Sunday, May 06, 2012

There’s Homework in D/s?

I went to visit a friend recently and through a happy accident she discovered the truth about my relationship with Sir. I was texting him my travel status, and then she grabbed my phone to message him as well. I thought, naturally, that she saw what I had sent to him, especially the fact that I called him “Sir” in the message. So I addressed it. It turns out that she didn’t even read what was literally staring her in the face, but she was really cool and supportive about it.

What she said was, “So… you have one of those relationships?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve always wanted one of those relationships! I wish my significant other were into that.”

This allowed us to discuss a bit better our relationships and various kinks. I felt good, because it’s somehow important to me for my loved ones to know and accept the real me, without my feeling like I have to hide. So this makes 4 people that I know in real life who are aware of our real relationship. Perhaps 5, if she tells her significant other, which I actually wouldn’t mind as long it stays with them. I tell Sir nearly everything, but it stays with him. So she knew my secret, and she told me a secret of hers, which I am privileged to keep. Later in the trip she asked me a few questions about how our relationship works. My roommate was also there, and it was really nice, because I think it opened her eyes a bit into our relationship. It’s not about abuse. The rules I have are there for my benefit; he’s taking care of me. Like my bedtime so I can function well and be healthy, or dressing so I feel better about myself and more put-together. I feel like she has been more receptive of him since then, but it’s not even been a week so we’ll see.

The day I got back home I stayed up a half hour late, posting pictures to my friend (who lives 500 miles away). The next day, I REALLY struggled with the decision to be upfront and say something; more so than in other instances. I felt disappointed in myself. I had been doing so well. I feel like I focus more on my failures than my achievements. I’m on time nearly all the time, now, but I don’t make a post every night about me being a good girl. If I send a text two minutes late, that’s one thing, but it’s rare for me to be significantly late. In the end, as always, I knew I had to say something, but I didn’t feel good about it.

I saw something today on Memoirs of a Discerning Dom that really helped me, however. He mentioned that his girl broke a rule. Not out of forgetfulness, but on purpose. Because doing the thing she was forbidden to do was more important than obeying. And its possible that she wanted to see how seriously he would take it. She doesn’t disobey because she likes punishment. Neither do I. Sir also always makes sure that my punishments aren’t fun.

It was more important for me at that time to stay connected with my friend, and post pictures of the trip and her special day than it was for me to be in bed. Yes, I could have done it the next day… but I suppose it wouldn’t be the same. I never get to see this girl, and choosing to go to bed was almost like choosing the weekend and the visit to be over, officially. It made me sad; when will I see her again? So I made the choice to extend it, just a bit longer, albeit virtually. But not because I wanted to be punished, or because I hate my Sir. I eventually mentioned to my friend (since she knows about us now) that I really did need to head to bed, and that I would be in trouble, but it was hard.

So after deliberating all of the next day, I told Sir. So now I have to write a 5 page paper on the benefits of sleep and negative effects of sleep deprivation. With sources. Single spaced. It was so fitting that I asked him how long he’d been saving that, but he said he came up with that right on the fly. I’m impressed. Because of my insane work schedule, he’s letting me submit it by this Saturday. Originally I had 3 days, but it I had no time with work and the like, so he extended it. I am thankful and grateful to him for that.

She asked me the next day what happened, and I told her the consequences. Her reply was a bit funny:

I didn’t know there was homework involved, I thought you’d get a light spanking or something.”

I explained to her that it’s not a punishment if you enjoy it. Sir always picks things that are a cumbersome pain in the ass; not things that I necessarily enjoy doing. I'm actually quite academic, but I don't really want to research and write this paper. I don't want to spend the time on it when I could be doing other things. So, I told her that if we’re really going to correct my behavior and choices, there has to be an incentive. It also make me think more about how an outsider, even one who may desire this type of kink views things. D/s to us is more than just sex. We attempt to infuse it into daily lives. We’re happiest this way. I think it will get better once we cohabitate, as does Sir, but only when we’re ready.

4 comments:

  1. I always thought punishments like your writing assignment were very useful, especially in cases where they fit the crime. I'm sure it's something that will not be fun at all, but what's great about it is that it will serve its purpose. And that's great that you're able to talk to your friend about all of this as well now!

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  2. I'm hoping to start tonight, so we'll see. I'm excited for people to know; provided that I can trust them. It makes me feel whole, accepted, and being truthful. I don't like living a lie... or having to lie.

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