Rollercoaster BDSM

This weekend had its ups and downs, but overall it was oh so good. I haven’t had much time to spend with Sir as of late; a few hours here, an evening there… but nothing long lasting.

We got that this weekend, and Sir was so very kind to me. I worked 12 hours on Saturday until 9 o' clock, jetted home to eat, take a shower, and pack a few things, and then I made the hour’s drive up to my Dirty Old Man.

Usually when we’ve spent so much time apart, Sir and his not so little sir are anxious to see me and raring to go. I am usually exhausted, like I was on Saturday night. They’re usually ever so persistent and we typically end up reconnecting as soon as humanly possible. Sir wanted to be thoughtful, however, and he let me sleep uninterrupted the whole night, because he said that I needed the sleep more than he needed me at the moment. I am grateful for those restful hours of sleep, and the warm cuddly comfort of his arms that I missed. I just hope that he wasn’t too deprived; I like to meet his needs, and it can be fun when he wakes me up in that special way of his.

In the morning, Sir was quick to make up for lost time. For our anniversary, I gave him some lovely red hemp rope from VenusRopes, and he used it to bind my hair. I always feel so spoiled when he does this, but he assures me he enjoys it just as much as I do. And my hair is growing! I got a 25 foot rope a few months ago, but I probably need to purchase 35 or 40 feet for the length my hair is currently (we’re aiming at the moment to get to at least my hips; right now my hair is just past my nipples).

A picture of my lovely bound hair:

Afterwards, Sir informed me that we would be trying something that we’ve talked about for awhile – gags. We have a problem with gags because I have an abnormally small mouth, and haven’t been able to find a suitable ball gag for me. He used a piece of cut up fabric (a new sock, of all things) and used some athletic tape around my head to secure it. He tried using the athletic tape on its own, but it did not restrict my speech enough. I found this to be extremely uncomfortable, and not in just a strain sort of way. My eyes felt like I had a lot of pressure behind them, my chin was forced down into my neck, my jaw was hurting, and my lips were being forcibly bitten by my teeth. I think most of this was worsened by the fact that my hair was bound; 25 feet of rope is heavy. Sir could see that I was NOT liking this, and after several questions he told me that I could choose to get it removed, but I had to choose right now. On or off.

This made me really upset. I wasn’t in immediate danger. I could breathe. But I did feel uneasy, as though something potentially COULD happen with this strained position. I think now that my response should have been “yellow”, but in the moment I couldn’t think of that. I could only think of the looming choices. Power through this even though I feel uneasy, or make the choice to end it, and thus FAIL at this task.

Failure.

I’ve written about it before, but I have a huge problem with failure. I started to tear up, and eventually my eyes started to leak. I could not bring myself to make the decision to end it, and thus be a failure at this task. Sir misinterpreted my tears (as I could not speak) and thought that we were hitting an unknown limit of mine with the gag. I don’t think this was the case, and I do think we should try again with different circumstances. He decided to cut me free, and I just felt like a wretched pile of human. I just wanted to curl up in a ball of misery in the corner of the bed. Sir did permit me a bit of that; he allowed me to cry it out while he held me and reassured me of everything. Eventually I calmed down.

Then Sir made a really good choice in choosing to continue our session, but choosing a different tack. He chose something else that is new for us; thus giving me an opportunity to succeed at something else. This did take the sting away from my perceived failure (He does not see it as such, and insists that he has much to learn as well).

After a few light warm up swats, he had me lay on my stomach, and he proceeded to spank me. This isn’t something we’ve really done before; it’s pretty new territory for us. I’m VERY new at it, and he has some experience in his previous relationship which was a very long time ago... but for us, I think we’ve tried it once or twice before. I found that I was really enjoying it. The feel of his hand; the sting, him soothing the burn after while stroking my bottom. Then he brought out something I forgot he purchased. I could hear him fumbling around in our play bag, but wasn’t sure for what. And then –

WHAM!

It wasn’t actually THAT hard, but it was much harder than his hand. He had purchased this ENORMOUS paddle while we were together ages ago, and I forgot all about it. I think its original intent was for paddleball or ping pong, but this thing is BIG. He seemed to be enjoying himself, and he said he loved the pretty red color on my ass. He even took a picture, a rarity for him (which I can’t show; he has a rule for me about public nude photos).

When he was done with my backside, he flipped me over and started on my front, lightly swatting my breasts. He enjoys the way it makes me squirm, and the response my nipples have to it; it DOES make them quite sensitive and brings them to attention.

Eventually we reconnected as we’ve been so missing, and it was completely delicious. I missed him, and I needed him; it had been too long. What a crazy good weekend. BDSM does bring out a rollercoaster of emotions.

Oh, before I forget – a picture of this huge paddle:

I think even though it seems large and imposing, all of it doesn't connect upon striking... and that's a lot of air resistance as well!

Also, a picture of it in front of Sir’s head (and he does have quite a sizeable cranium!):

Have a great week!