Collar Fumble Recovery

A few days before I left for my trip, Sir had decided that he was bringing this back:

This is the first collar we ever had. It was purchased just down the street from Sir's old house back in New Jersey. In an independent locally owned pet store. My first collar was originally intended for a dog.

It was early on in our relationship, and I do remember us having a laugh looking over the collars, but then Sir picked one. It was like a fun shared secret as it was rung up, just between us. I remember being paranoid that everyone somehow "knew".

I wore it again at Sir's demand all these years between its first use, and it felt totally weird to me.

It felt like I was going backward. That collar will always have a special place in my heart, as the first one... but I also think of it as the collar we got when we were newbs and had no real idea of what we were doing. It didn't last very long, and I'm thinking now that this may be the first picture we've ever put up of it (I'll have to check).

So to put that collar back on, it felt like regression to me. Like failure, somehow. I brought it up to Sir, who had wondered if I was going to feel like that. But he didn't say anything initially because he didn't want to put that in my head if it wasn't there.

He had noticed that I was having trouble with the Big Collar. I typically wear it on two notches. Sir was trying to go for three during the day, and back to two at night. I never asked him to change it, but he noticed that I was constantly fiddling with it. It felt very constricting to me. I don't like things on my neck like that. I don't even wear turtleneck shirts!

He thought that because this one wasn't as thick, wearing it tighter against the skin might be easier.

I suppose it was, but I didn't really enjoy the few days that I was wearing it.

Then I went to North Carolina for ten days, and I was collarless. I miss the wristcollar, especially in a situation like that.

But when I finally got back last night, Sir had my Big Collar waiting for me.

He thought about it, and when I lost the wristcollar, he gave me the Big Collar with explicit instructions.

"How many collars do you have?"

"One, Sir".

And this was that one. Of course until he decides otherwise.

Its been back only for a day so far, but I feel better with it on.

Even if I am fidgeting with my neck. 

I'll get used to it eventually, right?