Last night while I was sleeping, Sir sent me a message via Fetlife. That is typically how we communicate about kinky things in our relationship. So if I see a Fetlife message from him, I know right away the general gist of the content, as opposed to him sending a regular email or the like.
It made me so pleased! We've had a rough go of it lately.My caregiving duties for my mother have steadily ramped up and up and up - and as the depression and despair creeped in, I made less and less time for myself, and for us. It's one of the reasons why I haven't been writing here as often, I think. I've been going to therapy for over a year now, and it's helped tremendously. I'm now also on a medication that while is not prescribed for depression, is definitely helping in that regard. Conversely, my mother has needed even more attention in the past year. She's been hospitalized twice, and is currently in skilled nursing. We're not sure if she will be able to go home, and since she is not handling her situation herself (though she *is* capable) its being dumped into my lap. Which is how she usually operates. With all that going on, I just haven't made time for me. I haven't felt "like me" in awhile.
The other reason for the lack of writing is that to be frank, there wasn't that much kink going on *to* write about. Sir has also been having a rough go of it. He was unemployed for the last 14 months. For Sir, his sense of self-worth and confidence is definitely tied to his career. So being unemployed (through no fault of his own), really tanked his self-esteem. And that tanked his ability to be dominant, or even *feel* dominant.
Last month, he accepted a job offer for a true unicorn job in his field. And in the weeks since, I've seen his demeanor improve so much! He is definitely less depressed, more confident and I felt like he was starting to feel more dominant as well. Him reaching out last night proves that, I think.
I am so ready for that. I miss that side of him, and I miss us.
Hi Lea, I'm so sorry you have both had such a difficult time lately. The situation with your Mom must be so stressful and difficult. I feel for you. Sending positive thoughts.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear your Sir has a new job that seems to be working well for him.
Hugs
Roz
I appreciate the positive thoughts, Roz. Becoming a caregiver from two states away has been extremely difficult. I pray that she will heal well enough to go back to living independently, but I'm not sure that will happen.
DeleteThough I will never abandon her, sometimes I have to realize that my priority must be to Sir, too. I cannot put her above him.
Real life can be a killer. But thanks for honestly sharing this. I think too many bloggers avoid unpleasantness in an effort to positively entertain, but in the long run I think that sends an unrealistic expectation in others who are struggling. Knowing that real people in this lifestyle are not immune to the problems of the real world and that it debilitates the lifestyle aspect itself, I believe is important to share. It makes everyone understand that we are all connected by everything it means to be human in a less-than-perfect world.
ReplyDeleteAs for you two? I hope you're both turning a corner. Things tend to run in cycles and hopefully you are veering into an upswing. All the best!
Thank you. I really hope we're turning a corner too. We've had our ups and downs, and I too think its a good idea to show reality. I hope we can get our kink mojo back soon. Sometimes, it can be a way to cope or a distraction, or a way to quiet ones mind, I think. I miss that.
DeleteCongrats to your Sir for landing that job! And also love that you are feeling better.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I hope this stays for a bit. We could use a positive break!
DeleteHey Lea,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about everything going on right now, with your Mom's health that's got to be difficult. I know that with my own Mom when we were living close by that was tough. It's really nice to hear your depression is doing even a little better at all though.
I know you know Master Pravus and me understand how awful unemployment can be, and I think that right now with the pandemic going on, a lot of people have had to go through things like that. I'm so pleased that your Master has found a new job though! I really hope it's the start of a wonderous and new career. Sending lots of love and positive thoughts. -Kitty