Punished this Week

Sunday was a hard day. I was just having "one of those mornings". Where everything seems to be going wrong. Sir accidentally ate my breakfast, and had to be stopped from eating my other breakfast. I found out he couldn't go somewhere with me on Monday; I wanted to have a cute little date at our local roller rink as they were having a cheap offer, TWO dollars!! I'd mentioned this to him for weeks and he said he would go. So I was miffed that he had made an appointment and now couldn't go.

Then for my fitness challenge I had to do a video game dancing work out (you get different challenges every week). I was trying to set my game up and my dance pad stopped working; it's broken. I think at this point I just lost it. I kind of threw a tantrum. Sir was trying to help, saying, "You have another one, we'll just use this one!" I was being irrational.

"I don't wan't that one, I want both. I have two so two people can play at the same time... now I have to buy another one!" I let out a groan, and I'm pretty sure stomped my foot. Eventually I sat down on the couch, and that's where my real feelings came out.

"I don't want to do today. I don't want to go to sports practice. I don't want to do this stupid dance workout. And I certainly don't want to go to another funeral, watching my cousins say goodbye to their dad," I exclaimed!

Well, there it is, I guess. The real source of my anger. My uncle passed away last Monday. He was very sick. And I suppose I didn't want to deal with the passing of another father. I think I had feelings tied up in the grief of my own dad. I wasn't very close with my uncle, but he was a good man, and watching my cousins, who I am close with, grieve that loss... I know the feeling all too well, and it's awful.

But Sir had me finish my dance workout, and packed all my stuff up for sports practice, loaded the car with it and things I had for my cousins, and drove me to practice, and then picked me up and then drove me to the funeral. He was amazing and super helpful. And I was irrational and not fully appreciative. As we got into the car, a giant snowmelt fell off the tree directly splatting onto my head. "I guess this is the kinda shitty day it's going to be," I said.

After sports practice, where I had pushed myself harder than I had in weeks, I was absolutely ravenous and a little hangry. My blood sugar was low, and I was being a little bit bitchy. Sir stopped at a McDonald's and put Chicken McNuggets in my face as we drove. It helped. Also, Chicken McNuggets from McDonald's with sweet n' sour sauce is one of my guilty pleasures. I know I shouldn't eat McDonald's but I love those nuggets! After I had eaten I could see clearer. I let him know that I loved him, and did appreciate him being absolutely amazing and helping me all morning when I was being a bit crazy. He said he loved me, and would always help me, and that of course I was going to be punished for my behavior.

We got through the day. Sir was continued to be great, and he handled dealing with my crazy in-your-face family at their grieving worst with grace and patience.

When it was all over and we were finally in the car making the two hour drive back, Sir reminded me that I was going to be punished when we got home. He said it wasn't for having emotions, or for me having a rough day; he gets that. It was for specifically how I treated him, when he was trying to help. How I  yelled back at him about the dance pad when he was providing an actual solution. And I made a snippy comment when we were getting a little lost about how neither could he drive or read a fucking map. I was mad because I didn't want to drive, I wanted the time in the car to get ready for the funeral, do my hair and put on makeup. We had switched drivers at the McDonald's. I had not yet eaten, but that's not really an excuse. He was trying very hard to help and my comment wasn't fair.

So I was trying of course to get out of him what the punishment would be. Cornertime? A very hard spanking (that never happens)? Laundry? Sleeping apart from him?

Turns out I guessed correctly eventually. He had me take an epsom salt bath when I got home to soak my aching muscles (it was hard getting down the stairs leaving my aunt's house; muscle soreness from pushing myself setting in). When I got out, he had set up the air mattress at the foot of our bed. He had me get in, then chained my left leg, ensuring I stayed put. Lately, he's been chaining me to bed, but it's usually OUR bed.

I had to sleep alone, cold, and without him. No cuddles. No pets. No security. It was especially fitting because on the ride home all I was talking about is how great it would be to get into bed with him and cuddle. We didn't have to get up in the morning so we could revel in it. Nope. Not for this girl. And it had to be bad for Sir too. Having to punish me punishes him. He was alone in bed, without me to cuddle on him. It just added another layer to the remorse I was feeling over how I treated him.

I definitely deserved it. Sir was merciful and once morning came, he undid the chain and allowed me back into bed with him for a morning cuddle. Made all the better by having to miss out on it all night.

I am truly sorry for the way I treated you, Sir. I am allowed to have emotions and feelings, but I shouldn't take them out wrongly on you. Thank you, Sir, for putting me to rights.

In my case, I think it's a little of both.