Sir's Brand of Kindness

Sir has me pinned to the bed. Held down at his mercy as I wiggle and struggle to no avail.

He gets both of my hands pinned with one of his, and reaches back with his other hand in a move that is both hilarious to witness in its contortion, but sexy in its dominance.

I realize that look in his eye.

"Sir, please. No.... not the sock off your foot!"

He was kind.

He got up and gagged me with a clean sock.

This Photo is Love

 

This photo is love.

Looking at it, I am immediately swimming in affection for this man.

The beach is not Sir's thing.

But it is absolutely *my* thing. 

Any beach, even a lake beach, has some sort of restorative power to me. After a visit, even just a couple of hours, I am happier, and relaxed.

So Sir came with me to the beach last weekend. I definitely needed it. And though it's not really his thing, there he is.

And that is love.

Depression and Not Feeling Kinky

Last night while I was sleeping, Sir sent me a message via Fetlife. That is typically how we communicate about kinky things in our relationship. So if I see a Fetlife message from him, I know right away the general gist of the content, as opposed to him sending a regular email or the like.

It made me so pleased! We've had a rough go of it lately.My caregiving duties for my mother have steadily ramped up and up and up - and as the depression and despair creeped in, I made less and less time for myself, and for us. It's one of the reasons why I haven't been writing here as often, I think. I've been going to therapy for over a year now, and it's helped tremendously. I'm now also on a medication that while is not prescribed for depression, is definitely helping in that regard. Conversely, my mother has needed even more attention in the past year. She's been hospitalized twice, and is currently in skilled nursing. We're not sure if she will be able to go home, and since she is not handling her situation herself (though she *is* capable) its being dumped into my lap. Which is how she usually operates. With all that going on, I just haven't made time for me. I haven't felt "like me" in awhile.

The other reason for the lack of writing is that to be frank, there wasn't that much kink going on *to* write about. Sir has also been having a rough go of it. He was unemployed for the last 14 months. For Sir, his sense of self-worth and confidence is definitely tied to his career. So being unemployed (through no fault of his own), really tanked his self-esteem. And that tanked his ability to be dominant, or even *feel* dominant. 

Last month, he accepted a job offer for a true unicorn job in his field. And in the weeks since, I've seen his demeanor improve so much! He is definitely less depressed, more confident and I felt like he was starting to feel more dominant as well. Him reaching out last night proves that, I think.

I am so ready for that. I miss that side of him, and I miss us.

The Wait

 I sit in our office, in my customary computer chair. Sir sits in his. We are side by side.

He tells me to close my eyes. I feel him place a very comfortable blindfold over my face.

A gift, he says.

He is going to conduct a test.

And then... I wait.


At first, I fidget in my seat, slightly. Subtle movements of my limbs, stretching my fingers. Wiggling my hips.

I swing my legs, as if I am a child.

Eventually, I spin my chair around. I feel Sir's presence approach me. Steady hands firmly stopping my chair, and pressing it back to the wall, so I can no longer spin. He says nothing, but the message is clear.

He has not told me I cannot speak, but with his silence, I feel the weight of the blindfold over my lips in addition to my eyes.

Eventually, I relax.

In this moment, there is nothing I need to do. Nowhere else I need to be. Nothing to be responsible for.


All I have to do, is wait.

Subtle BDSM in Our Wedding

 So, at our wedding a few weeks ago, Sir and I wanted to incorporate somehow, in a subtle manner, some of the, ahem, *other* elements of our relationship. I of course wore my wristcollar, as I do everyday. But we wanted something more.

So, we decided to do a handfasting. Sir made the cords himself from bondage rope, and he attached charms to represent us both.

They really are just... beautiful.

The funny thing is, when the minister asked us for our cords before the ceremony, she remarked to the rest of the group, "Oh, don't worry, it's not for anything kinky..."

Reverend, if you only knew. (She probably does.)