Tuesday, December 01, 2015

Who Should Re-initiate a D/s lifestyle?

It's been two weeks now that I've been home.

Perhaps that should really be one. Last week I spent nearly the entire time traveling- 8 days from Saturday to the next Sunday. I was home during this time twice, with my mother but that barely counts.

Still, with all this time spent and not much progress I wonder if we are going to get our groove back.

It's been two weeks, and not much has changed around here. There has been talk and innuendo, but overall, everything is the same in regards to D/s: none.

Some of it may be because we were really busy last week. Maybe it's because I'm needing an "adjusting to the new schedule" time period.

Or maybe it's because neither of us is making a move.

Which makes me wonder: whose responsibility is it to take the reigns so to speak and make a move to get our D/s back on track?

With language like that, it seems like it should be the Dominant who pushes the agenda. Sir's been giving me small tasks each day. Do the dishes. Clean this table. Fold all the blankets. Mostly cleaning related. And he did have me write my thoughts about the future of our relationship. These things are not really big though. I suppose I don't really feel submissive doing them. I think that's the biggest roadblock: my own mind and headspace.

Yet, Sir isn't the only one in this relationship. If I am thinking that I am ready for more dominance, and to submit more, should I not prove it? They say that the first step in being happy is to put a smile on your face. Practice it.

So if I want to be more submissive, shouldn't I try to behave more submissively? Show him that I am thinking about it; practice it.

My brain has moved a little bit in these two weeks. Just a bit. I've made sure I'm showered and dressed every day before he gets home, purely because I know he would appreciate that (Normally I hang around in my PJ's if staying home). If he sets me a task, I do get a small tingle that I had better complete it, to make him proud.

It will take both of us to nurture those feelings, but I suppose I can't expect him to wake up tomorrow and be so heavy handed with me after all these months. He's tried that; and I resisted hard. Maybe he's trying to ease me back into it.

I can't control Sir or what he does. I only have control over myself, at least until he takes that back. So, maybe I have to do what I can on this side of the equation.

Maybe this is all some sort of weird psychology - I resist, he pulls back, and now I want what I don't have anymore, making me want it again. Making me ready.

Between him and me, we've got to turn this around though. It would be too easy to let my misery swallow me up being home each day with limited distractions and be even worse than before.

I want our spark back. I want us back.

I guess I have to show him.

Maybe this time, I'll be ready.

[Now I have Cabaret in my head].


  1. Oh, Lea, your situation sounds so familiar. My wife and I have been in this spot many times, and it's always difficult to get out of...at least for us. As the Dom, I would say it is my responsibility to initiate, but I would also say that it can be very difficult to do so, mostly because I don't know what my wife is thinking.

    If she has pushed back recently (as you mention you did), I generally don't know what she wants or what to expect if I try to take a step forward. In theory, the Dom should let his desire govern what he does with his sub, but in reality, it matters a lot to me what Joy thinks and wants. If it was clear that she wanted to be taken in hand, it would be much easier to re-assert control.

    So, my suggestion is to make it clear to your Sir that you need him to take charge. I'd also suggest being overt about it. Don't just drop hints--we guys often suck at hints. Something Joy once did that worked nicely for us was to come to bed wearing her leather panties and nothing else...

    Anyway, good luck, and hope you recapture that spark you are looking for!

    1. I had mentioned to my Sir that I may push back. It's not something I'm planning but with everything that's been going on and re-initiating things after being vanilla for these past few months, I think it's a normal response. That being said, I told him that I thought that even if I was pushing back, it's up to him to put me in my place. If he thinks we're ready to move forward, I'll need his help getting over myself. It may mean being punished or forced to do more when I'm resisting but it can be hard for me to just calmy accept his control sometimes.

      I have spoken to him very plainly about my thoughts. I totally get that subtlety doesn't often work on guys. This week, he took control in his own way and I feel positive about it.

  2. Hi Lea, when a similar situation happened to me we did the whole recollaring, the big talk about we are going to start again ect and made a big thing of it. But then when more trauma occurred it was just pointless. Instead of starting over we just continued. We just carried on and then the pressure was off us. Put your collar back on or have him do it and don't make a big thing about it. Just carry on from where you left off.
    In terms of who should initiate a D/s relationship. It's both of you. You say what you need and ask for what you would like. Your Sir can follow through if he chooses.
    Maybe set little things into place that you both know about. From there I'm sure your Sir would enforce more if you wanted that


    1. I think this is ultimately the point I was trying to make. Sir and I have talked about these things repeatedly, but I guess until I worded things this way, nothing was coming of it. He's taken the reigns this week.

      Thanks for your input; I think it helped us both.

    2. Your welcome, glad I helped :)



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