Reintroducing Rules

Sir is bringing the D/s side of our relationship back, one step at a time. The first step he re-implemented is my bedtime. I'm already in bed, and it's lights out in a few minutes.

As we bring back the fundamentals of our relationship, I wonder:

How much initiative should I be taking?

Sir has let me know that he is going to expressly state what rules and rituals are being re-implemented, so there is no confusion. This is helpful so I don't have to wonder. But before he said that tonight, I was thinking about trying to follow our previous rules on my own.

I wonder if that is really my place. I believe it is a nice gesture to Sir, and he would appreciate the effort, but if I break a rule where's the accountability? To follow a rule that isn't being assessed, and then break it - would a punishment be acceptable? How would I inform Sir of my actions? How could I be sure I'm not taking too much on at once? I almost broke back in October, because of work and vanilla life, and I couldn't  handle D/s on top of it.

I suppose this is one of those times that I should leave this up to Sir and trust his judgement, instead of trying to anticipate what he wants. I definitely want our old rules back, but going from no rules to all of the rules would probably be overkill at this point.

Other rules of ours that I think I could handle next are dining out etiquette (Sir sits first, even if that means I'm standing around waiting for him, and he chooses my meals), and dress code (no pants; only skirts or dresses). I've purchased more work skirts, but in the time without our rules, I have reverted a bit in the pants department.

Waiting for his directives regarding those and others might be my best bet at this point. I am hoping that he is more diligent and creative this time around. But experience is the best teacher, so I'm looking forward to round two!

Wicked 2013

Wicked Faire was awesome. It was Sir's first time, and I'm happy to say that he's very excited for next year, and has even taken a more active interest in Fetlife. We went to some workshops, got some new toys and advice, and had a good time.

One of my favorite things of Faire:

Hello, Ball Pit!

Next year, I just hope that Sir is up to more during the late night. By the time we left Voltaire's show on Saturday night, Sir was DONE. I'd have liked to stay, have some drinks and dance a bit. Or at least return to our room for sexytime. But, I understand that Sir is not used to such an all day, active event.

We went to a rope workshop together on Sunday, and I found out that I really enjoyed doing the ties. I'm not sure that I really enjoy restraining someone, but I really enjoyed crafting a harness. Its just so... pretty. Sir was a good sport during the workshop, but I don't know what it would take for him to let me try it outside of the class.

We're thinking about going to the Geeky Kinky Event, but I'm not sure if I could get the time off work. Plus, even going to the kink events and booths at Wicked made me anxious, and that would be multiplied 100-fold at the GKE. I suppose I've still some fear of being "out there", but I do want to connect with other kinky people, so I need to get over myself.

Going to Wicked Faire does help though. It's not a full on kink event, so I suppose its more like a "gateway" event. Perhaps more exposure is what I need to calm my nerves at being a newbie.

D/s is back!

Reporting to you live from Wicked Faire. It's been months since Sir decided it would be best for me if we put our D/s on hiatus. This weekend marks us rekindling that aspect of our relationship. Last month, on our 2 year anniversary, we did have some very slight bondage of my breasts, but other than that, we've been vanilla for 4 months.

I'm nervous and excited - I really want this part of our relationship back, but I know its going to be very difficult for me to get back into the right headspace, and follow directives without thinking about myself first.

Yesterday he called and told me to print the schedule (I couldn't because I don't have a working printer). But I did get into a little huff about it - annoyed that on top of all the other things I had to do to be ready, I had to cram this in as well. I stopped myself, luckily. What I should have been thinking is how doing this simple task would be a service to Sir and make his life easier, which was probably his intent. It's just hard to change one's thinking after going back to being very autonomous and outspoken.

That being said, I'm excited. We're here. And if you're here too, let me know - I'm up for meeting up!

While on Hiatus

Sir and I have put our D/s relationship on hold for the past few months. It's been odd being on hiatus. It has made me appreciate some of the freedoms that I currently have, ones that I've taken for granted in the past and really put into perspective how choosing to put certain things in his control shows a respect to him and our dynamic.

I find that while I'm not adhering to the strict bedtime he's given in the past, I'm still getting to bed at a decent hour. I do wear pants more to work because of the convenience. I am a bit more free in my teasing with him as well. I make more of my own non-work decisions, which I've found odd.

One thing I've really appreciated about this hiatus is the chance to see what our relationship would be like all vanilla. And it's refreshing to know that even vanilla, I like us as a couple. I enjoy Sir's company, and I want to be with him. I do miss the D/s at times, however. We're going to slowly be re-introducing D/s into our relationship in a few weeks.

Things at my job have improved. I got up the nerve to quit, and upon doing that, they essentially offered me a promotion. I decided to take it because I was going to quit anyway and I could at least give this a shot, and keep my income. I've been at it for almost two weeks now. It's the same pay but way less after work hours. Thus far, much less stress as well. I'm hoping it will stay this pleasant and allow me to focus on our relationship more.

Sir and I will have our 2 year anniversary in just a couple of weeks. That seems unreal to me - I feel like it was just yesterday that we met!

Hey out there. I'm still alive, still kicking it one day at a time. The past month has been really rough with this new job. I've gone back and forth many times about resigning or staying. I've attempted to resign twice, but got talked into trying to stick it out. Today was a more or less good day, and it gives me small hope. Plus, the paycheck isn't too shabby now that I'm finally getting one!

In the meantime though, I am extremely overworked, exhausted, and stressed. I get to work around 7:30a, and usually stay until after 5, and then I do more work when I get home. I also work on Saturdays. It's killing me a little. Because of this, Sir decided that we should put our D/s on hold. I understand where he's coming from, because honestly, I can barely keep my head above water here without adding additional demands, but... I miss it. I'm sad that its not a part of us right now. It's an added layer in me thinking about the career that I want.

We also have plans to move, in the next year or so. I need to save up a lot in order to do this, and maybe if I can stick this out for a while, and take the suffering a little bit, the payoff will be the things I need to achieve those goals. I need a job where when I go home, I'm done. No extra things, just relax until the next day. Maybe next  year?