Not Feeling It

Lately I’ve been lacking in my submissive duties. I just don’t feel very submissive. Sir and I aren’t getting ANY alone time – we’re always with other people or at a social event. I’ve let things slide, and I know my mindset is way off. I’ve been craving a firmer hand.

I need him to keep me in line. I know that I’m not where I should be, but I also have no desire to straighten myself out – making sure I get to bed on time (even if I have a really good reason not to), making sure I update this journal on time, addressing sir properly. Even just the way I interact with him. I’ve been cranky and bossy. I’ve been half-assed in our conversations.

I missed posting last night. We both knew I would. I was at his house too late, and I had to drive home and I wouldn’t have even been home on time for bed, let alone to post. He almost took my excuses and let me get away with it. Almost. But I could have posted earlier in the week. Sir lets me slide way too much. I suppose I should curb my excuse giving, but they’re in my head anyway and he wants to know what I’m thinking. So I am hoping that he’ll develop a stronger will when it comes to me so he can have a firmer hand. He needs to hold me to a higher standard if I am to hold myself to his standards.

Consequently, I am to write a post here this night and for the following three nights. Friday I have to travel to Connecticut for a weekend meeting, so he’s not holding me to that, as that’s out of my control.

I’m hoping that we can keep up or rekindle our D/s side of things, as I am craving it. I was slightly out of line yesterday at a party, and very subtly he put his hand in my hair and tugged. No one knew, no one saw anything, but it thrilled me. It gave me the right headspace, and it was the jolt that I needed to get back on track. I need more of that. Hopefully these assignments will help.