Pain... Not the Good Kind

My back has just been killing me lately.

I mean, it always hurts... always (I have some chronic problems). I just don't always acknowledge it. I deal.

But lately it is amped up and non-stop, since last week. It's not so bad that I cannot walk or anything like that, but it is enough that Sir has noticed. My coworkers today noticed. I wore a heating pad all day under my uniform, popping ibuprofen to get through.

I came home and did my physical therapy stretches, but that's not an overnight fix. Just more reason for me to want a TENS unit (both for this pain, and some for fun!)

Sir has been awesome. Picking things up so I don't have to bend so much (I can bend, it just hurts to do so). He's been rubbing this muscle cream on me that really helps. He doesn't like the smell of the cream or the way it makes his hands feel though... so it must be love haha, for him to willingly put that stuff all over me.

I went to my cousin's wedding this weekend. I was able to dance, but staying over in the cabins (it was a country wedding) was murder on my back. The beds were terrible. The wedding was lovely, however.

Sir has day 2/3 of his FINAL certification exam tomorrow! He started the practical today. Wish him luck!

We're going to lay down early - he's anxious about the exam, I think, and I'm just a pile of ouch.

Night!

Haircut and My Collar

That awkward moment when you're about to get a haircut, take off your coat and realize you're still wearing your collar.

Sir and I had a nice low-key weekend. Watched movies, cleaned the house, went food shopping, got haircuts (just a trim for me, of course). And the stylist listened, so my hair is healthy, but still very long! It's now to my butt, and I didn't want to compromise that progress.

Before my haircut, while still panicking, I chose to surreptitiously (I hope) remove my collar and tuck it into my purse. I'm not sure if anyone saw - not sure how visible it was before I removed my coat. And part of me wishes that I wouldn't care. That if they did see it - so what? We're far from my job, far from my family, and far from anyone whose negative opinion would affect my life.

But I still have that fear - what if it comes back to bite me in the ass?

So, I'm back to wearing my collar as of last week. And I guess this moment in the Hair Salon is what I get for being out of practice!

Reflecting on a particular "scene".

I keep thinking about Sir and me on Monday and why it seemed so... important. So much more intense than normal, when in all actuality, we've done far kinkier things. He pinned my hands, teased my breasts, teased my lips, and pulled my hair.

But it felt like the world to me.

I think part of it was that feeling of control. But I also think that a lot of it has to do with the entire thing being organic. It wasn't planned. We were goofing around with me trying to get him with my hair bands, and then somehow, things shifted. The very air around us seemed to change.

Lately, we've been so busy and overworked that we've literally had conversations about which date we could plan sex. Sex is an important part of any relationship - sure the whole relationship can't be about sex, but if you take the sex out it causes problems. But it's difficult to get into it when you feel like you're on a prescribed schedule. This time, we just were us. No plans- letting things flow naturally. We stayed up late and the sacrifice of sleep was worth it.

I think the other thing that made me happy about the experience was just that I was really into it. Sir says I was wet. Very wet. This time last year, I had almost no libido because of the medication I was on, and it was a real struggle to get interested. I was afraid that somehow it would be like that forever! I am so relieved and thankful to see that is no longer the case.

As a sidenote, I had not been wearing my collar regularly lately (but I have been wearing my wristcollar). Sir hadn't given me shit for it; he said himself that he hasn't been enforcing anything lately, and that's true. But I put it on of my own accord that night, and I've kept it on so far.

He laughed, saying, "I fucked you so good it made you put your collar on!"

I guess that is one way to go about it. ;)

Sir is Back!

A week can pass by in a blink, or feel like eternity.

Being away from Sir this past week was somewhere between the two.

And when we finally had the evening alone together - it was wonderful.

Just a simple dinner, and a walk in our neighborhood to pick up ice cream for dessert.

We were getting ready for bed, and I was attempting to shoot my elastic hair bands at him from across the room. Apparently I have poor aim and skill, and the master had to show me how it's done. We went from this, to intense lovemaking and man... I just missed him.

He got me right in the chest, and I joked that he "hurt my feelings".

"Your feelings? Aww, let me get to them and make it all better..."

He pushed me down on the bed and lifted up my shirt and bra. Pinning my hands to my sides, he kissed me in the dead center of my chest - to get at my feelings. Then he just tortured me - licking, biting and blowing on my nipples while keeping me pinned. For some reason I was  very into this - probably being pinned, being teased, feeling his control. I was squirming around but he kept me in place.

When he wanted to take me, it was effortless, raw, intense. Sir pulling my hair, forcing me to look into his eyes while he pounded into me, licking my lips but refusing to kiss me, pinning me down.

All of that; it's hot. I like not having that control. And add that to missing him for the past week... it was explosive.

Welcome home, Sir!

Alone This Week

Sir is spending the week back in NYC completing an internship.

I drove him to the train on Sunday and said goodbye...

I know it is only a week. I know that before we moved in together, we'd often spend an entire week,  sometimes more before seeing each other.

But now it's different. We live together. I see him everyday. We sleep in the same bed and have our little routines. I've  gone away here and there since we've been living together, but not that many days, and I'm the one that is usually away.

I haven't spent this much time in our house alone.

I don't know what to do with myself.

I've spent the last couple of nights on his side of the bed, curled up with the cat (when the cat will grace me with his presence).

I do appreciate that having time away gives us time to breathe. Time to eat ice cream straight of the carton, have chips for dinner and sort of revel in a break from the norms. It's also time to appreciate each other. Time to actually miss one another.

And I do miss my Sir.