Lost

It is lost, and because of it, I am a bit lost too. It has taken be a bit to get on here and write this.

A couple of weeks ago, I lost my wristcollar.

As in, really lost it. It's actually gone. Sometimes I would think I had lost it, but every time previously it was in one of 2 places: on the towel rack by the shower, or hanging near the kitchen sink.

This is different. We've turned the house upside down. I've searched my car, my job, I even sent a memo to our lost-and-found. I called the supermarket where I had shopped the day before I realized it was gone. Nothing. I can only assume it popped off outside somewhere; there's nothing but a metal push-button closure to keep it on.

I feel completely wretched about it, and Sir was very disappointed. Sir has not been consistent with most things, with one sole exception: my wristcollar.

And now, it is gone.

Once it was final, that we really could not find it (which took a day), Sir placed the BIG collar on me (I had been wearing the comfortable collar). Pulling my hair way back so I looked up into his eyes, he repeated over and over:

"How many collars do you now have?"

"One, Sir."

"How many collars do you have?"

"One Sir."

I think it took so long for me to accept that it was gone, because it just... didn't seem real. I felt like it was a cosmic joke, or even a real joke; that Sir had hid it on me for leaving it by the shower again. I actually kept wishing that this was true; I kept asking him if he really had it all this time. Unfortunately, no he didn't.

Besides the big collar (which I hesitate to list as a punishment, but it was put on in reaction to my transgression), one of my punishments has been to do all the laundry (which had been piled up), a task that is usually Sir's job. Sir knows I hate doing laundry. Sir gave me a week to get it all done. Though I did do much of it, things exploded and it was not all done in the week's timeline. I now have to do this weeks (much smaller) amount as well.

I still just don't feel right without my wristcollar. The big collar, though cumbersome, does help my headspace, but I miss my wristcollar.

Sir gave me the wristcollar about a year and a half into our relationship. So I'd had it over 5 years, wearing it every single day. I guess one can say it was bound to get lost sometime, or nothing lasts forever, but that doesn't make me feel better.

This is the last picture I have on my phone with it on:

RIP, Wristcollar.