I think everyone has the tendency to plan and picture something out in their head before it actually happens. It’s usually either the best of outcomes or the worst, never actual reality. It took me a while before I would actively think about what being blindfolded for him would be like. I’m aware that out of a list of kinks, being blindfolded is quite vanilla. However, I wanted to write about real life and how realities set in. Usually, when I would imagine these scenarios, I would be bound. I would be servicing him, or he would be doing unseen things to me, and it always ended in a nice clean fashion, all smiles (at least at the very end).
The first time he blindfolded me (awhile ago) started off very nice. I was eager as this was new territory for us, and sometimes I think I am a little bit greedy for his attentions. I had time to revel in my sight being taken away. I could take in all the sounds. I would try to anticipate what would be coming. When it came to servicing my Dirty Old Man, I was happy. I wondered how it would be different than usual. I did not consider, however, how it would be exactly the same.
I have a bit of a problem when it comes to fellatio. It’s not that I don’t want to do it. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it. It’s not even that sometimes my neck and mouth get tired. I like doing it. I enjoy making my partner feel good, and this act is a wonderful form of service that often makes me feel quite submissive. When I get tired, I do my best to continue and concentrate on him, though I think I need a bit more practice. It’s also a bit of a turn on for me. My actual problem - it’s the big finish.
I hate semen.
I hate the way it tastes. I hate its somewhat sudden arrival into my mouth. And most of all, I hate its texture. It’s like someone has just hawked a giant loogie into my mouth. I think it’s the texture that really kills it for me. It makes me gag. Every. Single. Time. I’m trying to work on controlling my reactions, but I don’t think I’ve made much progress lately. My big step was being able to take ejaculate in my mouth. Usually, I would just finish using my hands. But since that milestone, I’ve not been able to progress.
So, as all good things come to an end, the Dirty Old Man and I are finishing up. I know it’s coming. I am mentally preparing myself. I was able to handle the past few times really well at the end. This time will be fine, right?
Despite myself, I started gagging, which for the first time, turned to a little bit of vomiting. No problem, I’ll just hop right up to the garbage, or run right into the bathroom. Oh wait, I can’t see a damn thing, and now I’m panicking and tripping a bit. I believe my hands were also bound behind me at the time; I couldn’t take the blindfold off. The Dom caught on and helped me out, but I ended up being extremely embarrassed. I felt disgusting and I was worried that I ruined what should have been a pleasurable experience for him. I think I even cried a bit.
Now, I can laugh a little while thinking about it. I think about how silly I must have looked with puffed up chipmunk cheeks doing a circular dance and tripping. But the reality of something doesn’t always mesh with expectations.
Since then I’ve had other chances to be blindfolded that have balanced out this occasion. I find the Dirty Old Man to be very creative and inventive at times. The most recent instance involved my metal nail file of all things. It was lovely, and made me want to continue exploring loss of this sense.
I think it’s just important to think more about Risk Management. Follow Murphy’s law, and try your best to be prepared. Sometimes there are situations that you wouldn’t have considered, but believe me, since that experience, we’re ready for this situation every time. Sometimes no one can teach you as well as life experience. There really isn’t a manual or a Google prompt for this sort of thing!