Thursday, June 18, 2015

Disappointed in Myself

Things have started to calm down a bit, at least time wise. I am laid off from my job for the summer. While I am enjoying the time for myself and Sir, I am scrambling around trying to figure out how we'll get through the next 2.5 months if I don't find real work.

I am working part time at my second job, but it is definitely not enough to sustain us. I am also applying for unemployment (now on hold.... ).

I am feeling disappointed in myself today, and sad for failing Sir. It is one of my responsibilities to make and pack a lunch for Sir every weekday. This morning, I just...stayed asleep. I didn't hear the alarm, didn't get up - nothing. Sir didn't wake me either. He usually doesn't, but that's not his job. I know I'm supposed to make a lunch for him, and if I didn't do it the night before, I need to do it before he leaves at 6:30. He woke me up to kiss me goodbye, and when I looked at the clock, it was nearly 6:50! I started to panic about his lunch and he told me that he took care of it. I think he looked annoyed, maybe?

I am so mad at myself. Because of me, Sir had to make his own lunch, and he is probably late today - he NEVER leaves this late. And he has a quiz today. Ugh - I feel terrible.

I can apologize when he gets home, of course. He could choose to punish me. I'm not sure what else to do to make it right so to speak.

I guess it's up to what he thinks is best.

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