Friday, December 19, 2014

Wearing his Collar Again

The other night, Sir and I ended up having an unplanned in-depth conversation about our relationship.

He'd said that because of how I'd been thinking about my submission, he'd been thinking of returning me to a collar. The big collar. And only the big collar. That I haven't earned the comfy collar yet.

He said that he was waiting for me to "earn" it, but that he believes that my mind doesn't work like that, working to earn something.That I haven't been doing anything "new". I beg to differ and I think it depends on the situation. In this case, no. my mind wasn't working to earn it, per se. As in, if I do X, Y, and Z, I will prove that I am ready to have my collar back.

Because there were no parameters given. Usually when you are trying to earn something and work for it, you know what you have to do in order to earn it. If you're earning grades, a promotion, etc. You know what it is you have to do to achieve what your goal is. But here, I really don't know. There weren't parameters given for the task. And through talking about that, we started talking about how we don't really have a long term goal in mind for me. Where is this heading? What does Sir want from me as a submissive? What are the skills and behaviors that I'm to work towards in the lofty notion of "the ideal"? That slate is blank, and has been for a long time. Without really an inkling of where to go, I'm not sure how to go about earning things given free reign.

So I chose a different path. I took what I had been given, and tried to go deeper into it. Not specifically just to earn my collar, but to truly make progress. I used the parameters of the chain, household chores, and not being allowed furniture to try and really deepen my submission through those things. And I honestly think that it is working. It will take time, of course. I get sulky and not resisting is a difficult thing to do. So I've kissed the corner 3 times this week.

But I still think I'm making progress in how I serve; my mindset, if not behaviors and tasks.

The conversation was good, and some goals came of it, as well as a turning point where I didn't let resisting overcome me.

So, I am re-collared by Sir. The big collar. And as part of the new goals, I am not getting the comfy collar back. Not even to sleep. I need to learn to sleep and be comfortable in this collar, as it is his will.

Now I have some things to work towards.


  1. i love having something to work towards. It gives me purpose and actually makes life easier because i like to feel productive. i also enjoy the praise i can receive for doing everything the way He wants. It is a lot easier to do what He wants though when it is defined. :-)

    1. I love being told that I am a good girl, and receiving a thanks, or good job during the day. It is easier to do when you know how to do it though!


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