Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Back with a Bang

I haven't posted in over two weeks, so I owe Sir a collective 160 minutes of corner time. : / I'll do as much as I can each day until it is complete. He insisted I post here first - I think he's rather proud of himself. I am too. I am also proud of him for NOT going soft on me. It actually strengthens my resolve to improve myself for him.

The past few weeks have been crazy. I work in education, so this time of year is just a roller-coaster. I'm happy to say it's all over now, and I only have one job for the next couple of months, and no weekends at work!

Sir and I finally had actual time alone this past weekend. The last time we were truly alone was probably in January, when we went away for our anniversary. The last time we had time alone where we didn't get a hotel room.... I can't actually remember. It was perfect.

On Friday I was off from work. I drove an hour to his place on Thursday night. We just hung out and enjoyed each other's company while watching Doctor Who (my new favorite).

He went to work on Friday, and I stayed home. I cleaned. I did our laundry. I went to the market and planned a dinner, which I had executed almost perfectly for his arrival home. I felt very much like a 50's housewife, and I have to say that I really enjoyed it! I felt like I was doing things that would make his life easier. I don't know if I could be a full time stay at home sub/wife, but I think if we were in a position where I could work part time and stay at home the other time, it would be good!

I  made us a cake to celebrate after dinner. There's so much to celebrate. The beginning of summer. The end of my first  job for this year. A summer where I have time to spend with him. More relaxation. Time alone since forever! So to encompass all that, I wrote "YAY" on the cake in decorative sprinkles.

Before I started cooking, I took a nice shower and wore a cute dress for Sir's arrival home. I also tried to find my collar (he's the one who keeps it, naturally). I could only find my sleeping collar, so I put that on. I didn't think that he would mind that I chose to put the collar on myself because of the spirit in which I did it. Happily, I was right. I think he appreciated seeing me in a nice dress with my collar on, cooking and things being clean. The day put me in the right headspace.

After dinner, Sir had me sit in the wooden chair in his room. He wanted to try something, he said. I wasn't allowed to look, but I could feel him binding my hair. I love it when he binds my hair. This time, however, he chose to place a ring in my hair and bind my hair around it so it became a place where he could attach things, or grab me or...

Attach my head to the top of his door with a door hanger and leave me there. I couldn't place my feet flat on the floor without feeling like my hair would rip out of my skull. This suited Sir just fine. The first time, I was able to unhook myself, so he attached me to the higher hook - no detaching myself there! The evening was extended and laced with nipple clips, flogging (which I loved), paddling, and bare hand spanking around his room. He seemed to know just when I couldn't take any more, to give me a respite. I felt so in my place. I like it when he holds me in place so I have to take what he's giving. I fear not being able to handle what he's dishing out, but he always seems to give me a break at just the right time.

Being that we were completely alone, I had no inhibitions about sound. I'm usually paranoid that someone will hear us and our unorthodox activities. But this weekend I was free to scream, shout, and forget about other people to just be in the moment. Sir says that he relishes every sound that he gets me to make, and when we're in close proximity to others (even through a door), I just don't feel comfortable. I can't really let go because I'm constantly worried about what people will hear, whether it's me, or things striking me.

I made a comment a bit ago about how I sometimes feel that Sir and I are "just playing dress up" when it comes to BDSM and I feel like I'm waiting for the day when it becomes real. I'm not sure when that day will be (likely when we cohabitate), but this seemed like a step in the right direction. I think I just want to feel that part of our relationship more often. When days or weeks go by when we're not actively engaged or trying something, I suppose I feel that we're not progressing and things aren't real. I realize that BDSM is different for everyone, so I'm not saying that I wish I had what someone else does - I'm just hoping that we can figure out what works for us in our current situation sooner. We live an hour apart, so we don't see each other everyday. But I'd still like to feel submissive to him everyday in a deeper way.

We'll figure it out.

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