Sunday, December 04, 2011

Headspace Rituals

How do you mentally prepare yourself to meet your Dominant? Whether you live with that person, or not, do you have some sort of ritual to get yourself into the right headspace?

If you do live with your Dominant, I think having something to recenter yourself could be important. Though you would be 24/7 and there would be less of a line between your public and private selves, there must be times where it is necessary to remind yourself of your role.

If you do not live with your Dominant, I think this is even more key. When not with them, you’re often forced to play the dominant role in your own life. Things that you would defer to them, you deal with yourself. In the workplace or in the home, you’re often in the driver’s seat, and when it comes time to give that up and take the role that you want to take with them, it can be really difficult to switch gears.

I’d been having a bit of a problem with remembering to say “Sir”. I’ve been getting so much better lately. I have noticed that sometimes I forget to respond if its not a direct question, like thanking Sir for unexpected praise. Or sometimes I will comply to his command, but silently. I’ve been working on addressing him every time he commands me to do something, and thanking him when he praises me. Praise embarrasses me a little bit, so I suppose I get shy and quiet, which I’m working to change.

A bit ago, MagnusCattus made a suggestion of having a ritual for when I meet my Sir. That way I’m getting into the correct headspace before we meet, and I’m not working to switch gears once I do finally get to see him. Though I’ve not gotten formal instructions from my Sir, I have developed a mini ritual before I see him.

When possible, I like to take care of my personal appearance before I meet with my Sir. Sometimes, this is not always possible; if I meet him directly after work, I don’t have time to go home and prepare. I should come up with something else for those situations. When I’m home, I like to bathe before we meet. I like to prepare my body for him. Besides getting clean, I shave for him. Typically, I don’t go completely shaven; I usually let it grow a bit and then make a small patch. But his preference is for me to be completely clean shaven down there, and so I comply. Each time I prepare myself for him, I am focused on his desires, and his wants. I am focused on serving him, instead of myself. So in a small way, I am preparing myself mentally as well for meeting him.

This is just one small thing that I’ve noticed that has helped me. What are some things that you do?


  1. Hello Lea,

    I have just been catching up on my blog reading. It seems awful no one has offered any suggestions. Obviously I don't prepare myself for my dom, but possibly I could offer some more suggestions. I'm only guessing at the situation, and I do not know what you do for a living so when you say prepare to meet immediately after work I'm not sure what assets you have available. But one thing I've taught my ladies is to use the trip home to mentally go through my basic expectations of them. Thinking about what the requirements are and how you plan to meet them beginning in ten or twenty minutes can help make the need feel immediate and present. It also reminds them that they are not free to do as they wish as soon as the door closes, but that there are still customs and rules to follow. This might help get you in the right headspace. I don't happen to require most of the typical D/s trappings. They have no requirement to call me "Sir" for example. However there is a ritual for them greeting me when they arrive. Very simple, they are to come and say hello to me immediately. That's all. No specific words or prostrations, I just want to know when they get home, and I want my kisses! (I'm a greedy bastard at heart ;)) Depending on where you are meeting your dominant you might be required to kneel. If that's a bit to obvious, I once worked with a woman that had a similar concern. Eventually she was required to join her hands in front of her and then place her left cheek in my right hand before saying hello to me. I chose this because I knew it made her feel as if she were admitting she were vulnerable and was being comforted by a protector. It also symbolized her "Giving" herself to me each time. This particular action can be done in the grocery store and no one vanilla will pay it any mind. It's more about the emotional reaction than the difficulty of performing the act itself or what the act is. If you'd care to tell me in more detail what you are trying to accomplish and in what environment I'd be glad to offer an opinion. If your dominant allows it we can speak privately if you would feel that's easier. Good luck!

  2. Hello Lea,

    My name is Jack.

    I'm the author of a popular guide called "Jack's Blowjob Lessons" ( you can Google it ), I ran into your blog and I believe that your readers might find my guide valuable.

    Please tell me if it is possible to write a guest article on your blog and/or do you write book reviews? If yes, I can send you a copy.

    Thanks in advance,

  3. Magnus Cattus,

    Thank you for offering suggestions. I'm glad you decided to offer some help. I don't get too bent out of shape if no one responds - I haven't been able to read other's blogs consistently for months now. Sometimes it just helps to get it out, and for Sir to know what I'm thinking about.

    If I meet Sir immediately after work, it usually means that we're meeting in public. I'm not going home, and neither is he, so it's hard to mentally prepare myself. We live an hour away from each other, but we work about 20 minutes from one another.

    I definitely like what you said about thinking about meeting him and planning to meet him on the drive there; that will definitely help. I also like the idea of a simple ritual for greeting him. I will present this idea to him if he's not read it already and perhaps he can choose something. I like the idea of choosing something that can be easily accomplished in public, but has a private significance for us.

    I think I looking for something I can do before meeting him, either privately or publicly, that will put my mind where it needs to be. Oftentimes I am so stressed and crazed that my focus is not on us meeting, but everywhere else. I'm worried about being late, I'm rushing, I'm thinking about things that happened at work. I'm not centered, and as such, when he does see me I'm usually a complete mess, and the focus is not us, but on calming me down, and the like.

  4. Hi, and thanks for you blog here; seems I've a few years worth of blog posts to catch up on.
    I'm a submissive male, and as yet, don't live with my male Dom, though we're slowely moving towards this soon. Both of us quite new, to how we're moving more into the submission and Domination side of things; We've both been into aspects of BDSM for a long while, but now the submission and Domination, seem to be moving for both of us, just into our natural states, with each other.
    I do sevearal things which seem to work for me, to get me focused on Sir, and towards or into the right headspace, for when we're due to spend time together; some of these I do, almost without thinking now, each and every day, whether we are due to be together or not; It helps me, feel submissive, for Sir, even when we're apart; When I'm doing things, wherever possible, I constantly rmeind myself that I am doing them for him; Just a daily shower, and shave; I'm so utterly aware now, in my mind, as I clean, and wash myself, shave etc., that I am not doing so for myself, it is all for Sir, as my body now belongs to him. If I'm preparing to meet him, then this sort of thinking comes even more to the fore, as I shave myself to his liking, being one example, and that can really help focus my mind apon him, and my service and submission to him.
    Simularly, if he's coming to stay at mine, then all my actions are actions for Sir; Cleaning the house beforehand, getting in food I know he'll like, baking bread, making food; doing all for him, and the constant reminding myself, that it is all for Sir, helps me get into the right headspace.
    Another thing I've found which helps, is using mantras; these can be really useful when time is short, as I can even use them in public; not by saying out loud, of course, but just thinking/speaking them inside my head; E.G., on the bus, to his, so by the time I arrive, I'm very much in headspace in order to serve Sir best.
    I'm a bit bashful to say some of the mantras I use, but a couple that are, I guess fairly universal, in some ways are;
    "Sir owns my body, Sir owns my mind", and along the same lines; "Sir controls my body, Sir controls my mind".
    Yeh, I know, it sounds silly.... but somehow saying (or thinking), repeadtidly, these maantras,and others I use, really helps focus me on Sir, and also sort of start submitting to him, in some strange way.
    On meeting in private, our greeting/first interaction, is useually Sir clipping my leash onto my collar, I'm still baffled at the effect wearing a collar has had on me, how a simple piece of leather can so change my mind, and way of thinking, the moment I'm wearing it (to teh extent I can't necessarily wear it all the time, as I'm too much in headspace, through the act of wearing it, to enable me to perform everyday dutys, and tasks..)
    Mind, I'm certainly no expert, very much on our own learning curve into this lifestyle at the moment.

    1. I appreciate you sharing the mantras, maybe it is something I will incorporate ritualistically into my day!

  5. Hello,

    I came across your post. I know its back in 2011, but I am just starting out as submissive. I am male who wants to develop as submissive. I am locked in chastity three days ago by experienced SIR. However its now getting harder to not think about my needs and focus solely on SIR's need. I do not live with him nor we meet daily. However we communicate daily, its just hard not to think about my needs and looking to develop the headspace. Thanks for post and it gives a starting point.


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