When "Not Caring" is the Right Thing to Do - Happy New Year!

Sir: "I know you say the big collar is huge and cumbersome, but I kind of don't care."

 ♡.

❤!!!

I absolutely love that he said that a few days ago. And it's not that he doesn't care... I know he cares. A lot. Evidence for this is the fact that I haven't been wearing that collar, or any collar for the past week as my neck heals.

(I am thinking and hoping that I will be well enough for it to return tomorrow, at least during the day).

Sir is not an unfeeling dick. But he knows that my discomfort of the collar is not relevant. It is not life-threatening, it's not a limit, and I can live with it. Because he knows this, my arguments are irrelevant and he doesn't care. I will wear the collar.

This is the side of Sir that I love. The side of Sir that I have been missing.

Hopefully tomorrow, for the start of the new year, the collar will be able to return. We can start our New Year off right!

I Got a Pain in my Neck for Christmas (And It's NOT Sir!!)

Hope you've all had a Merry Christmas and a lovely holiday season.

Sir and I had a good day today. His dad drove down from about 3 hours away; that meant a lot. He took us to dinner, then he stayed over and we made him breakfast in the morning. After he left, Sir and I had a nice low-key day at home. We put on the Yule Log, exchanged gifts and just hung around.

Sir definitely spoiled me this year. We set a budget, but he ignored it, haha. He's also been taking care of me. A few days ago, I either strained my neck, or pinched a nerve or something and I've been in a lot of pain. Consequently, the collar has been off for the past few days, as it exacerbates the already excruciating situation. I miss it and I want to heal so we can get back to normal around here.

Tomorrow morning, we're calling the doctor. Initially I was giving it a couple of days to see if it would start healing, but it is not, and I just can't do this. I can't move my head, I can't sleep (hence why I'm up in the living room when Sir's asleep in b ed). I can't focus really.

Despite all that, Sir planned a really nice evening for us. He prepared a charcuterie board with sausages, cheeses, mustard, crackers, and popcorn. We were going to drink a little, enjoy the board, and watch a movie. I couldn't drink, since I've been popping pain medicine, but he enjoyed a little. His effort means so much to me; he really tried to make it special. Also I never had Hickory Farms products that are popular this time of year, which surprised him and he wanted to correct that.

We watched Secretary. Funny; we both got each other this movie for Christmas this year; so now we have two copies, haha. Sir mentioned offhand a bit ago that he had never seen it before, which boggled my mind. He enjoyed it and wants to unpack his thoughts tomorrow.

Tomorrow afternoon we're supposed to go see The Last Jedi. I hope I can get into the doctor really early so we don't have to cancel the movie (and that I feel decent enough to go).

Happy Holidays!

Getting used to the BIG collar

So, ever since I lost my wristcollar at the end of October, Sir has been having me wear the BIG collar. It is huge and cumbersome and uncomfortable.

Though, I can see the aesthetic appeal from Sir's point of view.

I thought I would never get used to it each and every day. And while I'm not still fully used to it (sleeping in it is difficult), I was forced to notice that it is becoming part of me.

Yesterday, when I went to run errands, I got my coat on and went to put on my scarf. It took me a few moments to figure out why my scarf wasn't going on correctly - my collar.

If it wasn't so cold out that I need winter clothing, thus making me realize it was there, I absolutely would have left the house wearing my big ol' monster collar.

I guess that is a step in the right direction, eh?

Better When Together?

 Do you ever find yourself going a little bit off the rails when you are away from your Dom?

I'm not talking about anything extreme, but just little things.

I'd been away for the Thanksgiving Holiday, and then to help some friends/family during the next week.

It was during this time that I made a decision to meet up with a friend. I didn't consult Sir. I didn't ask what he thought about it, I simply made the plan.

Sir was not mad or anything; we don't have any rules about that sort of thing, though I typically do talk to him and ask what he thinks about these things.

When I got home, I wanted to sign up for a conference that is coming up. I didn't though, because I am waiting to see what Sir thinks about it.

Why is it that I thought to consult him about one thing, but not the other?

I think it is because of proximity. I was away before, but now I am home and he is here.

Does this ever happen to you?

When Are You Most "On Your Game?"

It's been just over three weeks since I've found myself with an abundance of free time.

I asked Sir if he thought that I was personally, a better submissive to him in general. when I am not constantly at work.

Without even having to think, he replied "Yes".

I agree with him. I am so much more on my game when I have this time off. I am more focused on him, and focused on service. I have more time to blog, to read blogs, and to think about the right things. I have time and energy to get up in the mornings, make his breakfast, lunch, and assist him out the door for the day. I have the energy and presence of mind to stop what I am doing when he arrives home, and help him undress, or bring him a drink/snack.

Energy. That's a big thing Sir brought up that I didn't initially think about. I am not burning my candle at both ends, getting up before dawn, commuting over 3 hours a day, and dealing with all my other responsibilities, too. I am more rested, less cranky (overall), and more present.

While I don't think that this necessarily means that all stay-at-home submissives are better than working submissives, I wonder about that dynamic individually.

Do you think that you would be a better submissive if you were a stay-at-home person? Or if you are a stay-at-home person, is it better now that you are? Or has it always been this way? Do you feel you're better off working? Full time, or part-time? And why?

For us, Sir has frequently mentioned that he thinks it would best if I worked part-time. I'd still be a full-time submissive, but I am the type of person that is better when I have some type of work outside the home. But by not having a FULL workweek, that could free up time and energy for Sir.

What do you think?

Hit the Mark

A few weeks ago, I bought some leggings on sale for Halloween, but it was only recently that I got them out and wore them.

Sir definitely approved. He said my ass looked fantastic, and the little moons gave him good target spots for spanking (he refused to hit the owls; said it was too mean).

Best part is, they glow in the dark! So that would make it even easier for Sir to hit the target with all the lights out!

He did eventually pull them down, but it makes for a nice warm-up.

My Old Man ❤

Yesterday we celebrated a milestone in Sir's life: His birthday.

My old man only has one more year till the big 4-0!

It was a low-key but good birthday (I hope). This weekend we went to his favorite game store to play Takenoko, then I treated him to dinner at the Hibachi Buffet place. We stuffed our faces, then came home to have a few drinks and just relax together. There was  kinky fuckery involved before bed.

Yesterday, I made him a nice steak dinner with  mashed potatoes and cauliflower. He does like his "man meals" - Steak n taters. I had his drink ready when he got home. We had a nice candlelit dinner, and then there were gifts, and of course cake. I think he liked his present- he took it with him to work, so he could play with his new toy. I got him a tablet. He's been hinting at wanting one, so I hope this fits the bill!

Lost

It is lost, and because of it, I am a bit lost too. It has taken be a bit to get on here and write this.

A couple of weeks ago, I lost my wristcollar.

As in, really lost it. It's actually gone. Sometimes I would think I had lost it, but every time previously it was in one of 2 places: on the towel rack by the shower, or hanging near the kitchen sink.

This is different. We've turned the house upside down. I've searched my car, my job, I even sent a memo to our lost-and-found. I called the supermarket where I had shopped the day before I realized it was gone. Nothing. I can only assume it popped off outside somewhere; there's nothing but a metal push-button closure to keep it on.

I feel completely wretched about it, and Sir was very disappointed. Sir has not been consistent with most things, with one sole exception: my wristcollar.

And now, it is gone.

Once it was final, that we really could not find it (which took a day), Sir placed the BIG collar on me (I had been wearing the comfortable collar). Pulling my hair way back so I looked up into his eyes, he repeated over and over:

"How many collars do you now have?"

"One, Sir."

"How many collars do you have?"

"One Sir."

I think it took so long for me to accept that it was gone, because it just... didn't seem real. I felt like it was a cosmic joke, or even a real joke; that Sir had hid it on me for leaving it by the shower again. I actually kept wishing that this was true; I kept asking him if he really had it all this time. Unfortunately, no he didn't.

Besides the big collar (which I hesitate to list as a punishment, but it was put on in reaction to my transgression), one of my punishments has been to do all the laundry (which had been piled up), a task that is usually Sir's job. Sir knows I hate doing laundry. Sir gave me a week to get it all done. Though I did do much of it, things exploded and it was not all done in the week's timeline. I now have to do this weeks (much smaller) amount as well.

I still just don't feel right without my wristcollar. The big collar, though cumbersome, does help my headspace, but I miss my wristcollar.

Sir gave me the wristcollar about a year and a half into our relationship. So I'd had it over 5 years, wearing it every single day. I guess one can say it was bound to get lost sometime, or nothing lasts forever, but that doesn't make me feel better.

This is the last picture I have on my phone with it on:

RIP, Wristcollar.

Armbound

Sorry for the huge delay in updates. The fall is a really hectic time for us. My job explodes in the fall; I do a bunch of overtime and most days off have been filled with family events. Fun, but exhausting. Just about a month more to go before things will calm down.

Sir and I are alive and well, though. Doing very well!

Last post I mentioned that Sir had a surprise for me and that I wasn't going to like it.

It was indeed a surprise. While I don't love the reason he got it, I don't hate it. Anything he does in a dominant fashion secretly (or not-so-secretly) pleases me.

Sir's surprise was this armbinder. You see, in the summer I acquired a number of bug bites. And I am a compulsive scratcher. Sir would stop me, and warn me. I would try not to scratch at them, but sometimes I am not even aware that I am doing it. So finally, he had had it!

This thing works really well to keep me from scratching. Nearly all of my bites are healed. And the threat of having to wear it is a pretty good reminder to not scratch! I think Sir is disappointed that he hasn't had to use it more often. I mentioned that he could make me wear it just because he is a mean old dominant, if he wanted!

Or I'd say maybe I'll just have to start scratching again.

But I wouldn't do that. At least not on purpose!

No Cheese?

Hiya!

So things have been pretty busy here. Dealing with a bunch of family drama that I cannot even get into... but I think my major role in it (the alleviator), is mostly over now. I can enjoy a well-earned day off tomorrow, finish out the work week, and then it's a fun weekend with convention-going and theme park visiting!

When I was away, I got a text from our upstairs neighbor. Sir got a package, and they left it in our screen door so it wouldn't be stolen. I had no idea we were expecting something. The neighbor said it was from Wisconsin, and that maybe it was cheese!

Sir has already told me that I am probably not going to like what is in the package.

I doubt that it is cheese.

Fear Knot

This week for work I went to a survival training. We each presented. One of the topics was knot-tying.

There were the requisite bondage jokes there,and I think that from a kink perspective, one would think I'd be ace at this, or at least excited.

Noooooooope.

I HATE knot-tying.

It is useful in more ways than one, and I typically enjoy being the subject of it, but it is such a bitch for me to learn. The few times I've done self-bondage the knots were minimal.

For whatever reason it just doesn't stick in my brain. This is the 4th or 5th time in my life where I've been required to learn several knots, and each time, I SUCK at it. It is beyond frustrating.

I only ever seem to remember the square knot. I don't seem to ever use the others, and that's probably the issue. Out of sight (or hands?) out of mind.

I guess it is a good thing that I am the rope receiver and not the rope rigger!

That's Not Your Name

"Oh, Sir, look - Flogging Molly is coming to town!!"


"... Your name is not Molly."


> . <

Collar and Lunches Update

So, it's been a few weeks since I've been re-collared, and its been going very well!

At first, it was a bit rocky. I was impatient. Sir did have the rule that I was not to collar myself when I got home (as we used to do), that I was to wait for him to do it.

Except, he didn't always remember. In fact, he usually did NOT remember, not at first. I hemmed and hawed over the decision and then I would just remind him. I was getting a little pissy, because I didn't want to have to remind him. I felt that it was becoming more of a "as long as it goes on before bed, even RIGHT before bed" type of thing than a thoughtful, purposeful thing. Maybe more of a bedtime ritual. But I'm not only his submissive in sleep, it's definitely more than that.

Well, things have changed. Sir has been on his game now, nearly always remembering. Instructing me to come to him and get collared every night.

And... though it's just a scrap of fabric and metal... it has an impact on me and my head. It helps me to remember what I am and who I belong to, especially when things get stressful and I want to hide from duty. It helps me have the fortitude to think of him, and get my lazy butt up when I want to let things slide. Like lunches.

I have been really trying with preparing his lunch every evening, or in the morning. I have slipped a few times, when I've gotten home from work past midnight (and had to be up at 5:30 am), or today, when I don't have work this morning, but he does and I slept in. He hasn't been mad at all; very understanding.

But I have been a lot better than I was. We were in this place where I was doing my own thing, getting myself ready, and he was doing his thing. Now, I make the time to think of him and making his morning easier. I have slipped a few mornings, but I see improvement. In both of us.

I hope he sees it too.

Black Disposable Gloves

A couple of weeks ago, Sir went to change the headlight on my car. It seems like he does this quite often, since I drive a lot.

I'm not usually with him when he does it, though. Since we accidentally bought the wrong kind of headlight, we had to go to the store to make an exchange, and he decided to change the bulb right there in the parking lot.

When we were checking out he asked if they had any disposable gloves, in order to install the light properly. They did.

Back in the dimly-lit parking lot, he pulled on these stretchy black gloves. Very form fitting. I was definitely ogling him and the gloves.

Sir was beyond happy to get them off - he was not a fan of how they felt.

I suppose I can wait every few months to get a glimpse of him in the gloves during car maintenance though!

Sinful Sunday: Stairs (Chained in the Basement)

Sir and I had fun with this little shoot with the theme of Stairs for Sinful Sunday. When we get around to it, it's an intimate fun activity for us to do together.

He always jokes that he is going to keep me... keep me chained up in the basement. Perhaps it is not totally a joke.

Lucky for us, our neighbors are away this week (we share the basement).

For more stair-related photos, click the lips:

Kinky Tune Tuesday: Nothing Holding Me Back

It seems like the only music options I have in the car during my commute are Country, Jesus, or Pop. While I enjoy Contemporary Christian music, and have come even to enjoy Country, neither genre seems to provide many kink-related songs. So that leaves Pop, which is why I find myself hearing the kink in a lot of these pop songs.

Here is one such song that to me, has some kink undertones.

Simple Service

Sometimes, I have a later shift where Sir has work in the morning.

This was one of those days. I could have slept in, but I chose not to. Instead, I got up a few minutes after Sir. I made coffee. I made him breakfast. I waited for him to get out of the shower. While he was eating, I made his lunch for the day, and let him know what he could easily heat up for dinner, as I'll be home late from work.

These are just simple things, but they're definitely part of my submission. Do I want to make his lunch everyday... well, sort of, but not really. It is certainly easier to just make one for myself. To make his too is extra time and effort. I have to really plan out my time - making both the night before as I don't have time to do it in the morning. It's a small task, but those minutes add up, and I have a 90 minute commute each way - I HAVE to get my ass out the door. Making his lunch reinforces my service to him, to do this. That is the part I like, making his life easier, being reminded of my place.

I don't usually make his morning breakfast - I am typically out of the house before he wakes. I usually do make enough coffee for both of us, and leave his hot so its ready for him, though.

So, today was a nice little morning where I was focused on the right things. I hope I can continue with this mindset.

I need to remind myself of all the little things that we do that DO reinforce our roles in the house and in our chosen lives. It is easy to forget them sometimes.

Being Direct

Sir says that I am very direct.

He is not wrong. I am usually upfront about most things. I strive to be honest, sometimes brutally so. It can be difficult for me to be diplomatic when necessary (usually at work). It can be difficult for me to back off of certain things.

While he enjoys this quality, as he never has to worry about me playing those games where I give him the silent treatment, or he has to figure out why I am upset - I will just tell him, sometimes he doesn't like it.

He says it's not a very submissive quality.

I guess that is true too. I have an outgoing personality. I am willfull. Submission doesn't come naturally for me; I have to work at it. But I am not happy when I am the dominant one in the relationship, which is an easy role for me to fall into.

So I suppose I have to figure out how to balance the good qualities of being a very direct person with also retaining a submissive manner for him.

How am I to do that?

I suppose it has to do with phrasing (Are we not doing phrasing anymore?!)

Sinful Sunday: Hands

Sir and I in the back of our friends' car while in North Carolina:

Sinful Sunday

Collar Update and Drunken Fishie Rewards!

Today, Sir let me have three fishies! He even dropped one into my wine glass.

Hello, drunken fishie.

I'd been really busy at work lately but I guess I did a lot when I got home. I went for a jog (yay health and weight loss), cooked a teriyaki chicken casserole (in this 92 degree heat), did the dishes, did some gardening, took a shower, and called my mom and grandmom. I think he was more happy about the food appearing and the dishes disappearing, though.

Since my last post a few days ago, things with the collar are going well. Just after I clicked the "Publish" button, he actually had me come into the living room to collar me. I guess the talk made an impact on him. I think the "I haven't been properly collared for two years" statement was a bit of an epiphany for him as well. So, he re-collared me.

My new rule is that I must wait for him to collar me himself every evening after work - meaning I cannot collar myself when I get home, It will be done by him when he gets home (usually about a 2 - 3.5 hour time difference).

The second day when he got home I closed the door and kneeled by the collar cabinet, waiting. The next day he made me kneel and put it on me (which was a struggle since my legs were sore from jogging - I just started again). Yesterday he collared me just before bed (since I went to bed super early last night). And tonight, he made me go get the collar right after dinner (he made me wait because, "I'm eating, bitch!").

I think this is working for now. Just working on this. And I think really working on having his lunch ready  before I go to bed being another priority. With these two things, we can start to get back on track.

I am cautiously optimistic!

Collar - I Need More?

I know at one point someone said to me here, just to put the damn collar on and resume your lives.

I don't know why I put more significance into it than that, but I do.

I think its because I feel like the collar is an extension of how we're doing in the D/s aspect of our lives. When things started slipping, that's when the collar went. And we've not really gotten it back; not fully. I also feel that it is not my place to decide that it should come back on, that takes the control and puts it in my lap. Do I submit only when I feel like it? No. (Well, lately, yes - sometimes if we are being honest).

And so the collar hasn't come back on; not fully. There have been times here or there, but it has not been consistent. Though I do have the wristcollar. I have not been "properly" collared for about two years now.

Two years.

That seems insane to "say out loud".

I only really thought of it because tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary of my father's death, and that is really where things went downhill.

Sir and I did have a nice long chat about this while we were driving down to North Carolina this past weekend (this is one of the reasons I love road trips with Sir; talk; somehow we have different conversations in the car).

He was so flabbergasted about the two-year collar revelation. It was like an epiphany for him. I told him that I have really been trying lately, trying to be more submissive. He said that he has noticed. But it has been really difficult. I truly feel that I am really ready this time; that I have moved past my grief enough to function as a real person again. I think I have been doing well for some time now. But I feel like I am submitting into a vacuum. There are really no expectations. There are no consquences. I need to be held to some standards. When there are no consequences or expectations, I interpret that as the task not being truly important.

There is one exception here - the wristcollar. Sir has been amazingly consistent there. He checks up on that, to make sure I am wearing it. If I am not, he puts it back on and I have been punished a few times for forgetting it.

But other than that, there isn't anything really. I don't have to make his lunches. I don't have to wear my collar. I probably don't have to adhere to my dress code either, though I do.

So I guess I need more from him. What does he actually want from me? Because right now, I'm not really sure. He does tell me to do things from time to time, and we still engage in some kinky fuckery here and there, but to me, I think I feel like we're just playing house sometimes when the mood strikes rather than really living it.

And while that is totally fine if that is your thing, I'm not fine with it. I want more.

Hopefully there will be more.

Throwback Thursday - Goggles Edition

I thought that because I often don't get around to blogging things when they happen (if at all), I could make use of Throwback Thursday to get some things out.

Sir had been making these goggles for me secretly in the basement, and a few weeks ago he debuted them on me. They definitely give me the feel of teaching science again, but they do a good job of blocking out the light, and I like the way they look (even though I can't see when wearing them).

While they do a lot more than nothing, the only thing they need is some kind of padding by the nose; there is a bit of light that gets in there, plus it'd be more comfortable. (Assuming Sir wants them to be comfortable).

I definitely enjoy the sensory deprivation!

Rewards

We're back from vacation; it was a fantastic few days. Sun, sand, kayaking, family. Exploring local state parks, walking around downtown. I wish we could have stayed longer.

While we were in Rehoboth, Sir went into a candy store. I didn't know it at the time, but he bought a bunch of Swedish Fish.

When we got back home, he put them into the fridge and told me that I am not to eat them unless he personally gives them to me.

If I have been good, or he decides that I have earned it, he has given me a few. It is definitely a lesson in temptation - to NOT eat them on my own; to follow instruction.

The other night I earned my first fish, for being nice and baking my coworker a cake for his birthday (his kitchen is under construction, so no cake for him!)

Yesterday, I earned about 5 fish. I cleaned the living room while having an injured back. I pulled my back something terrible a couple of days ago, and our house was a wreck. There were things all over from vacation, things all over from my work trip, and just... things. So, I slowly and with breaks did the living room. Sir was happy, and I got fishies!

Today we've set the house to rights, thankfully, and can enjoy it.

Vacation time!

Sir and I both have FIVE DAYS OFF. In a row! We're headed on vacation!

We've rented a beach house in Delaware with my aunt and cousin and I am so pumped. Going in with others is keeping our cost pretty low. And now that we have jobs that give us paid time off.... it's like I cannot even believe how blessed we are.

Five days of sun, sand, and maybe some fruity little drinks with an umbrella in them.

Yay!

Relaxation

Today was a good day. Sir and I were both off work today, and we had a great lazy Monday.

Sir gave me a lovely lengthy beating. He really took his time, building up slowly to greater and greater intensity, and I found I could take more because of it.

At the end of it all, I was just so... Relaxed. I found that revelation amusing somehow. A beating just relaxes me. I was in a bit of a mood when it started, but by the end I suppose I had an attitude adjustment.

I hope these good vibes stay with me awhile. Thank you, Sir!

One Lucky Bitch

I have never been so happy to have forgotten to put my wristcollar back on after showering.

I went away this weekend, after working all day. I was moving a lot of furniture around, and loading our van up at work. After a day of this, I was on my way to NJ when I look down at my wrist.

It was empty.

Wristcollar was not there. First, I can't believe it took me nearly an entire day to notice. Second, PANIC!!!!

I started to freak out. Now that I noticed, I can't help but feel naked without it. And I was seriously concerned that in all the moving and hauling of the day, I may have popped it off, to be lost forever. It has popped off now and again in similar situations.

I called Sir, and left him a voicemail to let him know what was going on, and to ask if he could please check the house when he got home for it. I was really really hoping that I was dumb (again), and forgot to replace it after showering.

A few hours later he let me know it was there.

"You are one lucky, lucky, bitch," he said.

Sir is winning this week.

It has been a good week. Sir has pretty much been on FIRE with being awesome this week.

He had me take his new car to work on Monday, since he was off and he could bring my car to the shop to get my airbag fixed. Tuesday morning, I get into my car to go to work, and I see that he also got my entire windshield replaced, too, as a surprise! It's had an enormous crack in it for about a month. I was stressing about how I was going to fix it, both with time, and with the money to do it. This is a HUGE gesture on his part that made me feel so loved, feeling like he has my back.

He also did the dishes when I was away in Virginia all weekend. 

And he brought me cookies and milk. In bed! What a man.

I made him a nice steak dinner to show him that I really do appreciate him. He accidentally left it out on the counter when he went to make lunch the next day. I am the type of person who goes off like a bottlerocket when angered. I am really mad at first, and then I am over it. Sir on the other hand, simmers and stews in his anger. He was more mad at himself than I was. It was a Buy One, Get One offer, so I have another one in the freezer. I joked that we only threw the "free" one away. We have another shot with the one I actually paid money for, haha.

This weekend I stayed home to rest. I've been sick for a couple of weeks. I stayed in my jammies and watched the Harry Potter marathon literally all weekend. I did take breaks to eat, shower, clean a little. But mostly, chilling on the couch in my PJ's watching Harry Potter.

Today, Sir saw that I was cold, and he had the fan on (he's always warm). He told me to turn the fan off. I didn't (I didn't want him to be hot; I could just put the blanket on). He repeated himself, stating: You know this is not a request, do it now.

So I did, and just that little statement made my stomach flip in a great way.

I hope next week is as good as this week!

Today Our D/s Looks Like...

Ugh, I'm sick. I felt it coming on a few days ago, but now it is full blown sore throat, non-stop sneezing, leaky eyes. I guess it's a headcold; I don't usually get allergies (and the allergy medicine I took to test did nothing).

But life goes on. Today my submission looks like persevering through my cold. Cleaning the house for Sir, making food for the week, making him dinner. Taking on a temp job on my day off to bring in extra cash.

Today his Dominance looks like reminding me to eat, telling me to take breaks, and putting me to bed early.

Sex Horoscope

So, my sister-in-law recently posted a meme about what your astrological sign says about your sexual preferences. For a kick, I went to check out mine and Sir's and they were pretty funny.

Virgo (me):"The Virgo wants nothing more than to feel desired. Most likely, this person will be the submissive in the bedroom and will love anything that involves getting dominated."

Well, I'd say that is spot on.

Scorpio (Sir): "Scorpios are extremely passionate. Where the Virgo likes to be dominated, the Scorpio likes to do the dominating. A Scorpio will spank you all night long."

 Are they spying on us?... Eerie!

Though it was just for fun, I was amused by the results.

If you're interested, here's the link:

http://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/zodiac-says-what-turns-on

Full Speed to the Relaxation Point

Phew, Sir and I have been quite busy. We've been working a lot. We've had separate business trips (saying that makes me feel way more adult-y than we are, haha!) We visited family for Easter. We went to the local anime con.

This weekend was the first in awhile we were allowed to just be. It was glorious.

A few quick photos of our goings on:

Sir and Me at Easter in NJ.

I went to Pittsburgh for work, while Sir was in NYC for work. The skyline is lovely. Also, I went to the National Aviary, and took 1000 pictures of birds. The one in the upper right was my favorite - it reminds me of Severus Snape. It's actually a Palm Cockatoo. At the Children's Museum I played with a giant Lite-Brite, and saw Mr. Roger's Shoes!

We cosplayed for our local anime con. Vault 108 Gary and Moira Brown from Fallout 3! They need a little more work, but I'd say it was a success.

After all that, this weekend was our time of rest. We pretty much lazed about all day on Sunday, and it was magnificent!

This Is Why I'm Not Out About My Kink

This winter, I spent my time visiting friends and family. I had recently reconnected with a childhood friend; someone I've known since I was in diapers. In college we had a falling out and we drifted apart, but we reconnected when she asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding this past summer.

We had a pretty nice visit. She is a homeopathic doctor, and I work outdoors in nature, so we were connecting this way. Over the course of the visit, she asked me some pretty specific questions; questions that I suppose were related to her unofficial diagnosis of me in her head. I realize that for some people turning that part of themselves off is difficult. I have known her my entire life, and I know that her heart is in the right place. So I decided to disclose the truth about the nature of my relationship with Sir to her, especially if she was using the information to have some kind of medical idea about me in her head.

Though she didn't get angry, and we didn't have a fight or anything like that, she made it pretty clear that my kink was not okay. She believes that she can cure me of it. She believes that because of my traumatic childhood, I have sought out kink as a coping mechanism; that if I had a "normal" childhood, I would not need kink.

I explained my views on that pretty thoroughly to her, and let her know that her beliefs, especially as a medical professional, would likely offend many kink clients she may have. She has apparently "cured" a client of kink in the past, and they had mixed feelings in the aftermath about it.

My childhood was not ideal, but I don't feel that overall, I have been traumatized by it. I've worked through it and I'm pretty okay. It certainly could have been worse. I don't feel that I use kink to cope.

There is nothing wrong with me.

I don't need to be cured.

This isn't the first time I've come up against backlash; but I suppose it hurts more coming from a person I've known nearly my entire life, and a person that has dedicated her life to homeopathy. To holistic healing, and to helping people. I figured if anyone would understand, it would be her.

Don't Forget!

This morning, I left my wristcollar in the bathroom after I went to weigh myself (because obviously I have to do that completely naked; that bracelet could add TONS to my weight, haha!)

Well, Sir has been getting frustrated with me forgetting to put it back on lately. When he found it, he had me face myself down on the couch, and he got out the belt. He struck me over 20 times, asking me, "What did you forget?" repeatedly. Apparently, my first responses weren't submissive enough, contrite enough, perhaps. Eventually they changed and were to his liking. He placed the wristcollar back on, and we went on to have a lovely day.

We watched Pete's Dragon while snacking, and later we went to visit a new park and had a little picnic.

Hopefully I can remember to put the wristcollar RIGHT back on!

Giving Him the Choice

I'm slowly trying to adjust to my schedule, and make things more seamless than they were last year. I've been working on time management- in particular, making sure that I have everything ready to go for the next morning before I go to bed. I'm bathed, clothes set out, teacup washed, teapot washed, lunch for me and for Sir, and breakfast ready before I get into bed.

I've also been trying to work on getting what I can ready in the in-between time where I am  home from work, and am waiting for Sir to get home. I've been using this time to decompress a little; have a snack, watch some HGTV. But I've been cutting that vegging time a little shorter so I can make the next days lunches, and wash dishes before Sir gets home and I start dinner. It works out better than doing it right before bed.

I've been thinking about ways I can be more submissive to Sir and take his needs and wishes more into account. Lately, I've been asking him every day what he prefers for dinner. Usually there are 2 choices. Sometimes he picks what he thinks is the "easier option" to be kind to me. Sometimes he just picks what he wants. One night he wanted neither and really wanted to go out for fish, so we did. But I am making the effort to put his wants first.

Sir's New Car

Exciting news! Sir bought a new (to us) car! His old one finally gave out, and it was cheaper to put the money it would take to fix it temporarily into the down payment for a more reliable vehicle.

This is not Sir's exact car, but the same model.

He traded in his old Hyundai Elantra for a 2014 Nissan Sentra that had less than 7K miles on it. Sir even said he'd take me for a ride in it this weekend! In memoriam of his car, Sir played me this song after I asked him if we could go for a drive in it together:

It just sounds like the perfect moseying along in the car song. Hopefully this one will last him just as long (if not longer) than his previous.

A Perfect Sunday

I've finally gone back to work for the season, and things have been a bit hectic even before I went. I used my time off to take a few trips to see different family members and friends, a trip to see our nation's capitol (hard for even me to believe I'd never been to DC before), a trip to help my cousin paint a bedroom for her new baby to come, and I had a major oral surgery a few weeks ago that I'm just starting to truly heal. Phew.

The day before I went back to work, Sir planned the perfect Sunday for me.

We had a wonderful lazy morning with fantastic sex. No need to hurry; just taking our time. We stayed in bed afterwards cuddling for awhile before hot showers. Then I made us a french toast breakfast. We ate, and then cuddled some more while watching TV. In the afternoon, he had me drive us somewhere, but he wouldn't tell me where. After running an errand, he brought us to the movies, and we saw Moana. There is a great mom and pop movie theatre by us that shows "out of date" movies, that to me are still pretty new for a huge discount. After the movie, we picked up some Chinese for dinner and continued catching up on Game of Thrones.

A perfectly indulgent Sunday. Sir said he wanted to plan a really nice relaxing day where I didn't have to worry about chores, housework, or other issues, and I could just enjoy myself before going full boar back at work.

Well, he succeeded! Just another reason why I love this man.

25% of the Way!

Been a bit quiet here. I'd been away, traveling in Raleigh. It was a really nice break to visit friends while I'm on hiatus from work. It was extra nice since they're one of the few friends I have that know about me and Sir. It is so very nice not to have to dance around topics or have to try and not explain why certain relationship advice just won't work.

And because we are human and most social activities revolve around food, the visit also became the eating tour of Raleigh, as it usually does. I'd recently restarted back on MyFitnessPal, with mixed motivation but I have to say - since coming back, I've been a beast with it. Really motivated and sticking to my plan!

Sir has even allowed me to start putting stickers back on my Kitty Chart again. It had been very lonely for quite some time. I am now over 25% of the way there!!

I noticed there were a bunch of blue and green stickers. 

Sir chooses them, and those are his favorite colors, haha!

It has been a nice couple of weeks. Sir and I are preparing to hunker down for the impending snowstorm that should be hitting us any minute now. I hope you are all warm and safe! Or, if it is summery where you are, cool and safe!

Appropriate Tools

The other day, when Sir was cutting my shirt from my body with a pair of scissors, I had a realization:


"Sir! You picked the fabric scissors to cut my shirt? How appropriate!"


"Yes... I totally picked these... on purpose... totally did not grab whatever pair of scissors I could find...."

Scissors and Face Slapping

Even after six years, Sir still surprises me.

On our anniversary, I fell asleep after dinner (I know), but the next day we more than made up for it.

Sir came into the kitchen to get himself a drink. He said he was sad because he had just submitted a resume and he already got a "we're not hiring" letter back [he is trying to find a job closer to my work, so we can move and have smaller commutes].

As he finished pouring his soda, I undid my robe, and raised my shirt up. 

"Does this help? Are you feeling less sad?"

He said, "I don't know..."

He flipped me around to face the kitchen window and groped me pretty thoroughly. I kept thinking about the neighbors getting an eyeful. Once he let me go, I came back in to him for a kiss. 

He pinned me there, keeping me against him for quite some time. Then he said I wasn't properly dressed. I looked down. I was wearing a pink camisole, pajama pants, and my big, fluffy, green Legend of Zelda robe. The picture of sexy, no?

But as he walked/pushed me over to the collar cabinet, I realized what he meant.

The BIG Collar.

He placed it around my neck, and spun me around pulling me to him, kissing me until I was fuzzy. He dragged me to the bedroom and threw me down on the bed.

He began hitting my breasts, at his whim. He'd leave, and go into another room. Come back, and start hitting them again.

I was still not appropriately dressed.

"How much do you like that shirt?"

"It's okay, why?"

"What do you think I have behind my back?"

It wasn't the metal spoon holder we use for impact. Or the chain flogger. I knew it was cold and metal, because it had (accidentally?) touched my feet. Finally my brain clicked.

"Scissors?"

"Very good."

Sir pulled out the pair of scissors. He drew them across my skin. He dug them into the fabric of my shirt, pulling so I could feel it. He  quickly cut away at the shoulder straps, before dragging the scissors down my torso, to the bottom edge of my shirt. Slowly, he started to cut it free. 

Somehow, my brain wanted more. I wanted to feel the blade hit my skin, and Sir obliged. I never thought I would be into knife play... or scissor play. Blade play. I'm pretty confident that if I dragged out that checklist we did way back in the day, it would rate very low; possibly even a soft limit.

It is amazing how things change.

Once my shirt was cut away, Sir resumed smacking my tits. Alternating with drawing the opened scissor blade across my chest. Pressing above my heart. Closing the blade, stopping just around my nipple.

The idea that he could just snap the blade through my nipple if he so chose... I am very glad he did not so choose but everything about it just had me in his thrall.

He resumed smacking my breasts and then... *Crack*

Sir slapped me right in the face. No warning. Nothing.

I don't recall Sir ever doing that before. He told me later he has done this once, but I honestly don't remember. I was completely stunned. At a loss for words. Not at all angry or upset, like I thought I would be. And very, very turned on.

After more swats to my chest, inner thighs, and feet, Sir had me move to the middle of the bed and began to fuck me. He continued to smack me right in the face at random intervals. Each time completely unexpected, and each time, releasing a wave of lust rolling through me. I kept looking up at him, touching his face, his beard. He had the smuggest look on his face. I guess he knew just how great he was doing. I'm not exactly subtle anymore.

Right after he made me come, he pulled out abruptly, another display of his control. I started crying, possibly starting even while I was still in the throes of orgasm. I wasn't sad, but tears were just rolling down my cheeks, and I couldn't really stop them. He allowed me to cuddle on him and pretty much cling there as tears streamed down my cheeks, forming a little puddle on his chest. 

Whenever I experience something new with him, I tend to have some kind of  intense reaction, and definitely want to cling. He said I could have all the time I needed. Once I was ready, I went back to him, to make sure he got to finish, too.

I've kept the shirt. I cannot bring myself to throw it away. Seeing it is a lovely reminder. Perhaps I'll sew it back together... and he can rip it open. Perhaps.

I keep thinking about that scene and my feelings on it. I'm surprised by my positive reactions to the blade play, and to the face slapping. I suppose the dominant and sexual context helps, especially for the slapping. I'm not sure that if he just walked into the kitchen with no prelude and cracked me one I would feel the same as I did in these moments.

But I'm so pleased that after six years, I feel like we are still growing, and that we're continuing to grow closer together.

Six Sexy Years

I made it home in time for our anniversary! Both Sir and I were really pleased.

Six years. I say this every year, but it doesn't seem real. Time flies. It makes me feel old, as in, how can I be old enough to have had this meaningful relationship with anyone for this long? That is some adult shit right there.

Sir and I went out for a nice dinner to celebrate. We got all spiffed up. Sir really dislikes dressing up... he hates wearing ties. But he wore one for me. Just another one of those little things that shows his love, since he knows I like seeing him all formal once in a while.

Sir even managed a smile for this photo!

He selected this satiny dress for me to wear. 

We had a nice dinner out at a local brewery (which was actually a pretty fancy place), and then we came home. Sir said he "had plans" for me. We sat on the couch for a bit and I promptly passed right out though. Typical, haha. He elected to put me to bed. I told him that I could rally, but he told me to get the hell in bed!

The next day, he more than made up for it, though.

Absence Makes My Heart More Submissive

I have been away house-sitting for friends in another state.

It is nice to have time away. Time with their little furballs (I do so miss having a little fluffy something in the house). Time to visit others without any real agenda. But the cost of all this is being away from Sir.

I knew I would be leaving and somehow this made me so much more willing to serve Sir. It was easier for me to get up early and make a special lunch for him for work. To make breakfast. To listen and respond to his commands with an open heart.

Why can I not be like that every day? What is it about knowing that you will be apart that makes a person more willing?

I have missed him very much, in more ways than one. His companionship, his opinions, his speech, his cuddles, and yes of course, his Dominance. I'm craving it, and it is making me needy, especially being so far away.

I should be returning this weekend, just in time for our 6-year anniversary.

I can't wait to put my arms, and other things, around him.

Inebriated Eve

This year, Sir and I had decided that we were going to spend Christmas at home. No crazy travelling trying to please everyone else. It helped that he had to work on Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas, not leaving us the time to drive out to family (we could, but we'd spend more time in the car than visiting if we did that, like we did for Thanksgiving)

Just before Sir got home from work, he called and said he could use a drink. So I went out to get him one. It was evening on Christmas Eve. The proper liquor stores were closed. I did find one weird distributor that was also a bar and also a Chinese food takeout place. So I got us some Apple Ale. After dinner, we cracked open the ale and.... got pretty drunk. This is a novelty for us, especially Sir, who very seldom drinks.

We had a good time watching the Yule Log on our TV and being a couple of silly drunks. We eventually decided that drunk sex was a grand idea... and it was. We had a great time with our uncoordinated sex efforts. Sir left quite a few enormous hickeys on my neck. When we went to visit his family a few days later I pretty much panicked the entire time trying to make sure they were hid.

I could get into this as a new holiday tradition for us - the appeal being in its rarity, of course!

You Gotta Count Your Blessings

So 2016 has gone and now comes 2017. This year wasn't all bad for us, but it really tanked during the last part of the year.

I don't want to make this a drawn-out pity party, so to quickly sum up, in the last month or so:

• Our beloved kitty was diagnosed with lymphoma. We tried to do all we could for him, but we had to let him go right before Christmas. I miss him a lot, and he is tied into grief over my father (he was once my dad's cat... and my brother's... and mine,... and my roommates... then me (again) and Sir's.... kitty has been around). I picked up his ashes today.
• I went to the ER with some weird heart/vision problems.
• Mass continued dental issues. 
• Lots of tests, and the conclusion is something is up with my thyroid but its not bad enough to do anything real about it, despite the symptoms it is causing. Deal with it, I've basically been told, or medicate for anxiety.
• Some local kids threw a rock through our kitchen window, shattering it. We live in an old house in Amish Country. This required several days of custom work. It is winter. Hooray!
• There is something up with the furnace and there have been at least 3 days without heat.
• Unemployment disqualified me for benefits, even though I meet all the requirements. This is especially panic-inducing after the literally thousands of dollars we've spent/borrowed for the kitty, the more thousands on my teeth, the even more thousands because of the ER. I did appeal, but by the time that happens, I'll be back at work
• I tried to go back to my former part-time job, but due to inactivity they well, made me inactive. I am jumping through hoops to get reinstated so we can stem this monetary hemorrhaging.

I have felt pretty brow-beaten and depressed about all of this. Sir is a little more resilient. I am trying to be positive but it can be difficult at times. I feel it is definitely impacting our relationship. I know Sir does too, he has made a few comments about my depression and that he doesn't know what to do about it. I feel there is nothing really to do... this is normal considering what has been going on. I don't think it will be forever, and we certainly can't afford to spend more money for me to seek professional help. I'm not sure it warrants professional help at this point, but it is on the table for the future.

I know it is impacting our D/s... I feel bad for that, and I am trying to work on it, but you can't just flip a switch and make problems and how you feel about them go away.

Everything isn't all bad. We had a novel Christmas at home with each other, and we ARE blessed in many different ways - I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

Here is to a happy, healthy 2017!