Saturday, November 26, 2016

A Choker

When I was out shopping recently (a necessity for a wedding), it seemed that every store had chokers for sale. On somewhat of a whim, I bought one. I wore it out for Sir's birthday dinner. It is velvet with a round sparkly charm threaded through it.

Since I wore a purple velvet top and a black velvet skirt to dinner, it matched quite nicely.

I also wore it out to a munch this weekend (the first we've attended in about a year).

I found this to be an act of service for a few reasons. One, I don't really like wearing chokers. Similar to how I don't like wearing turtlenecks - constricting on my throat. Secondly, it is something I can wear in public for Sir. We don't have a day collar, and I don't wear a collar around my neck in public. I do have my wristcollar, though.

Sir's response: "Eh, it's okay".

I thought he wasn't in love with it because he likes BIG neck collars. While that may be true, his main reason was different.

"I didn't put it there."

Whoa. He's given me much to think about. Perhaps I was being too presumptuous. My intentions I think were good, but he raised an excellent point. I suppose for now, it will go away unless he deems otherwise.

Thursday, November 24, 2016


Sometimes you can get so wrapped up in everything that is wrong that  you forget to take a moment to have true gratitude for the positive things in your life. There is always something to be thankful for.

What are you thankful for? I'd love to know.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

  • Sir. Sir has been absolutely fantastic. He's my rock, my hero, and my love. He works damn hard to make me happy, sacrifices much and I hope he knows that I feel the same about him.

  • Family. I am blessed to have a big, obnoxious, dysfunctional, loving family. They are in-your-face about everything, including their love and support. It certainly makes for interesting get-togethers.

  • Friends. Though my friends are far away, we always make time for each other. We manage to meet up a few times every year despite being over 500 miles apart. I am starting to meet people in this area and while I would not call them friends yet, I can perhaps see it happening, eventually.

  • Pets. The amount of love and joy given my my little furball and scaley-one is something I am thankful for. The kitty is a cuddler and loves to give affection. I enjoy curling up with him, or having him chase toys around the house. He is a good consoler. The lizard is super cute and has quite a personality of her own. She tolerates baths, but loves a good cuddle (especially next to a warm body).

  • I am thankful for my health. Yes, I have problems. But I can get around on my own two feet, be independent and enjoy physical activities. Not everyone can.

  • I am thankful for our home and life. It is little and there are many like it, but this one is ours. We have a roof over our head where Sir and I can cuddle on our loveseat, play video games, read books and just be ourselves. We have food in our fridge, and heat for this winter. We have working vehicles to get us around, so we can do things, and visit friends and family. Sir and I both have decent jobs that affords us the ability to do all these things.

  • I am thankful for D/s and the community. D/s has brought so much to my life. It brought me and Sir together, and has enhanced our relationship. This blogging community has helped me "meet" some really cool people and have given me a lot to think about in terms of my own submission. Sir and I have started meeting others in our local scene, going to classes and munches, and that's been good for us.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Anxiety... I hope

I've been feeling very odd for the past few days. Anxious. Heart racing. Palpitations. Random pains in my limbs. Pain in my chest (but not my heart). Tingles and numbness. Lightheadedness and dizziness. Not all day, but episodes throughout the day.

I've had panic attacks before; they started when I was 17. I'd have them off and on throughout my adult life. After my dad passed, they got pretty terrible. But they've waned a bit since then.

These aren't what I'd call "full blown" panic attacks. They're sort of like the feelings you get right before you have a full on panic session. But this has been going on for four days now, off and on.

Today, I was volunteering and I got very shaky and lightheaded. I ate my lunch early and that seemed to have helped. I am hypoglycemic, so I am often watching my food intake to make sure my blood sugar doesn't get too low. However, I had eaten my breakfast just about 2.5 hours before that episode. To get so shaky like that after having eating relatively recently is very abnormal for me. It happened again when I got home, about 2.5  hours after I had my late lunch.

I am hoping that I am having some kind of weird anxiety. But part of me is worried that it is something else. What exactly, I am not sure. My sugar issues switching on me, and being diabetic? Thyroid issues? Heart issues (what concerns me the most)? Something else I haven't/don't want to really think about yet?

I have a doctor's appointment in two weeks. I am hoping I can hold out until then. Obviously if the symptoms get worse or extreme, I'd go to the ER or Urgent Care, but right now that seems like overkill. But I'm scared, and it all ties in to my panic issues.

And I know it is scaring Sir. Yesterday, he was going to go gaming, but he chose to stay home so I didn't have to be alone. I felt awful. I don't want him to miss out on things because I can't get my feelings under control. On the other hand, I absolutely feel more secure knowing he is there. He seriously is my knight in shining armor, and knowing that he was willing to do that just for me... well I just want to jump all over him and hug him.

Hopefully this will pass, at least until my doctor's appointment.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Birthdays and Loving Our Lurkers

Two celebrations this week.

Sir's Birthday, and Love Our Lurkers!

Sir and I had just a little celebration for his birthday after he got home from work. I sent him off with a good breakfast and a gift (new Kindle!) in the morning.

When he got back from work, we went out for sushi! There was also this really nifty flower made out of carrots.
When we got home, we had cake (Sir's favorite is ice-cream cake)

Happy Birthday, Sir!

I also want to take a minute to say "Thank you" to everyone who stops by my blog. It definitely helps me to feel less lonely in this kink world. Today is Love Our Lurkers - a day to appreciate those who read, even if we're not always aware of who they are. Thank you!

Thank you, readers!

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