Thanksgiving Swats

I spent Thanksgiving with Sir again this year.

We were in the kitchen and he was about to nick something off of the appetizer plate his sister was preparing.

Unthinkingly, I swatted at his hand, similar to how you would deter anyone.

Anyone other than your Dom, that is... The LOOK on his face... if his sister hadn't been 5 feet from us... I'm sure I would have gotten more than just a look. When we had a free second alone, he grabbed me by the back of my hair to put me in my place. Since we haven't had any real time alone, I'm wondering if there's more payback to come!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Stolen Seclusion

This past Sunday, Sir and I had a couple of hours completely to ourselves.

Usually, to get complete, uninterrupted alone time, we have to conduct an orchestra and calculate when Pluto will be approaching the horizon... or steal away for a weekend.

I had pretty much just awoken; only getting up and dressing to brush my teeth, but Sir wasted no time.

"Strip".

Sir placed my collar around my neck. He was merciful the night before and allowed me to choose between sleeping with the big collar on (which was very physically uncomfortable), or sleeping naked (which I find mentally uncomfortable). Since I chose the mental discomfort, now the collar returned. When not trying to sleep, its just fine. I missed it.

I miss my sleeping collar, too.

Sir bound my hands and feet. He used the extra rope that I had previously used to make arm braces. I missed that too. Rope. It was interesting to use such thin rope in binding my arms and legs - we usually use thicker rope.

Sir pushed me face down on the bed.

I could hear him setting things up. Opening the bondage bag and removing items. Choosing. Slowly, he laid some items down on the bed in my line of sight:

A pair of clothespins.
An extendable metal backscratcher.
My thin leather belt, with the beads at the end.
Plastic spring clamps.
A pair of rope scissors.
Our Wartenberg wheels.

Immediately, those butterflies were in my belly. Wondering what he was going to do. Which items he would use - all? None? Which first? The anticipation was delightful.

Sir started things out very sensual. Nice soothing hands all over me. Soft tone of voice... though to be fair, he's NEVER raised his voice or screamed at me. Ever. He doesn't need to. He can show me he means business by altering his tone, but leaving his volume level.

Sir grabbed the backscratcher. But instead of scratching my back, he used the blunt end to strike my body. Which warmed me up for his hand. I so needed his hand. When we first used the candle wax, by the end I was aching to be spanked. Then I felt a sting on my back. He was alternating the smacks with whipping. Delicious. I started to count the blows in my head, but it got a little confusing once he added the candle wax. I was over two hundred various blows before I heard him blow out the candle.

I heard a shutter click.

 

And then the peeling. Oh, the peeling.

It was amazing. And torturous. Sir used the backscratcher in the peeling process and I felt like I was going to hit the ceiling.

Then Sir flipped me over. He clamped my nipples with the spring clamps, pulling and flicking them. He alternated the Wartenberg wheels over my belly and breasts. One dug deeper than the other - an interesting contrast. Sir was able to push them into my breasts, down my feet, scraping sideways.

He pushed a hand between my thighs, and was able to see how much I was enjoying his treatment.

For some reason, I bear embarrassment in those situations, displaying evidence of my pleasure, my liking of these activities. But I like the embarrassment too.

Sir works hard to make me happy. I think my being happy makes him happy.

He said he's not a fan of orgasm denial for me - as every time I finish is like a victory.

It was an easy race to that finish line. I don't usually finish solely while having sex, but I guess he had me primed.

I missed having a longer, thought out scene like that.

I've been floating for days.

Sir Celebrate!

That is all!

Melting

This weekend, Sir and I actually got to spend the entire weekend together without having to pull strings and orchestrate a getaway! I wasn't working, and we had no family obligations or social events to attend.... for what feels like the first time ever, though that's probably inaccurate.

It was so wonderful to just... veg in my house. Sir and I got to cuddle, and I continued unpacking my apartment. Lots of cuddling. Friday night Sir just couldn't wait to try out one of our new toys that he picked up at GKE.

Pretty much as soon as he arrived, I was to strip and get face down on the bed. I finally knew what he was going to do, funnily enough. Without having prior knowledge of his plan, I had unknowingly set a perfect scene for his plans by having found the box that had all the candles in it. And lighting them all before his arrival. He had me help light our brand new candle too, before getting facedown on the bed. The anticipation of knowing what was coming definitely set the butterflies in me. He could tell.

"Are you okay? You seem nervous."

" I am nervous!"

"The girl who would intentionally dip her fingers in Walmart crap candle wax just to peel it off is nervous?"

The candle we bought was designed to melt at a lower temperature, so I knew it wasn't going to be awful. . And this was different. Before, I could control when my fingers would hit the wax. When I would peel it off. Now that control was gone, and I didn't know how it would feel, or what it would be like, or when. So... it hurt.

And it was wonderful. I enjoyed the sensations. The initial fiery moment, the splat of the wax hitting the skin. And the rapid cooling, leaving your skin tight around the now solid surface.

Once Sir was done raining drops of fire on my back... it was time.

To remove it.

I don't know why it never occurred to me that of course, if you put it on, it has to come off. I suppose I never thought to the next part. Which is silly, as I'm a person who has a fixation on peeling things. Glue, old paint, wax, sunburn, scabs... It's pretty ridiculous.

So, Sir peeled it off. Bit by bit. The peeling was just as good as the hot wax. It was also a form of torment for me, as I couldn't peel it myself. Sir made sure to take good care of me after. Nice cuddles and checking my back. He could also see that I was excited to have my entire back covered. just the thought of all that peeling must have done something interesting to my face, because he chuckled at me.

One day!

He had a longer, very fabulous scene planned for me later in the weekend where the wax returned...

GKE Sunday

Geeky Kink Event - Part Deux!

After getting back to our hotel room on Sat night/Sun evening, and Sir torturing me with the gag, we had a good sleep. We got up on little sleep, having stayed up till the wee hours. Since I was so good, Sir decided he would bind my hair for me. We did it in pigtails!

We found the loveliest rope from Agreeable Agony on Saturday just for this purpose! We had some pretty skinny hemp rope, but this had even less circumference, held tighter, and had the best results. We bought 120 feet of red  MFP rope, in 2 sections. We had about 30 feet total left over, I would guess. 

It took almost 2 hours to bind my hair like this, but I really enjoyed it. It is a very striking visual. Its application is very intimate between Sir and I - and it highlights one of his loves - my long growing hair. He also enjoyed the many compliments we received on his work! Someone even remarked that they kind of look like horns, which, now that I can see the back myself - isn't too far off. It wasn't the original intent, but it does have such a resemblance. We went back to Agreeable Agony and bought another 120 feet in grey! 1/8 inch apparently does the trick!

The people at the booth were really nice, especially considering the pain in the ass quantity of rope we wanted. They also very nicely taught sir a new and improved method for coiling his rope, which is definitely better than what we'd been doing. Exchanges like that is part of the reason why doing things in person can be very beneficial.

While Sir was binding my hair, I decided to show him that I can do what he does too!  So I took the extra rope that didn't go into my hair and made these arm braces:

I used the same tie that he was doing on my hair to make them. The red goes well with my pretty dress. <3

We went to some pretty nifty workshops, and Sir let me go back into the ball pit, which is so my favorite thing. I think there is a bit of a little in me. I don't think we're quite into full on ageplay, but I do have a little side in me. And a brat side too. I think they're parts of the same coin. I'd guess my little side is maybe 6 or 7ish - old enough to be potty trained, but young enough to brat and whine and regress. And seek protection and lurve from a big strong guy. <3

Hooray Ballpit:

Sir and I in the ballpit.

Such a sexy Sir.

We bought a lot of fun things this weekend, spoke with neat people, learned new skills and information, and really opened communication on our needs.  And I think this time we've really taken physical steps to get there. Since it'll be a year till the next GKE, I'm going to start getting excited about Wicked Faire..... NOW!

Movement and GKE

I have internet again!

I recently moved, and its been quite a process. Finding a place, painting and renovations, the actual move, and now: unpacking and setting things up. I love decorating and such, so this has been fun, though tiring. Sir and I still live in separate homes, but this move overall is great for me. Bigger better space. Wonderful neighborhood. Closer to work! Less gas and no tolls!

Sir and I are still an hour apart, which isn't great, but at least we're not farther apart. We are planning on getting a place together in  a different state, in about a year or so. Realistically - probably two years. Though I'd rather it be this summer.

I've now had three work-free weekends, and I have to say; it's wonderful. The first weekend was the move. Then Sir and I went to the Geeky Kink Event (which was awesome). Then we had this past weekend together (also awesome). Perhaps we can actually spend time together if I'm not working 6 - 7 days a week!

I had such a great time at the Geeky Kink Event! Initially, I was ridiculously nervous. I nearly had a panic attack while packing. I didn't even pre-pack because somehow in my brain, not packing meant not going yet, and then I don't have to freak out if we're not going  yet. Sir was displeased, as one of our rules states that I will be ready if we're to leave for an event before he arrives. He has been much better about making me accountable, and less lenient - though he does give me a reprieve now and again if there's a really good reason.

I'm still uncomfortable with my sexuality and how I define myself. Every day, I get better and more accepting of myself, my desires, and the type of relationship that I want, but it's been a struggle. Couple that with going to a publicly Kinky event, and my heart starts to race in a bad way. I don't know if it was officially labeling myself to "the world" as something to which I'm still becoming comfortable, or the possibility of being outed, but I think my fears can rest. Firstly, no one at such an event is going to harshly judge me and my proclivities. Secondly, while I did meet someone at this event from my vanilla life, I doubt that its going to lead to bad stuff in my vanilla life. For one, they were also there, and their main link to my life is as a sibling to someone I know that would have no personal gain from screwing with me, and has been a good friend in the past.

Once we got there, I calmed down. Mostly. There was a bonfire that I crept close to for warmth. Sir stayed by me, and we socialized a bit. Saw vendors.

Saturday I got my nerd on and wore a Kaylee Frye dress that I altered a few months ago. There were so many neat workshops! And... the ball pit! Easily the most fun thing for me. The workshops were very informative, and I learned a lot. Sir and I went to a Fast Rope workshop in the evening, and by the end of it frustrations came out that forced us to talk more about our relationship. Not that we don't talk - but some of the topics weren't previously expressed in such a clear way. Though the venue and mechanism for this talk weren't ideal - in the middle of a con due to frustrations in a workshop - I don't regret it. Sir was having trouble with some of the rope mechanics. The point of the workshop was communicating intent, but since he was so focused on rope mechanics, that part was lost for us. Things escalated quickly and a recurring issue of us not spending enough time together (coming out because if we spent more time together, he'd have more practice and be better able to do stuff like this), came to a head. He was just frustrated because it brought to light how we haven't been spending enough time together. It allowed us to talk and for me to express my hurt. I gave up my weekend job and volunteer position so that we could have more time together. It was very difficult for me to do so, and I still miss the work. But he's worth it. And, having that time to reconnect takes... well time. With more available weekends, things will get better. It hasn't been long, but I think they are getting better. We also talked about my need for continuity and D/s things during the week. He finally checked his messages (that I sent back in June), to help him with ideas in this vein. I don't want to top from the bottom, but I do want to help him. No need to reinvent all the wheels if there are resources out there. It's only been a week, but I think we're finally headed in the right direction. He's reviewing and possibly revising my old rules, and I have noticed him being much more on his game, even in the past few weeks.

Sir was able to find a ball gag that actually fit into my mouth as well! It's a training gag, so there are 3 different sizes. The smallest one was small enough to get into my mouth. Perhaps with time, I could get to the middle sized gag. I don't think the large one is ever going to fit, though. Sir is so pleased with the gag. He's wanted to gag me forever, and since I have an anatomically small mouth, that's been difficult to do with most products that were on the market. He's tried some DIY stuff, but for reasons other than the gag itself, it didn't go well. Getting back to the hotel room and trying it out was an experience. I am very talkative, so it was difficult for me to not talk. It was also funny, as I still tried to talk - it was just incomprehensible. Sir says that I am more willing to let go and vocalize in a non worded manner when gagged, which he likes. What was most frustrating of all though - I couldn't kiss him! I love kissing. He made sure to kiss me all over my face and body, and especially on my lips, as it was driving me crazy. I think he's got a fun new way to torture me. There are downsides to the gag though - the straps really bite into the corners of my mouth, and I fear saliva going everywhere. Drool isn't really sexy. I have enough leverage to more or less prevent myself from drooling, but if we get to the bigger gag, that leverage will be gone.

I'll write more about Sunday of GKE later (don't want to turn this into a full-on novel), but I'll end with this:

We did get something out of the Fast Rope Workshop after all! (the presenter was excellent, the issues were our own). I was able to do this to myself behind my back! Sir is usually the one doing all the ties, but I was able to show him my capability this weekend.

Also, if you know you're going to rope bottom, know that wearing a dress will lead to inevitable bunching and fabric awkwardness.

Starting Clean

Sir is giving it a shot to get us back on track; D/s wise. I have my doubts, but I will always give us a shot.

I've been thinking about my role in keeping us on track as well. It can't be all on him. But, I do have to trust that he will not become apathetic in putting me in my place when I get out of line. And I will get out of line - whether from becoming busy, not making time, forgetting myself, being cranky... what have you. It happens to everybody.

It can be an easy thing to say to oneself that you will just listen all the time, and not forget yourself, and be on task. But it's not that easy. Yet... things that are worth doing are usually difficult; it makes it worth the doing.

Things have gotten busy. I went from working every weekend, to transitioning to a one weekend per month deal. Until that takes effect in a few weeks, I'm still working weekends, and I have to train the new person to hire me. My full time job has just... exploded in terms of tasks, responsibility and tensions. I gave up my volunteer position, too.  I'm also moving. I get the keys tomorrow, and have until Oct 31st to be out of my current place. But hopefully with all these changes I'll have more time to myself, and more importantly, more time for Sir and I to be together.

Sir tried to surprise me with passes to the Geeky Kink Event. However, due to the privacy protections they have (which is a good thing), he couldn't get me tickets without my consent. Still, it was a very nice gesture. I'm actually nervous about attending, but excited too.

Lately, our D/s side of things have been random instances when we're together. Nothing with a regular schedule. But I still relish the irregular - I'd rather have those random times to cherish than be vanilla altogether. Maybe we'll get our shit together this time. I've found that yes, I CAN be vanilla... but I don't want to be. I'm not as happy. And I find a dissonance in our relationship when we're totally vanilla. I love Sir, and I do love our vanilla sides, but I don't think we can be only that. I have a hard time in a relationship where someone can't/doesn't put me in my place. I'm happier and I have more respect for my partner when they're in control; making decisions in our best interest, having me serve him, making me do the things that are best for me, even if I don't like it. Some small part of me still does, inside.

In that vein, I have given Sir all that I've owed him up to this point, punishment wise. It was valuable to help me feel like we are wiping the slate clean. I had to help him engineer my punishment:

That's 120-grit sandpaper that we duct taped to the inside of my shirt. And then, of course I had to turn my shirt right-side-out. For over 2 hours, while we just did mundane things. And he made sure to tickle me now and again so I'd be wiggling more.

The sandpaper wasn't so bad. Don't get me wrong - it wasn't something I enjoyed. But the duct tape - that was awful. It stuck everywhere, and pulled. Ugh. We went through 2 other trials before engineering this solution to accomplish his desire. I finally had to ask him what exactly he wanted, physically, so I could assist him. At first the sandpaper was duct taped directly to my body - but that wouldn't allow for much movement. Pulling that tape off was awful - much worse than the sand paper. Then he put it inside my bra - but the same issue with lack of movement wasn't allowing for his desired effect. He got what he wanted by having the sandpaper inside my t-shirt, but the tape still stuck everywhere.

At least I feel like I've given him what he was owed. We can start fresh. He also likes it when I have a hand in my own punishments. It is my nature to speak up, even if it's to my detriment.

Today he bound me and forced me to take a nap. He's right - I don't relax enough. And there are far worse things he could have me bound for than napping in his bed, cuddled up with his scent all around me.

Usually Pantsless

Coworker: Oh my goodness, Lea... I don't think I've ever seen you wearing pants before!

I guess I am doing something right!

---

Sir and I are at a bit of a standstill. He only likes face-to-face D/s. We live an hour apart. I think some long distance things are possible. Without any structure, things have fallen apart.

I honestly don't believe things will change in the near future. Maybe... maybe if we move in together... but until then.

Nope.

But at least I keep my skirts on!

Take Out Wisdom

Sir and I met for dinner tonight, and got some Chinese Take out. We brought it back to his house to eat in his backyard, which was lovely. There were cardinals flying around so I was even more pleased. I enjoy the outdoors and his company. I am determined to get him outside more often.

At the end of our meal, we each choose a fortune for the other. The fortune he chose for me turned out to be very apropos. It read as follows:

A leader is a person you will follow to a place you wouldn't go by yourself.

How fitting for our D/s life. I count on Sir to be my leader in as many ways as possible. And yet, without him, I'd make no progress.

Being a submissive, how far can you go without a Dominant? You can try to behave in a submissive fashion. You can do things for others. You can anticipate one's needs. Yet I believe that without a  Dominant to be your guide, there's only so far you can take yourself. I prefer to submit to one person. If he did not exist in my life, I wouldn't wish to lead myself. I wish to go with him, together.

To submit, you give yourself over to another. And without that person, to who or what are you actually submitting?

On the Other Foot

This past year has been pretty hard on me. Sir has been my absolute ROCK. He listened to me every night, dried my tears, helped me with my work, and tried to think of solutions.

Now, Sir is going through something, and I understand how he felt. I love him. I want to be there for him. And I want him to know that I will continue to love him, no matter what. I can see how he felt to be an ear, but not be able to help.

Sir is seeking his own solutions and soon, which I hope work for him. In the meantime, I'm being as supportive as I can by listening to him, or distracting him when I can.

We had a nice evening alone and I did my best to make sure there wasn't enough blood in his brain for him to focus on his troubles.

I may be getting unexpected vacation time soon. If this happens, we're going to try and get time off together. I am so excited by this prospect; it's unreal!

Photo Post

I meant to add some photos to  this post a week ago. Just getting around to it now.

So, a couple of weeks ago, Sir bound my hair into a handle:

Bound with a ring!

Not just pretty, but useful too!

Sir then handcuffed me, took my head and hooked me to the top of his over-door coat rack.

I had to remain on my tip-toes or feel like my hair was going to be ripped out of my skull. I liked this intro into predicament bondage.

Sir also forcibly beat my ass all over the room with his hand and various implements until it was a lovely shade of pink. He manually restrained me in an upright position. I really enjoyed feeling just how much stronger he is than me; for him to be able to overpower me in such a fashion. He also clamped my nipples. He took photos of those too that I'd like to post, but even edited my nudity is just for him.

I suppose I am a bit of an exhibitionist. Good thing he's here to keep me in check! One more way I can submit to him.

Jekyll and Hyde

Since I'm only working the one job right now, I have my weekends free. This is such a blessing. There's more time for Sir and I to see each other. Therefore, Sir is much more on top of his Dom game. He does cater to me, and care for me. He's been very lenient with me lately, as I've been having some health issues. But I shouldn't let that get to my head. Last night I was a bit sleepy and whiny. Sir catered to me. I went to sleep with a teddy bear.

I woke up to the animal.

I woke Sir up with kisses. After his eyes were fully open, it was like a switch went off in his brain. He grabbed me by my hair, and proceeded to remind me of just who was in charge. He made me repeat it over and over. He forcefully reminded me of his title, as I still have issues remembering at times. After he stripped me down, he dragged me by my hair to the door, where he handcuffed me. And there I stood for 34 minutes while he ignored me and played his game. Id been bad for not completing his punishments when we were apart, and he'd not forgotten.

It made me feel small. Little. And wonderful.

It's harder for me to assume the right headspace at his whim, but I'm loving this.

I guess we never know what we'll wake up to!

Back with a Bang

I haven't posted in over two weeks, so I owe Sir a collective 160 minutes of corner time. : / I'll do as much as I can each day until it is complete. He insisted I post here first - I think he's rather proud of himself. I am too. I am also proud of him for NOT going soft on me. It actually strengthens my resolve to improve myself for him.

The past few weeks have been crazy. I work in education, so this time of year is just a roller-coaster. I'm happy to say it's all over now, and I only have one job for the next couple of months, and no weekends at work!

Sir and I finally had actual time alone this past weekend. The last time we were truly alone was probably in January, when we went away for our anniversary. The last time we had time alone where we didn't get a hotel room.... I can't actually remember. It was perfect.

On Friday I was off from work. I drove an hour to his place on Thursday night. We just hung out and enjoyed each other's company while watching Doctor Who (my new favorite).

He went to work on Friday, and I stayed home. I cleaned. I did our laundry. I went to the market and planned a dinner, which I had executed almost perfectly for his arrival home. I felt very much like a 50's housewife, and I have to say that I really enjoyed it! I felt like I was doing things that would make his life easier. I don't know if I could be a full time stay at home sub/wife, but I think if we were in a position where I could work part time and stay at home the other time, it would be good!

I  made us a cake to celebrate after dinner. There's so much to celebrate. The beginning of summer. The end of my first  job for this year. A summer where I have time to spend with him. More relaxation. Time alone since forever! So to encompass all that, I wrote "YAY" on the cake in decorative sprinkles.

Before I started cooking, I took a nice shower and wore a cute dress for Sir's arrival home. I also tried to find my collar (he's the one who keeps it, naturally). I could only find my sleeping collar, so I put that on. I didn't think that he would mind that I chose to put the collar on myself because of the spirit in which I did it. Happily, I was right. I think he appreciated seeing me in a nice dress with my collar on, cooking and things being clean. The day put me in the right headspace.

After dinner, Sir had me sit in the wooden chair in his room. He wanted to try something, he said. I wasn't allowed to look, but I could feel him binding my hair. I love it when he binds my hair. This time, however, he chose to place a ring in my hair and bind my hair around it so it became a place where he could attach things, or grab me or...

Attach my head to the top of his door with a door hanger and leave me there. I couldn't place my feet flat on the floor without feeling like my hair would rip out of my skull. This suited Sir just fine. The first time, I was able to unhook myself, so he attached me to the higher hook - no detaching myself there! The evening was extended and laced with nipple clips, flogging (which I loved), paddling, and bare hand spanking around his room. He seemed to know just when I couldn't take any more, to give me a respite. I felt so in my place. I like it when he holds me in place so I have to take what he's giving. I fear not being able to handle what he's dishing out, but he always seems to give me a break at just the right time.

Being that we were completely alone, I had no inhibitions about sound. I'm usually paranoid that someone will hear us and our unorthodox activities. But this weekend I was free to scream, shout, and forget about other people to just be in the moment. Sir says that he relishes every sound that he gets me to make, and when we're in close proximity to others (even through a door), I just don't feel comfortable. I can't really let go because I'm constantly worried about what people will hear, whether it's me, or things striking me.

I made a comment a bit ago about how I sometimes feel that Sir and I are "just playing dress up" when it comes to BDSM and I feel like I'm waiting for the day when it becomes real. I'm not sure when that day will be (likely when we cohabitate), but this seemed like a step in the right direction. I think I just want to feel that part of our relationship more often. When days or weeks go by when we're not actively engaged or trying something, I suppose I feel that we're not progressing and things aren't real. I realize that BDSM is different for everyone, so I'm not saying that I wish I had what someone else does - I'm just hoping that we can figure out what works for us in our current situation sooner. We live an hour apart, so we don't see each other everyday. But I'd still like to feel submissive to him everyday in a deeper way.

We'll figure it out.

We're Above the Norm!

I came across this article the other day:

Bondage Benefits: BDSM Practitioners Healthier Than 'Vanilla' People

BDSM is still listed in the DSM manual, but not as a disorder, but as a sexual fixation. I don't think BDSM should be listed in a manual for psychiatric disorders, but at least it doesn't list it as a full on disorder. That being said, science says overall, we're more well adjusted that "normal" people.

The article describes a study where BDSMers were compared to vanilla people. We were found to have better mental health overall. Even the lowest scoring BDSM cohort (submissives) scored higher than vanilla people!

This makes sense to me. In general, BDSM people seem to be much more open minded. There is much more open communication in BDSM relationships, and also a lot of self-reflection. Why wouldn't that make us more extroverted, conscientious, less neurotic and more able to handle rejection?

Thoughts?

About Sir - The Meme

I've seen this meme going around the internet, and wanted to join in. I was thinking of making a general post about my Sir anyway, so this fit right in! I sometimes wonder how you guys perceive him, and how that compares to what I know of him.

Let's try to level the score:

1. He’s sitting in front on the TV, what is on the screen?
 Netflix (I got him an account as a gift). Usually Anime, but sometimes older Sci-Fi stuff in the background as he does geeky things.

2. You’re out to eat, what kind of dressing does He get? 
Ranch.

3. The most striking thing about His physical appearance? 
Height. Or his beard. Actually, both combined (My preference is his lovely green eyes though).

4. You go out to eat and have a drink, what does He order? 
Usually something in the sandwich realm, and a Dr. Pepper.

5. Where did He go to high school? 
 Pike County, PA. I know the school, but won't list it here.

 6. What shoe size does He wear?
Eleven. I forgot at first, thought it was 13.

7. If He were to collect anything, what would it be? 
Star Wars memorabilia. And Transformers.

8. What is His favorite type of sandwich? 
Italian - no onions or yellow peppers

9. What is His favorite cereal? 
He's not picky. Stuff that's not so sugary.

10. What would He never wear? 
Shorts.

11. What is His favourite sports team?
 The Devils.

 12. Who did He vote for in the last election? 
 Obama.

13. What is something you do that He wishes you wouldn’t do? 
Belittle myself.

14. You bake a cake for His birthday, what kind? 
 Yellow cake with vanilla frosting. Because he's sooooo vanilla, lol.
Though, his preference is Ice Cream Cake... but I can't bake that.

15. What is His heritage? 
Hungarian... and some German.. He thinks.

16. Did He play sports in high school?
Roller hockey.

17. What could He spend hours doing? 
Playing Minecraft.

18. What is one unique talent He has? 
 He makes things out of chain mail. Actually, he makes the chain mail itself also!


 Sir, please correct me and elaborate if necessary!

Squeeze Some Boobies... For Science!

I just came across this piece of news yesterday, and had to share. A scientific study has shown that compression of the breasts can prevent malignant tissues from forming tumors.

Squeezing Breasts Stops Cancer!

Sir is delighted with this news. He says that he'll of course help out "in the name of science".

I wonder if breast bondage has similar results?

Two Types of Rules

Since Sir has been enforcing his new rules, it got me to thinking on the types of rules that are set. I realized that there are two types of rules.

One type is given because the submissive needs it. The sub needs control in their life to function in general: getting to sleep on time, eating habits, activity schedule.

The other type of rules are given to help the submissive achieve service oriented goals that the dominant wishes. Behaviors, appealing dress, etc.

Right now, most of my rules are submissive-need based. Right now, I'm very overwhelmed, and I needed more micromanaging in my life as I spiraled out of control. I'm hoping that as time goes on, I can get myself back on track and the focus of our rules will become more want-oriented. I hope the rules that I'll follow will be more directed at Sir's wants of me. Dress, behaviors, and the like.

Of course there are blurry areas. For example, I had a rule on my attire: to always wear skirts or dresses. This is Sir's want, but it also dictates something very basic in my life. He's not been enforcing that rule as of yet, but I've tried as much as possible to keep to his dress code. I also must keep my hair long, and I've been actively growing it for two years.

I have 42 minutes of punishment still owed to Sir this week. I have gotten a little bit better in keeping myself in line, but still, 57 minutes this week out of line.

I have a lot of standing to do.

The Rules version 1.08

So, I finally asked Sir for more... and he's delivering.

This weekend he demanded that I accept his help in a small but monumental task for me - printing my resume. I've no printer. He instructed me to send him my resume and interest letter so he could print it. He even went out and purchased the specific type of resume paper that I use.

 He came over so we could spend time together (and so he could drop my resume off). My mom was also visiting from New York, so we kept things very vanilla. Hung out on my couch and watched Dr. Who. At the end of the evening, I went to walk him out of my building. As soon as we got out into the hallway, he took me by the hand and led me away from the door, and further into the building. He circled me, making me nervous. As he circled me, he smacked my ass and pinched my nipples. Something horrifying, but funny happened (more on that in a later post). While he circled, he explained that he considered my request, and spent a lot of time coming up with a document on how I should conduct myself.

He said, "I have failed you." And that he was taking measures to correct that. I'm not sure how I feel about his statement. I can understand it intellectually. If my needs were being met, I wouldn't have to ask for more. But on another level, I also must be responsible for myself. If his choice was to leave me in my own hands, I should have risen to the challenge and conducted myself the way I know he would want. But, I guess I got overloaded and it just got... difficult. I am doing better this week. I'm not meeting all of his targets yet, but I'm getting closer. It's only week one though, so we'll see what happens.

I thought I would share the document I was given. I call it Rules 1.08 because I have had a list of rules in the past (which I never wrote up to share here). Some of those rules are in this document. Some are absent. Others are new. Sir has let me know that this will be added to as he sees fit, as will punishments.

The Rules

Bed

You will be in bed by 11 PM.  You may go to bed before 11 PM if you wish.  In both cases you will send me a text message when the lights are out and you are in bed.  Each minute late will result in a 1 minute punishment.  Failure to send a text will result in a 10 minute punishment.

The lights will be off.  The cable box will be off.  There will be no electronics of any kind after lights out.  If you wish to do any reading it will be done before 11 PM.  Failure to do so will result in a 2 minute punishment.  You will be trusted to accomplish this on your own.  You will be expected to report any transgression of this rule.  Failure to do so will be will be construed as dissembling and will result in a 15 minute punishment.

The bed will be completely cleaned of all items that are not typically known to remain on a bed overnight.  This includes clothes, papers, electronics, or other objects that I deem unfit to be in the bed during normal sleep hours.  Failure to do so will result in a 5 minute punishment.

Work Arrival/Work departure

You are expected to arrive at work at the time specified by your employer(s).  You will text me when you arrive at work. You absolutely will not text me while your vehicle is in motion.  This is for your safety.  Each minute that you are late will result in a 1 minute punishment.  Events such as traffic will not be compensated for.  You are expected to prepare for these situations.

You will cease all work related activities at 9:00 PM.  You will be home at this time except in situations that involve stopping for functions that are not work related such as food shopping or social meetings.  This does not apply to known situations or events such as parent-teacher meetings, school functions or other known work-related evening obligations.  You will text me at this time indicating the completion of your work day.  Failure to do so will result in a 1 minute punishment for each minute you are late.

Pick-up

                When we are scheduled for a known function such as a date, concert, trip departure or other event you will be ready to leave at the time specified beforehand.  Each minute late will result in a 1 minute punishment following our return from the event or at a time I specify.  Family disruptions will be taken into account so long as I am in the house waiting for you.

Journal

                You will update your Submissive Missions journal each Sunday.  The update will be posted before 11PM.  Each minute late will result in a 1 minute punishment.  Each day late will result in a 10 minute punishment. 

Bedroom cleanliness

                You will clean your room and maintain that cleanliness.  All loose items will be designated an area where they belong and any trash will be disposed of.  I will assist in the initial cleaning if needed.  Failure to maintain organization will result in punishment to be determined based on the level of disorganization present.

The punishment

                Each minute I assign punishment to you will require you to stand facing the wall between your bed and your dresser/television stand.  Your feet will be shoulder width apart and you will hold your hands at the small of your back.  You will keep your head facing forward.  During this time you will contemplate why you are being punished and how you can improve on the situation in the future. 

                Each minute I assign to you is additive.  Each minute of punishment will be assigned based on my cell phone clock or my observation.  Bickering about times will result in an immediate addition of 5 minutes.  Regarding text messages punishments will be assigned based on when I receive them not when they are sent.  Technical difficulties will be taken into consideration.  This will not be used as an out to get out of punishment.  Attempting to do so will result in a 2 hour punishment.  Each transgression will be resolved between your work completion time and your bedtime.  All punishments will be completed as a whole.  There will be no breaks between punishment times.  Disruption of punishment time will be noted and completed following the disruption.  If your punishments add up to a point where it will impose on your bedtime you will go to bed.  You will continue the punishment the next night immediately following completion of your work day.  Following completion of punishment you will send a text stating this fact.

I reserve the right to modify these rules and punishment requirements based on my own observations and any attempts on your part to manipulate the spirit in which this document was produced.

I've already served 12 minutes the other day, and I have another 19 to complete tonight. I'm trying to get it together, because I hate cornertime. Which I suppose makes it effective.

Though, every time I am late, Sir does get pleasure. A text conversation between us this week:

"Just got to work."

"I love you. +3 minutes."

"Lol. Love you too. Do you receive pleasure from saying +# minutes?"

": ) Actually, I do."

Not that I want to be punished, but I find this new dynamic amusing.

I need to be taken in hand

It's been forever, I know. Things have been a little crazy with me. Sir and I are okay; its just my work life getting in our way, as usual.

Sir's plan was to start reintroducing D/s into our lives slowly, so I wouldn't be too overtaxed. He started by reintroducing my bedtime. And for a few days, I was good. In bed by 11, sending him my goodnight text. But then I just stopped. Sure I was physically in bed most of the time, but I would play games or watch Netflix or the like. And I stopped texting him when I would go to bed. I'm honest with my Sir- I made no attempts to deceive him. But I he never checked up on me. Never brought me to task for being late. For not contacting him. I was not punished, or even reprimanded. And so, I continued to make no effort there. If I'm not held accountable, I suppose there's no outward incentive to keep in line. I know intellectually that inside motivation, the desire to be the best submissive that I can be, and wishing to please my Sir should be motivation enough without requiring  positive or negative reinforcement. But with all the stress and being busy, I suppose that I need more.

Tonight I finally asked for more. For months, D/s has been nonexistent so that I could function better. But, I'm not. Left to my own devices, I'm not flourishing. I'm drowning here. Sir has stated that my perseverance despite all I have going on is heroic, but I certainly don't feel like a hero. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. Since being left to my own devices, and largely having to take care of myself, I've not been doing so good of a job. I'm working to death, not sleeping enough, eating terribly... I'm late to work. Often. And though it bothers me, I suppose it doesn't bother me enough to make me get my ass there on time, like I should.

So, because I'm such a hot mess, tonight I finally asked Sir to step in. Hold me accountable. Enforce standards of conduct. Help me behave the way I should. For me personally, and as his submissive. Because I can't do this on my own. I need to be managed. I need to be under his hand.

I guess I acknowledged that I'm ready to take on more. Maybe it's not because life has thrown me a bone, and I can put more on my plate. But perhaps it's because without his control, I don't think I can handle what I've got.

Now, watch. In a few months I may look back and regret I ever opened my mouth. Be careful what you wish for.

Reintroducing Rules

Sir is bringing the D/s side of our relationship back, one step at a time. The first step he re-implemented is my bedtime. I'm already in bed, and it's lights out in a few minutes.

As we bring back the fundamentals of our relationship, I wonder:

How much initiative should I be taking?

Sir has let me know that he is going to expressly state what rules and rituals are being re-implemented, so there is no confusion. This is helpful so I don't have to wonder. But before he said that tonight, I was thinking about trying to follow our previous rules on my own.

I wonder if that is really my place. I believe it is a nice gesture to Sir, and he would appreciate the effort, but if I break a rule where's the accountability? To follow a rule that isn't being assessed, and then break it - would a punishment be acceptable? How would I inform Sir of my actions? How could I be sure I'm not taking too much on at once? I almost broke back in October, because of work and vanilla life, and I couldn't  handle D/s on top of it.

I suppose this is one of those times that I should leave this up to Sir and trust his judgement, instead of trying to anticipate what he wants. I definitely want our old rules back, but going from no rules to all of the rules would probably be overkill at this point.

Other rules of ours that I think I could handle next are dining out etiquette (Sir sits first, even if that means I'm standing around waiting for him, and he chooses my meals), and dress code (no pants; only skirts or dresses). I've purchased more work skirts, but in the time without our rules, I have reverted a bit in the pants department.

Waiting for his directives regarding those and others might be my best bet at this point. I am hoping that he is more diligent and creative this time around. But experience is the best teacher, so I'm looking forward to round two!

Wicked 2013

Wicked Faire was awesome. It was Sir's first time, and I'm happy to say that he's very excited for next year, and has even taken a more active interest in Fetlife. We went to some workshops, got some new toys and advice, and had a good time.

One of my favorite things of Faire:

Hello, Ball Pit!

Next year, I just hope that Sir is up to more during the late night. By the time we left Voltaire's show on Saturday night, Sir was DONE. I'd have liked to stay, have some drinks and dance a bit. Or at least return to our room for sexytime. But, I understand that Sir is not used to such an all day, active event.

We went to a rope workshop together on Sunday, and I found out that I really enjoyed doing the ties. I'm not sure that I really enjoy restraining someone, but I really enjoyed crafting a harness. Its just so... pretty. Sir was a good sport during the workshop, but I don't know what it would take for him to let me try it outside of the class.

We're thinking about going to the Geeky Kinky Event, but I'm not sure if I could get the time off work. Plus, even going to the kink events and booths at Wicked made me anxious, and that would be multiplied 100-fold at the GKE. I suppose I've still some fear of being "out there", but I do want to connect with other kinky people, so I need to get over myself.

Going to Wicked Faire does help though. It's not a full on kink event, so I suppose its more like a "gateway" event. Perhaps more exposure is what I need to calm my nerves at being a newbie.

D/s is back!

Reporting to you live from Wicked Faire. It's been months since Sir decided it would be best for me if we put our D/s on hiatus. This weekend marks us rekindling that aspect of our relationship. Last month, on our 2 year anniversary, we did have some very slight bondage of my breasts, but other than that, we've been vanilla for 4 months.

I'm nervous and excited - I really want this part of our relationship back, but I know its going to be very difficult for me to get back into the right headspace, and follow directives without thinking about myself first.

Yesterday he called and told me to print the schedule (I couldn't because I don't have a working printer). But I did get into a little huff about it - annoyed that on top of all the other things I had to do to be ready, I had to cram this in as well. I stopped myself, luckily. What I should have been thinking is how doing this simple task would be a service to Sir and make his life easier, which was probably his intent. It's just hard to change one's thinking after going back to being very autonomous and outspoken.

That being said, I'm excited. We're here. And if you're here too, let me know - I'm up for meeting up!

While on Hiatus

Sir and I have put our D/s relationship on hold for the past few months. It's been odd being on hiatus. It has made me appreciate some of the freedoms that I currently have, ones that I've taken for granted in the past and really put into perspective how choosing to put certain things in his control shows a respect to him and our dynamic.

I find that while I'm not adhering to the strict bedtime he's given in the past, I'm still getting to bed at a decent hour. I do wear pants more to work because of the convenience. I am a bit more free in my teasing with him as well. I make more of my own non-work decisions, which I've found odd.

One thing I've really appreciated about this hiatus is the chance to see what our relationship would be like all vanilla. And it's refreshing to know that even vanilla, I like us as a couple. I enjoy Sir's company, and I want to be with him. I do miss the D/s at times, however. We're going to slowly be re-introducing D/s into our relationship in a few weeks.

Things at my job have improved. I got up the nerve to quit, and upon doing that, they essentially offered me a promotion. I decided to take it because I was going to quit anyway and I could at least give this a shot, and keep my income. I've been at it for almost two weeks now. It's the same pay but way less after work hours. Thus far, much less stress as well. I'm hoping it will stay this pleasant and allow me to focus on our relationship more.

Sir and I will have our 2 year anniversary in just a couple of weeks. That seems unreal to me - I feel like it was just yesterday that we met!