be strong later and say no, which is very hard for me.

To make my life more manageable:

-I have been learning the art of delegation at work. I am the supervisor now, and I *can* do that. I'm just being careful not to overdo it.

-I have nursed my mom back to health to the point where she can live on her own again. She still needs constant check-ins and lots of help, but it's a start. It's a struggle, because while I love her and want to be there for her, we also have a very complicated history, and have had a difficult relationship at times. I am trying to set boundaries with her while still trying to help and give care from 4 hours away. I have told her things like, no, I am not "popping in" to take her to the supermarket when I live 4 hours away. And I can't call literally six times a day. She was calling me on my work line for things that were NOT emergencies, several times a week.

- I dropped my one volunteer position. I want to help, but it is just not feasible right now. Something had to give, and both Sir and I decided that commitment should be it.

-I've had to say no to my crazy relatives. Which is very hard for me. And while some of me still feels bad, I am proud of myself. The most recent ask was for me to pick up my cousin (who was over 2 hours away) and drive him to Pittsburgh (another 4 hours away). Immediately. Like right then. Nevermind that the entire ordeal would take over 12 hours for me from leaving my house to getting back, and it was already 5 pm. Nevermind that I have a job and a life. Nevermind that he surely knew he had to be in Pittsburgh before that moment.

So I am hoping with some of these changes I can stop being so completely stressed out. I can manage my time a little better, and actually HAVE time for myself. And Sir.

Two weeks ago, he came to me when I was in the kitchen and told me to close my eyes and hold out my arm. I did so, and felt something click around my wrist. When I opened my eyes... I did not believe them. My wristcollar. It was on my wrist.

It was almost like seeing a ghost. It had been gone for so long. I lost it in November 2017, nearly a year and a half ago. I truly believed that I would never see it again. So many things had changed in that year and a half. I checked it over, to be sure it was the same old wristcollar. Not a new one. But it had all its old marks, its wear still.

I actually started to cry; it made me extremely emotional.

And Sir will NOT tell me where he found it. He did say that he did not purposely hide it from me, did not take it from me. But no further info than that. And two weeks later and he will not tell me still. Not whether he found it while we were living in the old place, or here. How long he had it. Nothing.

That is his prerogative though. I am just so glad it is back. It is like a huge part of my and our lives is back with it.

I hope this is a sign, heralding good things to come in our D/s lives, and perhaps a return to blogland.