Saturday Bruises

Saturday was a good day. Day off! We went to visit Sir's mother in the hospital (she had back surgery). I'm glad I was there. Sir's mother is honestly one of the nicest, most wholesome, good people out there. (How she ended up with her two deviant kids, we'll never know, lol) While there, she said I could "liberate" anything I wanted from her garden. I am trying to spruce up my backyard. It's sort of a moot point now, since we're moving in together in TWO MONTHS! But, I can still enjoy the yard this summer at least. We're having a barbecue on Friday, so I want it to be nice, also.

When we got back to Sir's place that afternoon, we ended up having privacy! I actually haven't been to his place in a few months; he usually comes here to escape the chaos. Sir "encouraged" me to take a nap by rubbing my hair. I eventually crawled into his bed. He woke me up sweetly with kisses. As he was kissing me, he was lamenting the fact that our play bag was at my house (and I didn't bring it to his house, since I didn't think we'd have a minute alone).

So he improvised. Nicely, playfully at first. Just tapping my butt with his hand. Over time, each blow got harder, as his hand traveled around my ass, down my calves, up my thighs, and around my back.

Then I heard him unzip his pants. And jingle his belt around. I've actually never been struck with his belt before, there are always other... implements.

He started lightly, testing. He progressed to harder blows. Doubling the belt has more of a thuddy impact. Using the end is more stingy.

"Take off that dress".

It was more stingy after that.

He picked me up, pulling me by my hair, swatting at my breasts. I feel more vulnerable and submissive when he focuses on my front. When he focuses on my back, ass and behind my legs, I feel more... protected. I also feel like it's more for me, since I enjoy pain there. Holding me in place, he slapped and slapped at my breasts. Then he pushed me on the bed. Whee! That part was fun and bouncy.  He didn't let me be silly for long though.

"On your back, hands behind your head."

Just that tone, I knew he meant business.

Laying there, completely exposed, hands behind my head... I definitely went into subspace. I just felt...open. Almost too open, but everything is laid bare for him. My hands aren't there to "protect" me. He slowly wound his belt around his hand. Intently looking into my eyes, he struck my breasts. Slowly at first - it wasn't so bad. With each blow, I felt more and more submissive. I don't enjoy breast pain. Well, that's not actually true, I DO enjoy it - but I'm scared of it too. I suppose because I feel more vulnerable. So with each slap of the belt I felt that I was giving more and more to him.

Sir finally decided enough was enough and had to enter me. This entire scene was just... intense. It doesn't seem intense writing it, but living it was just heady. And more so as we joined. Sir manipulated my legs, holding them against his shoulder as he saw fit. Having him physically manipulate my body with his hands (he usually leaves my limbs free or binds them with rope/cuffs) made me feel more submissive, more succumbing to his needs, more of use to him sexually. I suppose its because his control is more apparent. And those positions allow him to get so deep, it actually hurts as he hits the cervix. But I was reveling in it for a bit. Apparently I was saying "ow", but when he asked me if I wanted him to stop, I didn't want him to! I liked the pain from him. Eventually he decided I had enough, and switched my legs. Then used them both on his shoulders. Once he was done with my legs, he pushed back and grabbed for the belt again, continuing to strike at my breasts. He grabbed at the back of my head, pulling my hair up.

"Whose are you?"

"I'm yours!"

"That's right, you're my submissive bitch."

"Yes, sir!"

"Say it - you're my submissive bitch."

"I'm your submissive bitch, Sir!"

I ended up repeating that for him over and over like a mantra as he pulled my hair and belted my breasts.

When it was over, I was definitely down in space. I remember crying, though I didn't feel sad. I just couldn't stop leaking from the face. He was sweaty and I just wanted to revel in his skin. Sir says I get particularly clingy (he says this as a good thing) after we try something new or something is intense. I remember the shadows of his ceiling fan being very interesting.

We ended up taking a shower, and Sir saw that he had left a mark on my breasts. He marks me often, but the redness of my ass, or the lines from the whip usually fade in a few hours. He's ambivalent about the marking. I think he doesn't like that he put it there, almost like he "really" hurt me. He didn't!

I love it. It's not even a big mark, it's a little baby bruise. It's tiny. I like looking at it knowing that he put it there. That I gave it up for him, and took it as his good little submissive.

See? It's itty-bitty. It kind of looks like a heart. There's a barely noticeable second bruise above it and the most superficial of abrasions. I've certainly had worse, and at least this was fun, and I got to do it for him!

Thank you, Sir. I'm your submissive bitch. I'm not going to forget!

Big News!

It's official! Sir got the position he was aiming for (I knew he'd be a shoe-in).

We are moving to Pennsylvania in two months.

We are moving in together.

Make Me

I've been pretty sick.

Its been crazy busy at work, planning and running an event last week. Once it was over, I immediately came down with a head/chest cold.

I've not been feeling particularly sexy, and I'm pretty under the weather.

That really did not matter to Sir this morning. Last night, he started to initiate romance and apparently I wasn't cooperating (I was sleeping). This morning he decided that It. Was. Happening.

Feeling unsexy, sick, and tired, I wasn't so into it at first, but the fact that he had made this decision regardless of how I was feeling was actually appealing. Lucky for me, Sir was determined that my body would agree with him. I suppose though, I wouldn't want to be with Sir if he would disregard my pain and health by not making sure I was "ready".

I've been really susceptible to infection lately, so just going for it gets me pain and a trip to the doctor on the regular, which I hate. I'm hoping that I'll  not need a trip to the doctor this week. I also hope the Sir won't need the doctor by picking up my germs.

In other news, I've been deferring to Sir more when it comes to decision making. I came to him last week regarding my finances. Sir and I are saving up for something big. I am receiving a sizeable work stipend for overtime at the end of this week. I didn't know if I should just throw it towards our savings, or possibly pre-pay some of the expenses we'll encounter with our new plans. So, I deferred to Sir. He made some really good points.

If I pre-pay some expenses, those funds are now tied up. And if something bad happens and we need emergency money, it won't be there. We can always pay those expenses as we go. He also insisted that I take some of the stipend and do/get something nice for myself because he says I deserve it and have been working really hard. I'm not sure exactly what to do for myself, but I've been kicking around a few ideas:

A mani/pedi
A massage
A bicycle from Craigslist (I really want a bike)
A cockatiel (this won't happen but its a lovely idea)
Some kind of fun event
A SIMS game
A food scale
A new dress

Maybe Sir will help me with these ideas, too. 

Keeping Up Our Dynamic

It has been a good few weeks for us, D/s wise.  Sir has been using every spare moment we have alone to the fullest.

The other day, Sir wasted no time in binding me facedown on the bed. He likes to play with me by making me guess what implements he'll be using. Previously, he laid his possible choices on the bed in my line of sight. This time I had to guess only by feel. The texture of the implement, how thuddy or stingy it was, the size and shape. It was fun to guess! I would say I got about 80% of them correct. Our thin purple paddle, the new barbecue pervertable, the metal backscratcher, the giant ping pong paddle, A really thin shoelace, a piece of rope, the leather belt he loves so much, his huge warm hands. The Wartenberg wheels. Having me try to figure out which was which was difficult. And wax. How I love and loathe the wax. 

The half-hazard pattern he used really did a number on me. Previously, he's only caked my spine, but not being able to anticipate where it would fall has its merit too. Also, that photo doesn't do justice to the amount of wax he used. I had to crop my butt out of the photo (per his rules), but let me tell you, there was wax, everywhere.

Sir really has gotten me to "let go" the past couple of times we've been together. I'm usually very nervous of being overheard, but twice now, I've let my pleasure loose in a continual screaming release that I'm SURE the neighbors heard (Oh well, as long as they don't bring it up, I don't have to be embarrassed.. that's what I tell myself). Sir says that this makes him feel awesome, and he really likes it when I can let loose like that. It's not something I'm actively thinking about, however. I guess it has a lot to do with how safe I feel, how much privacy we have, etc.

As a sidenote, since March I've made an active effort to eat better, exercise, and drop some weight, and seeing those photos... it shows! (at least to me). I've dropped 15 lbs thus far and I think today, posting these pictures is the first time that I've actually been able to see a difference.

Back on track- I feel like we're making progress in our D/s, even if its solely in NOT letting it lapse. We're making more time for it. It's not just about play, or sex or scenes either. Its about everyday service. Sir got really sick last weekend and though I'm not happy that he was ill, I was able to best serve him by making decisions about his food choices, getting him the rest, nutrition, ice packs, medicine that he needed, and making him use it. I was happy to take care of him, and be useful to him in that way. Even if that requires me being "in charge" - that's okay. Because I am in charge... of making my Sir happy, healthy, and serving him as best I can. And if that means he will eat room temperature ginger ale and thin soup, and put the ice pack on, and NOT drive home when he is too weak, that's what it means!

Spread it

When Sir and I went to Pennsylvania a couple of weeks ago, he surprised me with a handmade gift!

I mentioned being interested in spreader bars, so he fashioned these together for me! Trying them out, I definitely like them. I'm actually wondering if we could get a 4th that is just a bit bigger.

Fun bit: Sir's mom happened to see them and asked what he was making. He told her he was making  tiered plant holder for me to prevent the cat from eating all my plants. Genius!

(Now I really need a plant basket holder though).

Spread it! 

TENS Units

Today, Sir and I were at CVS Pharmacy picking up my vitamins and back cream (like the old people that we are), and right next to the back cream were:

TENS units.

TENS UNITS! In CVS. I don't know why I didn't realize this was something you could purchase over-the-counter. They weren't even THAT expensive (though we didn't get one today). I suppose because I received treatment in a medical office, and the only other exposure I've had to one is through BDSM, I thought it was something we'd have to order special online.

We're saving our pennies up for something big, but once that's done we need to head back to CVS!

Tastes, Rules, and Getting Better

Sir had me complete a BDSM checklist this weekend. We did a checklist when we had first started seeing each other, over 3 years ago. He didn't find the same list we used the first time (though I just found it now and sent it to him), but even just thinking about it, it's interesting to see what has changed.

The experiences we've had together is nice to note as well as the increased knowledge. When we first started, there were a lot of items that Sir had to explain to me. Now, with just a couple of exceptions I understood what nearly the entire list was asking.

Its interesting to note there are things that I need - that are essential to our relationship that I cannot do without (taking orders, general submission, receiving assorted pain). There are more things that I am willing to try.

And though Sir didn't fill it out, it started a good dialogue and brought out his desire for heavier metal bondage pieces like chastity belts (which I knew about) and bondage fiddles (which was new to me).

As far as rules go; they've been pretty light. I no longer have a bedtime rule. I no longer have a texting when I get to work rule. It's not that these things aren't important; its more that they're no longer an issue. Even if I go to sleep past 11 pm once in a while, I'm generally really good now about getting decent sleep. I'm not staying up working until 2-3 am and getting up at 6 everyday. So, because it is not a need, it is not a rule. I think that's fair. Though I think I could benefit from some sort of bedtime rule; perhaps a texting rule, even if that text gets sent at  10:12, 11:59, or 12:30.

We don't have a mandated blog post rule either - though I think I could benefit from that. Even if it's not a rule per se, and more of a designated time where I am instructed to either write in my blog or read posts. I have not been making time for it, and honestly I miss it. I miss reading about you guys, I miss the sense of community. I also feel better about my submission when I actively think and reflect on it, and this is the best medium for that.

I've generally been keeping my house/bedroom clean. There are times where it gets much, but I've gotten better. I could probably use some more rules on this. As well as keeping my bed to Sir's standard. While I have gotten better, he and I both know that it is not all the time. I have a full size bed and I sleep alone when he's not here. So the other side of the bed accumulates things. Books, clothing, just... stuff. Sometimes I put it away. Sometimes I don't. 

I've been pretty good about being ready when Sir and I have to go somewhere, or if he's meeting me.

The unofficial rules:

Dress. I keep to his dress code 95% of the time. He's not ever officially reinforced it. I don't purchase any new pants for myself. I've given most of mine away. But I do have probably about 4 pairs of real pants left (I have some workout pants, but I generally don't wear those other than to bed). I struggle with getting rid of the last pairs of pants. I also have shorts. We'll see what he thinks.

Hair. I am still keeping my hair long and actively growing it out. A couple of months ago I went to get a trim and a bit too much was trimmed off for either of our liking. Though I like the style itself, next time I will be much more explicit inches-wise on what I want. Since he was there, I didn't get punished. He knows I didn't do it on purpose. On the plus side, it is much healthier.

Sir generally does order food for me when we go out. If I know he is unduly stressed (such as this weekend with his interview), I ask if he would prefer me to choose for myself so as to make things easier on him. He was honestly just a breath away from freaking out and I wanted him to be able to stay in control. Though, I do wonder if keeping to that might give him something else to think about instead of things that were making him anxious.

I generally remember not to sit when we go out to eat until he has seated himself.

I have a proper sleeping collar now which I adore. It is comfortable and lovely and I just <3 it. I wear it when I can, which is not as often as I'd like. When it isn't available, we use the old one, which is actually an animal collar.

We've not quite gotten totally vanilla; Sir has been good about subtle things, touches and the like to keep me in line. We just haven't had much privacy lately.

Its the same thing about how I think we can have some D/s long distance, and Sir has difficulty unless we're face to face. But at least this time, we haven't gone totally vanilla. I guess it's just under the surface. I think I would like him to give me more tasks to do when he is not around, but I don't want to explicitly tell him what to do.

All in all however, I feel really good about us, and about our relationship and BDSM. In the past things would just completely die out. This time, I do feel like we're making more of an effort.

Catching Up and.... Pervertable Surprises!

I'm probably going to mass-post a bit so I can play catch up on things I've thought about but haven't written. I'd like to keep the thoughts separate and not do a mega long post as well.

A bit ago I was in Dollar Tree and came upon this:

It is meant for barbecue, but I thought it would make an excellent pervertable. So I bought it and waited so I could surprise Sir.

And then life kicked in and we didn't see each other. and when we did we weren't alone. I forgot all about it and I didn't want it to get used for food so I threw it in what we affectionately call the "bondage bag" (though it has all manner of kinky things in there).

Fast forward to a month later when we finally get two uninterrupted blissful days alone. He opens the bag, for other items, pulls it out...

"What...... is.... this......"

"Oh! I totally forgot I put that in there. I got it to surprise you!"

He was pleased. "It's versatile," he says. It's got a nice color. It's got the soft bristles for sensory play. For teasing, for tickling, and for soothing motions as well. It also packs a heck of a wallop, let me tell you.

He was sure to show me just how much he liked it!