Thursday, March 22, 2012

Punishment Mission: 2 AM

So, twice last week I was late to bed. And as such, Sir made me pay for that by changing my bedtime from 11pm to 2am for that evening. Initially, I scoffed at this a little bit. But as it was getting closer to 11 and I started to feel my eyelids become heavy with my face splitting with yawns, I knew I was in for more than I thought.

It was actually pretty difficult for me to stay awake that long. Even when I go to bed late, its usually 30 minutes or less past the appointed time. Habitually going to bed at that time has put expectations on my body, and it expected to sleep. I started the evening by trying to be productive. I was going to tidy my room and fold and put away my clothing. But as the only seating and large flat surface in my room is the bed, I abandoned that activity because the temptation of my bed, sitting down and perhaps accidentally falling asleep was too great. Instead, I sat myself at the computer and started catching up on all the blogs on my list that I’ve been neglecting for months (I am nearly caught up with all of you – I’ve been reading on and off for days now). I figured that if I’m not going to be productive around the house, I could at least engage in an activity that furthers my submissive goals. Plus, I miss you all and what you have to say; I often feel very isolated in my submission and this blog world makes me feel part of an accepted community, which I’ve realized is something that I need (not just want).

A few times, even in that uncomfortable chair I felt myself nearly falling asleep. I’d get up and walk a little bit around the house. I’d have a glass of soda (which Sir said was okay, but no coffee). I’d open a window to let the cold air in. Then my mom (who was visiting) wondered what I was still doing up, and decided to keep me company. I just told her I was messing about on the computer. Well, she sat there with me and talked my ear off for hours. Two o’clock came and went, and I tried quite politely to see myself off to no avail. Forty minutes later, I managed to break away gracefully and headed into bed.

I really had no truthful explanation that I was comfortable with giving to my parent as to why I was awake. Her being at my home is a rarity, but this just emphasized how alone I do feel sometimes. I can’t publicly be who I really am, or who I want to be. I am not ready to deal with questions and judgement. Add this to the fact that I actually have a pretty strained relationship with my mom (though I don’t think she understands this) I just don’t feel comfortable trusting her. Or nearly anyone else for that matter.

Well, after I did manage to break away from my mom, avoid explanations and get some sleep, the next day was pretty awful. I did sleep for about 8 hours, but I was still tired all day long. I had a constant ache in my puffy eyes and I was just dragging ass all day. I also had work that evening. By some miracle, they let me out an hour early, and I didn’t need to ask Sir for his permission to be up late. Thank goodness, because I was exhausted.

This experience made me wonder how it would be different if breaking this rule were punished on a weekday, when I get up around 6:30 am. Sir did mention that he was getting very annoyed that I wasn’t taking the bedtime seriously enough, and changing it was trying to make me appreciate having it, and why it was there. He’s right. I should remember how dysfunctional and exhausted I was, and be happy that Sir is taking my well-being into account (which I am; it makes me feel submissive and cherished). He said that if I am late without his prior knowledge again, he WILL be punishing me, and it WILL be on a weekday, and it WILL be for longer than 2 am. While I do think the immediacy and consistency is just what I need, that would SUCK.

I had better be a good girl.

6 comments:

  1. I don't think it would be hard to go to bed, but I do understand why you wouldn't be able to make your bedtime. Just make sure you go to bed now. Don't want to be staying up late again, now do we?

    Kitten's Master

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    1. I'm definitely trying to be more diligent about my bedtime. I had an accidental screw up this week, but it was discussed days before, so though I will pay for it, it wasn't deliberate.

      Thing is, for these instances, there really was no actual reason for why I couldn't make my bedtime, you know? That's the kicker in it all. If there was a real reason (work, family obligation, etc) it'd be different.

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  2. Haha that picture is freaky!! i'm a night owl so the punishment of having a bedtime would be tough for me. Master is even more of a night owl than i am, so He wouldn't set a bed time for me unless it became a real issue. However, i think your M's punishment was perfect for you and it certainly sounds like you've learned your lesson this time.

    That's the problem isn't it? We think we've learned and we'll never do it again... until something comes up and we forget just how bad the first punishment was. Our memories are funny that way. If we never did anything that was terrible after the first time, women would never have a second child!! hahaha

    i loved this post, it's really open and honest. =)

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    1. The picture does freak me out a little bit; but it sums up how I felt so succinctly that I just had to use it.

      I am a night owl, but I have a very early morning and busy job. Without that bedtime, admittedly I was a mess. I think I have learned my lesson and I hope it lasts.

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  3. First off that picture is SCARY!! For some reason I can't get it out of my head now lol. Anyway, it's nice when we realize that something so little like a bedtime, can really do us a world of good! It seems like it was a very fitting punishment and that you definitely learned from it. :) Also seems like the threat of the next punishment will keep it from being repeated which is always good!

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    1. Yeah, the picture does jump-start my heart a little bit when I see it.

      It really is the little things, isn't it? Every day I can choose to be submissive to my Sir with just this small act.

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