Sunday, April 07, 2019

Wristcollar is back! . . . And so am I?

I know, it has been a long time. Over four months. Things just got... unmanageable for me. I am hoping that has now changed. I have been trying to change things in my own life so that it will be more manageable, at least.

To sum up, in the past few months:

-I got that promotion!!! Hooray. A raise, benefits (I now have healthcare!), and full-time status. I am very excited, but it has also been very stressful. I felt like I was doing this job last year, and while I was doing some of it, actually being in this role is different. You learn more things you are responsible for... it becomes real. And between the learning curve and the workload, it has been a lot. I am still very excited, but I hope I will get my bearings and things won't throw me for a loop.

-My mother nearly died. From the same affliction that killed my father (we suspect, his cause of death was uncertain). I pretty much dropped everything and went to New York to be by her side. When she was able to leave the hospital, I was driving back and forth 4 hours each way about 2 times a week. Then she came to stay here with Sir and I for a few weeks, and then came back for another couple week stay when we all saw that she was having trouble on her own.

-I recovered from my injury enough that I was able to start playing my sport again. With that comes going to practice and not getting home until midnight a couple times a week.

-I continued my volunteer position.

-My dysfunctional family has been calling and asking for favors a lot. Like, really intense ridiculous favors. I said yes to one initially. But had to be strong later and say no, which is very hard for me.

To make my life more manageable:

-I have been learning the art of delegation at work. I am the supervisor now, and I *can* do that. I'm just being careful not to overdo it.

-I have nursed my mom back to health to the point where she can live on her own again. She still needs constant check-ins and lots of help, but it's a start. It's a struggle, because while I love her and want to be there for her, we also have a very complicated history, and have had a difficult relationship at times. I am trying to set boundaries with her while still trying to help and give care from 4 hours away. I have told her things like, no, I am not "popping in" to take her to the supermarket when I live 4 hours away. And I can't call literally six times a day. She was calling me on my work line for things that were NOT emergencies, several times a week.

- I dropped my one volunteer position. I want to help, but it is just not feasible right now. Something had to give, and both Sir and I decided that commitment should be it.

-I've had to say no to my crazy relatives. Which is very hard for me. And while some of me still feels bad, I am proud of myself. The most recent ask was for me to pick up my cousin (who was over 2 hours away) and drive him to Pittsburgh (another 4 hours away). Immediately. Like right then. Nevermind that the entire ordeal would take over 12 hours for me from leaving my house to getting back, and it was already 5 pm. Nevermind that I have a job and a life. Nevermind that he surely knew he had to be in Pittsburgh before that moment.

So I am hoping with some of these changes I can stop being so completely stressed out. I can manage my time a little better, and actually HAVE time for myself. And Sir.

Two weeks ago, he came to me when I was in the kitchen and told me to close my eyes and hold out my arm. I did so, and felt something click around my wrist. When I opened my eyes... I did not believe them. My wristcollar. It was on my wrist.

It was almost like seeing a ghost. It had been gone for so long. I lost it in November 2017, nearly a year and a half ago. I truly believed that I would never see it again. So many things had changed in that year and a half. I checked it over, to be sure it was the same old wristcollar. Not a new one. But it had all its old marks, its wear still.

I actually started to cry; it made me extremely emotional.

And Sir will NOT tell me where he found it. He did say that he did not purposely hide it from me, did not take it from me. But no further info than that. And two weeks later and he will not tell me still. Not whether he found it while we were living in the old place, or here. How long he had it. Nothing.

That is his prerogative though. I am just so glad it is back. It is like a huge part of my and our lives is back with it.

I hope this is a sign, heralding good things to come in our D/s lives, and perhaps a return to blogland.


  1. Hi Lea! Welcome back! It's wonderful to see you post:)

    Wow, you have had a logg gojng on! Congratulations on the promotion. That is fantastic:)

    I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom and hope she is doing better and getting the care she needs.

    Woohoo on the wristcollar! What a surprise that must have been :)

    I hope life and the situation with family calms down and gives you some breathing space.


  2. Welcome back, Lea! So glad to hear so much good news outweighing the bad. There's always going to be a mix, but it's nice for the imbalance to be on the positive side.

    As someone who has also gone through numerous periods of lifestyle pauses and holds, I can really appreciate the optimism and even joy in your post. So refreshing! Don't be a stranger.

    All the best!

  3. Wow, I'm glad you're doing better now and have the wrist collar again.

  4. Can I first of all say... EEEEK! Your back! :) You and abby at almost the same time. Happy girl here. :) Okay, calming down. :) I have such a hard time saying no too. I am glad that you are putting down some lines with your mother. You can't be driving that far for groceries. So glad that your Sir and you decided together that you needed to give something up for now. You really do need to take care of yourself, and not stretch yourself too thin. {{{HUGS}}} I am so glad you have your wrist collar again. {{{HUGS}}} I know that means a lot to you. I can't wait to hear more about what is going on, and hoping that a pile of good and relaxing things are about to be sent your way. You really need it.
    Hugs, EsMay

  5. I seemed to have 'lost' you too. Happy for your wrist collar return, and for your return to blogland. Hope life settles for you and your D/s returns in a meaningful way for you.


  6. Roz, Thank you. It feels good and weird to be back. Im still trying to figure out time management. I am so happy to have wristcollar back - though Sir is being ever vigilant about it!

    kdpierre: Thank you, I try to be positive, negative thinking just brings you down. I'll try to remain blogging, I'm still working on time management.

    Thank you, ancilla_ksst. I hope I'll remain in the better phase for awhile.

    EsMay: I'm so excited that you're excited! I'm still figuring things out, but I do think in general the past week has been a bit better, time and commitment wise.

    Thank you, willie.

    It's good to be seen, Bleue!

    It's good to be back, Daisy!

  7. Oh the suspense of not knowing would probably kill me. but i'm glad that it's back on and you're back on too!

    and yes. saying NO is so hard. and when i do it to my mum i feel really shitty after but i am also trying to get used to defining my own necessary space.

    1. I usually feel bad when I say no. I am learning to do it anyway and deal with my guilt. I am not sure what is worse: the guilt or running myself ragged.


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