Last week when I did not get myself to bed on time, I wondered what would happen. I thought that perhaps Sir would decide that nothing would happen and he would forgive me, which happens more often that I think is good for our relationship.
At the end of our date last week, he let me know that he did NOT forget and he HAS to do something about it. Sir really does NOT like punishing me. It seems like having to punish me is like a punishment for him. And I can see that; it’s not something he relishes having to do just as I don’t typically revel in behaving badly. However, it sometimes seems like he sees it as a chore. And perhaps it is but in the type of relationship we have it’s a necessary chore. Each chore is different and one can enjoy one’s chores (for example, I really enjoy vacuuming). It’s not that I want him to LIKE punishing me, but this weekend, as we were talking about things, we both agreed that Sir “needs to be more ready with a punishment” (his words). Perhaps if we were more prepared, it wouldn’t be something that hangs over our heads; it would flow more naturally.
I sat there nervously awaiting his decision. Laughter incessantly bubbled up from down in my gut and continuously escaped my lips. I don’t know why I do this. Oftentimes, when I make a gaffe my body will find it to be ultra-hilarious and I will laugh uncontrollably even though I know it makes me seem like I’m not taking the situation seriously. I need to work on changing this.
Sir finally made a decision that surprised me. He let me know that he was warring with two options – both involving a change in bedtime for that night. He toyed with the idea of keeping me up until 3 am – as a reminder of why exactly I have a bedtime and what I was like before I actually got sleep each night (he also told me he has seen a great improvement in my mental health and state of being since I’ve had a bedtime). However, he decided instead that my bedtime would essentially be as immediate as possible upon my return home. He didn’t want to undo the progress I’ve been making and upset all the good stability that he’s worked to instill in me.
I think that Sir definitely tried to make the punishment fit the crime – something that I certainly appreciate and support. Creativity is key. When I got home, I got into bed as soon as I could. This was around 9:30 pm. I had to shut off all the lights. I had to shut off the television. Even my cat couldn’t be compelled to sit with me. And so I stared at the ceiling. And stared. And stared. Oddly enough, I couldn’t fall asleep until 11 pm, my normal bedtime. So for 90 minutes, I had time to reflect. Is this effective? Is it fitting? I suppose it’s fitting. I’m not sure what would have been worse – being kept up, or being forced to stay abed. If awake, I might have gotten things done (it would be difficult to stay awake and not have some sort of task), but I would be feeling it the next day, like I used to. But I did not enjoy laying there awake, either. Sir also instructed me that if I woke early I was to stay in bed until my normal waking time, which did apply. I suppose that I should be grateful that he’s set a reasonable time for me and I am a bit. But I wouldn’t expect anything less from Sir. He always does his utmost to make decisions and rules to help me and us. To send me to bed every night at 9:30 pm would make it very difficult for me to get things done, so while I am grateful, I am also proud also that he takes care to think of what is realistic for me and us. I could sleep at 9, and then wake quite early to get things done, but that’s not so practical. I think I appreciate the time chosen more now; I think I took his decision for granted.
Being that he also let me stay up late to go to a game and dinner this week, I think I appreciate that bedtime more as well. And as such, I’ll be off to meet it!