Thursday, May 31, 2012

Needing Aftercare

I’ve spent a lot of time on the Internet reading various forums and articles about BDSM activities and such. I’ve come across many on Aftercare. Sir is never remiss in providing aftercare and establishing a safe and warm fuzzy connection after we engage in scenes that are emotionally or physically draining.

For the first time however, I felt like I needed it.

This weekend, Sir left our play bag at his house (thinking my roommate would be home). She wasn’t, so he got creative. Finding a leather belt that I never wear, it has now become his favorite whip (it is a VERY skinny belt). I’d never been truly whipped before. I’d been struck with various implements, and with his hand, and with ropes, but not something that stings like this. While I enjoyed it, and we’re learning my ability to take this type of strain, eventually I did feel…pushed. I WANT to be pushed, explore more things, find out more about myself, and be able to serve Sir in more ways, but this time it was almost nearly too much for me. After the whipping, he continued doing other things which I also enjoy but…

I just wanted to cuddle. I felt like it was a NEED. If I didn’t cuddle, I would cry. I would become unstable, and I could feel this need growing in my chest to the point where it was becoming a physical ache. I was getting anxious.

Once he got me into his arms, I just felt… calmer. He stroked my hair and peppered little kisses on my forehead. I hooked myself into him as much as I could. I recall saying in the past that if I could, I would just crawl right into his chest – that’s how close I felt like I needed to be to him.

This whole experience got me thinking about other forms of aftercare. Yes, cuddling and being cute and close like that is probably my preferred method, but there’s got to be loads of other things, right?

So I got to thinking, researching, and recalling our previous experiences.

Sometimes it’s immediate physical concerns – you’re swelling, bruising, etc. You’re dehydrated/hungry – especially for us hypoglycemics and others with blood sugar issues. You’re cold (I’m always cold -cuddle under the blankets!) Replenishing energy and basic first aid type of stuff (which I’m certified in, should inquire as to his formal training, haha). Or checking areas where you were constricted with rope.

Sometimes it’s talking – how did you feel about that experience? We do this often, especially if something doesn’t go according to plan. Sometimes it takes a day or two – you need time to process and think about what happened. Sometimes it’s thanking Sir – I don’t see evidence of him being quite as vulnerable as I’ve found myself to be, but it’s good to let him know that his attentions are appreciated. If something hasn’t gone to plan, especially if I react badly, he gets VERY upset with himself, and he needs just as much reassurance as I do! Sometimes its not even in his control – I remember a time when I was chained naked in the basement and people came home early; I FREAKED out on him!

Sometimes its re-establishing a close emotional connection. Cuddling and spending time together helps. Other things I was thinking of besides just cuddling that could work:

·Showering/bathing together (a favorite of mine; I love washing Sir)
·Watching a fun movie together (I can see it getting too intense with a serious film)
·Fixing each other’s hair. It’s a great way to feel cared for, and besides Sir, who doesn’t like getting their hair touched?
·Preparing a meal together
·Emails and or text messages after leaving
·Writing – journaling here definitely helps for me!

What other things can you think of? There has to be more!


  1. Aftercare is super super important in my opinion. Your suggestions are great and it shows that there can be such a wide range of what aftercare means to someone.

  2. When me makes me giggle or laugh. That is what helps me the most. And it has to be from *him*, no one else. Also, him petting me, in some way.

    I know a lot of people whose aftercare is to have their own space, and to just let them be. It works the best for them.

  3. i really enjoy laying next to Him and holding His hand... that is my favorite... He lets me hold it until i fall asleep because He is not really a night time cuddler... lol

    1. Aw, I'm glad he gives you his hand, at least! I love cuddling, but I can't really sleep overnight like that - too hard on my back! A cuddlenap is good though.


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