How to Make Your Little Happy #572

Sir and I have been trying to take a walk together after work each night. Get into a routine.

During our most recent walk, the local candy store was open! They've been closed for a while due to the pandemic.

This store is great. They always have amazing window displays, too. It was exciting to be able to walk in there and pick things out.

Sir let me have some candy too. 

The lime green ones are my favorite!

I was so happy to enjoy the candy on our walk. I felt little, and carefree. Skipping along in my mind.

Thank you, Sir!

Not that kind of Switch, Mom!

 For my birthday, Sir gifted me a Switch. And of course, my favorite video game to go with it. We're finally getting to a place where discretionary income is a thing again!

I was floored and so very excited! I'm a huge Zelda fan. I've been playing nearly my entire life with my dad. This will actually be the first major console Zelda release I'll play entirely without him. 

My mom called to wish me a Happy Birthday and asked if I had gotten a present from Sir. So I told her excitedly that he got me a Switch.

She was silent for a long time.

Then she said quietly, "... like, to beat you with?"

Oh. My. God.

I just started laughing. I couldn't even breathe. 

In between gasps of air, I replied:

"Yeah, and he made me pick it out and cut it off the tree, too."

 I eventually explained to her that no, of course it's not that kind of switch; that it's a Nintendo (she remembers me and my dad playing the old ones).

I'm just thinking of the other use of the word. Her brain would probably implode.

This exchange did make me wonder. Is this just a fluke? Her old-school sense of that word and the only thing she could think of?

Or does she somehow, know?

I suppose it could be both.

Hopefully not, though!

Birthday Spankings

My birthday was last week. Our original plans with friends got cancelled.

But being home and alone does have its advantages.

I woke up being spanked. After several sets, Sir asked me if I knew how many were in each set. I did not.

"Are you not counting?" Sir asked.

"No... I'm barely awake," I replied.

"Well, you should."

So I did. Sir was spanking me in repeated sets of 38.

"Happy Birthday, Bitch".

Little at Times

 Sir and I have realized over the years, that I definitely have a little side.

I don't know her exact age, but somewhere between 5-8 I think.

There are times where it's more pronounced than others.

But there is a time of day where it is pretty consistent. And that is bedtime.

Every night when we're getting ready for bed, I definitely feel little. Perhaps its that nighttime desire to be tucked in and cuddled. Perhaps a desire to feel safe before bed. Safe like a child, when life was simpler, and there was less to worry about.

Maybe it's nightly exhaustion removing some internal barriers.

I'm sure now, in listing an "age" there's some things there to unpack in therapy (my parents split when I was 7, so that being my age range... I'm sure that's linked somehow).

But I think I'm okay with it. Sometimes being little is confusing for me. But sometimes it really is nice to just... let everything go, and know I am safe with Sir. That he is going to take care of me, and everything is going to be okay until tomorrow.

New Nightly Ritual

Lately, Sir has been staying up much later that I do.

It seems I just can't go to sleep without him, though.

I'd feel tired, get up and put myself in bed...

And just wait there. Whether intentionally or not, my body and brain is waiting for him. And my sleep had been really suffering for it.

Now we have a new nightly ritual, and it's a great solution of Sir's.

He now puts me to bed every night.

I'll get into bed, and he'll join me. I'll cuddle up with my head on his lap. We'll chat softly, and he'll pet my hair until I fall asleep. 

Then, he'll gingerly slide out of bed and he can stay up as long as he wants.

It's a win-win.

Sir's Brand of Kindness

Sir has me pinned to the bed. Held down at his mercy as I wiggle and struggle to no avail.

He gets both of my hands pinned with one of his, and reaches back with his other hand in a move that is both hilarious to witness in its contortion, but sexy in its dominance.

I realize that look in his eye.

"Sir, please. No.... not the sock off your foot!"

He was kind.

He got up and gagged me with a clean sock.

This Photo is Love

 

This photo is love.

Looking at it, I am immediately swimming in affection for this man.

The beach is not Sir's thing.

But it is absolutely *my* thing. 

Any beach, even a lake beach, has some sort of restorative power to me. After a visit, even just a couple of hours, I am happier, and relaxed.

So Sir came with me to the beach last weekend. I definitely needed it. And though it's not really his thing, there he is.

And that is love.

Depression and Not Feeling Kinky

Last night while I was sleeping, Sir sent me a message via Fetlife. That is typically how we communicate about kinky things in our relationship. So if I see a Fetlife message from him, I know right away the general gist of the content, as opposed to him sending a regular email or the like.

It made me so pleased! We've had a rough go of it lately.My caregiving duties for my mother have steadily ramped up and up and up - and as the depression and despair creeped in, I made less and less time for myself, and for us. It's one of the reasons why I haven't been writing here as often, I think. I've been going to therapy for over a year now, and it's helped tremendously. I'm now also on a medication that while is not prescribed for depression, is definitely helping in that regard. Conversely, my mother has needed even more attention in the past year. She's been hospitalized twice, and is currently in skilled nursing. We're not sure if she will be able to go home, and since she is not handling her situation herself (though she *is* capable) its being dumped into my lap. Which is how she usually operates. With all that going on, I just haven't made time for me. I haven't felt "like me" in awhile.

The other reason for the lack of writing is that to be frank, there wasn't that much kink going on *to* write about. Sir has also been having a rough go of it. He was unemployed for the last 14 months. For Sir, his sense of self-worth and confidence is definitely tied to his career. So being unemployed (through no fault of his own), really tanked his self-esteem. And that tanked his ability to be dominant, or even *feel* dominant. 

Last month, he accepted a job offer for a true unicorn job in his field. And in the weeks since, I've seen his demeanor improve so much! He is definitely less depressed, more confident and I felt like he was starting to feel more dominant as well. Him reaching out last night proves that, I think.

I am so ready for that. I miss that side of him, and I miss us.

The Wait

 I sit in our office, in my customary computer chair. Sir sits in his. We are side by side.

He tells me to close my eyes. I feel him place a very comfortable blindfold over my face.

A gift, he says.

He is going to conduct a test.

And then... I wait.


At first, I fidget in my seat, slightly. Subtle movements of my limbs, stretching my fingers. Wiggling my hips.

I swing my legs, as if I am a child.

Eventually, I spin my chair around. I feel Sir's presence approach me. Steady hands firmly stopping my chair, and pressing it back to the wall, so I can no longer spin. He says nothing, but the message is clear.

He has not told me I cannot speak, but with his silence, I feel the weight of the blindfold over my lips in addition to my eyes.

Eventually, I relax.

In this moment, there is nothing I need to do. Nowhere else I need to be. Nothing to be responsible for.


All I have to do, is wait.

Subtle BDSM in Our Wedding

 So, at our wedding a few weeks ago, Sir and I wanted to incorporate somehow, in a subtle manner, some of the, ahem, *other* elements of our relationship. I of course wore my wristcollar, as I do everyday. But we wanted something more.

So, we decided to do a handfasting. Sir made the cords himself from bondage rope, and he attached charms to represent us both.

They really are just... beautiful.

The funny thing is, when the minister asked us for our cords before the ceremony, she remarked to the rest of the group, "Oh, don't worry, it's not for anything kinky..."

Reverend, if you only knew. (She probably does.)

Married!

 2020 was a heck of a year, and a lot of it was awful even without Covid gumming up the works.  I think it's best to just move on. Goodness.

But Sir and I kicked off 2021 in a HUGE way. We got married on our 10th Anniversary! Finally!

Sir is not only the Dominant, he is the Husband! I am not only the submissive, but I am the wife!

It is surreal. The entire ordeal was really stressful, and the week leading up to it ranks pretty high up there with the worst experiences of my life. All the things we had to go through just to get to this moment... Plus, my family is just awful sometimes... I just can't. His was not helping, either. This was not just normal wedding stress... sometimes it feels like these people go out of their way to make shit more difficult than it has to be. I asked my maids of honor, who are both married and they confirmed that what I was dealing with was above normal. I wish it weren't, but it can be nice to be validated sometimes.

I started going to therapy for the first time this past year to help myself navigate this mess and stand up for myself, but as one of my friends said, this was like being dumped into the final boss battle of boundaries and skipping all the other levels and power-ups along the way. I couldn't handle it properly and ended up doing everything for everyone else when I needed to be getting things done for and focusing on us. I am salty, but I am trying to let it go and focus on the good things.

Once I was walking down that aisle, everything did melt away. It was just me and Sir. With about a week's distance from the event, I can finally start to release the awful parts and embrace the good parts. And process that it is real. It DID happen. I can start to be excited!

We got hitched in a simple but lovely ceremony with just 10 people in attendance - our immediate families plus the maids of honor and best men. The minister was just perfect in representing us.  We are hoping to plan a "Part II" next year and have an actual reception with all our loved ones and the customary traditions. We pretty much got married, then had a quick dinner to thank those that stood up for us this year, and bounced.

 We are wed!

We honestly passed out on our wedding night - all the stress and sleeplessness catching up with us. But after our families left the next day we were able to have a good wedding weekend. We were able to celebrate each other properly with a 'wedding night', and reinforce the D/s side of things in our relationship. It was reassuring to me - just because we are married, that part of us is not gone! After 10 years, we are still surprising each other, still experiencing new things. Sir did things to me on my wedding night I'd never experienced before. He also made sure I knew who I belong to. It makes me love him all the more. 

And I still want to be Sir's submissive, more than ever.

Submissive wife now! <3