Punishments and Progress

I think I managed to finish my punishment assignment to Sir’s satisfaction. A 5 page, single spaced paper, MLA style except for the single spacing, on the benefits of sleep. I did research on Friday Night, and started writing after work yesterday. I tried to start earlier, but seriously, my life needs to relax a little bit. There’s always something going on. I finished it a little bit after midnight (he said I could stay up to finish it; I was barely on page 5 at 11:57. I proofread it quickly, but I didn’t edit it too much, so he really received the rough rough draft. If he wants me to improve it, I will. It’s a bit odd however. I told Sir yesterday that although writing this paper wasn’t on my top list of favorite things to do, it probably won’t stop me from being late again. I feel horrible thinking this. I did enjoy writing it a little bit; I haven’t written something like that in a long while; I’ve been out of school for a few years now. But it was time consuming and I’d rather have just assimilated the information and left it at that. Why isn’t this enough to make me feel like I won’t be late to bed again? Perhaps I’m just a realist. It seems disrespectful to say that so blatantly to Sir – aren’t I supposed to be contrite? But he does value my honesty to him above all else, so I’m honoring that as well.

Sometimes I think about sharing my written tasks here, but then I feel shy. I’m a harsh critic on myself and the thought of my work not being up to par, and being up for public scrutiny makes me anxious. On the other hand, after working so hard to write something, I almost want to share it because it’s a labor of love. A few assignments I’ve been given included compiling a list of Anime’s for Sir and I to watch together, and a list of SS/HG fanfics that I like to read. Then there was the response to the video he sent. He’s given me smaller tasks, like looking something up and sending it to him. I like having these tasks.

Today is Mother’s Day. I’m currently waiting for my pumpkin pie to finish baking. (Seriously, bake already, I’m laaaate and you’ve been in the oven FOREVER). I’ll be picking up my mother and swinging by my grandmother’s place. I’m excited to see them, and I’m also excited to drop off a big bag of clothes (pants) that my mother asked for. A couple of months ago she mentioned that she needed “new” clothes, and as I have to rid myself of so many pants that I cannot wear, this is a wonderful way to help her out, and re-align my wardrobe to Sir’s liking. Its too hard not to wear pants sometimes if they’re right THERE. I haven’t bought any new pants since we started to change my mode of dress, so that’s something, but I just couldn’t bring myself to throw away perfectly wearable pants. Now they’ll have a home.

I’ll be honest and say that not EVERY pair of pants I own is in the bag. I have a couple for work, and a few that I just couldn’t bear the thought of parting with yet. It’s an oddly emotional thing to rid yourself of items that become personal to you. It really changes your head and who you are. I will be the girl who always wears dresses and skirts. Even if people don’t think of it that way; or in those words, people do categorize others, even subconsciously. Growing up, I was the tomboy who always wore her younger brother’s things. Outward appearance does play a role in what people think of you and your personality. Change is hard.

But I’m looking forward to it!