Sunday, June 19, 2016

Outing Myself

Twice this past week I have done things that may have outed me as a kinkster, submissive, whatever you want to call it, in different ways.

One was entirely my own fault.

I was reading and responding to comments on here and hadn't realized that for some reason, I was logged into my vanilla google account. So, I responded as my real self, entirely by accident. I have a screen name for that account too, so initially, I was calm. Just delete the comment and start anew. Until I looked at my profile which linked to my amazon account with my real name, location, birthday, etc. HOLY CRAP! I didn't realize that much info was out there. I of course changed it and deleted the comments with that account, but part of me worries about who may have seen that. If any of you did see it, please let me know. I generally do trust in the community; most  are good people. It would be a relief for me to know how "out" my real information was though. I have not had an incident like that in the over 5 years of having this blog... I guess that is a good track record. Has anything like that ever happened to you?

The other incident was ... just awkward I guess, and I don't think anything bad will come of it. I work in the public sector. My coworkers are really awesome people. But I forget that I live in a conservative area. That doesn't really just mean beliefs, but it also means openness towards sexuality and the like. My one coworker whispers the occasional curse word she ever lets loose after looking to make sure the coast is clear, and another was very adamant on getting married before cohabitating with her husband. This is fine - just trying to explain the... puritanical nature, I suppose, of people I work with.

We're having lunch this week and our boss had a cup on the table that says "Fifty Shades of Green." Coworker exclaims, "Does that say Fifty Shades of Grey?!" We were all shocked. It turns out, she read all three books, and saw the movie. My other coworker saw the movie, but not read the books, and my boss read the books too.

Really.... wow. They say it's always the quiet ones. So, they start dissecting the books. I chime in here or there, but mostly stay out of the conversation, because I have strong opinions about the book. To share them in full would be to indicate I know a lot more about these things than just reading. I say at one point "I hesitate to give my full opinion". Eventually my older coworker brings up "S and M", goes into that into more detail, and I merely state "This topic is the opinion I'm hesitating on presenting." I say that the abuse laden book is not a realistic representation of that lifestyle. (I do know it's a fantasy, written as a FanFiction of Twilight... but still, get some of the facts right). We talk about how the movie does a better job of being more realistic. My coworker who incidentally started the conversation cannot look more uncomfortable or sink lower into her seat. Eventually, lunch is over, and I definitely feel that I've revealed more about myself than I intended.

Nothing much has been said since then, and I don't think anything negative will come of it. But it is interesting to know that my coworkers are a little more "in the know" than I thought. That they may recognize a collar, or my wristcollar. That if Sir were to present me with a day collar, or an eternity collar, they might actually know what it is.

That's the stuff that is uncomfortable for me. It's easier to hide behind, "it's just jewelry". And though they may be more open-minded than I thought (hey, they read the books/saw the movie at least)... I still worry about the conservative attitudes around here in general.

Fiction is one thing, reality is another.


  1. Hi Lea, oh goodness, I would have been panicking too. I certainly haven't seen anything.
    Interesting about your work conversation. Seems your colleagues do know more than you might think about the lifestyle. We have had some 50 Shades discussions too. I always tried to say very little, for fear of giving anything away.


    1. Thanks, Roz. Good to know. I think they're definitely more in the know than I thought. Even whipping out what I think of as 90's speak (S and M)... well if you know the terminology, you probably know more than that.

      Learning to keep my mouth shut, not just in these topics but in general is a hard lesson I'm having to learn. I am outspoken and it is hard for me to do.

  2. Hi Lea, I've almost let a few things slip when talking to a vanilla friend. Had her ask what that was all about and I covered my tracks by saying its a game we play.
    Sounds like your co workers might also know more than they let on.
    Hugs Lindy

    1. I think most people have a general idea of kink.... it's usually way more vanilla than mine, but the idea of being kinky with your partner is appealing/somewhat acceptable so most of that could be rationalized, I think.

  3. I sign a specific way in blog land "XOXO Pearl". I also sign a specific way to everything computer in my vanilla life too. There have been quite a few times that I went to comment in blog land and the post has personally really hit home with me and I have started to (or really started to and deleted) my vanilla world signature. Only once did I hit publish to a comment and honestly had no idea if I signed my vanilla name!! The blogger (her Master) approves comments so it wasn't posted when I hit "publish". Absolutely freaked out, I commented again to them explaining what I thought I may or may not have inadvertently did.......explained my fuck up really only pops up when I feel so connected to the post/blogger that my guard is down. I asked them if my real name was on the comment to please NOT publish it and just know that their post meant a lot to me and my real first name is for them..........turns out.....I signed it "XOXO Pearl" after all!!!!!!

    XOXO Pearl. ;)


I ❤ comments!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...