I was excited! It had been a good long while.
He decided to use the wrist and ankle cuffs he recently purchased. They're velcro, and once on, he hooked my wrists to my ankles, leaving me especially prone.
This was thrilling, but also nerve-wracking. Being so vulnerable, being left wide open like that. I have insecurities about my vagina.
Adding to this was what happened next. I forget the complete circumstances now, but I think Sir made me laugh. And in this stressor position I couldn't help myself.
I let out a big fart. And then I was mortified. And I had some nervous laughter. Which made me do it again. And again. All while I'm spread wide, butt-naked.
Finally it stopped and my laughing turned to crying. I was completely embarassed. Laying there, tears streaming down my face. My only saving grace is that there was no odor.
Sir and I have been together for over 8 years now, but I still am not completely comfortable when it comes to these bodily functions. Sir was laughing with me, his mouth agape, hand covering his mouth. I know he felt bad. (For me). But you just couldn't deny the hilarity in the moment.
And after all that, it was kind of a mood-killer, if you know what I mean. Sir eventually got us back on track, but it took some doing.
I always think to myself that someday, I will be over these hangups... but I really don't think I will be. And part of me is okay with that. There are times when things are unavoidable, or you need help of a sensitive nature. I get that. But I don't know if I would want to be that person that is just okay with doing those gross things in front of their partner for no particular reason. That's just me, I guess.
Part of me is experiencing a touch of mortification just writing this, knowing people will read about it. So why am I sharing this?
I'm not exactly sure. But there it is!
And I hope it doesn't happen again.
Hi Lea,
ReplyDeleteOh dear, I would have been mortified too. With me it usually comes out the other end at the most inopportune time lol. Glad you were able to get back on track.
Hugs
Roz
Thanks, Roz.
DeleteI probably would have been less embarrassed if it came out the other end. Somehow in my head that is better.
Hey, these things happen.......and if it's not a scene in some picture-perfect movie, they happen more than anyone wants to admit.
ReplyDeleteI think I understand you posting this though. I might do the same. It's a proactive way to push the embarrassment to a limit in order to purge it.
I do like that you were both able to recover and continue your adventure. I think sometimes some blunt realism is a credit to what we all do as humans. Many years ago, prior to my Rosa, I was involved with someone I loved very much. And at the time we were switching with me often being the Top. (Later this would reverse dramatically but that's not the point of the story.) One day we had an "enema adventure" and it was our first time doing this together. For a first-timer she performed admirably, and despite being a thin, petite thing, not only took an entire bag, but manage d to hold it for an impressive period while I was tormenting and teasing her. Eventually I let her "go" and followed her to the bathroom for both support and a little extra embarrassment. Naturally what followed was not the most pleasant of aromas and she began to apologize and blush deeply. I petted her head and said, "Sweetheart, if we were planting roses together I would expect to smell roses, but we are doing THIS, so relax. I gave you the enema. Do you really think I did so expecting a different outcome?" She smiled and relaxed and just retained the appropriate amount of embarrassment (which is a goal for a sub) but her panicked self-consciousness dissipated.
If we decide to do things with possible outcomes, we can't beat ourselves up when something does happen.
All the best.
I do think posting this was a form of catharsis for my embarrassment. Almost like accepting it and then just moving on. That said, if/when it happens again I cannot imagine I would not be embarrassed still.
DeleteI adore what you said to your love during the enema.
You're not the only one that's done it, I hope that's some comfort. Got the t shirt and all.
ReplyDeleteThanks, ksst! We're all part of the club now!
DeleteIt all goes with the territory, Lea :>)) Glad your man was able to get things back on track for you both ... that he was able to do that will make it easier the next time it happens ... 'cause you know it will :>) ... nj ... xx
ReplyDeleteIt's so true NoraJean. It WILL happen again. I'm amazed it has taken this long!
ReplyDelete