Punished - I deserved it!

So, update on earlier.

Sir was NOT late, thankfully.

AND, he got a 90% on his assessment!

I did get punished however. When I came home, after greeting him properly, he dragged me into the corner and handcuffed my hands behind my back and to his lunchbox. There I remained for what felt like a long time but was probably 20 minutes.

My attitude certainly changed after that!

I better not forget his lunch tomorrow!

Disappointed in Myself

Things have started to calm down a bit, at least time wise. I am laid off from my job for the summer. While I am enjoying the time for myself and Sir, I am scrambling around trying to figure out how we'll get through the next 2.5 months if I don't find real work.

I am working part time at my second job, but it is definitely not enough to sustain us. I am also applying for unemployment (now on hold.... ).

I am feeling disappointed in myself today, and sad for failing Sir. It is one of my responsibilities to make and pack a lunch for Sir every weekday. This morning, I just...stayed asleep. I didn't hear the alarm, didn't get up - nothing. Sir didn't wake me either. He usually doesn't, but that's not his job. I know I'm supposed to make a lunch for him, and if I didn't do it the night before, I need to do it before he leaves at 6:30. He woke me up to kiss me goodbye, and when I looked at the clock, it was nearly 6:50! I started to panic about his lunch and he told me that he took care of it. I think he looked annoyed, maybe?

I am so mad at myself. Because of me, Sir had to make his own lunch, and he is probably late today - he NEVER leaves this late. And he has a quiz today. Ugh - I feel terrible.

I can apologize when he gets home, of course. He could choose to punish me. I'm not sure what else to do to make it right so to speak.

I guess it's up to what he thinks is best.

Sir's Scent

I am a very scent-oriented person. I just like to smell things. I love to use Febreze. Sir says I should buy stock in the company. I adore the aroma of delicious food permeating through the house. I love the smells of clean laundry- I just want to curl up in it sometimes. I love the smell of books - there's so much history in that smell. It's why I can't get rid of them even though I have TWO e-readers now.
The smell of leather. The scent of my collar as I place it on each day when I walk in the door. The smell of the leather cuffs as they go on. The soul-cleaning smell of the wind on a beautiful day walking outside. The lovely grass-gasoline smell following a freshly cut lawn. I am just constantly smelling the world.

The number one thing I smell, though, is actually Sir. I think this was weird for Sir at first. I am not really... subtle about it. When we're hugging, I'll just take a deep breath and just breathe him all in. Or just bury my face into the crook of his shoulder and inhale. I just love the way Sir smells. It makes me feel warm inside to be close to him. wrapped in his scent. Even when he's got a little bit of man-smell on him from the day, I just love it.

Besides the warm and happy feelings that wash over me from his scent, there's been studies on this sort of thing. Women find partners more attractive, scent wise, based on immunological compatibility. So, I suppose that if Sir and I were to have kids one day, they'd have a good chance at fighting off infections!

No Shirt, No Service

A few days ago, Sir switched up the rules. We've been doing this thing where I only have 5 rules at a time. Sometimes, they stay and I get new ones in their place. Goodbye to the rules that weren't working for us. Sometimes, they stay and become part of us, and I get a new addition while still keeping the old rule.

Gone are the masturbate 3x a week rule, and the offer Sir fellatio nightly rule. I'm not exactly sure why. I think Sir didn't like refusing me, or holding me to it? As far as masturbating - thank heavens I will be off this medication in 2.5 months. It has killed my libido and even getting myself off is a chore. Hopefully when this medication is over my libido will return. It's not totally gone, but it needs a lot of coaxing and persuasion for it to come out. I'm scared that it won't come back once I'm off this medication. That somehow I'll be stuck trying to get interested. That even if my mind is ready my body couldn't give two fucks. I think Sir has seen my struggle and possibly didn't want to "rub it in my face" when the purpose of the rule was to keep me interested, perhaps.

I'm still maintaining the house, making lunches, adhering to my diet/exercise routine, and wearing my collar. A new addition is that I am to include "Sir" when addressing Sir in every sentence, either before or after the sentence. This will be hard. Hard to remember each time, and hard to watch myself in public once achieved. I think it will be difficult for Sir to police as well. I am also to welcome Sir home if he comes in and I am already home, or let him know I am home if I arrive after him. "Welcome Home, Sir." or "I'm home, Sir".

Secondly, I am not to wear anything (other than my collar) from the waist up when in the house. I think this may be easier to implement and enforce than the other rule, but I like it much less. Sitting here in my pajama pants only, I feel very exposed, and ...floppy. I'm also cold. I want to cover up, just for warmth and comfort. Maybe a blanket wouldn't get me in trouble? I always have blankets - even in the summer.

Like I Need a Reason to Cuddle

I am a HUGE cuddler. Definitely a cuddle-whore.

Before Sir and I started dating, he had not had a girlfriend in many years. So I think perhaps he was unused to someone wanting to hug and touch and cuddle on him. Then I come along and not only do I want those things, but I want them to the Nth degree.

He often has to verbally (and sometimes physically) restrain me when getting into bed because I can't wait for him to get in and settled before I am trying to cuddle on him.

We even have our own dorky term for cuddle time. We need to absorb "cuddle units". This comes from playing Sims and the needs bar getting filled up when certain needs were met. Because cuddling is a NEED.

In the past 4+ years, Sir has definitely embraced my need for cuddling, though. I daresay he may even love it! It has gotten to the point that if we are hanging out on the couch, and my feet and legs are NOT on him, he starts to wonder what is wrong.

I heard on the radio recently that cuddling is good for you (well of COURSE it is!) so I dug up this article:

10 Incredible Facts About Cuddling

Also, this:

Cuddle Like You Mean It


All joking aside, this just adds even more fuel for reasons why we should cuddle.

Number one reason: Because, cuddles.