So, a few weeks ago, Sir got bit by the play-bug and brought out some toys.
I was excited! It had been a good long while.
He decided to use the wrist and ankle cuffs he recently purchased. They're velcro, and once on, he hooked my wrists to my ankles, leaving me especially prone.
This was thrilling, but also nerve-wracking. Being so vulnerable, being left wide open like that. I have insecurities about my vagina.
Adding to this was what happened next. I forget the complete circumstances now, but I think Sir made me laugh. And in this stressor position I couldn't help myself.
I let out a big fart. And then I was mortified. And I had some nervous laughter. Which made me do it again. And again. All while I'm spread wide, butt-naked.
Finally it stopped and my laughing turned to crying. I was completely embarassed. Laying there, tears streaming down my face. My only saving grace is that there was no odor.
Sir and I have been together for over 8 years now, but I still am not completely comfortable when it comes to these bodily functions. Sir was laughing with me, his mouth agape, hand covering his mouth. I know he felt bad. (For me). But you just couldn't deny the hilarity in the moment.
And after all that, it was kind of a mood-killer, if you know what I mean. Sir eventually got us back on track, but it took some doing.
I always think to myself that someday, I will be over these hangups... but I really don't think I will be. And part of me is okay with that. There are times when things are unavoidable, or you need help of a sensitive nature. I get that. But I don't know if I would want to be that person that is just okay with doing those gross things in front of their partner for no particular reason. That's just me, I guess.
Part of me is experiencing a touch of mortification just writing this, knowing people will read about it. So why am I sharing this?
I'm not exactly sure. But there it is!
And I hope it doesn't happen again.
