Saturday, August 25, 2012

Earning, Marks, Punishments

Sir has been much more rigid with me lately... and I need it. I've been slipping, and I need his guidance and control more than ever. I can see him working hard to be the man I need him to be. I've been overwhelmed with work and my home life, and as a result, I've not posted when I should, and I missed a few bedtimes (that I owned up to). In the past, he'd not notice things like that, but he's been more observant, and checks up more.

I now have to send him a photo of my bed (that must be in sleeping shape) every night. I've been lax with that also (though my bed has been kept in shape) He also got me a giant phonebook, and told me to purchase a notebook. I have to copy from that phonebook when I'm being punished. I did 40 minutes today for a myriad of things, and let me tell you, it sucked. Being on the floor in my restrictive collar doing lines really did a number on me. We'll see how it goes for the future.

In the spirit of earning things, I am not permitted furniture in his home until I have earned it. Last night I slept on the floor. He was nice enough to get me an air mattress because of my awful back, but it was bad enough to be 3 feet from him, but alone. I have to earn sleeping in a bed, or using the couch (I sit on the floor). I'm not sure what I have to do to earn it, however. When we were in Pennsylvania, I was particularly and immediately attentive to his needs (drawing his bath, getting his food, giving him a massage, etc. coming in after a long day) and I earned the bed because of it.

Sir also decided that he wants to mark me...permanently. Not permanent now, but in the future. He had an idea that I could earn a piece of his mark, and eventually over the course of time it would be complete. Then he wanted it tattooed on me. I don't mind the idea of the mark, but I do not like the idea of it getting tattooed. At all. I know its not until the future, but it makes me really anxious. I don't know what it looks like, I don't know what it takes to earn it (though I earned one line of it thus far). I don't like the position of it, were it to be tattooed (my left breast). Tattoos are art, and what if I don't like the art? I'm one that is usually very anti-significant other tattoos. This wouldn't be an issue for quite some time, but I'm still nervous about it.

In the meantime, Sir also presented me with the lovely leather bracelet pictured above. It is to serve as my mini collar, that way I have a reminder of who I am, always. I love the idea behind it, but it does take getting used to. I have to remove it to shower, wash my hands, etc. Sometimes, I forget to put it back on after I do so, which is a big no-no. It can also get stuck to my skin when I'm working outside in 90 degree weather. I'm also always looking at it like it's a watch, or grasping at it to use as a scrunchie, and it's neither of those things. I think in a few weeks we'll see how used to it I am.

Back to the floor for me. Sir allowed me to sit in this wooden chair so I could reach the keyboard to post, but he made sure my ass was smarting before he let me sit down!


  1. Master used to make me write lines when I would misbehave. I wound up with such bad hand cramping. At one point I had to write a line 300 times, while going to school, being a mom, and taking care of him in 24 hours. I did it, but barely.

    I would seriously talk to him about the tattoo thing. If you're not comfortable with any part of it, put your foot down. Master suggested one tattoo for me early on in our relationship, and I felt it didn't fit the rest of the tattoos I had planned for me, so I came up with the wrist and ankle bands I'll be getting. He has one symbol on his arm that he's been putting on everything, so I got permission to change it slightly, and that is the slave tattoo I have now, but it was a conversation all the way. When it comes to changing your body, while he has control, you should get a good lot of say.

    1. He has me copy out of the phone book. Once we did x number of lines in x minutes. Now he just has me do minutes.

      If I really don't like it, I don't think I could allow it on my body, no matter how not submissive that sounds. I would have to trust my Sir to know me well enough not to do something I'd be really uncomfortable with. I love my Sir - I do. But that's a huge commitment that I'm no where near ready for. He has no tattoos while I have one, and I think he might not understand where I'm coming from with this. I'll give it time, as it is his wish. Maybe I'll like what it looks like. Maybe we can negotiate location. Maybe by the time it would actually be time for the ink, I'd be ready. Who knows.

  2. Lea,

    i love the bracelet, very cool indeed. In the past Master has said things that He has planned for me "in the future" that completely freak me out. Such as when He told me years ago that He Himself was going to pierce me. i'm not sure if it was a trust thing or what it was but i was just seriously scared. The thing was, He told me, years in advance to get me used to the idea and would occasionally mention how some day i would have a labia piercing and He would be doing the piercing.

    Here's my point, the more He said it, the more i knew He was committed to the idea, the more i knew HE wanted it, the more "i" wanted the piercing. When the day finally came, i couldn't have been more excited or truly wanted it more. i wanted to wear His rings and have Him place them in me. Master was calculated in His planning and knew me well enough to know i would need time.

    i think your Sir giving you a future "heads up" is awesome. This might be his way of helping you wrap your head around the idea of just being a little more owned, one step at a time. It's very beautiful, to me. =)

    1. I'm glad for the perspective you come with. Put that way, it does ease the anxiety. I hope it will all work out for the best.


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