Thursday, April 05, 2018

Phrasing - Demands vs. Questions

Two weeks ago, Sir went with me to the supermarket. He doesn't usually go with me; it is one of his most hated chores. Our financial division of labor goes such that he pays the rent (and other things), while I pick up the groceries (and other things).

But while I had been back at work for the past two weeks, I wouldn't get a paycheck for another two weeks yet. That makes four weeks, an entire month without getting paid. I simply ran out of money, things got too tight. We knew it was coming. I even put a plan in place so that this hopefully won't happen again next year. But that was the situation now.

So, Sir came with me so he could be my Sugar Daddy and pay for all the groceries, while I picked them out.

When we got back, Sir told me to pull into our driveway. Our driveway fits one car (barely), so one of us always has to park on the street. Sir was leaving that night to go gaming.

"Park in the driveway; it's okay, I'll look for a spot when I get back," he said.

I wasn't having it though.

"No, there's a spot right here, I'll take it so you don't have to look later."

And that's what I did. I parked on the street. We grabbed the groceries and brought them into the house. Sir went out to game. When he got home, he'd have a free driveway so he doesn't have to drive around looking for a spot. The later it is in our neighborhood, the scarcer the parking spots are and farther away he'd have to look.

But it got me to thinking.

While my heart was definitely in the right place; the place of wanting to make his life easier, I outright defied him. I heard him, and then decided: nope, not gonna do that, and then did what I thought was best. Now, this is a minor thing in the grand scheme of things, and I truly believe that it is not on Sir's radar at all. But I could have asked. I could have phrased it differently, and waited to hear his reply. He probably would have decided to have me park on the street had I said something like:

"Are you sure, Sir? There's a spot right here I could take so it would be easier for you later."

Phrasing and mindset are things I've been trying to work on. It's clear I need a lot more work.


  1. Hi Lea, good post and you raise a very good point. Phrasing makes all the difference.


  2. Improper phrasing could be the highway to the.......danger zone.

    1. <3 Thank you for understanding this reference.

  3. Hi Lea, for some reason, this got me right in the gut. It's so true, and it's amazing how often we can see that we might be... hmmm, I can't think of a term besides topping from the bottom, when we so innocently mean to be helping. I am working on this, this realignment of how I think and feel about something, what I say and how I react, that to others may look great, but in my heart I know I'm doing it out of the wrong kind of heart. Thank you so much for sharing, it's really giving me something to chew on. Thank you. :)
    Hugs, EsMay

    1. Thank you, EsMay. I still found myself not phrasing properly again last night. We went to the movies and I told Sir to go inside and I'd get the snacks. I meant it to help, but I didn't ask. Its something I have to think about literally all the time with every interaction.

  4. Yes...I have been there also. Usually because I think I can make something easier for Him, or I know of a better way. He now gives me 'the look' means, don't go down that road....sometimes I still do, but not often...hugs abby

    1. That's the crux of it. We want to make it better or easier. It's tricky because our hearts are in the right place!


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