March Question: Pets

Squeezing in this last question on the last day of the month! Phew! Thank you all for your questions. I'd never participated before and wasn't even sure people HAD questions! It was fun!

Without further ado...

ancilla_ksst asked:

What is the weirdest pet you've ever owned, if any? What is the strangest animal you'd like to have if time/money/space was no object?

Pets. I love animals, as Sir is aware of, much to his chagrin at times.

I think what seems weird to most folks around here is that I've NEVER had a dog. And while I like cats, I've only had two in my whole life (though Sir and I want to get another one once we move). I'd say I'm more of a cat person, as far as "normal" pets go. I consider "normal" pets as cat/dog. Because if you have pets other than those, you usually have to find a special vet to care for them, they're not in the norm.

My very first pet ever was a frog. We named him Jeramaia after the song, though we spelled it differently. And he wasn't a bullfrog. He was some little dwarf frog. He was weird, and didn't want to eat. At all. No matter what we gave him. My mom had some kind of fear of killing our very first pet so she would force feed him Tender Vittles cat food pellets. I'm sure that wasn't good for him.

I realize now that we were ignorant city folk. Ectothermic animals don't have to eat everyday. That poor little fellow. We had him for awhile, and when he passed we went to the nearest woods and buried him. Put a rock over his grave and sharpied a big "J" onto it.

Growing up I had a few goldfish. Some other kind of colorful fish (that ate each other). I've mentioned Sunny, our cute little cockatiel. My dad briefly had a cat when I was a kid. My brother had a hamster for awhile.

When I was in high school, my brother and I each got a guinea pig from my cousins. On the ride home, he decided he didn't want his (and we did not live together at the time). So I got two of them. We were told they were both girls. Since that turned out not to be true, I went from one, to two, to FOUR. I learned how to sex them pretty quickly after that.

I was not the best guinea pig owner, and I think four of them was too much for me. My dad also hated animals with "little creepy feet" as he called it. When I went away to a college couple years later, those same cousins got my little piggies.

I know I've mentioned my amazing little kitty that passed away last year. He was a very special cat that I absolutely adored, and his passing left a huge hole in both my and Sir's hearts. I loved that cat more than I loved a lot of people, even. When we were in NJ we even moved just so we could keep him.

Other than those, I do have a bearded dragon. I had two, but my male passed on several years ago. So I just have a cute little female left. She is very chill and has spent most of the winter hibernating. I hope she comes out of it soon. I poke her now and again to make sure she's alright in there.

I mentioned before that I'd like to get another cat. I've thought about getting a couple of chickens in the past, though we'd have to have a house for that. I like snakes, and birds, and fish and turtles. I'm trying to think of an animal I wouldn't theoretically want to have.

But honestly, and this is huge for me to admit... I think just the cat would be fine. Sir and I are so busy that I sometimes feel that I neglect my lizard a bit. Because she is in her tank and pretty chill and doesn't demand attention. I have to be mindful to make time for her. Whereas my little kitty would come up and demand affection, demand to be fed, cuddle up in your lap... it was easier.

I wouldn't want to take on an animal that I feel I would neglect and feel guilty about. It's not fair to the critter after all.

So hopefully a cat it will be, for me and Sir in the near future!

FFF: 9 is Fine

9 weeks in - Fit for Friday!

I feel better this week, like I'm finally starting to get the hang of this new schedule, sleep deprived and all. I switched back to a black tea in the morning. I think the small amount of caffeine helps. I was doing decaf before. If I have an additional tea, I'll do the decaf then.

Workouts: 4/7 - Not too much this week. I think I did the bare minimum; basically things that I am forced to do. Three sports practices. I don't "have" to do them, but I signed up so it's an obligation to go. Though I'm usually glad to be there. I also snowshoed again on Saturday. We still have snow here!

I am lucky in that I have a very physical job. For work, I often have to do a lot of recreational physical activity. I sometimes think to myself, I can't believe I am getting paid for this right now! Now that I am back at work, these will help with my workout and fitness goals, though.

Seriously considering reducing the sports practices from 3 to 2 a week. Two is the minimum; though I try for 3. Going again on Thursday after going Wednesday and getting up for work at 5:30 was a bit much. My skills suffered for it too; I lost points. We'll see.'

I have been doing squats and other things at work while waiting for the laminator or making copies, etc. I got some strange looks, but whatever.

Eating: 2.5/7 - This was not a great eating week. It was that time of the month for me and I wanted to eat everything in sight. And I did, haha. Workouts helped burn some of it off, thankfully. I finished the brownies I made, had a little sangria party for one. Yesterday I went to Chick-Fil-A. We just got one and I'd never been. I was disappointed. I didn't understand the appeal, and this place was packed! I got nuggets and fries; two fast food staples so I could make easy comparisons. The fries were soggy as were the nuggets. I don't see myself going back. What a waste of calories. The service was fantastic though; maybe that's why people go?

Weight:  Down a pound! I'm not sure how with my half-week eating party. I'll take it though! With the holiday this weekend I don't have high expectations for next week. We'll see.

Stress: I'm... managing. Took more baths this week. Managed to read a little. Meant to do my nails, but didn't get around to it. Maybe today. I made a new "rule" that if it is after 8 pm, I will not pick up the phone or answer text messages. Unless it is Sir, or some kinda life-or-death situation. It's too much. My mother has also relapsed and has taken to calling me completely sloshed in the evenings. I can't deal.

Decluttering: Nope. This is going to have to be my prime focus area. Today, Sir gave me one task and one task only before I leave to visit my uncle: Do the dishes. I did some before breakfast, and I'll get that sink decluttered before I leave today!

Sleep: 4/7 - Two nights over 8 hours. Got to sleep in this morning. One night under 7, the other 5 nights at 7 hours. I feel... okay. A little tired but not exhausted. I could definitely go back to bed though. I am looking forward to sleeping later the next couple of days!

That's it for me here. If you celebrate, I hope you all have a fantastic Easter holiday, or a wonderful Passover with family and friends. I went out last night and got stuff to make Sir a little Easter basket. When we get back Sunday nights, I hope he'll be happy with it! We'll be visiting his mom and sister.

March Questions: World's Best

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March Questions: Musicals

Fondles asked:

Do you like musicals? And if you do, what's your favorite?

I do like musicals! I think Sir probably likes musicals even more than I do, too!

I grew up in New York City. Broadway was very accessible, and I went to shows starting at a young age. My elementary school even took us to see Cats and the Rockettes (more than once!). My high school also took us to see RENT, and Miss Saigon.

I would go to shows with my family too. We were not well-off. A trip like this was a special treat for a special occasion; something that was saved for. We'd get all dolled up and make a big evening out of it; going to a nice restaurant before or after.

I wouldn't call myself a theatre nerd, or someone who is really into it, though I do enjoy them. A friend of mine makes it a point to see several shows each season, waits outside to get her playbills signed. That is not me. I will go if I have the opportunity. I will give tickets as a very nice gift as well. But my small discretionary income doesn't go solely to live shows, usually. It has been years since I have seen a show on Broadway; certainly before Sir and I moved in together, and that is nearing on four years ago. Though Sir did get me tickets to see the Addams Family Musical when it came to our regional theatre.

That all being said, my favorite musical is Wicked. It was an amazing production visually, a great twist on the classic story, and the soundtrack is fantastic.

A few others I really like: Avenue Q, Dr Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog, RENT, Cabaret.

Others I've seen in the past: Cats, Phantom of the Opera, Miss Saigon, Jesus Christ Superstar, In the Heights.

I really want to see: Hamilton, and Kinky Boots.

I haven't seen them live (and some don't have live productions), but I like:

 Hairspray, Rocky Horror, Little Shop of Horrors, Chicago, Les Miz, The Producers, The Wiz, Sweeney Todd, Across the Universe,  Labyrinth, Anastasia, Beauty and the Beast, CAMP, Enchanted, Frozen, Some Like It Hot, Grease, Into the Woods, Victor/Victoria, Refer Madness, The Wedding Singer, Yentl.

I could probably be more into musicals, as I enjoy them. I enjoy the gift of experiences over physical things, and seeing live theatre, especially musical would fit the bill!

Thanks for your question, Fondles!

FFF: Two Months - Eight Weeks In!

It's been 8 weeks since Fit for Friday started. That's two months! Wow, what time has flown! 

This was a good week in general for me. I got to spend more time with Sir. Sir got fantastic news about the job. I gained three points in a skill I'm working on for sports (I need another 6.5 points for this skill, but still, progress!) I got to snowshoe for the first time. And I had a good weigh-in this morning.

Workouts: 3.5/7 -  Sports practice on Sunday and Thursday. Hour long hike last Friday. 2+ hour long hike on Saturday. Snowshoed yesterday.

Eating: 2/7 - This was a week with some extravagances. Saturday was St. Pat's so on my way home from work I picked up Shamrock Shakes and apple pies from McDonald's for Sir and me as a surprise treat. Sunday, Sir took us to Five Guys for date night, then we came home and watched the new Ghostbusters with some ale. Did you know they now have shakes at Five Guys? We got more shakes! Then of course on Wednesday we had our Booze n Brownies extravaganza. The other four days I ate at or below maintenance, and one day I even had over 200 calories left over. It all balanced out because...

Weight: Down 1.6 lbs! 😊 (I'm lower than I was last week, so I guess it wasn't dehydration after all! I'm counting it! I did actually lose 2 lbs last week somehow, haha.) Since FFF started two months ago, I am down 3.6 lbs. I'm down 12.6 lbs since last year. I would like to see more progress, but I am happy with this. I have another 25 lbs to go to get to my first "goal" weight. Which is really a check-in and evaluate weight: Stop here, lose more? Tone up and gain weight/muscle? The problem for me is the holidays it seems. I do pretty well, then holidays happen. Myfitnesspal has a nifty chart that can show you your ups and downs, if you record them!

Stress: 😏 I think I'm doing a little better this week. But having time off on a random Wednesday probably helped. I also did my nails green for St. Pat's day. Taking care of feminine things like that always make me feel better about myself and definitely help with de-stressing. Its maybe an hour out of my week where I pamper myself. And since I'm doing it myself, I don't feel guilty about money, though I'd love to get professional manicures/pedicures.

Starting to chip after a week, but still looking pretty good!

Decluttering: Absolutely not. This is my struggle now that I'm back at work. I can barely keep my house afloat; the bare minimums of dishes and clutter in the living room is too much for me to keep up with on a regular basis. I try when I have nights off, or a day off, but with work, the commute, sports, and the "rest" of my life... this is where I compensate I guess.

Sleep: 4.5/7 I do feel a little more rested this week than last week. 3 days with more than 8 hours. 3 days with over 7 hours. One day at about 5.5 hours (last night, haha). My "sleep debt" is at -45 minutes right now. Last week at this time it was about -5 hours. Which may explain the tiredness I felt last week and the fact that I feel pretty okay right now (Though I do want to go to bed early tonight; tomorrow is another 5:30 AM wakeup).

How are you guys doing after two months? Are you happier? Is your home less cluttered? Are you less stressed? Are you working out more? Are you eating better? Are you getting more quality sleep?

Charting has really helped me think about these, and I think improved me working on them.

Spectacular Snow Day

Yesterday was fantastic.

We got hit by the Nor'Easter. I didn't go into work (with my boss' full approval) and instead worked a little from home. After I realized I wasn't going in, I crawled back into bed to cuddle with Sir for a few more hours. He got a call right as I was getting in bed that his job was completely closed. Score! Snow Day!! Together!!!

We both got up leisurely from our morning cuddle. I went to complete some things for work that I had to get done, and it also made me feel less guilty for staying home (though it was totally the right decision; my coworker spun out and had to get a tow when she tried to go in- she is thankfully okay).

Sir then got a call we'd been hoping for: He got offered a job! He's been interviewing for months to find a job that was A) Anywhere that is NOT his current job because his boss is a Grade-A Douchenozzle, and B) Closer to where I work so we can move and ease our commutes.

This job fits both those things! It's an hour and a half closer to my job!! Once he starts there, his commute will go from 70 minutes to about 45. Then we can move hopefully before this summer, and his commute should go to about a half-hour, and there is even a bus!! Once we move, my commute will go from 90+ minutes to about 30. I am very excited for this potential. I can stop spending literally 3-4 hours of my day, everyday in my freaking car. Squeeee!

Him getting this news was just so fantastic not just for our future but for his whole being. I could see the anxiety, stress, and frustration leeching out of him. There's benefits, and while it is a pay cut, it is enough for us to get by. Plus after moving, we won't be hemorrhaging gas money, either.

This news had Sir on top of his game yesterday too, making sure everything was getting shoveled out. He went out there and would not let me go help! I have been the one doing a lot of the shoveling since he'd been at work. It was a nice refreshing change. I got to revel in him being stereotypically manly, and making him hot chocolate.

He was in such a good mood when he got back in, he brushed and bound my hair while we watched Secretary. We do love that movie! Definitely getting a lot of mileage out of the DVD. This hair binding, though, was particularly weird. He used a very thick rope that I think we've only used once for hair bondage. He had a lot of extra rope, so he double, or even triple bound it in spots. It was very heavy. While it did put me in a submissive space, I don't think it was very aesthetically pleasing.

After the movie, I made us a banging dumpling soup, and then to celebrate our big news we had: Booze n Brownies n BJs Night! We weren't going out in the storm so I made a tin of brownies and we boozed it up while cuddling and hanging out watching John Oliver, haha.

Afterwards, Sir finally got to fully unwind with a nice BJ.


What a truly refreshing and relaxing day!

March Questions: TV Shows and Kinky Things to Try

Daisy asks:

What's your favorite TV show, and what's something you want to try in D/s?

Picking a favorite TV show is so hard for me! Sir and I usually watch TV together after dinner. We're always a few seasons behind our favorites. If I can't pick a favorite show, I can at least pick a favorite genre, which would be Fantasy and Sci-fi.

Some of my current favorites are: Game of Thrones, Doctor Who, Once Upon a Time, Fullmetal Alchemist, Shadowhunters, and The 100.

These are shows that I actually watch for the plot and the escapism. I also like things like Chopped, Property Brothers, and Stand-up Comedy. I don't really watch those for the plot, though!



As far as something to try in D/s... I can think of two.

One, is practicing our D/s more regularly. Sir and I had and have had multiple conversations on this. When he is not his best self, D/s goes out the window. He doesn't put the time or effort into it at all and it is extremely frustrating. Because I am still submitting. Following the rules and serving him. But I need more to be fulfilled, especially sexually. There are some women who are on and ready at the drop of a dime. I am not one of those women, and sometimes I wish I was. It is really frustrating. I need more. I need the mental component. I need anticipation and build-up and mental dominance. Throwing me down on the bed and spanking me won't always do it for me. I like it, sure. But without that mental component, I am not ready to take it to a sexual level. The physical without the mental seems so contrived to me that I find it really difficult to get into it. It's the same old routine each time, and I end up feeling like Sir is only doing certain physical things to try and get me horny, which makes me even less horny, if that makes sense. I would like him to plan a little more in advance so his dick isn't the only one in charge.


The other is knife play. There have been a few instances where a scissor, or wire cutters, or some kind of sharp edge has come out in the past year or so and I've been very very intrigued by it. I am thinking more and more about a real blade, feeling it across my skin and such. The potential mindfuck of knowing he could harm me, but also knowing he probably won't. But he could... The submission in opening myself up to him, being vulnerable to him in that way. I don't know if I want to be cut, exactly, but the thrill of knowing it could happen... that is what is on my mind.

Thanks for the questions, Daisy!

March Questions: When Did You Know You Were Kinky? First Kink Relationship?

Trying to get these questions answered before the end of March (not sure if that will happen, but I do promise to answer them all)!

I have two questions to answer today (they both kind of related to one another).

Olivia asked:

When did you first know you were kinky - what happened that made you recognize it? Is there a story to tell?

Amy asked:

Is this your first relationship like this, or were there others beforehand? How did the very first one come about?

For me, kink wasn't something I was always fully aware of. There are those people who always knew that they were different; that their wants/needs were out of the societal norm, so to speak. I was not that way.

I cover a little of this in my first post on this blog ever: A Bit of Backstory. I wrote this post before I had really started dating Sir (though we were already "talking" at that time).

I'd  had a string of failed relationships, with mostly good guys. But time and time again, they just didn't work for me. I have an outgoing, dominant personality, which I worked hard to cultivate, and is hard to let go of, now. I am typically confident and like to get shit done. And the men I was dating... well not so much. And there was always something lacking for me, something left to be desired.

The first guy I ever dated was a dreamer. Head in the clouds, kinda unrealistic. Never grew up. And I, well I did. Grow up. I see that I ran a little roughshod over him now, I was kind of the boss. We did a few kinky things, here or there in our 2.5 years together. Never anything consistent.

There was a guy after this fellow that I... engaged with... I'm not quite sure what the hell to call it, to this day. We were not in a romantic relationship. I cared for him deeply. I am not quite sure that I don't still care for this guy deeply, though I haven't seen/spoken to this guy for years (Sir is quite aware of this, just for context). It is clear to me now that he was definitely into D/s. And a lot of our interactions opened up this side of me that I didn't really know existed. I liked to give him power. I liked to please him. But he was a sociopath, and ultimately I couldn't trust him and I was damaging my own mental health. So I "broke up" with him. Which was strange and awkward because he made it clear that he was not my boyfriend. So I ended our friendship, effectively. But I never got over it, and I don't know if I ever fully will. I had a dream about this guy last night, in fact. What timing.

The next guy was an artist. But didn't really have his shit together; he still doesn't, though I care for him as a friend to this day. He was a little kinky; liked rough sex. The first time we were together I had such bruises (that I enjoyed), that when a friend accidentally saw them she was shocked, to say the least.

The man after that was someone I knew since I was 12 (and he was 13). He had a high libido and an interest in anal, but other than that, pretty vanilla. But again, still floundering in life. I helped him as much as I could, but didn't think we had a future together.

The last man (this is the last man I dated before Sir) was someone who kinda had his life together. Our first sexual encounter had him being very dominant, very physical. I found I really liked this. He was ultimately a cheating asshole, who broke up with me because I had "trust issues".

With each of these men, there were times they behaved dominantly, and I was always very very into this. I always wanted more, but didn't know how to get it. With each of these men, I also recognized that most of them didn't have their shit together, and I often had to boss them around, help them with their life. Which I hated. There is something very sexy about a man who has it together, or who is very self-motivated to work towards his goals.

So after that last failed relationship, I really started thinking about what I liked and disliked. I think it was around this time I quite literally stumbled onto some BDSM fiction stories. I was googling Harry Potter stuff, of all things, and a fanfic came up in the search list that was very adult in nature. I read it; it spoke to me. I started thinking more and more about a relationship like that; a real one with trust.  I would say the relationship I had with the man I was NOT dating was probably the closest thing before Sir. I started doing research and reading online. And I spent time on dating sites looking to see if there were men out there into this sort of thing. There were. Oh, there were.

I went on a few very awkward dates. Then, Sir contacted me. He was polite. He understood grammar and punctuation. He spent a lot of time talking to me (an entire month) before suggesting we meet. When we did meet, he was an absolute gentleman. We went on four dates before he even kissed me (on the cheek!). He took time to get to know me. We talked about our vanilla lives, and our kinky interests. We filled out BDSM checklists together. And we just kept on seeing each other.

Seven years later, here we are. Most of my BDSM experiences are with Sir, barring the very few things I tried with the men I dated before him. I find that the more we try and the longer we're together, the more my tastes evolve. Over time, I have recognized that I was probably always into bondage, but I didn't know it. I liked being in confined spaces. I liked being tied, and would fiddle and tie myself with my dress strings, etc. I always kind of liked a little pain. I liked not being in control. Most of my fantasies involved a man being in control of me; telling me what to do, etc.

So for me, it was a slow awakening that took years! I started dating Sir and really exploring this head-on when I was 27. I realize there are folks that come to this way later in life, and I am thankful that I found this earlier on. It has fulfilled me in such a deep way. My relationship with Sir is so much more intimate, honest, and open because of BDSM. I don't think I could be in a purely vanilla relationship again.

I hope this answers the questions, Olivia and Amy! 

If All Else Fails...

I was a bit cranky this morning.

When I am cranky, I usually need one of two things: carbs or caffeine. I mentioned this to Sir. He agreed.

"Yeah, when you're cranky, I just gotta shove something in your face... a ball gag if necessary."

"If all else fails, use ball gag?"

"Precisely."

FFF: Seventh Inning Stretch

Fit for Friday today. Starting this post after work rather than right when I start my day seems odd to me now. But here it is!

I feel like I handled this week pretty well. Maybe this is me starting to get into the groove of things. I do feel really tired, though. Need more sleep. And I don't have the time to declutter; it's all I can do to barely maintain the house right now. But I am okay with that.

Workouts:4/7  Two sports practices out of three, did Sunday and Wednesday. I skipped Thursday because I was so tired and cranky. We're only required to do two a week, but I try to go for three. Not sure if I can handle it with working and having to be up early. I went to bed at 12:30 AM on Wed, and had to be up at 5:30 AM... that is not sustainable. Did calisthenics on Monday. HIIT workout on Tuesday.

Eating: 4/7  I ate under my goal for three days, and under maintenance the rest of the days. I feel I did pretty well!

Weight: Down 1.2 lbs! 😊 (I'm actually down 2.2 lbs, but I think some of it was a bit of dehydration, so I didn't want to over-count it.

Stress: 😐 I am still a little stressed, but managing better than last week. I need to make choices to keep myself calm, and sleep plays huge into how I feel and how I'm able to handle things.

Decluttering: Nooooooooope. And The house needs some work. Clothes on the bathroom floor, sink FULL of dishes, too.

Sleep: 2/7  I only got two nights with 8 or more hours of sleep. I know I said my initial goal was 7 hours, but I'm finding that I had 4 nights with 7 (and one with 6) (and one with over 10, and another with 8 on the nose), and I still feel exhausted. If I need 8 hours to function well, and I get 7 each night, by the end of the week that is a deficit of 7 hours! So I really need to be aiming for 8. Last night I had an irrational sleep-deprived breakdown. I couldn't take it, I was so mad and so overtired that I couldn't nap, even. So I really have to figure out how to get eight hours. I don't know how people with kids do it; I don't have children, and between my job, and sports, I feel so very tired. I can't imagine having to handle little ones too. I am feeling judged by others for "being tired" when I don't have kids. Its probably in my head though.

I have to work tomorrow, but I go in late so I can sleep in. I don't have to go anywhere tonight, so as soon as Sir gets home we can hang out! I definitely feel like we're just passing in the night the past few weeks. We live together and don't see each other as much with our schedules conflicting.

You guys are doing so well! Keep at it!

Favorite Toys

For Q & A  month, Roz asked if I had a favorite implement. Funnily enough, I had already nearly finished writing the following:

---

Do you have a favorite in your kink toybag? If so, what is it? Why does it appeal to you?

I think I have two favorites. One, is the spreader bar that Sir made.  He made three different sizes, but for my legs, the longest is my favorite. I suppose it is my favorite for how it makes me feel. There's something about being forced to be spread eagle, out on display that just does it for me.

The other is this flogger:

It's beautiful. Just lovely to look at, in a way that a lot of our other toys aren't. I so enjoy the impact it provides. It gives more of an intense thud than a sting, but I find I can take it longer. 

It's versatile. Besides the impact, the falls make for great tickling. And that handle. It's smooth against the skin, held to the throat, or sensuously slid down the spine. And the metal holds temperature - usually, cold. It can cool a burning ass, or perk up a nipple. 

What are some of  your favorite toys?

March Questions: Movies & Memories

I was really pleasantly surprised to see that I actually had questions for Question and Answer month! I've been blogging here for about 7 years now, and I've never participated before.

My first two questions come from Roz (she actually asked three, but I already have half a post in my draft folder pertaining to her third question that I will finish up!)

"What is your favorite movie? Favorite childhood memory?"

Movies! That's a hard one for me. I don't think I have a single favorite. But you know you have those movies, that anytime you see them on TV or at a friends home you just have to stop what you're doing to finish watching them? I have a few like that. I'll pick two of them, so we won't be here all day, haha.

One: 

The entire Harry Potter film series. I loved when Freeform/ABC Family had their Harry Potter weekends. I first got into Harry Potter in 2002. The first four books were out, but I was already an adult. I didn't think those books/movies were "for me". Then, HBO had the first HP movie on. I caught it almost from the beginning and I was HOOKED! I even got out the TV Guide to see when it would be playing again, just so I could tape it. I watched that tape so many times. Shortly thereafter, the second movie came out in theatres. I went to see it with my then-boyfriend, and loved that one even more. I got the first four books that Christmas, and the rest is history. I really adore that first movie for getting me into that world, and for helping me to acknowledge my geeky side. I am a huge part of the HP fandom, to this day. A cosplay-making, convention-going fan!

Two: 

The other movie I'll list is Where the Heart Is. I don't know what it was about that movie, but I adored it; this coming-of-age tale filled with overcoming struggle. It just spoke to me. Any time that movie is on, I will stop what I am doing to watch it. I've never read the book though!

Memory: I had an interesting childhood. There were good times and bad times. Love and struggle. My parents were mostly good people, but they had their faults and there was some really bad shit that went down when I was growing up. My mom is a manic-depressive alcoholic, who raised me and my brother essentially on her own (though my dad was always around and helping as much as he could) until I was 14. Things got crazy, living with her, but she always tried really hard. I remember there was a summer when I was 11 going on twelve. She wanted us to get away from all our crazy problems. Her brother had just passed away from AIDS. Her and my father had separated years ago, but had an on-again off-again thing going. And it was off-again and my dad was parading around his new girlfriend to her neighbors next door. Cause she wouldn't see that or anything. Things were just stressful. 

Somehow on her limited government assistance budget, she rented us a small run-down bungalow in Queens. Right next to Rockaway Beach, a two block walk. It was the shittiest little shack ever, but we loved it. The shower was outside. There were "worms" in the drinking water. The entire inside was unfinished exposed wood, pipes, etc. It was rickety, and dark, and creaky. When the remnants of Hurricane Floyd came through, I remember huddling with my brother as the lights flickered on and off, and the old window panes rattled. The sound was deafening! In the morning, the beach was GONE. There was part of the boardwalk, and then water. No sand. No beach. It took years to rebuild. 

I look back on that summer as one of the happiest ones of my life, though. We went to the beach everyday. We swam, and boarded, and made sandcastles. We made friends with other kids who lived in their own little run-down shacks nearby. We'd eat bologna sandwiches that always seemed to have a little sand in them on the beach for lunch. At night, we'd bundle up and walk the boardwalk, looking at the moon. We'd run after the ice cream truck at dusk. My mom even let us bring our bird, a little cockatiel. Many mornings, she'd get us up when it was still dark, and we'd bring Sunny, our bird, cage and all out to the beach. We'd climb up on the lifeguard towers, Sunny between us, and watch the sunrise. Watch the sandpipers flit out to grab clams and sand crabs, and then flee hilariously as the two-inch tide would roll in. There are so many funny (and not-so-funny) stories from that summer that my family still tells all the time, to this day. But I remember my mom, trying really hard to give us a good summer. Away from our questionable neighborhood, away from real life, and the heat. For one summer, I felt like we were the richest kids on earth - sun, and sand, and fun everyday.

This is one of the very few pictures I have from that summer. My family didn't have a camera, I don't think.
 But my uncle came to visit with his and took a few shots. This is from me and him on the boardwalk at sunset.

The beach is my absolute favorite place ever since. Doesn't really matter what beach. If there's sand and some waves, I am a happy chick.

Thank you for the questions, Roz!

FFF: Struggle in the Sixth Week

Another Fit for Friday is here! I made it through the week somehow, hurrah!

This was a rough week for me. I started back at my "real"  job on Saturday (I work super part-time at another job in the winter). The first day was pretty intense, we had a big event that required a lot of physical activity. And then... just getting used to it all again. The 5:30 AM wakeup, the 1.5 hour drive each way, managing the rest of my life in a very small window of time. Throwing sports practice into the mix, being sick... I definitely don't have it figured out. I am exhausted and hoping that another week or two will have me feeling "normal" again.

I am off today, though! So I am going to use this day as much as possible to do the little things I couldn't all week, and relax a bit. I'm going to dye my hair. Do my nails. Take a long hot shower. Catch up on all your blogs! Do some core exercises. Play some video games. Maybe write a bit here, even.

Onto my week. I'm not expecting much, honestly.

Workouts: 😞 I did not work out at all. I did literally drag myself to two sports practices. I skipped out on one this week, and one last week! I'm tired and still sick. Going to practice on Wednesday was a real struggle. I felt awful and that I went backwards in progress, even.

Eating: 😏 Apparently I didn't even log food last Friday, so it must have been bad! I have no idea what I ate that day. In general ate more this week than I have been, either at or slightly under maintenance. I find myself hungry at work and I'm not used to the schedule yet. I see myself adjusting and eating a little less and a little less each day as the week went on though! At least I was mostly under maintenance, so I will take it for this week! I have to figure out how to pack  healthy filling snacks so I'm not hitting the candy bowl. I pack snacks, I'm just still hungry.

Weight: 😊 Down 0.8 from last week. That is great! I do feel like the past few weeks I've been hovering though. I'm currently 177.0 lbs. If I could get to 175 and continue from there, I think I'd feel like I'm making progress. I've been going from 176ish to 178ish for the past few weeks. Ups and downs.

Stress: 😵I am stressed. Lots of new change, A LOT of new responsibilities at work... I'm essentially being trained for another position, but really just throwing myself in there. But right now, I still have my current position. So, I'm doing both jobs. It will probably work out fine, but I'm anxious because of it. That plus lack of sleep and I am a bit frazzled.

Decluttering: 😐  Hahahaha. It was all I could do this week just to keep our daily messes contained! I think I did that, more or less, but didn't have time to work on focused areas. I want to get to reorganizing the bathroom shelves and medicine cabinet. Eventually. Next week, maybe? 

Sleep: 3.5/7 Three nights I managed to sleep about 8 hours or more. One night I managed 7. The other three nights, was a bit less than 6 hours. I need to work on this. Having sports practice on a worknight is hard. I get to bed around midnight, and have to be up around 5:30 am. Six o'clock if I really rush myself and have most things ready the night before. Last night I was able to take a nap before practice, for about a half hour. Not sure if it helped.

I was so tired getting in last night that I forgot to put my collar on before hopping into bed. Sir said he was going to punish me, except I have to leave for the dentist in about ten minutes.

What I'm looking forward to the next couple of days: Sleeping in. And cuddling with Sir. If he doesn't change his mind and punish me first.

I hope you all have a fantastic week-end and a great week!

Quiet Jingle

I felt like I had a bell around my neck. Normally, I don't really pay much attention to the sound my collar makes as I move around the house. It does jingle, and Sir absolutely loves that, though. I have three o-rings on it that clink and clatter when I move.

But that night, Sir went to bed early. He had two interviews in the morning (HOORAY!). And a pinched nerve in his neck making him feel shitty.

I had some pressing volunteer work I had to finish, so I went to bed after him. I was trying to be quiet and respectful when coming to bed. I didn't turn on the lights. I used my phone light to find my pajamas and put them on. So as quiet as I am trying to be, naturally I fall trying to get into my PJ pants, which were half inside-out. A crash and a lot of jingling from my collar.

He didn't appear to wake, thankfully. Then I had forgotten to take my medicine, so I went to do that before bed. I come back in the room, thinking I don't need a light and crash directly into the laundry basket. A curse, and jingling everywhere.

You jingly little fuck!

It didn't seem like Sir woke up, but in the morning we were talking and he said he did remember that part, the laundry basket crash.

Dang. I thought I had managed. Well, I got my butt into bed and stopped interrupting Sir's sleep!

Click the lips for more photos using Rule of Thirds

Quest for Questions

So I've heard that March is a "Question and Answer" month 'round these parts of the blogosphere.

Someone recently asked me if I was going to participate (my first question, ha!). Originally, I wasn't. I didn't really think about it, and  I suppose I didn't think anyone would have a question for me. Also, I'm pretty open in that folks can ask a question anytime, if so inclined.

But it does sound fun! So if you do have a question for me, feel free to leave it in the comments.
If you prefer, you can use the Drop Me A Line box at the right sidebar.

FFF5: Trying to be Fit while Sick

Fifth Fit for Friday is here!

I'm not expecting too much for this week. I went to my little cousin's birthday party this past weekend, and it turns out she was really sick, ended up going to the ER (Boo to her mom for letting her potentially infect everyone, though the little one is starting to feel better). So I got infected and now I'm sick too. Poo. I don't have high hopes for this weeks goals, I've been pooped. I've been intentionally eating more too, trying to give my body the energy to heal itself.

You Should Eat More When Sick

Workouts: 3/7 Barely. I did two sports workouts. I skipped last night. I did go for a quick jog on Sunday after practice though.

Eating: Friday and Saturday were awful. I didn't even log it. Family parties, and reunion with my cousins at night. Much alcohol and snacking. I did stay at about maintenance the other 5 days though. Not enough to counteract that increased eating for the other two days, however.

Weight: + 1.2 lbs. I expected this with the cold and overeating, though. I just hope I get over it soon so I can go back to kicking butt.

Stress: I'm not really stressed this week. I'm sleeping and resting a lot. I think I have a bit of cabin fever, actually. I've been playing video games and watching a lot of TV, which I fall asleep to.

Decluttering: I started working on the bathroom shelves, but didn't finish. I'll get to it next week, hopefully.

Sleep: Friday I didn't get much sleep. Up hanging with my cousins. But I slept over 8 hours, sometimes 10 or 11 hours every other night. Yesterday I spent most of my time unintentionally dozing. Hopefully it will help me get over my cold faster.

I go back to work, tomorrow! Eeek. While I'm very excited and I love my job, I am a bit anxious about getting into my new (old) routine. Early wakeups, long drives, managing the house, and life, and serving Sir with the new things I have going on. I figure it will be about 2 weeks of hell before I get used to it again.

In other news, my laptop is starting to crap all over itself. I can barely use it. I can't open certain programs, it overheats, it has display issues, there's something rattling inside it. It's 7 years old, which in technology terms is ancient, so it's probably time for a new one. I am not financially ready to get a new one though, so we'll see what happens. If it completely dies, I can get on through Sir's computer, though I'd prefer not to be a burden on him. Hopefully I won't disappear from blogland though.

Have a great first week of March! Spring is coming!