Thursday, February 22, 2018

Punished this Week

Sunday was a hard day. I was just having "one of those mornings". Where everything seems to be going wrong. Sir accidentally ate my breakfast, and had to be stopped from eating my other breakfast. I found out he couldn't go somewhere with me on Monday; I wanted to have a cute little date at our local roller rink as they were having a cheap offer, TWO dollars!! I'd mentioned this to him for weeks and he said he would go. So I was miffed that he had made an appointment and now couldn't go.

Then for my fitness challenge I had to do a video game dancing work out (you get different challenges every week). I was trying to set my game up and my dance pad stopped working; it's broken. I think at this point I just lost it. I kind of threw a tantrum. Sir was trying to help, saying, "You have another one, we'll just use this one!" I was being irrational.

"I don't wan't that one, I want both. I have two so two people can play at the same time... now I have to buy another one!" I let out a groan, and I'm pretty sure stomped my foot. Eventually I sat down on the couch, and that's where my real feelings came out.

"I don't want to do today. I don't want to go to sports practice. I don't want to do this stupid dance workout. And I certainly don't want to go to another funeral, watching my cousins say goodbye to their dad," I exclaimed!

Well, there it is, I guess. The real source of my anger. My uncle passed away last Monday. He was very sick. And I suppose I didn't want to deal with the passing of another father. I think I had feelings tied up in the grief of my own dad. I wasn't very close with my uncle, but he was a good man, and watching my cousins, who I am close with, grieve that loss... I know the feeling all too well, and it's awful.

But Sir had me finish my dance workout, and packed all my stuff up for sports practice, loaded the car with it and things I had for my cousins, and drove me to practice, and then picked me up and then drove me to the funeral. He was amazing and super helpful. And I was irrational and not fully appreciative. As we got into the car, a giant snowmelt fell off the tree directly splatting onto my head. "I guess this is the kinda shitty day it's going to be," I said.

After sports practice, where I had pushed myself harder than I had in weeks, I was absolutely ravenous and a little hangry. My blood sugar was low, and I was being a little bit bitchy. Sir stopped at a McDonald's and put Chicken McNuggets in my face as we drove. It helped. Also, Chicken McNuggets from McDonald's with sweet n' sour sauce is one of my guilty pleasures. I know I shouldn't eat McDonald's but I love those nuggets! After I had eaten I could see clearer. I let him know that I loved him, and did appreciate him being absolutely amazing and helping me all morning when I was being a bit crazy. He said he loved me, and would always help me, and that of course I was going to be punished for my behavior.

We got through the day. Sir was continued to be great, and he handled dealing with my crazy in-your-face family at their grieving worst with grace and patience.

When it was all over and we were finally in the car making the two hour drive back, Sir reminded me that I was going to be punished when we got home. He said it wasn't for having emotions, or for me having a rough day; he gets that. It was for specifically how I treated him, when he was trying to help. How I  yelled back at him about the dance pad when he was providing an actual solution. And I made a snippy comment when we were getting a little lost about how neither could he drive or read a fucking map. I was mad because I didn't want to drive, I wanted the time in the car to get ready for the funeral, do my hair and put on makeup. We had switched drivers at the McDonald's. I had not yet eaten, but that's not really an excuse. He was trying very hard to help and my comment wasn't fair.

So I was trying of course to get out of him what the punishment would be. Cornertime? A very hard spanking (that never happens)? Laundry? Sleeping apart from him?

Turns out I guessed correctly eventually. He had me take an epsom salt bath when I got home to soak my aching muscles (it was hard getting down the stairs leaving my aunt's house; muscle soreness from pushing myself setting in). When I got out, he had set up the air mattress at the foot of our bed. He had me get in, then chained my left leg, ensuring I stayed put. Lately, he's been chaining me to bed, but it's usually OUR bed.

I had to sleep alone, cold, and without him. No cuddles. No pets. No security. It was especially fitting because on the ride home all I was talking about is how great it would be to get into bed with him and cuddle. We didn't have to get up in the morning so we could revel in it. Nope. Not for this girl. And it had to be bad for Sir too. Having to punish me punishes him. He was alone in bed, without me to cuddle on him. It just added another layer to the remorse I was feeling over how I treated him.

I definitely deserved it. Sir was merciful and once morning came, he undid the chain and allowed me back into bed with him for a morning cuddle. Made all the better by having to miss out on it all night.

I am truly sorry for the way I treated you, Sir. I am allowed to have emotions and feelings, but I shouldn't take them out wrongly on you. Thank you, Sir, for putting me to rights.

In my case, I think it's a little of both.


  1. Thanks for sharing this...I can express all my emotions to M...but it has to be respectfully...I don't always manage..glad I am not the only one...and results in a punishment...
    hugs abby

    1. You're welcome, abby. It can be so hard to keep it reigned in! Hopefully neither you nor I will have any ill-directed outbursts soon.

  2. Ah Leah, I have been there too. FAR too many times to mention. Even today I hung up the phone on Barney ( fortunately we are 400 kms a part at the moment). I wish I could say it passes, but by the sounds of it from you and abby we all have our moments. The thing is, (not an excuse) emotions take me away from remembering the damage that is done when I 'explode'. Though hard spankings DO happen here- I don't remember that IN the moment! LOL

    Happy all is a bit better now. Sorry to hear about your uncle. I find going to funerals a bit cathartic for myself since my Dad died. I guess that is selfish.


    1. While I'm not glad that it happens, it's good to know it happens to other people too, Willie.

      When I'm mad I;m typically the explode and then be over it type. Sir is the slowly simmering and festering type. I am trying to get better at not releasing my anger AT him even if it may happen in his presence.

      Things are better now between us. And thank you about my uncle. I have gone to too many services, I feel. Too many people lost. I have a large family, so it sometimes feels like someone is always going.

      If funerals are cathartic, I don't think that's selfish. They're meant to be. The funerals are for the living, to help us cope.

  3. Leah...
    I'm sorry you had a hard day. Those are never fun (speaking from someone who currently had a very bad night the night before)...
    I ha e to say though, I laughed about your man eating your breakfast and tthen almost eating your second breakfast-LMAO!
    It sounds like he was a wonderful support to you- packing you up, driving you around, recognizing when you were spiraling out of gunger and taking care of it.
    I woukd have wished a spanking on you personally though. I think it coukd have done wonders for stress relief- even if it was a hard one.
    I woukd have wished the cuddles of aftercare and that his arms were not denied you after such an emotionally hard day.
    I know it was your uncle, but I'm sorry you lost your dad. It's never easy losing someone who loved us.
    Hugs to you,

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. LMAO again... sorry for the typos...

    3. Hi Lynne,

      I'm glad it's over. Ive been better since then. Even with having bad days. Today wasn't so good with some tings happening, but I didn't take it out on Sir (though I shared them with him).

      Now that it's over, I am laughing too about Sir and my breakfast. He's not malicious... he's just a bigger guy and likes to eat!

      We do spankings here, but hardly ever for punishment, usually for fun. He has spanked me for stress relief though. So hard and long I was crying by the end of it. And he was right, I felt better after!

      He really was my rock that day, and he usually is!

      No worries about the typos, I knew what you meant! We all do it!

      Thank you for your kinds words. I miss my father terribly and his loss was the worst thing I've ever had to deal with.

  4. What a tough day! Sounds like your Sir was really there for you though. I can imagine how hard it was getting through that punishment - worse than the worst spanking! But now you can move on...

    1. Thank you, Olivia. My Sir was so fantastic that day! It made me feel well cared for and there is also something so attractive about a man just getting things done!

      You're right, I probably would have preferred the spanking! Hence, probably why Sir didn't choose to punish me that way!

  5. Hi Lea,

    I'm so sorry you had such a rough day and am so sorry for your loss. Glad you got those cuddles the next morning.


    1. Thank you, Roz. Death is always difficult. I'm glad for those cuddles, too.


I ❤ comments!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...