There is more to the uniform story here.
Some are under the impression that Sir and I have not already had an open discussion on the matter. Weighing the options. Of course we have. Sir and I have been together for over 8 years now. There is nothing we hide from each other, and though he does have the final say, I am not afraid to let him know how I feel. When I wrote my post, we had already had a discussion on the matter. I already told him my thoughts about it. I was waiting to find out what he decided.
Another thought was that asking me to do this arbitrary thing for the sake of feeling dominant might breed resentment. I do not think so. I don't think it is arbitrary for one. I don't think of it as something I would hate, either. Just because you're not overjoyed for something doesn't mean you feel hatred for it. Control over my dress and appearance is not arbitrary for us. I have been growing my hair out for 8 years, as an example. For another, I have already had a dress code for the past 7 and a half years. This is more of an extension of that. At first, changing the way I dress was difficult and I have been pissy about it at times. Sometimes it still is difficult. But I have never resented Sir for it. And it certainly has helped my headspace, though less so now.
If there was something that you knew made your partner happy, wouldn't you do it? A thing that does not cause you harm, but perhaps a little inconvenience into your day? A change in your routine? I know I want to make him happy. How is this different preparing a great dinner, putting on the perfume that they like, or keeping a clean house for them, as an example?
One person commented on the eventual "rote-ness" of it. That is a great thing to consider. I still wear skirts or dresses everyday when I am not at work. At first, it make me feel incredibly submissive, and reminded me of Sir, especially as we were not living together. When we first moved in together it also helped my headspace as I liked looking good for him each day. Today, it has become more or less part of me, and I don't think it affects me from a submissive point of view as much. But if it makes Sir happy, I am still happy to do it. It has become a little bit of my identity, I think though, in general.
A few months ago Sir asked me to stop growing my hair out. It was completely jarring. He said it had finally reached a good length. I don't know how to be the person who is not growing their hair. After all those years, it was part of me, and I still am not sure how to deal with that at present. One day at a time. Eventually this would become part of my identity, too, even if it wasn't something that I initiated or was in love with doing. It becomes part of you.
So, if Sir wants a new addition to the dress code, he will have it. I have brought up my concerns to him. He listened and thought about it, and came up with a different idea on his own. He's my Dominant, not an unthinking douche who doesn't consider my needs or what I have to say. I am not afraid of him, or of telling him how I feel and think. He likes that about me. Though he does make mistakes, we all do and he tries very hard to make me happy. What makes me happy is being submissive. So what Sir decides goes.
Instead of a leotard, Sir is now thinking about having me wear an A-shirt. (One of those long men's undershirt tanks). He is not sure if it will be white, or black. I will not be wearing undergarments with it unless I am on my cycle.
We talked about this idea too. It does solve some of the concerns I had about practicality, so while I am not initially wild over it, I think it will work. And while I don't find them particularly sexy at the moment, they have their appeal and I do know that if this is what he decides, the first time I put that shirt on I will definitely be in the right headspace, thinking about him.
Thanks for your input, I truly do appreciate it.
After the comments my last post, where Sir was thinking (key word here) about having me wear a black leotard as a uniform, I feel the need to reply here and continue the story.
Some are under the impression that Sir and I have not already had an open discussion on the matter. Weighing the options. Of course we have. Sir and I have been together for over 8 years now. There is nothing we hide from each other, and though he does have the final say, I am not afraid to let him know how I feel. When I wrote my post, we had already had a discussion on the matter. I already told him my thoughts about it. I was waiting to find out what he decided.
Another thought was that asking me to do this arbitrary thing for the sake of feeling dominant might breed resentment. I do not think so. I don't think it is arbitrary for one. I don't think of it as something I would hate, either. Just because you're not overjoyed for something doesn't mean you feel hatred for it. Control over my dress and appearance is not arbitrary for us. I have been growing my hair out for 8 years, as an example. For another, I have already had a dress code for the past 7 and a half years. This is more of an extension of that. At first, changing the way I dress was difficult and I have been pissy about it at times. Sometimes it still is difficult. But I have never resented Sir for it. And it certainly has helped my headspace, though less so now.
If there was something that you knew made your partner happy, wouldn't you do it? A thing that does not cause you harm, but perhaps a little inconvenience into your day? A change in your routine? I know I want to make him happy. How is this different preparing a great dinner, putting on the perfume that they like, or keeping a clean house for them, as an example?
One person commented on the eventual "rote-ness" of it. That is a great thing to consider. I still wear skirts or dresses everyday when I am not at work. At first, it make me feel incredibly submissive, and reminded me of Sir, especially as we were not living together. When we first moved in together it also helped my headspace as I liked looking good for him each day. Today, it has become more or less part of me, and I don't think it affects me from a submissive point of view as much. But if it makes Sir happy, I am still happy to do it. It has become a little bit of my identity, I think though, in general.
A few months ago Sir asked me to stop growing my hair out. It was completely jarring. He said it had finally reached a good length. I don't know how to be the person who is not growing their hair. After all those years, it was part of me, and I still am not sure how to deal with that at present. One day at a time. Eventually this would become part of my identity, too, even if it wasn't something that I initiated or was in love with doing. It becomes part of you.
So, if Sir wants a new addition to the dress code, he will have it. I have brought up my concerns to him. He listened and thought about it, and came up with a different idea on his own. He's my Dominant, not an unthinking douche who doesn't consider my needs or what I have to say. I am not afraid of him, or of telling him how I feel and think. He likes that about me. Though he does make mistakes, we all do and he tries very hard to make me happy. What makes me happy is being submissive. So what Sir decides goes.
Instead of a leotard, Sir is now thinking about having me wear an A-shirt. (One of those long men's undershirt tanks). He is not sure if it will be white, or black. I will not be wearing undergarments with it unless I am on my cycle.
We talked about this idea too. It does solve some of the concerns I had about practicality, so while I am not initially wild over it, I think it will work. And while I don't find them particularly sexy at the moment, they have their appeal and I do know that if this is what he decides, the first time I put that shirt on I will definitely be in the right headspace, thinking about him.
Thanks for your input, I truly do appreciate it.
My apologies, I was under the impression that while he had talked to you about the dresscode change up you had not yet talked to him about it-As in this was a processing post.
ReplyDeleteSo many things have become the norm here that I suppose I could say they have become part of me/us. In fact I don't view them as submissive anymore because I almost don't remember a time where I didn't do this, or I did do that. However if it wasn't expected of me any longer I'd feel lost no doubt.
There have been a few rules/expectations dropped over the years because they no longer factored in to the dynamic as they used to, but fortunately not because either of us gave up or in. Fruitful discussions over how we both felt ( B likes me in dresses but equally likes seeing in me in jeans so the dress rule/expectation was not doing what he thought mentally for me as a stand alone because he preferred it as he didn't either way. It wasn't a case of pleasing him outside of obeying that is. Lol. But I believe that became the norm for him as well
So obeying that over time didn't have the same feel for him either. If it did I'd still be required to wear them no questions asked )
I think the white or black tank top thing is sexy. Hope that in time you may feel it is. I like the less obvious sex appeal of it ( not that you asked. Lol)
Willie
Thank you for your apology, Willie, though I don't think it necessary.
DeleteHi Lea,
ReplyDeleteI too apologise, like Willie, I was under the impression you had not talked to your Sir about the dress code change. I do love the A shirt idea and I totally get what you said about wearing it putting you in the right headspace.
Hugs
Roz
Thank you Roz. I don't think an apology is necessary though!
DeleteMe too. The prior post certainly had me thinking you had serious concerns over practical problems and that they had not been discussed.....just something he wanted, perhaps without having considered some of the problems inherent in the choice. So that was kind of my point: have the discussion. You did. So, I doubt there'd be an issue of resentment among reasonable people with all of the information necessary for an intelligent decision. But if you didn't discuss it? Hmmm, I'm not sure mere prior understanding of role is enough in every instance.....no matter how devoutly submissive one aspires to be.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sure you'll look adorable in whatever your uniform ends up being! ;-)
I did want to address one point: >>>>>"If there was something that you knew made your partner happy, wouldn't you do it? A thing that does not cause you harm, but perhaps a little inconvenience into your day? A change in your routine? I know I want to make him happy. How is this different preparing a great dinner, putting on the perfume that they like, or keeping a clean house for them, as an example?"<<<<<<
ReplyDeleteHere's one: A chastity device. Rosa sometimes has me wear one. Sometimes for days on end. As a sub? No real problem there. It makes her feel in control, She goes to work proudly wearing her key to the lock. I end up unable to even touch myself through the day. A win all around, right? Well, most of the time, yes. But if I'm going to be working on a very physical project, after a while the device is just a nightmare. It's uncomfortable, hinders my productivity and eventually just makes me REALLY IRRITABLE. Now, like you, all I have to do is mention this to Rosa and she will no doubt say "OK take it off for now....but NO TOUCHING!" ;-)
Problem solved. But what if she said, "too bad. I want you in it. Deal with it."?
Sure it's very Toppy in a fantasy sort of way, but I will eventually resent the hell out of it. I will become physically and emotionally cranky. My mood will plummet, my feelings of devoted submission supplanted with resentment. Totally within her power.....but equally counterproductive to what we're doing. So, my question to those thinking that the final word of a Top, no matter how inconvenient, is enough to melt resentment away and replace it with gushing admiration, is: does this still hold?
I think reasonable couples have these sorts of things worked out so that the solutions are almost instinctive. But suppose they're not? Doesn't compliance come down to trust? And wouldn't certain (poor) decisions cause a sub to lose that trust? I think so.
I think if my Sir said "deal with it" I too might get cranky... but while I might not be gushing with admiration, I would feel submissive and proud that he would exercise control in that manner. I'd probably enjoy it... later. Mentally. I can definitely be a downright brat though.
ReplyDeleteI would hope that because of our trust, that Sir wouldn't continually make poor decisions, though. I don't know if such a thing would occur on a regular basis, since we have that relationship and respect for one another.