Sir and I communicate via Fetlife a lot. I'll send him articles or blog posts. Sometimes a kinky event link. He'll send me pictures and questions. It is actually a great way for us to keep in kinky touch when we're not always home at the same times. When one of us has a thought and the other is not around, sending it via Fetlife puts it on the table for later (especially because we both have a bit of forgetfulness in us).
Sir sent me a pretty heady question during one of these conversations recently:
If I were to step up and do the things that go through my mind, would you be able to handle it? Because some of the things that go through my mind are really, really messed up. I don't mean snuff, but it's definitely stuff that would get talked about on the evening news using words like "kidnapping" and "human rights violations".
Part of me got really, really excited about this. About the seeming intensity of what he is alluding to. But another part of me is realistic.
I am NOT ready.
For one, I don't even know that those things in his mind truly are, so how could I know if I was actually ready for them?
For another, we've been very very slowly getting our D/s back on track. We're still trying to piece that back together for us. I feel like we have to learn to crawl again before we can walk. Let alone run!
So, I don't think I'm ready for something like that. I think perhaps with time, yes. But if Sir has a clear idea in his head, I suppose it is up to him to lead me where he wants me to be, especially if he wants to keep me more or less in the dark about his goals.
I think I'm ready for more. But not everything at once.
Hopefully he'll get us there!
Sir sent me a pretty heady question during one of these conversations recently:
If I were to step up and do the things that go through my mind, would you be able to handle it? Because some of the things that go through my mind are really, really messed up. I don't mean snuff, but it's definitely stuff that would get talked about on the evening news using words like "kidnapping" and "human rights violations".
Part of me got really, really excited about this. About the seeming intensity of what he is alluding to. But another part of me is realistic.
I am NOT ready.
For one, I don't even know that those things in his mind truly are, so how could I know if I was actually ready for them?
For another, we've been very very slowly getting our D/s back on track. We're still trying to piece that back together for us. I feel like we have to learn to crawl again before we can walk. Let alone run!
So, I don't think I'm ready for something like that. I think perhaps with time, yes. But if Sir has a clear idea in his head, I suppose it is up to him to lead me where he wants me to be, especially if he wants to keep me more or less in the dark about his goals.
I think I'm ready for more. But not everything at once.
Hopefully he'll get us there!
Some of that more intense, extreme stuff works way better as fantasy than reality. There are ways you can play with "consensual non-consent" stuff, and "rape play" and stuff like that but it requires quite a bit of care, planning, negotiating/discussion, and you'd want to have some very clear limits set for safety reasons. People can get seriously hurt, damaged with the more extreme types of play so you'd want to make sure you both research it, find ways to do it safely, and have plans in place for check-in's/safewords/emergency care in case something did go wrong. It's doable, it's just not something you'd want to jump into blind and inexperienced with that type of extreme play. Research, talk about it, and maybe you can see what might work for you guys?
ReplyDeleteLike Q and I like that kind of stuff, but there's things I've found in the past that have bad effects on me, like yanking my head around by my hair kills my neck (car accident), and being choked/hand on the throat is damned near panic-inducing (touchy about my throat)- so those are right out. But roleplay is mega hot so we toy around with that- him forcing me, me the resistant victim, etc. and it's fantastic. Q checks in with me during the scene to make sure I'm ok and enjoying it, and if I need a breather I have no problem or hesitation about calling "Yellow". Otherwise, we've agreed that slapping (lightly if on the face), shoving, pushing, holding me down, dirty talk/humiliation talk, light hair pulling (long as it doesn't jerk my neck), biting, clawing, me fighting back, knifeplay (carefully and with a blunt knife) etc. are all good. It took us talking about it- saying what we liked, what we didn't, what we wanted, what wouldn't work, etc. to get to the point that we know each other well enough to be able to jump into a scene like that.
So I don't know if "keeping you in the dark" is the best way to go, there...but maybe laying the groundwork together and then keeping the actual timing of the scene itself in the dark might work better safety-wise?
Hi Lea, such great advice above. I agree with you about getting back on track and slowly building up rather than going straight to more intense scenarios.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
Thank you both for your concern. I realize that more intense play requires a lot of these things, it is part of the reason why I believe we are not ready. My issues are that I don't even fully know if it is rape play, or CNC, or what exactly it is he has in his head.
ReplyDeleteWe already have safewords and some other things in check for more extreme play. We've had some intense sessions in the past though we've been pretty tame lately.
As far as being kept in the dark about specifics go... I am okay with that. But I am only okay with that provided that Sir has a clear plan for the things he wants. A clear plan for the baby steps needed to get me where he wants me to be. That would of course involve conversations and research, even if I don't see the bigger picture. I don't want to give anyone the impression that he is going to burst in here and do something extreme... that is so not his style. He has been pretty methodical in the past and cares greatly about my safety and keeping my mental state intact.
But you're right, you can't just jump into something like that, whatever it may be so we have lots of work to do either way.