Monday, August 22, 2016

Cocktail, Sir?

Sir and I had a good weekend at the beach and visiting my family - my uncle, cousins, and goddaughter. Some of them are easier for him to take than others, but I'm glad he came.

The beach is my happy place. Something about floating with the waves beyond the breakers, the scent, the sounds of the waves crashing... it just leaches all the stress right from my body. By the end of the day, I felt lighter. I could breathe deeper and I had that soul-fulfilling tiredness that isn't exhaustion; it's just truly being calm and ready for a great night's sleep.

My brother invited me to go with him to the beach next week as well. I have two days off so why not! It will also be an opportunity for my mom, him (and his wife and kiddos), and me to all take a vacation together since my dad passed away. Doing that is something we've talked about for months now, so we're going to make it happen even if just for a few days.

Sir had a second interview today, and he feels really good about the interviews for this company. They already invited him for the third round of interviews - this is fantastic news. The job is just over an hour from our place, so we wouldn't have to move right away and we'd have time to really get back on our feet.

When Sir came home tonight from the interview, I fixed him a cocktail. He of course made a joke about a cocktail that he could give me instead, but is happily sipping his drink and unwinding at his desk. Sir is not a big drinker, but I suppose there is something to be said for that kind of relaxation after a long day. And the process of fixing him a drink that takes just a tiny bit more effort brought out those happy submissive feelings for me.

Keep your fingers crossed for him!

Thursday, August 11, 2016

What's My Motivation?

I was reading Mala's blog awhile ago and something she said just stuck with me.

She was talking about how she, herself is sometimes just not a good enough reason to keep some of her shit together, like weight.

I feel like that sometimes, too. That if were solely just for myself, I'd say fuck it on a lot of things, especially when stressed. Probably the first thing to go is weight and eating habits. Food is a large part of my coping skills; I guess I'm not sure still how to function otherwise without cracking.

Cleaning is another one of those things. I let it go, and probably would have let the house accumulate filth if not for the fact that Sir lives here too. I mean, I enjoy a clean house, but I am definitely cleaning more for him lately than I am me. I think part of it is the knowledge that he sees me letting it go. If there were no one else to see it, I would have let it continue to devolve.

I need Sir to take control of these things, apparently they can get too much for me. Maybe just to check in on them, make me feel accountable.

We have just been inundated lately with a host of crap thrown our way. Car problems, dental issues, attempted insurance terminations, benefits being taken away. I am just hemorrhaging money and while Sir is interviewing, he does not have work at the moment. I feel like I have the world on my shoulders at times, and I guess I need more management.

Sir is understanding. He knows I am busting my ass. He knows the past few weeks in particular have had a multitude of awful situations converge. Today, he asked me if I could fold the laundry that is sitting my hamper (which has been there for at least a week), so that he could take my dirty laundry, put it in there, and start the wash for me. My response: "Can I just sit for a minute?" I had just gotten home. And he let me. I get the reasoning. I've been at work all day, outside in this 90+ heat in a thunderstorm with a bunch of rammy children. It had been a long day. And I was the one who asked. But, there my laundry sits, still unfolded in the hamper, 4 hours later (we ended up putting my dirty stuff in his hamper so he could take it down). I think if he had said, "No, fold it now." I would have had more motivation to actually give a crap and do the damn thing.

Just doing it for myself doesn't seem to be a good enough of a reason.

I'd re-started MyFitnessPal recently. But with everything going on, I've stopped and have been coping with food again. I guess my own self isn't a good enough reason to get back on track with my health and fitness goals. But perhaps Sir is? I just don't know if he really cares about that. He doesn't seem to mind my current appearance.

Maybe I can get my brain to start doing these things for him, even if unasked by him?

Monday, July 25, 2016

Close that Damn Drawer!

I am cautiously optimistic that I may be starting to feel better. I went to another dentist today to get a second opinion. Funnily enough, he agreed with my first dentist and said unfortunately, it is just going to take time for the antibiotic to kick in. But at least I know the tooth won't need to be pulled and that the root canal looks okay. I'm just alarmed by how painful it is. He said there was an abscess  under the root and now that the infection was exposed to oxygen, it was multiplying and causing that painful pressure. The other canal *was* overfilled, he agreed, but that shouldn't be causing the pain.

The pain was pretty intense all day. Only now does it seem that the medication is starting to have an effect. I hope it continues this trend. I have to say, Sir has been absolutely wonderful. He cancelled his weekend plans, called my family and just took care of me, even if that meant rubbing my back while I cried, or letting me drool on him while I "slept" (I regret the drooling part; I definitely wasn't trying to!). He sure is a keeper.

Sir told me today that he is going to have to enact a new rule soon. Apparently, I don't close drawers. Or doors. And it drives him crazy. I know I have that habit, especially when I'm in a rush. I guess it is something I am going to have to work on.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Teeth : (

Air-conditioning has been a godsend, not only for me coming home as one giant sweat gland, but also for sexytime.

In other news, my teeth suck, and are acting up again. I had two- TWO root canals on Friday. One of them is fine. The other one is just agonizing, and my dental practice doesn't seem to care about the level of pain that I am in. I've had root canals before. I know there's some discomfort, but I am literally curled up into a ball crying my eyes out from the pain. It is alarming to Sir. My job sent me home today, since I was just useless. I've called the dentist twice yesterday. I tried calling again this morning (no one picked up). Since I left work early, I showed up in their office. They took an x-ray, poked the tooth (which caused me to scream and jump) and then gave me a prescription for a higher form of antibiotic. That will take at least a day to work and reduce the pain, if at all. I also saw my X-ray and it is clear that they overfilled the root canal and the gutta percha (the stuff the put into the canal) is actually leaking outside of the bottom of my root. This is what I believe is causing the pain, but they're saying its an infection, hence the increased antibiotics.

For the two root canals on Friday, they gave me Motrin. Motrin! Which didn't do much. When I called to tell them this, they gave me Tylenol-3. The Motrin does better for me than that stuff. I am starting to reach the end of my rope with this pain. I am not a pain wimp as Sir can attest to, so me having such a negative reaction is honestly scaring him. He's used to me just sucking it up and going about my day. I am trying to reign it in since I don't want to worry him, but sometimes it is just difficult.

At work this morning, I was having a full-on cry fest (while trying not to) until someone else came into the office. Even then, it was difficult to hold it in. Luckily my coworkers are awesome and got coverage for me so I could go home/see the dentist.

I'm about to take my last medicine dose of the night. Praying this starts working and that I see some relief soon.
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